For those of you who haven't seen this topic yet; this is a place for "outstanding" CBUB set-ups. While the word "outstanding" may be somewhat subjective, look at this topic as a place for the absolute best the CBUB has to offer. Let that sink in for a moment... the best...outstanding. Really, only about 5% of the matches you have ever read in your entire time here would even be considered worthy of going in this topic.

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MOD EDIT: Ever since the CBUB Monthly Match Tournaments started in earnest back in 2012, the winning matches of each tournament have been inducted in this thread as as well as in the CBUB Hall of Fame thread. However, the tourneys held since electricferret's re-opening have required multiple matches entered per contestant, so, in the interest of maintaining the exclusivity of this thread, only the highest-rated matches from each tournament winner will be placed here.

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Deep in space, Starlord and the rest of the Guardians of the Galaxy are hanging out on the ship.

“Gamora, you don’t think I’m that stupid, do you?” Quill asks

“I think you take unnecessary missions that benefit your own agenda.” Gamora quips back

“I only do what is best for this team and best for this galaxy!” Quill says

“What about that time we went to Omicron Persei 8?” Nebula speaks up

“Oh come on! Everyone made out on that deal and had a great time!” Quill says rubbing the back of his head

“Their emperor tried to eat me!” Rocket screams at Quill

“You were kind of asking for it the way you mocked his speech” Quill rebuts

“I’d rather listen to Drax read a book than have to sit through that nonsense.” Rocket replies

“Books are for wimps and nerds. I read with my blades” Drax chimes in

“What about that time you answered a ‘distress signal’ that ended up being nothing. Yet somehow it took us to the planet that’s made up of chocolate?” Gamora says

“That was pure coincidence! Everyone had a blast! Free chocolate!” Quill says

“I don’t eat any food, especially chocolate, Mantis choked on some, and we had to wait for Drax to pass out to get him on the ship because he ate so much chocolate.” Nebula says

“You’re being a Debbie Downer. Why do you hate fun so much?” Quill asks

“I’M FUN!” Nebula screams

“Ok, you’re fun, sorry. How about you choose the next distress signal we go to.” Quill says

“I wanna choose!” Drax butts in

“We’re not going back to that chocolate planet! I’m choosing the next place.” Nebula says

They all walk over to the computer and start going through multiple distress signals.

“There’s actually a distress signal coming from Earth. We’re going to Earth. I want to go to Earth.” Nebula says

“We get it, you want to go to Earth. Fine, whatever, let’s go to stupid Earth.” Quill says as he sets his coordinates

X-Force is hanging out in Wade’s apartment. They’re having a birthday party for Peter.

“I can’t believe my big guy is another year older!” Deadpool says as he rubs Peter’s head

“Yeah, another trip around the sun!” Peter says with a big smile

“You’re so damn cute” Deadpool says as he squishes Peter’s cheeks

The doorbell rings. Deadpool goes to answer the door and is greeted by Colussus, Nega-Sonic, and Yukio.

“Yay! My other friends are here!” Deadpool says excitedly

“We are happy to come” Colussus says

“That’s what she said! HA!” Deadpool says as he tried to give Nega-sonic a high five. She just gives him a death stare and he looks over to a smiling Yukio

“Hi Yukio!” Deadpool says excitingly

“Hi Wade!” Yukio returns the enthusiasm

“There’s pizza, chips, beer, and some Columbian bambam in there. Help yourselves!” Deadpool says as he leads his guests into the party. Wade goes and sits on the couch next to blind Al. As he sits beside her he immediately puts up his middle finger to her face.

“So, are you having a good time?” Deadpool sarcastically yells.

“Damnit, stop your yelling! I’m not deaf, dumbass. And get that damn finger out of my face!” Blind Al says

“How did you know it was there?” Deadpool asks

“It smells like ass” Blind Al replies “This party blows. Speaking of blow, you want to build a snowman?” She asks

Deadpool smells his finger, gets grossed out and answers “I can’t, I want to stay here for Peter. I don’t need to be in a room with you for 5 hours discussing the best Pink Floyd album.”

“It’s Darkside of the Moon and you suck!” Blind Al says

“It’s The Wall! I don’t have time to get into this again. Take Zeitguist in your room. Just don’t share a bill with him. Gotta go mingle. Toodles” Deadpool says as he gets up

“Hey Shatterstar, there’s something I’ve always wanted to ask you. What are the alien women on your planet like? Feisty, freaky, 3 boobs? What’s the deal with them” Deadpool inquires

“I’m gay” Shatterstar replies

“Good for you! Not a lot of help for me, but happy you’re loud and proud! Do you have any cool alien hardware or technology that’s cool?” Deadpool asks

“I have a bunch of stuff. Check this out.” Shatterstar says as he pulls out a little thing that looks like a keychain

“That looks stupid.” Deadpool says

“This is something that was given to me on my homeworld before I left. If my life is ever in serious danger, I press this button, and it sends out a distress signal throughout the galaxy” Shatterstar says

“We’re going to take a quick timeout here. You starting to see how this jackass is trying to make us meet up? It took some stretching but his stoned ass thinks it’s genius. I personally would’ve gone a different route, but I’m going to watch this dumpster fire playout. There’s only an hour left. Let’s see how this guy pull the rest of the story out of his ass. This right here is just to take up time while he sits there thinks up the next part. Let’s get back to the action!” Deadpool says to all of you reading this abomination

“So if I press that button, some super aliens are going to come here and save us?” Deadpool asks

“That is correct.” Shatterstar says

Deadpool yanks it out of his hand and is about to press the button. “This is a perfect surprise for Peter’s party! I press this and more super cool aliens come here! Hopefully some are chicks and we can get Big Pete an alien lap dance. Hopefully she has 3 boobs!” Deadpool says as he rapidly pushes the button multiple times.

“The call is coming from inside that apartment building. This is the distress signal you answered? At least mine were cool. It’s probably just some old lady that fell in her bathtub.” Quill says

“You were the one who told me to choose! It’s our duty to help those in need.” Nebula snaps at Quill

“I am Groot.” Groot says

“He’s right, it would be cool if it was a party.” Rocket says

“Let’s just get this over with.” Gamora says

The crew park their spaceship and walk into the building. They follow the signal to Deadpool’s apartment. They knock on the door. Peter gets up to answer the door. He’s greeted by a giant tree, a blue mechanical woman, a green woman, an enormous gray being with tattoos, a raccoon with a gun, an alien with weird things hanging out of her forehead, and a regular guy wearing a mask.

He screams at the top of his lungs and slams the door. “Wade! There are aliens at the door!” Peter screams

“No way! It worked! That’s so awesome! Don’t be scared sugar bear! These are surprises for you! These are Super aliens who come and help people! And I’m hoping there are some hot alien chicks and you can get a lapdance!” Deadpool says as he rushes to the door

“Wow! It worked! You all look so awesome! Hello, I’m Deadpool and I’d love for all of you to come hang out at this party.” Deadpool says

“I am Groot!” Groot says

“What in the fuck did that tree just call me?” Deadpool says

“You’re right, it was a party.” Rocket says

“Sorry, Deadpoop? We’re the Guardians of the Galaxy. Those distress signals are not toys” Starlord says

“Deadpoop, ha, funny. Bitches of the, I mean Guardians of the Galaxy huh? Too good to hang out with the small time heroes.” Deadpool says

“Quill, we might as well go in and eat, we’re starving.” Rocket says

“I’m not hungry.” Nebula says

“We know!” they all say in unison

“We also have cocaine.” Deadpool says

“I love cocaine.” Drax says

“You look like you would.” Deadpool replies

“He doesn’t know what cocaine is.” Gamora says

“We’ll come in for some cocaine and food and then we’re leaving.” Quill says

“Great! Come on in!” Deadpool says

“What’s cocaine?” Quill whispers They all shrug their shoulders

“Maybe its fancy food.” Mantis replies

The Guardians of the Galaxy walk into Wade’s apartment where they are greeted my the X-Force and some members of the X-Men. They all start making small talk and enjoy some pizza. Music gets turned up and the beer and liquor start flowing. Drax starts eyeing up Colussus.

“I can take him.” Drax whispers to Quill

“Take who? We’re not taking anyone.” Quill says

“The giant metal man. He looks strong. I’m stronger.” Drax says

“I’m sure you are but we’re not going to find out here.” Quill says

“Metal Man! Let’s arm wrestle!” Drax says as he walks towards colossus

“This is happy place. No need to show displays of strength.” Colussus says

“You’re a chicken. Just admit I’m stronger than you.” Drax says

“Don’t take that shit from him! Show his ass how we do it here on Mother Earth big guy!” Deadpool says as he slaps Colussus on his ass

“Fine. I only do this to shut him up.” Colussus huffs

The 2 are on opposite ends of the table. Drax and Colussus lock hands. Drax screams at Colussus as he puts all of his might into pushing his arm down. Colussus is surprised at his strength but not worried at all. He smiles at Drax and then forcefully puts down Drax’s arm and is victorious!

“Guardians of the Galaxy my ass! Your strong guy just got his ass whooped by our strong guy” Deadpool says directly at Quill

“What the hell are you trying to say? That your team is better than mine?” Quill puffs his chest

“I’m just saying, it looks like we could kick your butts easily. We are the X-Force. We have badasses. You have some hot chicks, a walking stick,a rat, a big dumb guy, and just a normal looking man. We’ve got you beat babe.” Deadpool says as he winks at Quill

“Who the hell are you calling a rat?” Rocket says as he reaches for his gun

Domino is a step ahead and pulls her twin uzis out before Rocket can get his out. “Looks like he just did.” Domino says

“I am Groot!” Groot says defiantly as his arm takes the form of an ax.

“You need to watch who you’re talking to.” Nebula says as she snuck behind Domino and has a gun to her head

“Whoa! This has gone on long enough! We’re both good guys! We don’t need to resort to violence. It was just witty banter!” Deadpool says

“Kill them all!” Drax says as he dives for Deadpool. He’s stopped midair by Colussus and thrown into the wall. Others take position and get ready for battle. Quill tries to punch Deadpool who easily dodges it and goes to kick Quill in the head. His foot is caught in mid air my Gamora and throws Deadpool into the wall.

“That’s it! We’re not ruining this party! But we are going to settle this. Leader vs leader! One on one fight. Mano a mano! Winner gets bragging rights and no one else can jump in. Afterwards, I’ll help you up, get you a beer, and we can go do some cocaine.” Deadpool say

“That’s fine with me! Let’s go out-“ Before Quill can finish his sentence he is interrupted by Gamora.

“I’m sick of this. I’m dealing with this asshole and then we’re leaving.” Gamora says

“But I want to-“

“No, I’m fighting and that’s it.” Gamora says

“That’s fine. Let your girl fight your battle for you. That’s manly. Lets go then you strangely attractive green goddess.”  Deadpool says

“There’s an open parking lot next door. Let’s do this.” Deadpool says as he leads everyone outside.

SO here is my match! Deadpool vs Gamora in an open parking lot with just their blades and fists! No guns! No outside interference. Both MCU versions. Def could’ve done more with this match and felt this was a cool twist instead of having Deadpool vs Starlord. I hope yinz enjoy this match and good luck to my opponent, Culwych!  Let me know what yinz think!

Jun Kazama stood in an open field. The wind gently stirred the tall grass around her. She closed her eyes, inhaled deeply, and allowed herself a moment of tranquility.

A sudden *BAMF* shattered the stillness, accompanied by the telltale scent of brimstone. Jun flinched slightly but quickly composed herself, a small smile formed on her lips..

“Kurt,” she said softly, “I may never get used to that."

"Ah, liebchen, it is an essential ingredient to my charm,” replied the veteran X-Man. 

Jun turned to face the blue-skinned mutant; his golden eyes gleamed with warmth. His tail swayed lazily behind him.

"It’s so nice to see you again."

Kurt took her hand.  "And you, mein freundin,  I must admit, I never thought I would ever have the pleasure of being in the presence of your radiant beauty once more.”

Jun blushed.

“I heard tales that you had fallen to the ancient warrior, Ogre," said Kurt.

Jun's expression wavered for a fraction of a second before she offered a noncommittal shrug. 

Kurt raised an eyebrow. "Ah, I understand. Like many of my mutant brethren, I know well the confusion of returning from the dead. We don’t have to discuss the nature of your life if you don’t want to.”

Kurt bamfed to a nearby log and sat expectantly. “What would you like to talk about?”

Jun chuckled lightly. “As much as I would love to simply banter with you, I need your help."

Kurt’s easy demeanor shifted to a more serious expression. "Of course, you need only ask."

"It’s about Kazuya," stated Jun.

"Ah, yes. Kazuya Mishima. He is already on our radar. His worldwide tirade has not gone unnoticed. Rest assured, there are plenty of heroes ready to step in and take him down and the G-Corporation should the need arise.”

Jun shook her head. "That’s the problem. I fear his ambitions will lead him to perish in some grand battle, and I don’t want that. Not for the man I love."

Kurt studied her carefully. He recalled the previous conversations they had shared about her torrid romance with the current head of G-Corporation angling for world domination.

"Do you truly believe the man you loved is still in there?"

 "I have to believe that.” Jun insisted. “He’s buried deep inside, but he’s still there."

“Then, what exactly are you asking of me?" Kurt questioned.

Jun walked over to Nightcrawler and grabbed his hand.  "Kurt, you exude love and empathy in everything you do. You have a silver tongue that reaches hearts others cannot. If anyone can reach Kazuya, it’s you."

Nightcrawler let out a low whistle.

"You’re asking me to go into the belly of the beast and convince one of the most dangerous men in the world that there’s a better path? That’s one of the craziest ideas I’ve ever heard." Kurt paused and smiled. "And I love it."

Jun’s eyes softened with gratitude. “Thank you, Kurt.”

"If there’s any of that man you once knew still there, I will find it."

With a final nod, Kurt bamfed away.

G-Corporation’s headquarters was a towering monolith of steel and glass, and Nightcrawler infiltrated it with relative ease afforded to him from years of infiltration. Hiis teleportation abilities allowed him to bypass security measures. He appeared behind guards and dispatched them with swift strikes of his swords. He disarmed and rendered them unconscious before vanishing in a puff of purple smoke.

Eventually, he reached the top floor. His target, Kazuya Mishima, sat in a high-backed chair. His crimson eye gleamed with intrigue.

"Who the hell are you?" he demanded.

Kurt bowed politely.: "Guten Tag, I am Kurt Wagner. A friend of Jun Kazama."

Kazuya’s jaw tightened; his fingers drummed on the armrest. "Leave. Now."

"I’m afraid I can’t do that,” Kurt responded.  “Jun believes you are worth saving."

Kazuya sneered: "I don’t need saving. I am on the verge of achieving everything I’ve worked for."

"And what then? What is left for you to pursue once the world is yours? A life of solitude atop your dark tower?”

Kazuya’s face darkened. "That’s not the concern of a smelly blue imp."

Kurt chuckled, unfazed. “Smelly blue imp? Not the most pleasant nickname I’ve been given, but I can go with it. Not all of us are blessed with Devil Genes we can hide from the world at our own discretion.”

“What do you know of the Devil Gene?”

Kurt met Kazuya’s eye. “I know enough.”

“Then you would know that it in part drives me to make the choices that I do,” said Kazuya.

“A pathetic excuse. I have demonic blood flowing through my veins, yet it has not stopped me from giving love and through His grace being fortunate enough to find those willing to give it back. Was the Devil Gene not also present inside you when you were romantically involved with Jun? An involvement that brought a son into this world.”

Kazuya stood from his chair and slammed his fist on the table. “Two lessons in the weakness such feelings can bring! Love made ME weak. Jun softened me, and because of her, I lost to Heihachi and was tossed into a volcano. The boy is an embarrassment and will never fulfill his potential because he is too afraid to commit to the Devil Gene inside him and is in constant conflict trying to hold on to worthless emotions like love. I made the right choice and that was reinforced to me when I finally dispatched that wretched Heihachi for good.”

“Did finally defeating your father bring you happiness?” asked Kurt.

“It brought me satisfaction.”

“A hollow victory, just like all the others you hope to obtain.” 

Kazuya’s lips curled in irritation.

"You call Jin weak because he refuses to surrender to his Devil Gene and forsake emotions like love. But love isn’t weakness. It’s strength,” Kurt preached. “I am motivated by love, and it has allowed me to survive impossible odds. Maybe Jin can reach his true potential when he fully embraces the love around him in his life.”

Kazuya’s eye flashed red. "This conversation is over. It no longer interests me."

“Perhaps then I could pique your interest if I proved a man motivated by love has the strength to defeat you,” Kurt offered.

Kazuya scoffed. "You think you can best me? That’s laughable."

Nightcrawler drew his swords and twirled them through the air. “Shall we put it to the test then? Unless you fear my blades and my mutant abilities.”

A dark aura flared around Kazuya as his devil form flickered into existence briefly. He smirked.

"I have no worry over pathetic circus tricks. I fear nothing."

“A duel it is, Teufel Mishima,” Kurt proclaimed.

Intro: Far away from the enchanted castle we all know, deep within a lush, untamed jungle, lay the rarest rose in the world. This mystical flower was said to grant the final cure to all curses.

The Beast, after switching back to his beastly form, despite Belle’s love, knew that only this flower could grant him eternal happiness and that the treacherous journey to find it was worth the danger.

“Belle, my darling, are you sure you don’t want to come with me?” asked the Beast, knowing that any danger would be surmountable with Belle’s love.

“Nah” said Belle as she walked away, having lived long enough with the smelly fur and, like any wife, knowing that her husband needed new hobbies to do without her. Besides, the choice was between a humid, bug-infested jungle trip, or heading down to the neighbouring castle for yoga and wine with Cinderella.  

----

Weeks later, the Beast arrived in the jungle. He swore like a trooper as his big paws squelched in mud, his cape caught in branches, and his fur curled with the humidity. The Beast grumbled as he stomped through the undergrowth, his regal demeanour long since replaced with the mood of a sulking bear. His paws slapped at the occasional mosquito, and his muttered curses grew louder every time he tripped over a root or snagged his tail on a thorny bush.

"Magical rose, they said. It'll cure you, they said," he growled, tugging his cape free from yet another branch. "Nobody warned me it would involve sweating like a pig and looking like a wet mop!"

He paused to sniff the air. Amid the overwhelming scent of damp leaves and animal shit, there was something floral, something faintly magical. His ears perked up, and he followed the scent like a dog on a scent trail.

And there it was. The Floribunda Ultimata. 🥀 It grew on a single vine that twisted elegantly around an ancient tree trunk, its petals glowing faintly like they held the sunrise within.

“Oh, thank the stars,” the Beast muttered, trudging toward it. He reached out a clawed paw, excitement bubbling beneath his grouchy exterior.

But just as his fingers brushed the delicate petals, a voice shattered the jungle calm.

“AAAH-AAAAHHH-EEEEE-AAAAAHHH!”

The Beast froze mid-reach as a man hurtled out of the trees on a vine, hollering like a lunatic. With a dramatic thud, the figure landed in front of him, muscles glistening, hair flowing in an exaggerated slow-motion effect, despite no wind.

“What,” the Beast said flatly, “is this?”

Tarzan stood tall, puffing out his chest in a way that would have made Gaston weep with envy. His brow furrowed as he pointed dramatically at the Beast.

“Me Tarzan. Who daf*ck are you hairy man bear? Why are you in my jungle?” Tarzan demanded, his slightly British accent comically clashing with his loincloth. [Author’s note: It is worth pointing out that Tarzan had been hanging out an unhealthy amount with Jane’s two brothers, both of whom were soldiers and therefore swore like sailors on leave after a six-month tour.]

The Beast blinked. “Your jungle? It’s a jungle. No one owns it.”

Tarzan crossed his arms. “Wrong. I am the jungle. Protector of the vines! Defender of the animals! And you, furry f*ck, are clearly an intruder.”

“Furry what?” The Beast’s temper flared. “I am Prince Adam! And I don’t have time for this nonsense. I am here for that rose.”

Tarzan tilted his head, his confusion so intense it almost became audible. “The rose? That’s not food.” He sniffed the air. “Wait… what are you? Big cat? Big bear? Or some kind of shaved gorilla-lion?”

The Beast clenched his jaw, his claws twitching as he fought the urge to lunge. “I am a cursed prince. Not that it’s any of your business. Now step aside.”

Tarzan shook his head and let out a soft laugh, as though the Beast had told a joke. “I can’t let you take that. It’s part of the jungle! You take it, the balance is upset. Then the elephants start to riot, and the monkeys start throwing sh*t all over the place.”

“I’m taking it because I need it to break my curse!” The Beast roared, taking a step forward. “Do you even know what it does?”

“No,” Tarzan admitted, shrugging. “But it looks fancy, so I assume it’s important. And I can’t have you stealing fancy things. Jungle rules.”

The Beast snorted. “There are jungle rules now?”

Tarzan nodded solemnly. “Rule one: don’t take anything shiny, glowing, or edible without permission. Rule two: no roaring unless it’s during an epic fight. Rule three: don’t sh*t near the capuchins as they will either eat it, or throw it at you.”

The Beast glanced down at his mud-soaked cape. “You know what? I don’t have time for this. I’m taking the rose, and you’re not going to stop me.”

Tarzan grinned. “Oh, I am going to stop you. Because if you take it, the animals will blame me. And if the animals blame me, Kala gives me the look. And let me tell you, the look is worse than being chased by a leopard.”

“Who’s Kala?” the Beast asked, exasperated.

“My mum. Don’t worry about it.”

“I wasn’t planning to.”

Tarzan flexed his muscles unnecessarily, his grin widening. “If you want that rose, you’ll have to get past me. And no offence, but you look like a badger with his knickers in a twist.”

The Beast’s eye twitched. “That’s it.”

The two squared off, tension crackling in the humid air. Birds perched on branches to watch, monkeys swung closer for a better view, and somewhere, a baboon started drumming dramatically on a hollow log. Bonga bonga bong bong. Bonga bonga bong bong.

“You’re not ready for this,” Tarzan said, cracking his knuckles.

“You don’t know who you’re dealing with,” the Beast growled, baring his fangs.

For a brief moment they heard voices echoing in their minds… Jane and Belle telling them to see sense, to not cause trouble, to make sure the toilet seat was down.

But these were men, fighting men, beastly men, men who left the toilet seat up!

There….would…. be… trouble!

-------------------------------

Story Summary

“How do you feel?” Missy asked softly.  The strange woman grunted, her fingernails digging into the arms of her chair.  “Don’t worry,” Missy went on.  “We know there’s nothing wrong with you.  You have a voice.  Use it.”  The woman moaned and strained her neck.  Missy’s eyes narrowed as she gave another sharp scrape of the teacup.  “What is your name?” 

“Vi.. Vi..Vi…o…let,” the woman breathed.  “Vi-o-let.” 

From behind a two-way mirror, the rest of Armitage family, Walter, and Georgina watched as Missy continued her session with the doppelganger.    “Remarkable,” said Dean.  “The similarities are uncanny.” 

“I don’t know, sis,” smirked Jeremy.  “I think she’s better looking than you.” 

“Shut up,” said Rose. 

“What are we going to do with her?” asked Georgina.  Dean sighed and turned to Georgina.  “After Missy is finished giving her a once over, we’ll dispose of her.  Then we are going to have to leave.”  Georgina’s eyes widened.  “Leave?!  No!  No, no, no!  This is my house!  My house!  We can’t leave!” 

Dean put his hands on Georgina’s shoulders, trying to keep her calm.  “Mother, we have no choice.  You heard the radio.  People dressed in red like that woman in there.  Going around the country killing people.  We can’t afford to stay here much longer.” 

“Don’t worry, dad,” said Jeremy, his grip tightening on his lacrosse stick.  “The freak in there isn’t going to kill anybody after I’m done with her.” 

“So, Violet,” said Missy.  “Now that you’ve told me who you are, why not tell me what you are?”  Violet cocked her head, a trace of a smile on her dry lips.  “Your… daugh….ter.”  The spoon nearly slipped out of Missy’s fingers.  “You,” she said, struggling to keep her voice low.  “Are no daughter of mine.” 

“I… am… not,” said Violet.  “And… I… am.  Daddy Monte, Mommy Missy, Brother George.  Even Grandma and Grandpa.  All of them coming to play.” 

“My word,” said Walter softly.  Dean looked at Walter.  “Father?  Do you know what she’s talking about?” 

Walter took a deep breath.  “I believe so, son.  While our order was developing the Coagula procedure, we became aware of another project that had been taking place.  A government project.  A method of making a… copy of human beings.  It was supposed to allow them to control the genuine articles, or some such nonsense.”  

“Is that what these redsuits are?” asked Jeremy.  “A bunch of clones or something?” 

The Armitage men were so focused on their discussion, they failed to notice Rose was still staring at the two-way mirror, her eyes becoming as glazed over as Violet. 

“Daddy and Grandpa did the work,” Violet intoned.  “They are going to have us live forever.  They found a good body, and gave it Grandpa’s brain.” 

“You mean Daddy was able to complete the surgery?” asked Missy. 

“No.  No surgery.  Daddy gave Dane Grandpa’s brain.  Now Dane and Grandpa Goth and Nadia and Grandma Susan are together and Grandma and Grandpa will live forever.” 

“If that’s true, then why the hell are these things wandering around now?” asked Dean. 

“Last I heard they had shut the project down,” replied Walter.  “These creatures should have died out years ago!  Not be attacking us!”  Dean shook his head and looked back at Rose.  “Dear, come over here.  It’ll do you no good to watch this.  Rose?  Dear?”  Rose Armitage just continued to stare blankly at the two-way mirror, her fingers gripping her jeans in the same as Violet grasped the chair. 

“Why would you want to ‘play’ with us?” asked Missy.  “To send a message,” Violet groaned.  “The world must see us!” 

“Hey, sis!  Snap out of it!” barked Jeremy.  Dean shook his daughter but still she wouldn’t respond.  “She’s hypnotized!  Father!  Is there still a connection between us and these copies?” 

“Well, I don’t know, son.  There might be but…” 

Dean bolted from the room and rushed to the door to the study. 

“Alright, Violet,” said Missy.  “Be a good girl.  Sink into the floor.  Now.” 

In an instant, Violet had slumped in her chair, and Rose collapsed to the floor of the observation room.  Dean burst into the study, and Missy glared at him.  “Dean!  What on earth are you doing?” 

“Wake her up!  Get her out of the Sunken Place!  Now!” 

“Dean, get a hold of yourself!  This way you can have Jeremy finish her off and we can be on our way.” 

“Listen to me, Missy!  This… thing is a copy, a clone of our daughter.  When you were hypnotizing her it started to have an effect on Rose.  God knows what would happen to Rose if Jeremy killed her double and they were both under.  So wake her up and we’ll worry about Jeremy la…” 

The lights in the Armitage mansion switched off.  The fireplace provided the only illumination.  “What happened to the power?” asked Missy anxiously. 

Suddenly there was a loud banging noise.  “Dad!  Quick!” shouted Jeremy.  “We got company!”  Dean grabbed a poker and pulled his wife after him.  They joined Jeremy, Walter, and Georgina as they stood at the front door.  Splinters flew as the door shot off it’s hinges, revealing the 5 figures in red jumpsuits. 

One was a man with a scraggly beard and glasses.  Another a boy wearing a ski mask and wielding a makeshift lacrosse stick.  Another was a woman with a psychotic smile and loosely holding a teacup and spoon in one hand.  But the other two figures made the Armitage’s reel back in disgust.  They were an African American man and woman, both wearing a chain around their necks.  On each chain was the tortured remnants of a human brain.   

Jeremy and Dean raised their weapons, as Walter reached for a letter opener and Missy and Georgina moved behind them.  The Tethered clones of the Armitage’s stood brandishing scissors for a moment, then lunged with a psychotic howl at their prey. 

OK:

The Order of the Coagula need to kill their Tethered and survive the night.  Fight takes place in and around the Armitage mansion. 

Game On!    

“All hail, Macbeth! Hail to thee, Thane of Cawdor!”

“All hail, Macbeth, that shalt be king hereafter!”

Macbeth lurched awake again. Those words the weird sisters had spoken to him had been his curse. He had been all those things once. It seemed so near and yet so long ago. He had agreed to the cursed pact with Demona and now that cursed gargoyle seemed to have escaped him once more. His dreams had been filled with the thoughts of Demona, but it felt like another dark presence has been clouding his thoughts as of late.

Centuries of work and careful planning had brought him wealth. A few well named bastard heirs who had merely been himself had ensured he kept it. It was about time he arranged another such incident to occur. He had claimed his own wealth in 1870. In 1897, he should give the appearance of getting on in years and giving his wealth to a suitably aged previously unknown son.

“Unlike Harker to break an appointment.” An opportunity perhaps, he could just take his wealth and sail to the new world. All signs pointed that the damnable gargoyle had fled to New York. Macbeth looked over his appointment book. His shipment from Hapsburg lands was due back aboard the Demeter. “All the time in the world and everyone’s late.” he mused.

“All hail, Macbeth! Hail to thee, Hunter of Monsters!”

“All hail, Macbeth! Hail to thee, Preserver of London!”

“All hail, Macbeth! Hail to thee, Slayer of Abominations!”

Macbeth’s blood ran cold. He knew this greeting all too well. He heard as a lowly Thane. He heard it as a King. He heard it in his sleep. He heard while awake. Those words were burned into his mind, but they were different

“Do you mean… I finally will have peace? Demona will die?” For the first time in almost 700 years, he felt a twinge of hope. The three weird sisters were there; he had not seen them since his pact with Demona. They ruined his life, but always seemed to speak the truth. “Tell me!”

“By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes.” The tall white haired sister spoke.

“What’s fair is foul, and foul is fair. Hover through the fog and filthy air.” The blonde sister added. 

“Clove of garlic, wooden steak. Are the means by which an immortal life to take.” The dark haired one added. 

“You speak in riddles!” Macbeth shouted.

“”Thou shalt see us again when the hurlyburly's done.”

“In thunder lightning or in rain”

“When the battle’s lost and won.”

“And that will be ere long after the setting of the sun.”

In a blinding flash of light the three sisters were gone as quickly as they had appeared. Still, they hadn’t left him without any tools. They had told him once and for all a way to end Demona’s scourge on the world. They had told him when. Tonight. Soon after sunset. He moved like a man possessed. He walked through the streets of London towards Westminster Abbey. There were trees there older than both he and Demona. If he were to kill Demona, he was going to do it properly. He cut through the thick London fog blackened with coal smoke. He ignored the fumes and pollution. He was a man possessed. He strode with the single minded intent of retrieving holy wood for a stake. He was all the more surprised when he bumped into a well dressed Transylvanian who held his ground. Macbeth found himself on the ground and the stranger unphased. 

“My apologies friend, I was taking in the sweet London air.” He offered Macbeth a hand up. Macbeth took it warily. Few people on this Earth were stronger than him. “My name is Dracula. Count Dracula. I can see that you are a man of status and…” he took a deep breath, but it didn’t seem to be the London air he was smelling, “fine blood. A royal line perhaps?”

“You are a perceptive man Count, but there is no King here. Queen Victoria reigns.” Macbeth felt uneasy about this gentleman. He knew entirely too much. He was certainly strong even for a man as youthful as the Count. He looked for scrawnier than his might would lead one to expect. The Count did not yet release Macbeth’s hand.

“Perhaps you will come to dine with me tonight? I have a place purchased here in London, but I have not had the opportunity to entertain. Of course, you will enter freely and of your own will. I would never impose on a man such as yourself.” 

Macbeth silently cursed the social niceties of being a respectable businessman. An invitation from a visiting noble could not be idly ignored. “I’d be delighted,” he lied, “around what time should I arrive?”

“After dusk and please don’t keep me waiting.” The words after Dusk told Macbeth all he needed to know. Demona would be there. The Count had no way of knowing it, but Macbeth planned to end things once and for all tonight.

Thanking the visitor he had encountered, Macbeth hurried to Westminster Abbey to cut his wooden stakes and purchased garlic from a grocer. He wasn’t sure how these would help him slay Demona, but he had no reason not to believe the Weird Sisters. Sliding the garlic and wooden stakes into the lining of his jacket, he dressed to the nines and began to walk to the address the Count had given him. This couldn’t be right. The home was dilapidated. The windows were barred, the home covered with dust, this was the address of the Count? He must have made an error Macbeth thought to himself. He turned to see if there was anyone on the street he could ask, but despite what would still be a somewhat busy time on London streets, there was no one. He was about to turn when the last light of the setting sun descended in the West and the door in front of him opened on it’s own.

Not trusting this for a moment, Macbeth thought about the Webley pistol and Bowie knife he had brought in addition to the garlic and stakes, Demona would not take him quietly. “Count?” He entered the darkened building, his hand reaching for the pearl handled firearm. He thought he saw a flicker of movement out of the side of his eye. He turned, but there was nothing. Whatever was here, flitted about like a big cat. It was testing him, testing his senses, awareness, reaction time.

“Macbeth?” The seven century old Scot nearly jumped out of his skin. “How nice of you to join me, dinner will be served and then perhaps something to drink.” Whatever was darting about panther-like, seemed to be staying away for now. Macbeth prepared himself for anything and prepared to dine, and the Count did likewise.

Linka looked down on a photo with her and her fellow Planeteers with sadness in her eyes.

“Oh my sweet Wheeler,” she whispered.

“Is that a picture of you all?”

The sound of the question shook the Russian blonde from her momentary trance. She looked over to the red bandana wearing brunette sitting across from her. Jessie Rasberry was smiling back at her.

“Yes it is.” Linka handed over the picture.

Jessie gazed at it. “How cute, you all have matching shirts. Do you still wear yours?”

“No. Not for some time,” Linka replied.

“Tell me how this Captain Planet summon works again,” Jessie implored.

“It’s not really a summon,” Linka explained. “We would all just shout out our ring’s element and ‘by our powers combined’ he would appear.”

“How interesting,” Jessie marveled. She placed down the picture and then motioned over to a chest of green glowing orbs. “Your rings aren’t too dissimilar to materia. You can slot these babies into your weapon or armor and then you can instantly access the materia’s properties whether it be fire, ice, lightning, whatever.”

Linka was puzzled. “You can access them all at the same time?”

“As many as your equipment can hold,” Jessie responded. “Every type of weapon and armor has a certain amount of slots that you can fill with materia. The boss man, Barret, has a lot of slots for materia on his gun and in his armor. But all of that stuff is too bulky for me. My gun and my armor only have one slot each to link materia.” Jessie rummaged through the orbs of materia. “I usually go with Fire or Poison for my gun, and Barrier for my bangle. They are the most effective against Shinra guards.”

“Fire from a green orb, Wheeler would have never believed it…..”

Linka grew silent. Jessie moved closer to Linka and picked up the picture.

“I have been hesitant to ask, and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but why did you leave the Planeteers? You all certainly seem very happy in this photo,” Jessie observed.

“We had a  strong difference of opinion,” Linka answered. “Everything changed after Wheeler died. I thought it was a clear wakeup sign that we needed to be more proactive in taking down those that continue to harm the planet. The others did not agree.”

“Sorry to hear that. I’ve been there. It is strange how some of us can see the truth so clearly and others can’t,” stated Jessie.

Jessie then tried to inject some positivity into the conversation. “Their loss is going to be our gain. It will really be nice to have another girl on the team other than just me and Tifa. And Barret will be relieved to find out that I have already trained a replacement should something happen to me.”

Linka chuckled with some unease.

“I would love to introduce you now, but Barrett is always on edge before a big mission and tonight is the biggest one yet. Tifa is bringing in some outside help, an old friend of hers who is apparently some bigtime mercenary now. I’m curious to see how he’ll do. We need all the help we can get right now, but I think it's wise not to dump all of these new faces on Barret at once.” Jessie clicked her tongue and winked at Linka. “Not to worry though, you care for and want to protect the planet. Barret will love you, I’ll make sure of it.”

Jessie’s eyes grew wide as she looked over at a nearby clock. “Oh no, I’m going to be late for the pre-mission  meeting at Seventh Heaven. I have to go.”

“What do you want me to do while you're gone?” asked Linka.

“Keep working on those new fake IDs just like I showed you. If you can finish them up while I’m gone that would be a major help.”

Linka nodded. “You got it.”

Jessie walked over to the door and opened it to leave. “See you here later or from behind bars in a Shinra prison.” Jessie closed the door behind her before reopening it to smile and stick her tongue out at Linka. “Psych!”

After Jessie left, Linka sighed to herself. She admired Jessie’s friendly and upbeat attitude despite the situation she was in. Before he died, Wheeler had talked about the group AVALANCHE and his desire to possibly join and take a much more active role in saving the planet. Linka didn’t think much of it at the time, until that fateful day.

About six months ago, the Planeteers were in hot pursuit of the villain, Duke Nukem, when Wheeler was knocked in a vat of nuclear waste and died. His death hit all of the other Planeteers very hard, but particularly Linka. They had grown so close after all these years. Kwame was also badly shaken as he blamed himself as the leader for failing to keep Wheeler safe. After the initial shock of his death had faded away, one thought kept returning to Linka. They should have done more. If they had been more aggressive in taking down Nukem earlier, Wheeler would still be alive. Linka convinced herself that Wheeler had been right, they needed to take the fight to those that were hurting the planet, AVALANCHE was the way to go.

Gi dismissed AVALANCHE as overzealous eco-terrorists and counter productive to what the Planeteers were trying to accomplish. Ma-Ti warned Linka that her heart was becoming consumed by vengeance and anger over Wheeler’s death and feared it was clouding her judgment. They argued intensely and Linka made the decision to leave the Planeteers behind. Linka knew she should have turned in her Wind ring, that it was the right thing to do, but she didn’t. Linka was honestly surprised Gaia has still not appeared to claim it after all this time.

Linka traveled to Midgar to seek out AVALANCHE. That is when she met Jessie, and they bonded over their love of technology and hacking. Jessie set Linka up with an apartment in the Sector 7 slums. She explained to Linka the history and the ambitions of AVALANCHE. She also talked about their main target, the Shinra Electric Power Company, and how the corporation was killing the planet by sucking out all the mako energy it could.

As she finished the new ID for AVALANCHE member, Biggs, Linka was startled by a loud news report that suddenly flashed across the tv. 

“Breaking News! There was an explosion tonight at Mako Reactor 1! Details are still slowly trickling in but the belief is that it was not an accident and is the handiwork of the terrorist group, AVALANCHE! We take you live now to the scene!”

Linka gasped. “Bozhe moy!”

She watched with horror as the cameras displayed the destruction and fires engulfing Sector 1 as rescue crews tried desperately to reach terrified citizens.

“This is too awful. This is not right,” Linka cried.

Gi was right, these people were too extreme. Linka stopped what she was doing and sat in silence until Jessie returned to her apartment later that night.

“I saw the news. What happened?” Linka asked.

“Everything didn’t go exactly to plan,” Jessie admitted. “But we will do better next time.”

Linka shook her head. “No, you can’t! You can never do that again!” 

“I’m planning on using a weaker blasting agent for the next reactor. It should go much smoother,” insisted Jessie.

“You are willing to risk that much collateral damage again?”

“We will avoid it as much as we can, but we can’t stop now. Bombing the reactors is the only way we will ever make a difference!”

Linka shook her head again. “I… I can’t be a part of this.”

Jessie lowered her head. “I’m sorry to hear that, but I understand.” She slowly walked over to the unfinished IDs. “I’ll take these with me, I need to get them finished by tomorrow.”

Jessie picked them up and walked to the door to leave. Linka quickly used her wind ring to close the door in front of Jessie.

“What are you doing?” Jessie wondered. 

“I’m sorry Jessie, I can’t let you continue with this. Not when I know it will lead to more innocent people suffering,” Linka declared.

“You don’t want to do this.”

“No, I don’t,” Linka agreed. “But we must act when we know it’s right. That is what you told me, yes?”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Linka, but I can’t stop now. My friends are counting on me,” said Jessie.

“We both must fight for our beliefs,” stated Linka.

“Yes we do.”

But then, just as the ground should have broken him, just as the jagged rocks should have taken his light, just as the light should have been extinguished from his eyes, he awoke once more. Eyes moving about, seeing the beauty of life all around him, nose taking in the vast aromas of the cliff side, ears hearing the sounds of chirping and the thumps of animals, he was alive, alive again. It was a miracle, that he was alive, and despite the chill running through his vein, he was relieved.

Lurching forward, he threw himself up from his back, his body aching in agony as he did, in order to see where he was. Surrounded by jagged rocks and sparse plant life, he remembered the cliff side that he'd been baited into by the mountain goat, but not the pit that was around him. The shredded rocks, the sharp edges of the mica formations, it was new and that was dangerous. Anything could happen here, anything could be waiting for him around every corner, and that alone was a threat.

Reaching down to grab his pack, his hands grasped the satchel of his bag, only after much difficulty, as the wounds he'd suffered from the fall, left him pouring his blood out like wine from a bottle. Red streams soaked his skin, as a stream of blood, starting from his shoulder, flowed all the way down to the very webbing of his left hand. Pain had found him, and as he grabbed the satchel in his hands, he could feel the cry of his insides pleading with him for absolution from the very burden of life. Yet, he pressed on, desperate to see Zulayka again once more, to be with her as he awaited his son's birth.

Arching over to his Ak Barang, the hunter barely touched the stock of the weapon, before cold fingers crossed over his own, freezing him in place. Frigid in temperature, and in appearance, the hunter found himself all at once stricken by the sudden appearance of winter, even as the seasons all around him indicated otherwise. Winter itself, the endless cold, the freezing chill, the infernal biting of ice, existed in these fingers, existed in the blood that encompassed them and the man who made them up, this being was winter. Shivering at the thought, and adamant about wanting nothing less than to leave, the hunter dropped the gun, and stepped back, believing that even cowardice would be better than facing someone such as this.

Stepping away, he at last looked at the face of the man who'd touched him, as his cold eyes lit up briefly with a smile, he was feeding off of his fear. Taking up the hunter's weapon, he raised it up for a moment, before spinning it around and directing it back first toward the hunter. Barrel pointed at his chest, the being in front of him showed no hesitation in offering the weapon in that position, as he continued to extend it toward the hunter's ever shaking hands. Smiling widely, he stepped forward as the hunter stepped back, the gun still waving about in the wind, calling to its master all the while. He feared not death, nor dying, as this act was simply a game to him, and one that he alone knew the rules too, and even as the hunter resisted, he too pursued, offering the man his weapon.

Neither would budge, neither would move, they just stared at each other. It was a moment of pause, each one stayed in his place, unwilling to move the process along, lest the other act before he was ready to. The two were locked, hand in hand in this dance, as they awaited a response from each other, that would never come.

Breaking the silence at last, the cryogenic man, finally spoke, as he shoved the gun in the hunter's hands, “Come now, take your weapon. You can't hunt without it, can you, Kojojash?” Baffled by his words, and more by his actions, Kojojash backed up further towards the cliff side, his face struggling to maintain composure at the being's revelations. “What's wrong, don't you want to see Zulayka again?”, he said in response to Kojojash's reactions. “You… What are you?”, Kojojash stuttered as he tried to form the words from his mouth. Smiling again, the being stepped back before lounging his back on the jagged edges of the other cliff wall, “I am simply a merchant, my dear man,” he announced gleefully.

“A merchant?”, Kojojash responded out of frustration. “Hmm…”, the being shook his head up in down in reply, the smile never leaving his face. Raising his gun, he pushed it forward into the man's chin, forcing the metal as far as it could go without penetrating the skin of the being's throat. “Who are you?”, he asked the being as he stared directly into his deep, cold, sunken eyes. The smile never leaving his face, the being merely pushed the gun aside, as he formed a grayish-white bottle out of thin air, and offered it to the man. “A drink?”, he asked as he offered the bottle to the man.
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Circling the man, as his eyes rested on Kojojash's sunken expression, the jackanape stared at him silently, watching his body twitch and quiver with each passing moment, this was a game to him. Moving behind him and then in front, and then behind, and then in front once more, the entity began to smile again as he danced around the exasperated hunter. “You should be dead, right?”, the entity asked disingenuously as he made his next pass about Kojojash's rear. “Your body should be broken, it should be crushed, and yet somehow you are still standing here, why?”, he pressed as he was almost at the hunter's side.

Turning his face towards the hunter's ear, he grinned subtly, as he watched for the man's next expression, the being was almost ready to pounce. A grimace formed on his face, as Kojojash considered the notion that he was being fed by “the thing” in front of him, “he was alive, but how?” Amused by the reaction, he leaned in, close enough to make his lips touch the hunter's ear, and whispered, “You should have taken the drink”, as the man's body suddenly began to collapse.

Falling over, Kojojash watched as the wounds he had accumulated from his previous descent, started to stain the ground on which he stood, in a reflective puddle of crimson red. Palpitating, beating beyond measure, his heart shook the foundations of his body, as it pushed more and more blood out, while his body remained statically passive, incapable of resistance. It was over, all but the eventual approach of death, as the brain slowed with each pressing second, the neurons shutting down, the synapses ceasing to allow for the flow of any more data, he was going to die.

Powerless, and incapable of sidestepping the allure of death, Kojojash lay there curled over on his side, as his breath became strained and his body found itself weightless in only a few moments, death was here, until it wasn't. Waltzing over to the man's face, the being poured his wares into the man's mouth, christening his insides with what most consider to be “liquid death”, as the grim smile he bore, never once left his face. Nothing was new to him about this, as he watched the man react to the cold flowing inside his body, like a fish ripped out of the water, all of it accorded with his plans.

Feeling the chill running through his veins, Kojojash struggled to resist its pulls on him, as the sudden jolt on his body forced him to get up, like a cold hand reaching into his mind and body all at once. It wasn't death, nor life, it was something else, something that forced him back on his feet, and kept him going.

“You and I have much to discuss, my friend.”, the being replied as he once again met his gaze.
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Trailing behind him, as the being pranced along ahead, Kojojash couldn't help but think of his ayïl, and how it suffered in his absence. Pictures and images flashing before his eyes, painted the scene vividly, the children were starving, the elders were shivering without cessation in the cold, and the horses, noble though they were, had been eaten in only one day. It was chaos, a calamity that he could not possibly acknowledge without nearly fainting, the people needed him, and they needed them now, lest they all die, and the she-goat, Sur-Ecki, provide them all with further humiliation.

Shaking his head at the thought, Kojojash remembered how the she-goat had stolen his life, his future, and even his purpose from him, but to kill his ayïl, was something that he could not bear to think about. Innocents were there, people who'd done nothing to warrant such a brutal end at the hands of nature's own inequities. He killed the she-goat's children, he murdered her kids, he killed Alabash, he slaughtered them all, their blood was on his hands, his, not the ayïl's, the Kïtay had nothing to do with it. “Why should they suffer, for what he did?”, he thought to himself, as he kept walking. “My debt, it was my debt, not theirs,” he told himself in response to his musings.

As he continued to ponder the fate of his home, the entity in front of him marched on into nothing, occasionally staring back at the hunter to provide a snarky smile. Kojojash was simply a toy, a doll for his amusements, and even as they crossed the threshold of many rigid cliff alcoves, he never once considered that the hunter was anything more. To him, he could easily dispose of the man, and be on his way, if it came to it, but then who would he find to provide entertainment after that? His sharp demeanor, his dedication to his ayïl, provided all the necessary ingredients for fun, as each one could be manipulated in such a way that the stubborn hunter could do nothing about, until it was too late. Yes, he was the perfect toy, always ready, always available for the entity's whims, he was the perfect remedy for the being's boredom.  Gullible as well, he was willing to believe anything the being told him, good or bad, so long as his village was spared.

“You don't care about your own life, do you?”, the entity asked as he began to slither back and forth between the walls, moving forward all the while. “You follow me aimlessly, mimicking my every move, replaying my every footstep, without a care in the world, and you do it, without ever questioning me, without ever stopping me, without ever truly reacting in any way, why?”, he asked out of curiosity. “Don't you care where we're going, don't you care about getting back to your wife, to your family? Are you not worried about them, about their well-being?”, he pressed on in asking the hunter. “Why do you not resist me?”

Stopping for a moment to stare at the being, Kojojash straightened out his face, and replied simply, “You brought me back from death, and for that I owe you a debt.” Quzzically staring at the man's face, the being let out a brief chuckle, before dancing away on the path again, leaving Kojojash to follow him in a suppressed annoyance. The game was growing old, the players were tiring of each other, and as the hunter continued to follow the entity in front of him, he found himself only growing more and more irritable with each step. The being was keeping him away from his ayïl, and he knew that it was, but he was still bound to follow it, because it had helped him first.

Leading him all around, through steep terrain and past multiple hoodoos, the entity intended to break him with the walk alone, but yet the hunter maintained his pursuit, willingly subjecting himself to the being's machinations out of obligation. Boring him, the being decided to move things along at last, walking forward into an opening in the rocks, from which his ice began to spread en masse throughout the canyons. Kojojash, following him, out of duty and nothing more, did not hesitate to walk in as well, even though the inhumane temperature he felt, warned him to do otherwise.

Opening his eyes to the sight of white and blues, of clear and translucent ice, the hunter looked around in astonishment as he saw a world beyond his own comprehension. No heat, no rigidity existed here, it was a frozen wonderland, a place of absolute perfect craft, as if an artist had sculpted it by hand. Turning from side to side, allowing his eyes to take it all in, he saw the lack of chisel marks, the absence of scrapes and manipulation, but could not understand how it was possible. A perfect icy world, existing alongside his own, it could not be real.

Stumbling over his own feet, he fell onto a frozen chair, while his eyes remained fixated on the world around him. Nothing could compare to the sights he was seeing, to the sights he had witnessed in front of him. It was too much to take in, and as he sat in the chair, his mind raced with worry about the natural order, for what this would do to the lands of Manas, for the Kyrgyz as a whole. None of it should be, he should not even be, even as the being had been “gracious” in bringing him back in such a way, it was all unnatural.

Perplexed by his reaction, the being walked over to him, and simply placed his hand on the man's shoulder, as he stood there by his side. “Beautiful, isn't it?”, he whispered quietly into Kojojash's ear. “It's all mine, my friend. All of it coming from up here,” he told him as he tapped his index finger to his forehead. Looking out at it, at the spread of cave walls, at the melding of ice and rock, of natural and artificial, he smiled earnestly as he remarked, “One day all the world we'll be like this. Union between the frost and the dry will be achieved.”

“But today is a different day…”, he spat out to the man as he snapped back into his senses. “Today, is the day when you and I campaign for the people's hearts.” Rapidly blinking out of confusion, the hunter stared at the being, strung up on the notion of “people's hearts”, incapable of thinking of anything else but that as he looked at the being's pale countenance even among the cave walls. Looking to him, the entity spoke at last, “I am the Judderman. I go from place to place, peddling my icy brew to all around, until all are hooked. It is my calling, my purpose in life.” “To see the world frozen in the feeling of judders, in the sensation of cold chills, and thrilling shivers, it is what I live for.”

“But, there is a problem,” he stopped saying as he brought his point to its climax. “I need help, assistance in making my brew. For you see, I'm one being, but only one.”, looking intently at the hunter's eyes, he made his intentions all the more clear as he let his thoughts burn into the man's brain. “I need the Kyrgyz, I need Manas' people.,” he stated bluntly to Kojojash. “But, they won't listen to me.”

“Hence,” he began talking again, “You must talk to them, spread my wares among the people, propagate my brew among the populace here. Starting with the Kïtay, your people.” “If you do that, if you aid me in my endeavors…”, he hesitated for a moment as his tongue felt the bitterness of his next words, “I'll relieve you of your debt to me.”

Coming to, if only for a moment, Kojojash briefly smiled at the notion that the Judderman had put in his head, the idea of returning home a free man. He would go back to Zulayka, back to his ayïl, to his father, and his son, finally he would have defeated the she-goat, it would be as it was once more. Peace, happiness, joy, and bliss would enter his life, he could live with his family, with his ayïl, as their great provider, and all it took was agreeing to the entity's trivial request. But, then he saw something, something he'd wished he hadn't seen.

Frozen in ice and struggling to live, he saw a family of mice locked in a perpetual prison under the sheets of frozen water. Terror painted on each of their faces, fear perpetuating every inch of their bodies, they resembled nothing he'd ever seen before, and nothing he'd ever wished to see in his lifetime. Death awaited them, but the ice had kept them alive, and they remained prisoners of circumstance here, all because they had been where the Judderman had been.

Thinking of his people again, and growing concerned for their future, the hunter returned his gaze to the Judderman, as he asked the questioned that he formulated since the being's proposal. “What about the Kïtay, what will happen to them?” A question which prompted the entity to reply, “What do you care about them? Haven't you done enough for them?” “My life is not my own. If not for my ayïl, I would not be who I am,” Kojojash answered him. “They must always come first.”, he declared in response. Frustrated by that answer, the Judderman stared at him in anger, as his mind pondered how he could creatively destroy the insect standing before him. “Even when your family is at stake?”

Pausing in thought to consider what the being had told him, Kojojash looked at him intently, his hand reaching for his weapon. The she-goat had threatened his family before, but she never intended on touching them, something inside of her had told the hunter that. The being in front of him, however, was something else, something that even he could not contend with, and in spite of his mannerism, someone that the hunter had not wished to cross the wrong way. Despite his fear, however, something inside of him would not allow him to think of them before the ayïl, and the hunter simply rested his hand once more and sighed. “The ayïl, comes even before them.”, he responded as his mind knew of the risks involved with doing so.

“A pity…”, the Judderman replied as the man resign himself to his fate. A look of sorrow stretching across Kojojash's face, the entity at last realized what the hunter was willing to do, willing to sacrifice, if it meant his people would survive. Then, in a moment of inspiration, he came back again, “What good will you do your people, if you're dead, however?”, as the entity's mind was reminded of what cards he still had. “If you cease to be living, oh great hunter, how can you be of any use to them?”, he pressed as he smiled at him deviously.

“No”, the hunter replied as his mind raced with thoughts of his ayïl's destruction, “You, can't do that, I must help them. I must stop Sur-Ecki from destroying them all.” Offering his hand in response, the Judderman kept smiling at him, as he watched the man fold to his will, the game had reached the good part, down to the final seconds, and he had won, or so he thought. “Do we have a deal?”, he asked as Kojojash continued to stare at his hand.

Everything was at stake, everyone was at stake, but the being was also able to bring him back, allowing him to stop Sur-Ecki's curse, this was the most important fork in his life.

------------------------------------------------

Author's Note:

Alright, so if you vote for Kojojash you are voting that he decides to reject the Judderman's offer and remain dead, sacrificing himself as a martyr. If, you vote for the Judderman however, you are voting that Kojojash decides to accept the Judderman's offer, he lives and is able to return to his ayïl, but his people will serve the Judderman, and the Judderman will spread his wares all throughout the untouched Kyrgyz lands unopposed.

In an effort to do some family bonding, Krillin convinced his wife, Android 18, to bring their young daughter, Marron, and accompany him to help locate the dragonballs. While initially reluctant, 18 eventually agreed to this after Krillin agreed to find a job that would bring in serious income as soon as they were done.

After tracking down their first dragonball in a treacherous Chinese mountain range, their search for their second dragonball took the family to the Spanish island of Ibiza. While they strolled across a boulevard, Krillin theorized on the dragonball’s location while looking down at dragonball radar he had borrowed from Bulma.

“I hope you guys are ready for a swim, I bet this baby is underwater!” Krillin guessed with excitement.” The radar’s beeping grew louder and louder. “Oh wait a minute, maybe not. It’s…it’s….” Krillin looked up at the storefront of a shop at the end of the boardwalk. “It’s in the window of that store down there.”

Krillin sighed with disappointment.

“What’s wrong?” asked Android 18.

“It’s just so simple. I… I was hoping for something more,” stated Krillin.

“I don’t understand. Isn’t the goal of this whole thing to collect them all?” Android 18 questioned.

“Well yes, but the fun part is supposed to be the journey and this one is just sitting on display ready to pick up,” said Krillin. “That’s not the excitement I was wanting for our family.”

“There’s seven of them, right? That leaves five, and I am certain most if not all of them will be in hard to reach places or hazardous hellscapes that you are exposing our daughter to,” Android 18 reasoned.
Krillin shuffled uncomfortably. “When you put it like that..” His eyes darted downward to an A-Frame sign promoting a martial arts exhibition. “Hey, look at this. We are back in business, yeah!”

“What is it?”

Krillin pointed to the sign promoting a tag tournament sponsored by the King of Fighters. “A martial arts competition. It's been so long since I’ve been able to sit down and watch some good matches. It looks like this pit stop in Ibiza might not be such a major disappointment after all.”

"Are you seriously suggesting we put our quest for dragonballs on hold to watch some martial arts matches?” Android 18 inquired.

“Absolutely! It’s not like the world is ending right now so we don’t need them right away or anything. And besides, Marron also loves watching martial arts matches, don’t ya kiddo?”

Marron clapped her hands together and giggled with glee.

“Are we even sure the fighting will be any good at this thing?” asked Android 18.

“Oh yeah, didn’t you see the name of the host? The King of Fighters has always put on great tournaments and they have a fantastic array of martial artists that they showcase,” stated Krillin.

“Fine. Very well. Should we go and obtain he dragonball first?” Android 18 suggested.

“Nah. According to this promotion the matches are about to start. I don’t want to miss any of them,” answered Krillin. “The dragonball will still be here when we are done.”

Krillin and his family quickly made their way to the outdoor stadium where the tournament was being held and arrived just in time for the preliminary matches. Krillin and Marron watched each match with joyful enthusiasm whereas Android 18 showed only a passing interest. That was until a certain fighter really caught her eye. The fighter, a beautiful blonde woman who had more than a passing resemblance to Android 18 herself, employed a variety of bone breaking grappling moves that Android 18 really appreciated. With each victory, Android 18 found herself getting more and more invested.

The fighter, Blue Mary, won the semifinals matchup for her team by jumping on her opponent, Luong’s head, putting it in a headscissor with her legs and spinning toward the ground, knocking out Luong with a thunderous slam. Android 18 stood up and cheered the victory.

Krillin’s eyes widened. “What was that?”

“What? It was a good move,” said Android 18.

“I’ve never seen you cheer for a move like that, ever. Not even from me,” Krillin countered.

Marron giggled. “Mommy really likes that fighter.”

“Hey, I don’t see what the big deal is. Yeah, I think she has been the best thing about this tournament. She obviously has a good fashion sense and I get a kick out of the way she kicks ass.”

“No. This is amazing. You don’t like anyone. This is even better than finding dragonballs, we might find you a friend. We need to go meet her!” Krillin exclaimed.

Android 18 was defensive in her response. “I have friends. I… I can tolerate Bulma on occasion.”

The announcer announced over the speakers that the finals would be held the following day and thanked all of those in attendance.

“This is our chance,” said Krillin.

Android 18 rolled her eyes. “This is ridiculous.”

The family left their seats and made their way down to the bottom level where some of the fighters were still congregating. They found Blue Mary talking to her partner for the event, Terry Bogard. Blue Mary stood next to a motorcycle and held a helmet underneath her arm.  She wouldn't openly admit it, but the fact that she was a biker made Android 18 like her even more.

“Hey! Great stuff out there!” Krillin called out.

Blue Mary and Terry turned to them. “Thanks.”

“My name is Krillin, this is my wife 18, and our daughter Marron. We are fighters ourselves so it’s hard to impress us, but you put on some killer moves.”

“Appreciate it. Wait a minute. 18? Is that your name?” asked Terry.

“Yes,” Android 18 deadpanned expecting further questions.

Terry shrugged. “Cool.”

“Hold on, it really is you isn’t it?” stated Mary.

Android 18 did not know how to respond.

“Yes. You were the woman in that World Martial Arts tournament in Japan from a few years ago. Terry, you remember, the one that was blown up by that short blonde man after the finals,” Mary reminded.

“Oh yeah. Sounds like a King of Fighters tournament finals,” Terry joked.

“I watched that whole thing,” Mary told Android 18. “You were amazing. Never saw anything like it. I couldn’t believe you lost the finals. It seemed unreal.”

“I took a dive for lots of zeni. We needed the money,” Android 18 explained.

“18! You’re not supposed to tell anyone!” Krillin exclaimed.

Android 18 shrugged. The two couples continued to talk for another hour, finding a lot of common ground although Krillin couldn’t get Terry to admit that he and Mary actually were a couple. Right around the time Mary offered to show Android 18 the Mary Typhoon technique from the semi-finals match, Krillin remembered about the dragonballs. Terry and Mary agreed to accompany them back to the boardwalk where they saw it earlier in the day.

“Sorry you guys. We sold that item a couple of hours ago,” the shopkeeper announced when they asked for it after they arrived.

“Sold it?!?” Krillin cried out. “To who?”

“Skinny guy, red and white striped shirt and beanie, glasses, said his name was…uh.. Waldo I think. Said he wanted to bring it with him to a party down on the beach.”

Krillin was incredulous with this information.

“Hey, if you want to get that dragonball we still have a small window here, we just need to get down to the beach,” stated Mary.

The foursome along with Marron then went down to the beach where they were greeted by the sight of a sea of people almost indistinguishable from one another.

“So many of them look alike, this could be a challenge,” Terry observed.

“It may seem daunting at first, but if we apply the right amount of pressure we can get the information we need,” Android 18 opined. “Shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Lucky for you guys you have a secret agent with you, finding hard to find things is right in my wheelhouse,” Blue Mary boasted. “I just wish I knew what the dragonball looked like.”

Krillin pulled out the dragonball they had found in China. “It looks just like this one, only it has three stars instead of two. But there is no need to worry.” Krillin pulled out the dragonball radar. “I have this baby right here and it will tell us exactly where the dragonball is.”

“Powerdunk!” 

In a flash of violence, Terry Bogard grabbed the radar and smashed it on the ground in a fiery blaze.

Krillin yelped. “Huh? What? Why? Why did you do that?”

“I think it would be more fun for us to have a competition between Mary and 18. The first one to find the dragonball wins,” Terry suggested.

“I’m in,” said Android 18 with a small smile.

“Yeah, sounds like a good time,” Mary added.

“Sorry Krillin didn’t want anyone to have an unfair advantage,” stated Terry.

Krillin appreciated that Terry was trying to find a way for 18 and Mary to bond, he had told him back at the stadium how badly 18 needed to find a friend. Still, he was very upset about this turn of events. “Yeah, I get it bro, but you could have just told me. You didn’t have to destroy the dragonball radar. We will still need it to track down the other dragonballs.”

Terry apologized again. “Oops, my fault. Tell you what, I will go with you to get another radar while the ladies are tracking down this ball. On the way you can tell me more about this destructo disc technique of yours.”

Android 18 handed her daughter over to her father. “Take Marron with you.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Mary clasped her hands in anticipation. “Now that that is out of the way, shall we do this?” 

“May the best woman win.”

“I intend to.”

Draco Malfoy walked toward the entrance of the Nexus Bar flanked by his Slytherin friends Gregory Goyle and Pansy Parkinson.

“Are you really sure about this, Draco?” asked Pansy.

“Absolutely,” replied Draco. “It has been an awful year and we deserve a drink. I can think of no better way to honor Crabbe than to have a drink in his honor.”

“We could have gone to the Three Broomsticks for that,” suggested Goyle.

“Don’t be simple. We won’t be allowed in any bar in the wizarding world for awhile, if ever,” stated Draco.

“That’s what happens when you pick the losing side of a wizarding war,” added Pansy. “Still there are plenty of dive bars in the muggle world we could have tried to sneak into. Why here?.”

Draco distorted his face in disgust. “You think I would debase myself to the point of visiting a muggle bar?”

“Is this not a muggle bar?” Goyle wondered.

“Not exactly. At least not from what I have heard.” answered Draco. “There is only one way to find out for sure, though.”

“Look.” Pansy pointed to two people standing in front of the door: a dark skinned muscular young man with short black hair, brown eyes, and a blue vest as well as a pale skinned young woman with short, chopped, silver har, red eyes, and an eyepatch. “They have got people working the door here, we’ll never get in. Should have conjured up some fake IDs like I suggested.”

“I still think we should have used some of the polyjuice potion we took from Professor Snape,” Goyle insisted.

Draco rolled his eyes. “That would have taken way too long. You are both being ridiculous. If you walk with the confidence, like you belong, they will let you walk right in, I’m sure of it.”

Draco’s two Hogwarts classmates appeared unconvinced. They paused their trek to the bar so that Draco could instill confidence in his fellow Slytherin.

The two people that that the young wizards saw standing in front of the entrance to the Nexus Bar, Raijin and Fujin respectively, were soon joined by their friend and leader, Seifer Almasy.

“Isn’t this great?” Seifer asked with a smile.

Raijin shrugged. “It isn’t the worst thing in the world, ya know?”

“Uneventful!” complained Fujin.

Seifer scoffed at these assessments. “What do you mean? Don’t act like you are not enjoying each and every time you get to turn away some punk kid trying to sneak into the bar or toss out some loaf who has had too much to drink.”

A small smile betrayed Fujin’s stoic demeanor; Seifer knew her well.

“It does kind of remind me of our days on the Balamb Garden Disciplinary Committee, ya know?” admitted Raijin.

“Exactly, and we all could use some extra cash. And it’s not like we would be able to find much work locally after the whole helping a time traveling Sorceress try to take over the world thing,” stated Seifer.

An awkward silence enveloped the trio as they thought back to the recent past where the evil future Sorceress Ultimecia possessed Sorceress Edea and manipulated Seifer into being her white knight to help compress and rule over time. 

Fujin broke up the silence with a sly grin. “Ya don’t have to lie to us, ya know? We all know the real reason you want to work here.”

Seifer lifted an eyebrow.

“You totally have a crush on that new bartender they hired, Tifa,” Raijin accused. “It’s obvious.

“Busted!” Fujin cracked.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” retorted Seifer. “If anything, I’m almost certain she has the hots for me.”

Fujin shook her head. “Delusional!”

“Speaking of Tifa, though, I’m going to go see if she needs any help,” Seifer declared before leaving his two cohorts to again watch the door alone.

Raijin and Fujin exchanged a knowing glance.

“He has always had a thing for dark haired women, ya know?” Raijin remarked.

At that moment, two boys and a girl, all decked out in black robes, walked up to the Nexus Bar entrance.

“Good evening everyone,” Draco said confidently.

Raijin quickly lifted his pole weapon and used it to block the door. “Ya know, I can't just let you in.”

“IDs!” demanded Fujin.

Gregory Goyle panicked. “We..uh..forgot them.”

“Suspicious!” noted Fujin.

“Gonna need to go back and get them then. Can’t let ya in without proof that you're 21,” Raijin explained. “You all look like you are on the young side, ya know?”

Draco gritted his teeth. “You’re one to talk. You both look like high school seniors.”

“Irrelevant!” shouted Fujin.

“Ya don’t have to be 21 to work the door,” Raijin informed. “Still doesn’t change the fact that we can’t let ya in.”

“Guys, let’s just go back,” Pansy pleaded.

“The nerve,” Draco remarked bitterly.

The three Slytherin classmates turned to walk away.

“We will not let some lowly high school muggles stop us from getting in that bar,” Draco promised.

“Wands?” whispered Goyle.

Draco nodded and all three reached into their pockets to pull out their wands. They then turned around with ill intent.

“Petrificus Totalus!” shouted Pansy as she aimed her wand at Fujin and paralyzed her eye patched adversary with a full body bind curse.

“Expelliarmus!” 

Draco deftly knocked the pole out of Raijin’s hands.

“Cruci..” started Goyle.

Before he got the chance to complete the dreaded Cruciatus Curse, one of the three unforgivable curses, a large gust of wind pushed Goyle back and a blur of gray from Seifer’s long coat appeared in front of them as Seifer entered the area spinning around in circles to perform his Demon Slice attack. The assault put down both Pansy Parkinson and Gregory Goyle instantly, however Draco successfully avoided the move.

Seifer chuckled as he aimed his gun blade in Draco’s direction. “And to think Fujin was worried that the night was going to be uneventful. Can't let you ruin one of Tifa's first nights.”

“Expelliarmus!” Draco exclaimed again as he used his wand to knock the gun blade out of Seifer’s hand.

The move caught Seifer off guard and now Draco was the one with a cocky grin. His feeling of gratification and superiority was short-lived. Seifer flicked his wrist toward Draco and a column of fire erupted around the son of Death Eaters. 

“You’re not the only one with access to magic, wizard boy,” stated Seifer.

Seifer picked up his gun blade and readied himself for a fight. 

Draco clinched his wand tightly. “What kind of filthy mudblood are you?”

“Hey Seifer, I got your back, ya know?” Raijin called out.

“Check on Fujin, and make sure to get the wands from those other two brats,” Seifer commanded. “This one is all mine.”
 

“Get away from her you bitch!” The line still rang in Ripley’s ears as she lay down to sleep, the memory of her fight in the exosuit fresh in her mind. It felt like someone else had said those words, someone stronger, fiercer and without fear.

She glanced over at the pods and the sleeping forms of Newt, Hicks and the damaged android, Bishop, and a weary smile spread across her face.  The strength that had surged through her body as she fought and killed the alien queen that had boarded the Sulaco had left her, and the warm embrace of sleep finally took her away from the horrors of the planet below.

The Sulaco drifted through the darkness of space, the ship’s navigation system taking care of the journey as its passengers slept soundly. Dreams came easily, some peaceful and some not; some memories of the terrors that had pursued them through tunnels and corridors.

Onwards the ship floated, passing stars, planets, and asteroids. And the occupants continued their dreams and nightmares.

Thankfully they were oblivious to the real nightmare that slowly awoke amongst them. The Facehugger drew breath, the skeletal body unwinding itself like a cat stretching and it started to crawl amongst the ship’s cargo. It moved ponderously at first, but soon adopted the skittish and darting movements of its kind.

Things can progress in many ways, and in one dimension it could well have caused a fire that would catapult it and the survivors of the Sulaco towards a distant prison planet. Not so in this one.

In this timeline, the Facehugger moved towards the status pods, crawling gently over them and finding its way into one without triggering significant alarms. The egg was laid in a sleeping chest, and the Facehugger crawled away to die. In its last death throws it leaked acid onto a console, sending the ship into a spiral off course and down a very different path.

------------------

Messier 84 or as it is more commonly referred to, M84, is a giant galaxy about 60 million light years from Earth and which has, for want of a better analogy, collapsed in on itself. Dark matter surrounds the galaxy as the forces within continue to pull gravity, space and time inwards.

At the time of the events on planet LV-426, M84 had long since been marked on most space charts as “KEEP AWAY IF YOU KNOW WHAT IS GOOD FOR YOU!”. Things that wondered too close simply disappeared, never to be seen again. Even trying to peer into the blackness of M84 was enough to give humans, androids and AI’s a real or virtual headache.

Unfortunately for the Sulaco, the Facehugger’s dying breaths and acid blood had also scrambled the ship’s visibility, and what it thought was a course for safety actually took it closer and closer to the unfathomable darkness of M84.

When the ship hit the edge of the black, two things happened.

Firstly, in a fountain of blood and gore, a baby was born.

Secondly, the edge of the dead universe that was M84 caught the Sulaco and sent it hurtling through time and space.  

------------------

Part 2

Luckily the flames woke Ripley before the smoke did, otherwise she would undoubtedly have choked to death.

Unfortunately, what that did mean was that she woke up to find that her foot was on fire, alarms were sounding out a mechanical cacophony, and chaos was all around her.

She screamed and kicked her foot right through the status pod, where the sprinklers quickly put the fire which almost eaten through her shoe.  She stood up, the water continuing to rain down on her.

“Well hello sweetheart, didn’t expect you here.” The voice was that of a man’s, light-hearted and teasing.  

Ripley spun around and saw a dark-haired man facing. There was a roguish smile his lips and a twinkle in his eyes, and suddenly Ripley was very aware that the water was making her clothes cling to her body.

She frowned and climbed out of the pod, trying to get her thoughts in order and ignore the man. She was on the Sulaco, and she had just escaped – oh god – the nightmare that was LV-426. Just the memory of the planet, and the demons that inhabited it made her shudder.

Fortunately, the awful ship’s alarms had quietened down and Ripley could hear herself think.

“Are you OK?” said the man, walking towards her. “My name is Han Solo. Don’t suppose you’ve seen a Wookie wondering about, have you?”

“A Wookie?” Ripley shook her head as if to clear the cobwebs still sticking to her memory. “I don’t know…” then suddenly she turned and ran to one of the other status pods.

“Oh no…” it was a hushed whisper that the came out of the woman’s mouth, but it held such dread and sadness that Solo ran over to her immediately.

Two status pods were next to each other, both had their tops smashed open. In one lay what had once been a man, but his chest was torn open. Fragments of bone stood facing outwards and dried blood caked the walls of the pod. Next to him was the dead body of an alien that looked like two boney hands gripped together.

The other pod held a little girl, sleeping serenely. Next to her was another of the small dead aliens.

“No, no no no” Ripley was sobbing.

“What is going on?” Solo realised he was almost shouting. The crazy woman beside him could barely speak, and there was so much blood.

He wanted nothing more than to get off this ship, and away from all this craziness and gore as quickly as he could. No amount of salvage bounty was worth the horrors that seemed to lay ahead.

“Look miss, I don’t know what’s going on here, but we need to get out of here.”

The woman did not look around, and Solo suddenly realised that she had a gun in her hand. He hadn’t noticed any on her when he walked in, but there must have been one near the pods.

Ripley felt her mind breaking along with her heart. There was nothing left to do. After escaping all the death and destruction, her journey had led straight back into the midst of it. NEWT! Oh god, the pain was just too much. She could still see the little girl’s scared but brave face. Ripley had gone back into the depths of hell to save her, and it had all been for nothing. A dark and painful future awaited Newt if she ever awoke, one that Ripley would not wish on her worst enemy.

Before the sadness could overwhelm her, she brought the gun up in one smooth motion.

BAM!

------------------

Part 3

Solo jumped back as the woman shot the little girl through the head. Things were getting out of hand, and the woman was obviously insane.

She was already turning, a grim look in her dark eyes, and he ran rather than engage. He was sure he could shoot her before she could even raise the weapon, but something told him that a shot may not even put her down immediately.

Plus, he needed to find Chewie as quickly as he could and get off this heap of shit ship.

He ran for it. Down low light corridors and onwards towards the Falcon that was docked alongside the Sulaco. He didn’t recognise the corridors, but his sense of direction was good enough to tell him he was heading in the right direction.

Suddenly he stopped dead in his tracks.

He had found Chewie.

The giant Wookie was encased in a black substance that almost looked like a hardened liquid. His eyes were closed, and his breathing was ragged.

Solo glanced around, and then immediately set about freeing his friend. He used his gun to break the substance, pulling it with his hands where he could and slowly but surely, he uncovered more and more of the Wookie.

Once enough of the black goo had been removed, Chewie sagged into Solo’s arms. The weight was considerable, but it wasn’t the first time and he swiftly set the Wookie’s arms around his shoulders and started hauling him towards the Falcon.

Progress was slow, painfully slow, and with each step Solo felt the inexplicable terror grow in his heart.

BAM!

The shot rang out in the quiet of the corridor, and Chewie’s head exploded in a mass of gore and blood.

The limp body dropped out of Solo’s hands and on to the floor. He watched his closest friend’s body for a moment, then screamed with rage and drew his gun and started firing. CHEEWWWIEEE!!!

Ripley dodged behind a crate and paused. Her mind was almost blank. The rage, fear, anger, and sadness of the past few weeks had unleashed a beast within that wanted only to kill and survive. A grin spread across her face, so wide that it would even have given a Xenomorph pause.

“I’ll kill you!” shouted Solo, his voice pure anger.

The grin never left Ripley’s face and she raised her gun.

Captain Benjamin Sisko studied the battle logs. His intent was to analyze the Federation victories and learn what worked. Most likely they wouldn’t work again, but he would also know what the Dominion would be expecting.

The peace and quiet was nice but he had instructed the DS9 crew to come in something needed his attention. Lieutenant Commander Worf did just that.

Instantly he could feel the Klingon’s anger.

“Captain. There a problem.”

“What’s wrong, Mr. Worf?”

“This new cadet- Urkel.” He said the name with such vile that Sisko became concerned.

“What’s wrong with him?”

“I think he is a spy.”

Sisko almost came out of his chair. His hands were already in position to push himself up. “That’s a serious accusation. I hope you have some evidence.”

Worf stiffened. His fists clenched over and over. “Sir, there is no way anyone is capable of such… buffoonery.”

“Go on.” said Sisko.

“I can’t explain it. I spent two minutes with him and I want to kill him.”

“I’m afraid you’ll have to do better than that Mr. Worf. Killing fellow Starfleet personnel is unacceptable.”

In came Jadzia Dax. “Benjamin, this Urkel guy has gotta go!”

Sisko glared at her.

“Do you know who I’m talking about?” she wondered.

“I’ve heard about him yes.” He eyed the teeth-grinding Worf.

“He snorts!” Dax smarted.

“Snorts?”

“Snorts!” Dax demonstrated the sound.

“What’s wrong with that?”

“It’s annoying!” Both Dax and Worf said together.

“Well I’m sure he can’t help it.” Sisko leaned back indicating his dismissal of their feelings.

“It’s a part of the act.” declared Worf.

Dax whirled to face him. “Is that what you think? It’s and act?”

“Yes. He is clearly here to disrupt our effectiveness.”

“Mr. Worf believes he is a spy.” Sisko clarified Worf’s accusation.

Dax pondered the charge. “That would explain some things.”

“As I told the captain, it is impossible that this man could be this infuriating. Clearly something sinister is at play.”

Now came Odo.

“Captain Sisko! This new arrival is a menace!”

“Are you talking about..?”

“Cadet Urkel!” snarled Odo. “He started a dance party in the commons area! People began wearing their trousers up to their armpits! It’s an atrocity!”

“Take a breath Constable.” Siskso said calmly.

“This Urkel fellow can not stay on this station! He must be reassigned!”

‘The whole crew is against him.’ Sisko thought to himself.

Next came Major Kira Nerys. “Captain have you met this new guy Urkel?”

“What is your problem with him?” the weariness blended with his question.

“He keeps getting in the way. He’s supposedly trying to help but…”

“He’s making things worse!” Dax, Odo and Worf said together.

Sisko rose to his feet. “Alright that’s enough all of you! While you’re in here whining about a new cadet, you are not doing you duties! Get back to your tasks and leave this man be!”

“But...” Dax began.

“But nothing! If the lot of you can’t handle a green cadet how are you going to defeat the Dominion?”

The senior Deep Space Nine crew exited, just as the doors were closing he could hear them begin to exchange complaints.

How could a young cadet rattle the crew this way? He was about to request Urkel’s file log on the computer but then he thought maybe it would be a better idea if he went to see the man in person.

“Computer, locate Cadet Urkel!” he commanded.

The speakers chirped and DS9’s monotonous voice answered promptly.

“Cadet Urkel is in engineering.”

A bit unsure of what he would find, Sisko hesitated. But if his senior crew all had a problem with him he’d better check this guy out.

As soon as the door opened, yelling welcomed him.

“Get out of here! Get out!”

That was Chief O’Brian. Everyone else was staring in certain direction so Sisko looked there. He couldn’t believe his eyes.

An enraged Miles O’Brian- waving a phaser as if it were a butcher knife in front of a skinny youth. This had to be Urkel.

Upon spotting him the first thing to affront Sisko’s mind was ‘why is he wearing suspenders?’

On top of that, his pants were pulled up to his chest. Where did he get socks that ugly? And were those eye glasses on his face? This was an insult to Starfleet tailoring.

“Mr. O’Brian!” Sisko bellowed.

The command voice ended the altercation.

Everything about O’Brian softened. “Captain...”

“Mr. O’Brian, what do you think you’re doing?!”

“It’s Urkel, sir!” his anger immediately returned. “He thought phasers could enhance the power output!”

Sisko made a face. “What?”

“If I didn’t know any better I’d think he was trying to blow up the station!” O’Brian added.

“Urkel,” Sisko marched angrily toward the ‘nerd’. “You’d better have a very good explanation for this!”

“Captain Sisko. I know what it sounds like. But I’ve run the simulations and firing a phaser blast into the station’s power core does increase power output by at least 5 percent. As long as you do it carefully.”

To hear him admit it… proudly, left Sisko flabbergasted. “Mr. Urkel if you wish to conduct experiments you must clear them with Chief O’Brian and myself. Is that clear?”

“Perfectly sir.” Urkel said cheerfully. “So I guess I should tell you about my next experiment. I need a quart of antimatter. Romulan ale and the remains of Captain Kirk. Oh and I need to borrow The Defiant for a few hours.”

Sisko’s nose flared. “You cannot be serious.”

Urkel seemed oblivious to the Captain’s anger. “Well a runabout will do but The Defiant would be better.”

With a tight fist and a single destructive finger erect, Captain Sisko addressed the cadet vehomently.

“Urkel! You listen and listen good! You will never make it in Starfleet if you don’t learn...”

He almost didn’t hear his comm badge chime.

“Captain Sisko to the bridge right away please. Captain Sisko to the bridge right away.”

If there was a time he wanted to ignore the page more than now, he didn’t know but duty called and he answered.

“I’ll be right there.”

A mean glare at Urkel and Sisko spun on his heels and marched away steam fuming from his bald head.

Fight Parameters:

So Steve Urkel is a Starfleet cadet recently assigned to Deep Space Nine. The whole caste hates him because- well he’s Urkel.

Vote for Urkel if you think he can win them over and become a halfway competent Starfleet officer.

Vote for Deep Space Nine if you think they can get Captain Sisko to have him transferred somewhere else (maybe let Picard deal him).

In the magical land of General Mills, cereal mascots were assigned to different districts representing their cereal. They were not put in charge of said district mind you, in fact all mascots operated at the whim of their children overlords. The children weren’t necessarily in charge either, but they were given free reign to act as they saw fit. Different dynamics emerged between the children and each mascot. Some mascots were seen as friends to enjoy the cereal along with, others were seen as respected obstacles to overcome to get to the delicious cereal, and there was one who was endlessly mocked and tormented by the children. Enter the Trix Rabbit.

The Trix Rabbit had been allowed to enjoy a total of four bowls of Trix in the last sixty years. His desperation had turned into a never ending well of sadness. He slumped against a tree in his makeshift Easter Bunny costume after another failed attempt to deceive the children and obtain a bowl of the sugary cereal.

“Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!”  the children shouted as they scampered away with the Trix.

The Trix Rabbit sat in silence with his arms wrapped around his knees. He wondered if he should just accept the fact that he would never taste Trix again. Suddenly, one of the children had returned to where he was and looked down at him.

“Poor rabbit, how about we make a deal,” said the boy.

The Trix Rabbit glanced up with a mix of hope and excitement. “A deal?”

“I will give you a bowl of Trix, but first you have to do something for me.”

“What? I’ll do anything,” the Trix Rabbit proclaimed.

“I want a bowl of Lucky Charms. I’ve always wanted to try some, but that leprechaun is slippery. If you can get me a bowl of Lucky Charms, I’ll trade you my Trix,” the boy explained.

The Trix Rabbit beamed brightly. “Is that all? No problem. You just wait right here and I’ll be back in a flash.”

The Trix Rabbit was bursting with joy as he traveled to the Lucky Charms district. When he arrived in the Lucky Charms district, he found Lucky, himself, in mid incantation.

“Hearts, stars, horseshoes, clover, and blue moons, hour glasses, rainbows, and tasty red balloons!”

Large Lucky Charms marshmallows swirled around the leprechaun as he chanted.  Lucky noticed a group of kids out of the corner of his eyes making a beeline for his Lucky Charms.

“Oh no you don’t!” Lucky grabbed his Lucky Charms and hopped on the large star marshmallow. He then rode a magical rainbow to safety away from the children.

The Trix Rabbit followed the rainbow to its destination.

Lucky congratulated himself. “I didn’t drop the box this time, what a splendid day.” 

Lucky placed his bowl of Lucky Charms on a nearby rock. Suddenly, he was startled by the sight of the Trix Rabbit,

“Don’t be doing that. Me heart can’t take it,” he cried. “I thought you were one of the children.”

“I think I saw them turn around and head off to the Cheerios district,” the Trix Rabbit replied.

“Ah, good! Darn kids are always after me Lucky Charms,” Lucky lamented.

“Yeah, a real shame.”

“What brings ya out here?” asked Lucky.  “I don’t see you outside of the Trix district too often.”

“That’s true,” replied the Trix Rabbit. “I really just came for this.”

The Trix Rabbit swiped the bowl of Lucky Charms and Lucky’s eyes bulged. “What do ya think yer doing?”

“I just need one bowl of Lucky Charms, it’s no big deal,” the Trix Rabbit insisted.

“It is a big deal,” Lucky yelped. “That’s against the rules, and more importantly they are me Lucky Charms!”

“But I NEED them,” the Trix Rabbit repeated.

The rabbit tried to flee with the cereal. Lucky conjured a large hourglass marshmallow and slammed it into the Trix Rabbit. He then took back his Lucky Charms and whisked away on a magical rainbow.

Lucky rode his magical rainbow all the way to the Cookie Crisp district looking for an ally to prosecute the horrible crime he had just witnessed. He landed near Officer Crumb.

“Hey there Lucky, how are you?” Officer Crumb asked jovially.

“Awful. Everyone is after me Lucky Charms, including that dastardly Trix Rabbit. I need you to arrest him for the heinous injustice of trying to steal my Lucky Charms.”

“That is strange, but there is nothing I can do,” stated Officer Crumb.

“What? A fellow Irishman comes to you pleading for help and the best you can do is say there is nothing you can do? You are a police officer aren’t ya?”

“Aye, I am. But it’s out of my hands. I can only arrest characters for trying to steal Cookie Crisp and only in the Cookie Crisp district. Everything else is out of my jurisdiction,” Officer Crumb clarified.

Officer Crumb and Lucky were then joined by Buzz the Bee. 

“What are you doing here?” Officer Crumb wondered.

“I saw Lucky’s rainbow stretched across the sky and I wanted to make sure everyone was okay.” said Buzz.

Lucky hopped up and down in anger. “Everyone is not okay. The Trix Rabbit tried to nab me Lucky Charms and he needs to be punished.”

“Really? Why would he do such a thing? He knows that is not permitted. I’ll go talk to him.”.

“By talk to him you better mean lock him up!” Lucky shouted at the Cheerios mascot as he flew away.

Buzz found the Trix Rabbit walking dejectedly back into the Trix district.

“Can we talk?” asked Buzz.

The Trix Rabbit sighed. “If you are here to recruit me for the Interbrand Olympic Games, you know I will come.”

“That’s good to know. But, that’s not why I’m here. Why would you try to take some Lucky Charms? You know you are not allowed to do that,” said Buzz.

“I know. I wasn’t thinking clearly. It won’t happen again,” the Trix Rabbit replied.

“That’s great to hear. You should know that Lucky is really upset. I think you should apologize to him and find a way to make up for your mistakes,” Buzz suggested.

“How would I do that?” 

“Hmmm, well, Lucky is pretty proud of his heritage. How about learning about leprechauns and sharing with him all the knowledge that you’ve learned. I’m sure he’d appreciate the gesture.”

The Trix Rabbit was unconvinced, but he obliged. "Sure, I can do that.”

“Great. I’ll see you around. Remember Be Happy and Be Healthy!”

Once he was left alone again, the Trix Rabbit resumed his depressed trot. Inspiration struck and the rabbit stopped in his tracks. He would learn about leprechauns, but only to learn about their weaknesses so that he could successfully steal a bowl of Lucky Charms. Hope had been restored. 

His first idea was to consult a fellow mythical character, Count Chocula. But, he quickly nixed the idea. Surely, Lucky would be tattling to all the mascots of General Mills by now. He needed outside help. The Trix Rabbit traveled to the Quaker Oats Port and convinced Cap’n Crunch to take him across the Great Sea of Milk over to the land of Kellog’s.

Once there, The Trix Rabbit decided to ask Tony the Tiger first. To get to the Frosted Flakes district however, he would first have to cross through the Froot Loops district. The Trix Rabbit tried desperately to keep a low profile as he traversed through the Froot Loops peninsula, although he admittedly didn’t know exactly where he was going. He did know that he didn’t want to be noticed by Toucan Sam.  Unfortunately, that would be another failure for him.

“Hey there, old chum,” Sam called out from above with his nephews following closely behind. “You look lost. If that’s the case you should just follow your nose to…”
The Trix Rabbit interrupted. “I’m looking for the Frosted Flakes district.”

“Keep going right you can’t miss it,” said one of Sam’s nephews.

“Thanks.”

“Ha! Ha! Jolly good. Let us return to our hunt for fruity treasure, boys. I can smell it, I know it’s close.” Sam remarked.

The family of toucans flew away. The Trix Rabbit really disliked Sam. Mostly because he was always paired up against him whenever Buzz and Tony would organize the Interbrand Olympic Games, and he didn’t know why. Sam had an unfair advantage, he could fly.

When the Trix Rabbit arrived in the Frosted Flakes district, he had to wait for Tony to finish a soccer game before he could talk to him. Tony approached him with a towel over his head.

“Hey champ, you here from some scrimmage action?” Tony inquired.

“No, no, nothing like that,” the rabbit answered. “I was hoping you could tell me everything you know about leprechauns.”

Tony contorted his face in confusion. “Wasn’t expecting that request. I wish I could help you, but I’m more of an athletic tiger not an academic tiger. The best I can tell you is that your boy, Lucky, is not the only leprechaun mascot. Both the Boston Celtics and the Notre Dame Fighting Irish have leprechaun mascots. Hope that helps.”

The Trix Rabbit slumped his shoulders after receiving this useless information. 

“Wow, you seem pretty down. I wish I could offer you some Frosted Flakes to help cheer you up. But, I can’t because of the rules. Don’t want to end up like Chef Wendell, remember when he offered all the other mascots Cinnamon Toast Crunch at the first Interbrand Olympic Games and then he….”

“Was never seen again,” The Trix Rabbit mumbled.

 “Yeah. It’s a shame though, I think you’d really like them. They’re grrrreeeatttt!!” Tony proclaimed.

The Trix Rabbit was skeptical of Tony’s assessment because he could not see any sight of fruity flavors inside Frosted Flakes.

“Why don’t you try Snap, Crackle, and Pop. Maybe they will have the info you need,” suggested Tony.

A marvelous idea. The Trix Rabbit made haste to the Rice Krispies district and caught the trio right before a photo shoot for a new cereal box.

The Trix Rabbit gasped for air from all of his running before composing himself. “Hey guys, you are leprechauns, I want to know all about you,” 

“Excuse me rabbit, we are not leprechauns. We are elves,” Crackle retorted.

“Yeah, don’t get us mixed up with that little green hoarder,” added Snap.

“I apologize,” said the rabbit. “You guys are matched up alot with Lucky though during the games, so you should know alot about him, right?”

“I know that he is a sore loser,” stated Pop.

“Anything else, strengths, weaknesses, hidden leprechaun talents?”

The three elves exchanged perplexed glances before shrugging their shoulders and complying with the rabbit’s request.

“Leprechauns are typically intelligent tricksters who are also greedy and protective," explained Snap. “Lucky certainly has the greedy and protective traits down, but I don't know about being an intelligent trickster."

“Yeah, if anything he is easy to trick, We do it all the time when we face off against him while he is too busy complaining that three on one is unfair,” Pop put in.

“He has a one track mind,” noted Crackle. “Although I don’t know if that is a leprechaun thing or a General Mills thing. A lot of you seem to have that characteristic. Once you get him distracted, you’ve got him.”

“Hey fellas we need to get back to the shoot,” said Snap.

“Distraction. I got it. Thanks, you guys are the best.” 

“No problem. Have a good day, rabbit,” stated Pop.

On his voyage over the Great Milk Sea back to General Mills, the Trix Rabbit asked Cap’n Crunch if he had ever been too distracted to sail his ship.

“No. But, I did come close to crashing once. It was all because of that loony cuckoo, Sonny. I was ferrying him across the sea and he went absolutely insane when someone mentioned Cocoa Puffs. Nearly destroyed my ship.”

A plan of attack had now fully formed in the brain of the Trix Rabbit. It was deceitful, it was potentially dangerous, but it would all be worth it if it meant he would get to enjoy another bowl of Trix cereal. 

After they reached the land of General Mills, the rabbit thanked Cap’n Crunch for all of his help and then traversed over to the Cocoa Puffs district. Unlike many other districts, the Cocoa Puffs district did not have the look of its namesake. This was a conscious decision made in large part to keep Sonny’s unbridled obsession somewhat in check. The Trix rabbit found the cuckoo bird rocking back and forth with a forced smile on his face.

“Hello, I am so happy to see you. Were you sent here to keep me distracted?” Sonny wondered.

“Distracted from what?”

“The rest of IT is being taken away for the day to help me with my mania,” Sonny informed.

“That’s right. It’s that time of day,” said the rabbit. “It’s strange though because I saw some kid who must have smuggled some of it to the Lucky Charms district before it was all confiscated.” The Trix Rabbit waved nonchalantly. “I am sure it will be fine. It will either be recovered or Lucky will simply throw it away.”

Sonny’s eyes almost popped out of his skull.  “Lucky has some munchy, crunchy, more chocolatey Cocoa Puffs? And he would just throw them away.”

The Trix Rabbit nodded, “Those are the rules.”

“I must save them. I must have them. I’m cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!” screamed Sonny. The brown bird flew away in an unhinged state toward the Lucky Charms district.

The Trix rabbit rubbed his hands together mischievously. With Lucky distracted by Sonny’s insanity, he would be able to walk right in and swipe the Lucky Charms. Then finally, the Trix would be his.

Aloy crouched low on the catwalk as Cerberus soldiers passed underneath. They were looking for her. But after years of sneaking up on Grazers in Mother's Embrace, she could keep herself hidden from a few frantic humans. Even on their own ship.

The Cerberus cruiser was massive and reminded her of the cauldrons back home. The halls were dark and metallic. But at least she didn't have to fight through waves of machines to get where she needed to be. Not that she wasn't prepared for a fight if it came to that.

Garrus' Black Widow hung off her shoulder, where she used to keep her bow and arrows. It was a less graceful weapon, for sure, but its firepower matched that of her blast arrows. And the clips took up far less space. But the real challenge was its weight. It was heavy. Like the guilt in her chest.

She peeked over the rails once the soldiers left. Below, there were Ravager-sized pods lining the walls, each with a turian silhouette under its surface.

Garrus was down there somewhere. And she needed to find him.

She climbed down silently and effortlessly, moving from pod to pod, searching for the turian face she knew by heart. The face she never could have imagined existed only a few months ago.

Nothing. Next pod. Hide. Nothing. Next pod. Unfamiliar. Next pod. Hide. It was a slow search.

Next pod... She slowed to a stop next to it, recognizing something in the blue markings on the face within. It was the face she'd studied every day since she first saw it. Garrus Vakarian.

She only stared down at him for enough time to catch her breath before she went to work yanking at the cords on the side of the pod and pushing at the lid so she could get to him. He was only inches away. All she had to do was wake him up and they could leave. Together.

It took all of her strength to move the lid, but once ajar, it slid away, revealing the body underneath. Her palm found his face, thumb tracing the lines of his mandibles. He was cold and slick. Never a good sign.

This technology was beyond her. What would she do if he didn't wake? What could she do? Where would she go?

Aloy shook him gently. Then harder. Nothing. But he was still breathing. He was still there. Just... gone.

How had she lost this family she'd only just gained?

Her focus chimed, alerting her to the approach of Cerberus soldiers. But there was still time before they arrived.

"Garrus," she whispered, a hopeless attempt to reanimate him. "Do you remember when you found me?"

***

A grassy green prairie rolled on for as far as I could see. I leaned back onto the hill, feeling the warmth of the sun on my cheek. 

Earth. What a beautiful place. Lush. Empty. Abandoned.

But it wasn't empty, was it? My own perceptions confused me. Surely someone lived here.

All I could remember were the creatures. The machines, someone had called them. I'd fought one the size of my starship. A Thunderjaw. The word came from thin air. Yeah, a Thunderjaw.

"Garrus," a voice whispered. "Do you remember when you found me?"

There was a heat at my side. I wasn't alone. She was sitting next to me, fiery and brave and human. Had she always been there?

Aloy.

"Of course." I couldn't recall. "You were fighting the Thunderjaw." My own words surprised me. "And the damned thing took my ship right out of the sky."

She stared at the ground, letting grass slide between her fingers before she ripped it up. "I was alone before then. An outcast." She forced a chuckle. "And I didn't know anything about the world."

"You knew more than everyone on your planet," I chided softly. She was a genius. I still remembered her face in the firelight as she pieced my ship together one part at a time. And when she had questions, her eyes sparked with wonderlust. I'd give her half an answer before she figured it out on her own. After all that, she probably knew more about my ship than I did.

Aloy didn't react. Didn't even look at me. She was lost in the rolling plains. "I never imagined I'd leave the Sacred Lands," she managed. "And then you took me to the stars."

I'd been stranded on Earth for weeks. In the meantime, we'd traded stories of Palaven and the Nora, bonded over weaponry and sharpshooting, and used the machines in the valley to repair my ship to its functioning flying glory. It was only fair that I take her for the ride of her life --show her how small Earth was in the grand scheme of the universe. How was I supposed to know she'd never want to go back?

"I've experienced so much. You've shown me the unimaginable." Her voice broke. "Everything is... so much bigger now."

Aloy's braided and beaded hair fell over her shoulder, hiding her face. I reached out to brush it away. She was too proud to cry. But she could trust me, couldn't she?

And then my fingers passed right through her.

She kept talking, as if she'd felt nothing. "I'm not afraid of being alone. I've been alone before." Her breathing became shallow and ragged. "But if you don't wake up... You'll never know how much I..."

If I didn't wake up...?

"Aloy, what do you mean?"

She looked up suddenly, like she'd heard something. Her focus could pick up things from far off. Things my scanners couldn't even read. "They're coming..."

"Who is coming?" But in my gut, I knew it was Cerberus.

Aloy and I had met up with a turian fleet on its way to Palaven. I'd promised Aloy we'd go to the Citadel from there. We were on a galactic tour or sorts. But the fleet had been ambushed, boarded, and seized. And we flew right into their trap.

I scanned the valley, realizing how cold and lifeless it truly was. There were no machines. No wind. No heat from the sun. The only warmth here radiated from Aloy.

She jumped to her feet in a defensive stance, ready to fight. My rifle hung from her shoulder.

"Aloy," I tried again, reaching for her leg. Reaching for her warmth. But I passed right through.

And then she vanished. Popped right out of existence in front of me. I had only blinked. And she was gone.

"ALOY!"

From the horizon, a dark shadow swept over the valley, eating away this world I'd somehow imagined. The shadow moved faster and faster, coming for me.

"It's not real, Garrus," I scolded myself. "Aloy needs you to wake the hell up!"

And the shadow consumed me.

***

Aloy held Black Widow just like Garrus had taught her. He’d emphasized four principles --aim, hold, sight, and shot. Similar to the principles she used with her bow. But this was nothing like the ebb and flow of her arrows. This was a power she had to squeeze tight and hold in her core lest it escape her. 

She’d left Garrus’ side only to set traps throughout the room. Near doorways. Away from the other pods. If she could fight machines back home, she could defeat a few humans in space.

An explosion sounded as one of her trip wires went off. 

Cerberus had arrived. 

Aloy glanced over her shoulder at the pod where Garrus was stirring. She couldn't leave now that she knew he was alive. Whatever she’d done had been enough to wake him. But she needed to defend him until they could escape. 

She wouldn’t leave him behind again.

Aloy stared down the Black Widow’s sights and waited for the soldiers to descend upon her.

S12E01. My Next Guest...

"Greetings. I am Space Ghost. Welcome to my show."

The empty studio echoed his voice. The silence was deafening. After several seconds, Space Ghost let out a frustrated sigh and faded onto the chair behind his desk.

The long forgotten one time cosmic hero turned talk show host, Space Ghost, began his show like he always did:

"My first guest tonight is--" 

Zorak, his former enemy turned co-host, screeched, "You don't have any guests."

Space Ghost looked at him without saying a word, then blasted the wall with one of his twin powerbands, leaving a scorch mark next to Zorak.

Space Ghost smiled a half-assed smile then tapped his cue cards against his desk.

"Where the hell is my coffee, Zorak?" he changed the subject.

“How the hell should I know?” Zorak stared blankly at Space Ghost.

“Moltar, do you know where my coffee is?” Space Ghost asked his co-star who managed the cameras and set. “Hmm?”

Space Ghost sighed again when Moltar declined to respond. Nobody ever listened to his complaints anyway.

Space Ghost looked at the papers on his desk to see the scheduled guests for tonight. He faked surprise when he saw the list was blank. He already knew that, but he didn’t want to accept that his show wasn’t on the air. Because it wasn’t. The show, Space Ghost Coast to Coast hadn’t seen a live guest in years.

“Guess I’ll take my commercial break early and get my coffee then. At least then I can make it the way I like!” Space Ghost said aloud. When nobody responded, he turned into his ghost form and reformed in the kitchen attached to the set.

How long have I been doing this?

Years, surely. But how many? Decades? Centuries? There was no true way to tell the passage of time in space. Well, maybe there was but he didn’t know of any. All communication with the outside world stopped in 2008. It was like the world had forgotten him because no matter what Space Ghost tried, he could not leave the set of Coast to Coast.

Moltar thinks they’re all in some ‘Forgotten Zone’ of existence where everyone who becomes irrelevant ends up. Well maybe it was non-existence now that he thought about it. Regardless, the whole idea was cockamamie. All he knew for sure was that after his show went off the air, himself and the rest of the cast of Coast to Coast found that their studio was in a different plane of existence. It looked the same to the untrained eye. But Space Ghost’s eyes were well trained. Those things could win awards they were so well trained.

Space Ghost found the coffee pot had already been brewed. He searched the cabinet for his favorite mug with the imprint of his logo on it. Lucky for him he didn’t have to look hard, the cabinet was filled with copies of the same mug. He grabbed the nearest one, poured himself half a cup and sipped it.

The moment the liquid touched his lips, Space Ghost felt something drop in his lower abdomen.

Since nobody was watching his show, what better time to take a space dump? “I have been irregular lately.”

“What?” Zorak shouted from his desk in the other room. Apparently he heard Space Ghost’s voice and had nothing better to do than to ask him questions.

“I’m going to go take a space dump!” Space Ghost shouted back. “Entertain the audience until I return.” He faded from the kitchen and teleported to the set bathroom.

“We have no audience, you Space shit!” Zorak said, not knowing Space Ghost had left the kitchen.

Space Ghost swung open the bathroom stall door. “It is I, Space Ghost!”

As expected, the bathroom was empty except for him. He sat on the cold toilet seat and dropped his pants. He wasn’t sure how long this was going to take, so he made himself comfortable and found a newspaper Moltar usually left there. It was dated May 30th, 2008. He’d read this hundred times but he liked to act as if it were something new.

“Oh, would you look at that? Charlie Sheen got married. Good for him. Great guy…”

It was either this or the reading material left behind by Zorak, which was nothing but vulgar graffiti on the bathroom walls that read: “Zorak rules!” and “Space Ghost sucks ass!”

Space Ghost faded onto the set like an apparition. Time to try this again.

"Greetings. I am Space Ghost. Welcome to my show."

He got into his desk and took a sip of his coffee, smiling devilishly at the camera. Zorak and Moltar watched him from their stations, unsure of what he was going to do. Or if he was going to do anything at all.

Space Ghost took another sip. Sip. Sip. Sip.

Sip. Sssssip. Sipppppp.

At one point he started slurping, which drove Zorak to yell, “I will fucking shoot you!”

“Hey,” Space Ghost rebutted, “You can’t say that on the air!”

“We aren’t live, Space Ghost,” Moltar’s voice chimed in. “You do realize that, don’t you?”

“Of course I do,” responded Space Ghost, “What do think I am? Deranged?”

“I never said that-”

“Think I’ve lost touch with reality, huh Moltar? Hm? HMM?” Space Ghost rang his fists through the air and he got louder with every ‘Hmm’ me spat. “Hmm? Hmmmm?”

“Uhh--” Moltar didn’t know what to say at this point. And it looked like Zorak was staying out of it.

Space Ghost stood up to emphasize the next aggressive ‘Hmmm’ when the television screen lowered aside his desk. The screen was black then flashed images of static.

The three of them looked at the TV, then at each other.

“This isn’t funny, Moltar,” Space Ghost said.

“Hey, that wasn’t--” Moltar’s voice was cut off by a sudden crash, as someone fell through the ceiling and landed next to Space Ghost.

It was a man in his 20s by the look of him. He wore a combination of metal, leather and torn fabrics that fitted his body. He quickly got to his feet, seemingly unfazed by the fall, and ignited a crimson blade in his hand. He seemed confused, but hostile. Space Ghost pointed his powerbands at him, ready to fry him if things got ugly.

“Who are you?” Space Ghost asked. Zorak and the newcomer echoed the same question but before any of them could answer, the television set flickered again. This time the image wasn’t static, it was the face of a rather smug looking gecko.

“Is this thing on? OH, Space Ghost! Rad,” said the gecko.

Space Ghost turned his ready-to-fire powerband at the television, “Who are you supposed to be?”

“He looks delicious,” Zorak said.

The man with the red laser blade tried to get everyone’s attention again, but his words fell on deaf ears.

The gecko continued on, “I’m supposed to be the guy getting entertained by mindless television. Unfortunately, your show is the only thing worth watching on FZTV and you haven’t even been on the air”

“FZ-whatsie?” Space Ghost asked.

“Forgotten Zone Television. Don’t you watch?” The gecko asked in return.

“No.” Space Ghost said. “And I won’t either. What kind of man would I be if I took a recommendation from a lizard? I’d be an idiot, that’s what.”

“Who are you calling a lizard, pal? The name’s Gex. I’m a gecko who has an itch for the finer programs in life and your show is up next on my TV Guide. I figured you needed a new guest so I found this guy and dropped him off.” Gex pointed at the newcomer. “You’re welcome.”

Space Ghost responded by blasting the TV, breaking it and Gex’s connection along with it. The newcomer wasn’t fond of that decision however and swung his sword near Space Ghost’s neck.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” The newcomer asked. “He had answers I needed.”

Space Ghost whirled around to face his ‘guest’ with his powerbands. “I will fucking shoot you!”

______________________________________

Space Ghost goes toe-to-toe with Starkiller. Bet you didn't see that one coming.

INT. CONVENTION HALL, 3RD FLOOR OF ELECTRIC FERRET STUDIOS -- MORNING

Opens on a large convention floor where several rows of seats are organized into an assembly.

Employees of Electric Ferret Studios go about the room finding their seats and partaking in the breakfast of dry donuts and coffee. They are a group of mostly men with identical outfits; white button-up shirts tucked into khakis separated by a brown leather belt and a nametag worn on their chests.

SSJRuss fills a paper cup with hot coffee. He stands next to JohnnyChany and C.T., who help themselves to an assortment of donuts. Each of them appear exhausted.

SSJRuss:

How did you guys sleep?

JohnnyChany:

Ha, what’s sleep?

C.T.:

(Picks up a donut and inspects it before deciding to put it on his plate)

I think I managed to get a few hours. Decided that sleeping on my desk was much better than sleeping under it.

SSJRuss:

Oh really?

C.T.:

Yeah. I just moved my computer and stuff to the floor. I think it’ll work nicely.

JohnnyChany:

Geez. That sounds desperate. You could get in trouble for that, ya know?

C.T.:

It’s not like anybody cares at this point.

The group leaves the breakfast counter and mingles with the rest of the crowd. They find seats together. On their left sits Bergy_Berg, who appears to not have shaved in two weeks. On their right sits Mercenaryblade, who removes a flask from his pocket and pours an amber liquid into his coffee.

SSJRuss:

(Leaning over toward Mercenaryblade. He looks at him inquisitively)

Where’d you get that from?

Mercenaryblade:

From OMFG’s desk.

SSJRuss:

What? You went through his stuff?

Mercenaryblade:

Not like he’s coming back for it.

C.T.:

(Eavesdropping)

Didn’t OMFG leave after the new mandate?

JohnnyChany:

I heard he just walked out.

Mr. Fox enters the scene. The crowd grows silent as everyone finds a seat. Mr. Fox, a middle-aged man in a dark blue suit, cuts across the assembly and approaches the front of the room.

A stage is situated in front of the assembly, 4’ feet from the ground. The stage is ornate, but has dark red curtains tied loosely on each side, a podium and microphone. Mr. Fox uses the stairs on the left side of the stage and reaches the podium.

Mr. Fox:

Hello everyone. Thank you all for being here. I know this has been a rough time for everyone. I wasn’t happy with the new mandate either but this coronavirus is very serious. Which is why we’ve quarantined here for the last six months. We all miss our homes and loved ones but we are alive, which is a good thing. Now, when this started our production here at Electric Ferret Studios increased ten fold. With the option of not going home, many of you chose to work tireless hours and nights. But we stopped along the way. Something happened and our productivity has declined. Significantly. So, I had to think of a solution. This company needs a little pick-me-up. Something to inspire and motivate us, not only into the new year but to just get us through this trying time. For that reason, I’ve bought someone with me today. Don’t worry, he’s been tested and he’s been cleared of the virus. His name is Matt Foley and he’s a motivational speaker. Now, he’s been downstairs helping himself to the concession stand for four hours so I think he’s ready to get started. So without further ado, Matt Foley, come on up here.

Camera pans to Matt Foley who is rushing to the stage. He is a large man with greasy, slick back hair, square glasses, a plain outfit with a brown tie and checkered pattern jacket. He wheezes as he heaves himself up the stage from the floor. He gets to the podium and waves at everyone, adjusting his belt several times.

Matt Foley:

Thanks, Fox. I’ll take it from here.

Mr. Fox moves away from the podium and gives Matt Foley the stage.

Matt Foley:

Well, well, well. Now, as your employer told you my name is Matt Foley and I am a motivational speaker. Before I begin, I’d like to tell you a little bit about myself so you’ll know where I’m coming from. I am 35 years old, I am divorced and I live in a van down by the river!

Camera pans over to SSJRuss and his co-workers sitting together. They give each other confused looks.

SSJRuss:

(Whispering)

Is this guy serious?

Bergy_Berg:

(Low-tone)

Yo, I thought we were on lockdown? Fox can’t just bring people in here--

Camera swings back to Matt Foley at the podium.

Matt Foley:

So, I’m told that you all need some motivation to get back to work? That you’re tired of sleeping in the supply closet with nothing to keep you warm at night but the disposal paper towels that you used to cry on… because you want to go home to your wife but she won’t let you in the door because you’ve had too much to drink at the bar that was filled with thirty dudes running high fevers? Well guess what? You can forget all about that and I’ll show you how.

Matt Foley points at the crowd and singles out an employee, DSkillz.

Matt Foley:

You, come up here.

DSkillz begrudgingly walks on stage. Matt Foley gets real close to him to talk to him.

Matt Foley:

Young man, what’s your name?

DSkillz:

(Points at his nametag)

DSkillz. But my real name is--

Matt Foley:

Well la de fricken da! We got somebody with some real skills here folks!

Matt walks over to Fox, puts his arm around his shoulders and flashes his glasses up and down off his face.

Matt Foley:

Hey Fox, I can’t see too well, is that MacGyver over there?

Mr. Fox:

Actually, he’s one of my best employees.

Matt Foley:

(Turns to face Mr. Fox)

Fox, I wish you’d just shut your damn yammer!

Matt Foley:

(Walking back over to DSkillz)

Let me tell you something, son. Your skills may impress the ladies in this office but they won’t be impressing anybody when you're LIVING IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!

Popping his head out from behind the curtain, Fire Marshall Bill enters the scene.

Fire Marshall Bill:

Hold that thought, Callahan!

Fire Marshall Bill slides his way out from behind the curtain and onto the stage. He wears a dark blue suit and tie and a white fire marshall hat. One eye is squinted and his lips are curled under his teeth.

Mr. Fox, Matt Foley and DSkillz:

Who are you?

Fire Marshall Bill:

(Stands next to the group on stage)

I’m Fire Marshall Bill Burns and this convention hall is riddled with danger! I know what you’re thinking. How did a fire marshall get into this building during a lockdown? Well? LET ME TELL YA! This entire building is unsafe for the average employee. Everything in here is a potential hazard!

Camera pans back to the crowd, who look more worried and uncomfortable.

SSJRuss:

(Turns to JohnnyChany)

I think this is about to get weird.

Back on the stage, Matt Foley steps forward.

Matt Foley:

Now hold on there chicken neck! I was in the middle of a very important, motivational--

Fire Marshall Bill:

(Interrupts Matt and stands next to DSkillz. He speaks directly to the audience)

Take for instance, your motivational speaker. Sure, he may have the life you always wanted. Maybe he’s the cream of the crop. But you can’t just let anybody waltz into your office these days. Let’s look at a scenario. Say your boss here lets in his best friend because he wants a sleepover with the guy from Beverly Hills Ninja. They have a few drinks, get frisky with the receptionist. Next thing you know-

Fire Marshall Bill coughs directly onto DSkillz 'neck.

Fire Marshall Bill:

Covid-19!

DSkillz pulls away from Fire Marshall Bill and jumps off stage. He rubs his neck frantically.

Camera scans the crowd of employees who look increasingly worried.

Fire Marshall Bill and Matt Foley begin to argue with one another. Mr. Fox takes the microphone.

Mr. Fox:

I’ve had enough of this! Both of you leave this instant.

Fire Marshall Bill:

(Puts his hand up at Mr. Fox then points at Matt Foley)

Cool your jets, Michael J. Fox! This chunk of cheese is a carrier for the corona killer. And as your fire marshall, it is my sworn duty to protect and serve! LET ME SHOW YA SOMETHING!

Fire Marshall Bill pulls out a digital thermometer and points it at Matt Foley’s forehead. It scans him and reads: 101.6

Mr. Fox:

(Backs away from Matt Foley)

Matt, you have a fever!?

Matt Foley:

Now I know what you’re thinking. How did this happen? Well let me tell ya. It happened because I had to quarantine in a van down by the river!

The camera pans over to Fire Marshall Bill who has lit the stage curtain on fire.

Fire Marshall Bill:

Well now that that’s mysterious is solved there is only one thing to do, folks. Burn out the virus!

The crowd leave their seats in panic. Many of them run to the elevator or the stairwell. The fire spreads across the stage. The room begins to fill with smoke.

In the chaos, SSJRuss crams into an elevator with some of his fellow co-workers. The doors shut as they stand shoulder to shoulder with one another.

On SSJRuss’ left, Mr. Fox presses for the ground floor, but the elevator does not move. He tries another button, but the elevator does not respond.

The camera focuses on Matt Foley who starts beating outside the elevator door.

Matt Foley:

For the love of god, let me in!

Camera pans back inside the elevator.

Fire Marshall Bill:

(Outside the elevator, in the distance)

Hey Tony Robbins, LET ME SHOW YA SOMETHING!

Mr. Fox:

Don’t any of you open that door.

Bergy_Berg:

Oh now you don’t want to let somebody in?

JohnnyChany:

So we’re all gonna die in here, aren’t we?

Confession FPT:

I’ll tag that bet.

SSJRuss:

Seriously dude? The building is going to burn down and you want to bet if we’re gonna die or not?

Z451:

I mean, somebody had to have set this up.

Z451 and Mr. Fox meet eyes.

Mr. Fox

Don’t look at me, I don’t work in simulations.

Confession FPT:

Which do you think will get us first? The coronavirus or the fire?

Venom 2009:

Fire for sure.

SSJRuss:

Can’t we just leave the building?

Mr. Fox:

Lockdown, remember? Everything is locked shut unless I open it back up. Can’t do that from here.

Mercenaryblade:

Yep, we’re dead. Corona, take me now.

FADE OUT:

_____________________________________

So here we have Matt Foley vs. Fire Marshall Bill. Foley has a mild case of Covid-19 and a fire extinguisher. He wins if he kills Fire Marshall Bill and puts out the fire.

Fire Marshall Bill is trying to burn the building down with everyone in it so he can “save us” from the virus. If he succeeds, he wins.

The employees of EF Studios are also exposed to the virus and the flames, but their fates don’t determine the outcome.

• Picnic in the desert underneath the shadows of the colossal Sandworms 
• Wonder safely through a theme-park where every species of dinosaur roams free
• Take a dip in the sea with our playful mermaids and sirens
• Watch the lunchtime wild pack hunt of the lycanthropes
• Test your brains with the riddles of a real life Sphinx
• Take a canter around our range with unicorns, griffins, nightmares and pegasus
• Check out our budding village area where goblins, kobolds, ogres, orcs, trolls and hobgoblins start their journey towards basic civilisation
• Hack and slash your way though our jungles which are teeming with life. Can you spot our grumpy Rancor or our elusive Totoros
• And much much more!

• Doors, wardrobes, rabbit holes, books, station platforms etc. that lead to magical worlds can be repurposed by using a simple Augmenaro Illerio spell to lead straight to our ticket office. 
• Our standard seven-chevron address to use with your local Stargate is Eridanus-Orion-Leo-Libra-Crater-Equuleus-Hydra.
• For our interstellar travelers, our galactic coordinates are 08,091,033. 
• Timetravellers or Speedforce users, please consult our Time Map AI chatbot for special event coordinates in time and space

Alerys was just as confused or perhaps even more so. Where she was now, she could not say. The surroundings were not like the sandy arena where she had battled Shepard, or the militaristic designs of that starship's hallways. In fact, there were no surroundings. From what she could tell, she was standing in nothing but empty space. Nothing but sheer, stark whiteness that stretched out as far as the eye could see. "W-what is this??" 

A place where we can converse alone.

The voice was no longer in her mind, instead seeming to come from everywhere around her. The vague shape of a humanoid formed before her, hazy and seemingly constructed from fog. "Or I could just tell you to leave me alone, and attack you if you refuse." Alerys glared at the shadowy figure.

Please. We all know you are smarter than that. Assaulting an incorporeal figure is an exercise in futility. 

"...Fuck." 

...You have grown fond of that word. 

"What can I say, learning new things is what makes my life a joy." Her smile was unapologetic, but it quickly faded back to a scowl. "Now, normally I'm all for spending time discussing things at length and making new friends, but I've already come to recognize that I really don't like you. Doubt much you could say could change that, so instead of talking about this, how about you just get to saying whatever you brought me here for." 

As you wish. Twice now, you have lost to beings that are, shall we say, significantly more technologically advanced than yourself. Perhaps we were in error to choose matches in that regard, moreso in putting you in the second's grasp and giving him homefield advantage. So with that in mind, we have decided to pick the next round of our entertainment as someone that seems more your type. More than that, this time you will be the one given the advantage of home. 

"Wait, stop! I do not desire to fight any more--"

Just as with Vader, the last Dragonborn disappeared an instant. 

Apologies. We didn't catch that. There was a vague hint of sarcasm in there, though none were left to hear it.

-------------------------------------

"--of your chosen individuals, simply for your entertainment!" Alerys finished, her mouth still moving before her brain caught up and she realized she was no longer in that place. More than that, she recognized where she now was with but a single look. Even if she had not, the others would have brought her up to speed on her surroundings very quickly. A chorus of voices rang out immediately even before her nerves settled. 

"My Thane!"

"Harbinger!"

"Arch-mage!"

Before she could even turn to look their way, Lydia had enveloped Alerys in a comforting hug. "I'm glad you are back." She was so taken aback by the hug that anything Alerys tried to say was nothing more than confused stuttering. Lydia pressed her advantage, the relieved smile and warm hug vanishing in an instant and the lethal bodyguard and friend pulling Stormborn into a weird suplex of sorts, taking her down to the floor. "IDIOT! WHAT DID I SAY?? I TOLD YOU WHAT YOU WERE DOING WAS UNBELIEVEABLY, RECKLESSLY DANGEROUS!" 

"...Now that's more like it. There's the Lydia I know." Alerys let out in between groans of pain. The others could only smile and heartily laugh at the scene.

"Do I look to be in a joking mood?!" A fist raised, ready to punch her lord for being so infuriating and foolish. 

Alerys flinched, some of the color draining from her face. "Hold on, wait, don't!" She pleaded, to no avail. That blow and more struck, though they were more of the frustrated friend trying to smack some sense into you variety than somebody genuinely trying to inflict lasting harm. When at last Lydia ceased those(but not the heavy frown directed towards the Dovahkiin), Alerys took the opportunity to get up. 

One of her fellow mages from the College of Winterhold stepped closer then. "Excuse me, madam, but what was that you were talking about when you appeared here once more?"

"Oh, that." The dragonborn dusted herself off. "It's...a bit of a long story. You all may wish to get comfortable." 

-------------------------------------

Some time later, all of them were gathered around a table, generous helpings of deer and crops and the finest Nordish mead scattered across it. As Alerys Stormborn had predicted, the mages both looked intrigued at the idea of crossing across realms in that manner. Normally that was the work of Daedric Lords or the gods alone. Vilkas, for his part, just had more hearty laughs. "Sounded like they were worthy challenges! A shame that the Companions could not join you on this, Harbinger."

Lydia on the other hand, her expression betrayed the skepticism she was currently feeling. "What if I said I don't believe you?"

One hand shot up to her mouth as Alerys let out a mocking gasp. "Dear Lydia, are you saying I am a liar? The very idea...disgraceful!"

Her warrior bodyguard remained unfazed, arms still crossed over her chest. "I feel you could very well be, to have us not be as worried as we should be, or...to make up a grand tale to embellish your prowess and impress us." An eyebrow raised, the shadow of a knowing smirk flashing across Lydia's face. 

"Hey!" Alerys objected. "I don't do that."

"Yes you do." 

"No, I don't!"

"Yes, my liege, you do!" 

Alerys's silver eyes looked towards the others. "Guys, back me up here! I don't do that, right?" 

The two other mages exchanged glances. "...Do you think I should be honest?" One asked, the other quick to shake his head. "Lie lie lie lie lie lie." He encouraged. Vilkas was no better, swiftly contributing with: "Aye, you have said a tall tale once or twice before. Alerys crossed her arms with a frustrated huff, an almost childish pout on her face as she looked at all of them, before the figurative lightbulb in her head went off. The last Dragonborn shot out of her seat, hand suddenly pointed dramatically towards the ceiling.

"Wait, I can prove it!" 

There was a collective and noticeable pause around the table before Lydia spoke up again. "How's that?"

"Fuck."

"...Pardon?"

"Fuck! It's the word I learned from Shepard, you know, the first one?"

All the others traded looks again before they spoke in unison. "Now that certainly sounds made up. A made up word." 

"B-but it isn't!" Alerys replied with a frown, pleading with her eyes for them to believe her. "It is an obscene word!"

"You can't prove that." One of the mages pointed out.

"...Well, you can't disprove it." 

"That's not how--"

"Enough." Lydia chimed in. "Do you have any more proof? Preferably of the more tangible kind?" 

Alerys sighed. "Well, the voice did say another chosen challenger would show up here. At home. In Skyrim. But, of course, they weren't specific on the where and when." Lydia still seemed dubious at the vagueness of that proof, but that didn't escape Stormborn's notice. "I swear it's the truth! That's what they said, on my honor!"

After a few moments of silence, they all nodded. Despite their teasing and jesting, when push came to shove, the Dragonborn was a hero and one they all trusted. "We shall keep an eye out then." The group rose from the table as one, all heading out the door. Once outside, by the road, they separated. All involved started making their journeys back towards their own abodes. The two mages back to the College, Vilkas returning to Jorrvaskr, and Lydia and Alerys heading back to one of her homes in Rorikstead. 

-------------------------------------

It was a few days later, while Alerys and her bodyguard were having a grand old time relaxing after a long day of keeping their eyes and ears open. They were gathered in one of Whiterun's inns, and it was there that the news they had been waiting for seemed to arrive. A courier had ridden halfway across the province. Literally. The horse he had taken had fallen ill from sheer exhaustion, but he had reason for his hurried rush. The news he had to report, the information that Solitude, the capital of Skyrim, had fallen under siege...it instantly brought the festivities to a halt. More than a few people inside were sobered by the news. 

There were even rumors of one man, an extremely large dark armored individual, storming the Imperial fortress within the city by himself and slaying both General Tullius and Legate Rikke with ease, as well as most of the Legion forces garrisoned there.

That was troubling news, if it was to be believed, and Alerys felt like it was the challenger she had been told to expect. The next morning, she, Lydia, the Companions, the Imperial Legion forces stationed at Whiterun, and some of the town guard that Jarl Balgruuf could spare, they all started their trek up towards Solitude. At the same time, ravens flew to all the other holds and forts and towns within the province, carrying scrolls that explained the situation. They warned all to be prepared, vigilant...and to provide any aid they could manage, to meet up at the outskirts of the capital city. 

It was a soft, quiet, subdued whisper that hissed out from between Alerys Stormborn's lips. The young Dragonborn laid there, defeated, as the victorious Commander Shepard stood above her. Yet the experienced soldier did not look the least bit proud of that fact. If anything, her expression was just as distraught as Alerys's. From what they had been told, then that meant the mage would die, and her universe with it. Shepard had barely met the girl, had never seen the world from which she came, but even so, Shepard knew they didn't deserve that fate. But what could they do--

"CONGRATULATIONS! WE HAVE A WINNER!" The mysterious announcer's voice echoed through the arena, drowning out their thoughts and bitterly reminding them of the crowds around them. "Now, as for the prizes...the winner gets to return home at this time--"

"WHAT ABOUT THE LOSER, YOU BASTARDS?!?"

Shepard lifted her head up, eyes burning red hot and face twisted with rage. If looks could kill, her glare right now would have disintegrated them all. But even that righteous anger faltered at the announcer's reply.

"Why, she gets to get home too. Eventually."

"W-what?" Both Shepard and Stormborn questioned, though the former had more of a distrustful edge to it, while the latter had a quietly optimistic tone in hers.

"We were never going to destroy any universes. In fact, what we showed you earlier to motivate you into fighting? Utterly fake. We simply wanted the entertainment." 

"Then...what's to stop me from taking you apart and bringing down this whole arena for being an asshole?" Shepard growled, voice guttural and harsh.  

"Oh, you know. This."

And before she could do a thing about it, before she could even take one step forward, both Shepard's and Alerys's bodies began to glow. Their surroundings warped too, and the next thing they knew, they were both elsewhere. Shepard was back on the captain's cabin of her ship, she recognized it immediately. As well as the girlish yelp as Kasumi Goto jumped back in surprise at Shepard's spontaneous reappearance, the cloaked girl landing painfully on her rear and decloaking in the shock. "...Shep?"

"Kasumi...what are you doing in here?"

"Well...being me." She gave an unapologetic shrug and smirk, pushing herself off the ground. "But nevermind that Shep, where have you been?"

"That's...a bit of a story."

------------------------

Alerys, on the other hand, where she ended up was completely unfamiliar. A hallway, all light gray and polished and shining bright with white light. She had ended up on a spacecraft as well but she was unaware of that. Or what a spacecraft even was, truthfully. Yet before she could get her bearings, a familiar voice echoed. Not in her ears, as before, but now within her mind itself. 

We hope that was not too disorienting, the announcer started, but we very much couldn't have you wreck the place. That simply wouldn't do. However, you can still entertain us through remote viewing, yes yes indeed.

"IS THAT REALLY ALL YOU CARE ABOUT?" Alerys spat, exasperated. 

Correct!

The young Dovahkiin rolled her eyes and sighed. Despite her anger and annoyance at that man, as she glanced around she was more inclined to ask questions rather than rage at him. "Where did you send me, anyhow?" 

We believe they call it The Executor, if we're not mistaken.

"And that is?" She questioned as she began to stride down the hallway. Despite everything, her inquisitive nature began to poke through the negative moods. Though she would never admit it to these...assholes, as Shepard would have described them, Alerys Stormborn had a degree of appreciation for getting to live new experiences. 

A starship. 

".......Like a boat in space?" 

An apt description. You are a clever one.

"I do my best." She sounded humble but the proud grin she wore conflicted with that image somewhat. 

There was another reply in her head but she really didn't pay attention enough to catch it among all the other thoughts now running through her mind. How this thing worked, what it was made of, that sort of thing. The potential for such knowledge...she had to have it. "Oh what's that?!" She suddenly exclaimed, pointing and dashing up to a thing positively filled with bright lights and buttons. So excited was she, it was like she was a six year old kid at their favorite candy store. 

That is a console. The distant response came. "A console...magnificent." She breathed out in an awe-inspired manner. What exactly that meant, she didn't quite comprehend just yet, but that didn't matter. All that mattered was that she was committed to finding out! 

She didn't get the chance. 

"Hey! Who are you?!"

"Huh?" Her head snapped up, attention drawn from the console and messy blonde hair shaking as silver eyes turned to look down the way the sudden voice came from. 

"I said, who are you?"

"...Would you accept the answer of: you likely wouldn't believe me if I told you?" Alerys's eyes widened to a degree, as did her smile, doing her best to portray the epitome of innocence. From what she'd seen of Shepard, if she had to guess that weapon in his hands would be a dangerous weapon. She had no idea if that worked on the man, she couldn't see his expression behind that helmet.

That is, she initially didn't know if it worked. She got the confirmation when he aggressively approached her...and moreso when he was suddenly joined by several others in matching armor. "Okay stranger, you're coming with us."

"I don't suppose you mean to a friendly meeting."

"No, to the brig." 

"...Right." And then she said something none of them understood, but she was gone in the blink of an eye. The shout of a dragon got her out from their threatening surrounding of her and down a different hallway to her relief. "Thank you whirlwind sprint. If you had a tangible form I would kiss you." 

She trekked along this hallway, far more cautiously about it as she kept her eyes open for more consoles and more of those guys in white armor. She didn't get too far before a ringing alarm bounced off the walls of the starship and put all of the many, many people aboard on high alert. "Not good." She winced. 

That was confirmed when another group ran around a corner, caught sight of her and immediately opened fire. Blasts of red began to singe the wall behind her and she attacked right back, a mystical bolt of lightning erupting out of her palm and catching one of the guys in center mass, dropping him. To her surprise, the rest immediately turned tail after that display, dashing back the way they came. 

"Oh crap!" 

"She's a Sith Lord!"

"They don't pay us enough for this, man!" 

"GO GO GO!"

"Run!"

Alerys was left scratching her head in confusion as they retreated. What was that? What did they mean, what were those words...she thought aloud to herself, and then directed at the voice she was sure was listening: And where in oblivion did you send me???

Somewhere to provide the entertainment we seek. 

The mage groaned. I hate you.

You're about to hate us even more.

What does that mean?

The real entertainment is about to show up.

Just as the distant yells of the retreating stormtroopers faded out of hearing range, a new sound arrived to replace it. A heavy, oppressive sounding...breathing?

That didn't sound great. Quite the opposite in fact. She couldn't narrow down where the sound was coming from though. Not until another distinct sound joined it, and part of the grey hallway lit up with red. Alerys turned and spotted a man far more intimidating looking than the guys in white. This man was dressed head to toe in dark eerie black and in his hand was something she did not recognize but seemed like some kind of blade. And he was tall too! Like freakishly so!!! Even Farkas would likely be towered over by the man!!!

"...Hello?" She ventured. 

The man didn't say a word back. The only response was that the red blade in his hand suddenly shot out of his hand, spinning like a top as it flew over towards her. One didn't have to be as smart as Alerys Stormborn to get the gist of that. This guy was most definitely not going to be as friendly as Shepard had been.

"FUS RO DAH!" 

The shout of the dragonborn mage overwhelmed the telekinetic test of the Sith Lord, sending the lightsaber flying back in Vader's direction and likewise knocked the cyborg himself back, boots skidding along the polished floor, He stayed standing though, and like the stormtroopers before him, it was impossible to gauge his mood through facial expression. Even his body language betrayed nothing. After a few moments he raised a gloved fist, and Alerys felt a sudden pressure yanking her forward towards him, just as he raised his blade to impale her when she came in. 

She managed to get a spell off literally just in time and split-seconds before she would have been impaled, the mage teleported out of that grip. 

And popped back into existence up near the ceiling directly above the man. His helmet rose up to stare at her, as if he had never lost track of her. That was fine by her, that just meant he got an eyeful of another fus ro dah. This time the dragonshout flattened the man against the floor with the force of it, and gravity took Alerys down to land right on the man's back. She wasted no time before she took off sprinting away down the hall, briefly hazarding a glance backward--

"Eeeeeeeek!" She yelped, ducking her head down as the blade spun over her harmlessly mid-sprint. 

Here we are, ladies and gentleman! Another match begins! The announcer's voice grated like mental fingernails on a mental chalkboard inside her mind.

Why is it violence that entertains you so much? Why can't it just be the shared spirit of knowledge? Of the opportunity to learn??? That's just as exciting, I assure you! Alerys mentally screamed back as she hurriedly conjured up a couple dremora to delay Vader. Their booming voices echoed through the halls.

"I honor my lord by destroying you!"

"A challenger is near!"

Incorrect. This is far more enjoyable.

You have no way to comprehend how wrong that is. Or how much I hate you.

We know. AND WE DON'T CARE! She could practically hear the smug in those words. 

HERE WE HAVE IT, FOLKS! THE CHAMPION OF KNOWLEDGE AND MAGIC, ALERYS STORMBORN! AND HER OPPONENT, BROUGHT TO YOU BY REMOTE VIEWING AND OUR SPONSORSHIP, THE FEARSOME MASTER OF THE FORCE, DARTH VADER!

...WHAT THE FUCK IS THE FORCE?!?

She could get used to that word. Thank you, Shepard.

Ruinus: Winner of the Inaugural CBUB Tournament.
DSkillz: Winner of the CBUB March Challenge
ShadowFlesh: Winner of the CBUB April Challenge
LoneWolf: Winner of the CBUB May Challenge
Johnny Chany: Winner of the CBUB June Challenge
Marvel Man: Winner of the CBUB July Challenge
thetrekker: Winner of the CBUB August Challenge
Boratz: Winner of the CBUB October Challenge
Boratz: Winner of the CBUB December Challenge
ThePhenomenalOne: Winner of the CBUB January Challenge
Nova Force Nova: Winner of the CBUB February Challenge
Boratz: Winner of the CBUB March Challenge
deojusto: Winner of the CBUB April Challenge 

xLEGACYx: Winner of the CBUB May Challenge

STAFF EDIT: The next couple of entries being added were winners of the MagneticFox writing tournaments. Since most of the MagneticFox community migrated over from electricferret when the latter closed down, I thought it might be best to add them here as well.

terranova: Winner of the Inaugural MagneticFox Official Match Competition

ND10 (a.k.a., EF's ND7): Winner of the 2nd Official MagneticFox Official Match Competition

STAFF EDIT: And now for the winning tournament entries made since EF's latest return! Note: From here on out, every tourney participant has multiple entries.

Bergy_Berg: Winner of the June 2020 CBUB Tournament 

1st Entry 2nd Entry 3rd Entry

SSJRuss: Winner of the July 2020 CBUB Tournament 

1st Entry 2nd Entry 

SSJRuss: Winner of the August 2020 CBUB Tournament

1st Entry 2nd Entry 

corvette1710: Co-Winner of the September 2020 CBUB Tournament 

1st Entry 2nd Entry 

JohnnyChany: Co-Winner of the September 2020 CBUB Tournament 

1st Entry 2nd Entry  

JohnnyChany: Winner of the October 2020 CBUB Tournament

1st Entry 2nd Entry

C.T.: Co-Winner of the November 2020 CBUB Flash Fiction Tournament 

1st Entry 2nd Entry 

SSJRuss: Co-Winner of the November 2020 CBUB Flash Fiction Tournament 

1st Entry 2nd Entry

STAFF EDIT: As of February 2021, the Flash Fiction Tournaments have now returned to a single-entry format.

Versam: Winner of the February 2021 CBUB Flash Fiction Tournament 

JohnnyChany: Winner of the March 2021 CBUB Flash Fiction Tournament

leroypowell3: Winner of the August 2021 CBUB Flash Fiction Tournament