Tournament - Batman vs. Beetlejuice

[SSJRuss]

I can still feel the weight of the bottle in my hand, so I must not have dozed for long. I open one eye to see the light coming from a slit in the curtain. I get up, pull back the curtain, it’s already morning. The sun stretches across my Montana Ranch, dewy grass reflecting the light onto me and my living room.

I close the curtain, letting the natural dark return. I go back to my armchair and my drinking. Scotch is my only companion during this damn pandemic.

“I haven’t left home in months. It’s driving me crazy.” I’m the only one to hear my words. It echoes down the halls of my house.

Maybe it’s the scotch or the lack of sleep, but talking aloud seems to help calm my nerves.

“This house is too damn quiet.” I consider turning on the stereo. Maybe it will wake me up more. But I can feel my eyes droop, so I know I probably wouldn’t find a record to listen to anyway.

Honestly, this damn chair is too comfortable to get up. That was why I bought it. Great for sitting and thinking. Terrible purchase.

I give up the effort of standing. I take another drink and let my eyes settle.

Something on my left breaks the quiet. I push open my eyes and look to the shelf I left my phone on. I hadn’t touched it in days so it should be dead. The noise is gone as fast as it came, so I couldn’t even register what it was.

“Hearing things ya’ old fart.”

Even if it is the phone, it is likely more bad news about the world. Everything is going to hell while things seem to stand-still. Makes me regret coming here, thinking it was a good idea to isolate.

I look at the bottle next to me.

Guess I don’t do so well with isolation.

“I kicked this habit a long time ago, so why am I doing this to myself? You’re pathetic, Michael.”

A voice responds, “You can say that again!”

My back stiffens with a chill and my body responds as if I hadn’t spent the night drinking. My eyes dart around the room and notice the light coming through the curtain again. It’s just a sliver but… now there’s a pattern to it that reflects along the wall. Horizontal stripes stretching across the room.

“Who's there?” My voice echoes just like it did a minute ago. Now, I don’t feel so comfortable.

I may be old, but my hearing works just fi--

The voice cuts off my thought, “Only the ghost with the most, Mikey!”

I recognize that voice. It’s--

“Talking to yourself again, Mikey? And here I thought I was the crazy one!” The voice belongs to me. I see myself step from a shadow in the corner. I’m dressed as Betelgeuse from the Beetlejuice movie I did in the eightys.

The sight of him makes me slip from my chair, I drop the bottle on the way down. The liquor soaks my carpet as Betelgeuse walks closer.

“I don’t… How did you get in here?” I ask. The Betelgeuse me was as young as the day I played him all those years ago.

He doesn’t answer. Instead, he stops to stand there and stare at me. I realize I’m staring into my own eyes.

I can feel the panic settling in my stomach next to the booze. Somehow my hand finds my chair and I pull myself up to my knees. I’ve dealt with crazed fans before, but none of them have ever broken into my house. “You some kind of nut, huh? Some dressed up freak!?”

I need to find my gun.

“Oh geez.” Betelgeuse covers his mouth with his hand. “I forgot my mask, didn’t I? Dang. I had a really nice one too. It had all these teeth and worms--” I could tell by his expression he was mocking me. He starts pulling things out of his pockets to continue this sick joke. I tell him to leave but instead he pulls out sand and a few shrunken heads from his pockets.

“Crap, I uh, must have left it in my nice suit. No worries.” He gets closer to me and my body feels like it’s going into shock. I try to stand but he kneels in front of me and puts his hands on my shoulders.

I can’t explain how, but this guy was me.

“Like a mirror, right? Well, a more handsome, youthful mirror but hey, can’t win them all!” He laughs and I see the crooked teeth I wore during filming Beetlejuice.

“How did you get here? Why do--”

“Look like you? Because I am you! Geez, you Hollywood types really do forget about the people that got you where you are.” I hear the crackle of his spine as he stands and looks down on me. As if he is ashamed of me.

“No… You're not real.” I reach out slowly. I needed to be sure.

“Want to test that?” he says back to me. The stench of his breath wafts over me and the whiskey sitting in my stomach rears up my throat and onto the floor.

He doesn’t say anything but when I finish, I hear something from the other side of the room. It’s music. It’s faint, just in the background like it was far away. It’s an all too familiar instrumental from the Batman movie I did years ago. I raise my head to see, but my vision is still hazy. I squint at a vague outline of a man in the shadowy corner.

Betelgeuse looks to the same corner and shrieks, “Batman!?”

Betelgeuse is right. It is Batman. But not just Batman, he is me. My suit. My height. My dark expression behind a mask. He steps into the striped light, practically gliding as he reaches the scotch drenched spot on the carpet.

I stare, but I find no words to say. Betelgeuse doesn’t have that problem.

“God damn! I can’t believe this.” Betelgeuse approaches Batman with excitement and shakes his hand. “I tell you sir, sir, it’s been a pleasure to meet you in this existential crisis. Really it’s an honor. Big fan here. Tell me, have you ever worked with Ozzy?”

My Batman shoves him backward. “Social distancing, clown. Or should I call you by your real name?”

Betelgeuse’s seriousness came back to him. He points his finger at Batman, “Go ahead, make my millennium! You can’t hurt me, Brucey!”

Instead of answering him, Batman turns to me. “You’re sick. You need help. I can give you that.”

“NO!” Betelgeuse gets between me and Batman. “He’s fine here. Have you seen this guy? Most stable guy I know!”

“Don’t test me.” Batman’s voice shutters through my body. Damn, I could give a performance.

“I’m just doing my job, okay! I don’t make the rules here, he does.” Betelgeuse points his thumb back at me without taking his eyes off Batman.

With my stomach now empty, I manage to stand and get in my chair. I still don’t understand why this is happening. “I’ve gone crazy. You’re both me.”

They ignore me.

“I can tell, that you can tell, that I know what he really wants. He needs total immersion theory and lucky for him, I’m what you’d call a professional. Hold on, let me show you my card.” Betelgeuse starts going through his pockets again.

Batman takes one stride and grabs him by his collar, lifting him off the ground with inhuman strength. “Tell me something. Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?”

Betelgeuse tilts his head, then whispers, “Between you and me, we did a lot more than dance if you know what I mean--”

Batman throws him against the wall, but Betelgeuse shakes it off immediately. “You wanna get nuts?” He grabs a vase from the table and smashes it, “C’mon then, let’s get nuts!”

 

Battle for Michael Keaton’s mind-

Batman (1989) vs. Betelgeuse (Beetlejuice, 1988)

[Callisto]

Learn More About
Batman
Read more about Batman at Wikipedia
Official Site: DC Comics Links: Wikipedia Batman Entry The Dark Knight Golden Age Batman Site

Beetlejuice
Read more about Beetlejuice at Wikipedia
Official Site: Warner Bros Links: Beetlejuice Wikipedia page Beetlejuice imdb page Beetlejuice Rotten Tomatoes

[The Boob Tube]

I think they made a crossover comic book about this once. Don't quote me on that, but I'm pretty certain I've seen something like this before

[Hugo Fowl]

I wasn't sure what to expect. But very entertaining.

As to who wins, what limits are they working under? Does Batman know about the Ghost with the Most? Is the Dark Knight weak to toon force?

And when does Ken show up?

 

[SSJRuss]

34 minutes ago, Hugo Fowl said:

I wasn't sure what to expect. But very entertaining.

As to who wins, what limits are they working under? Does Batman know about the Ghost with the Most? Is the Dark Knight weak to toon force?

And when does Ken show up?

 

Glad you like it.

Ken who?

And as for the fight, I think Batman knows about Beetlejuice. They are both figments of Michael's mind after all. They have form so they can fight but I don't think they can kill each other. They just want to take dominance over Michael so they need to weaken the other.

[Hugo Fowl]

Just now, SSJRuss said:

Glad you like it.

Ken who?

And as for the fight, I think Batman knows about Beetlejuice. They are both figments of Michael's mind after all. They have form so they can fight but I don't think they can kill each other. They just want to take dominance over Michael so they need to weaken the other.

Michael Keaton played Ken from the Barbie line of toys in one of the Toy Story movies.

 

[SSJRuss]

1 hour ago, Hugo Fowl said:

Michael Keaton played Ken from the Barbie line of toys in one of the Toy Story movies.

 

Oh wow. Missed opportunity!

[Fox]

These tournaments have brought out some of the most original and unique set-ups from people that I think I've ever seen.  Just some really well visualized concepts for a match over the last few months. And also interesting and creative criteria for the match.

Even the more traditional match-ups are usually very well written.  It's pretty cool.

Some of you might should consider self-publishing a novel through Amazon or something.

Anyways, another fun read this Tournament.  Thanks!

[DSkillz]

Wow, self-quarantining has really hit Michael Keaton hard, huh?  

Great match, Russ! Five stars from me. I think Batman wins this one and convinces Michael to get up off his butt. Keaton is still getting pretty steady acting work, and I think Bats is going to remind him that he's set to reprise his Batman role next year on The Flash.

[SSJRuss]

6 minutes ago, DSkillz said:

Wow, self-quarantining has really hit Michael Keaton hard, huh?

Great match, Russ! Five stars from me. I think Batman wins this one and convinces Michael to get up off his butt. Keaton is still getting pretty steady acting work, and I think Bats is going to remind him that he's set to reprise his Batman role next year om The Flash.

Thanks man!

I was thinking the same result. Batman would remind Michael of who he is and that he can overcome this. Maybe there could be a fake out where Beetlejuice wins and Michael Keaton becomes Batman, magical girl style?

[Callisto]

Match Final Results

Member Ratings:
CBUB Member : Join date after Dec. 31 2019. Not counted.
CBUB Member : 4 Stars
CBUB Match Judge : 5 Stars x 2
CBUB Match Judge : 5 Stars x 2
CBUB Match Judge : 5 Stars x 2

FPA Calculation:
6 + 1 + 0 + 0 + 0 = 7 Total Votes
( (6 * 5) + (1 * 4) + (0 * 3) + (0 * 2) + (0 * 1) ) = 34 Total Stars Score
34 / 7 = 4.86 Total Rating

MATCH SCORE
Batman: 6
Beetlejuice: 5