Match 13796 Rocky Balboa vs. Jason Voorhees

[Guest DeoJusto]

Rocky Balboa vs Jason Voorhees:

 

 

Harley:  Welllllllll helllllo boxing fans, and welcome to Camp Crystal Lake where we're here to bring you one heck of a slobber-knocker. With me as always is my second-best gal-pal, Callisto, who will take over as soon as she's done plucking the hairs from her upper-lip. Cal?

 

Callisto: Hey Harley, still see you're using a paint roller to put on lipstick, so you'll have to forgive me if it takes me more time to get ready. Anyway, we do have one amazing match up tonight in this makeshift arena constructed from the remains of the once beautiful Camp Crystal lake. Our champion is the one, the only, Rocky Balboa. His story is one of perseverance, heart, and eventually, victory. Tonight's challenger also has tons of heart,

                       

Harley: Probably because he collects them from his victims.

 

Callisto: That's right, it's Camp Crystal Lake's very own champion, Jason Voorhees. Boxing fans may remember Jason's foray into boxing earlier this month when he went six rounds with Apollo Creed. The match ended tragically when during the round six intermission, Jason produced a machete and chopped off Apollo's head.

 

Harley: I'm guessing that was not legal.

 

Callisto: That's correct Harley, the controversial move violated both the stated rules of the World Boxing Association, as well as section 19 of the US penal code. While guarantees have been made that Voorhees will not be allowed to use the machete in future bouts, some question whether it was a good idea to allow him into the sport at all. Balboa made some incendiary statements during the weigh in, where he stated that he disapproved of pre-meditated murder, and claimed that he was taking on Voorhees to avenge his fallen comrade. Let's listen,

 

Rocky: I'dda know, is like, it ain't about how many hits you gonna take, it's about the heart of the champion and eye of the tiger, cause at the end of the day you look at the guy who's still standing, and then you know, that that's the guy, who's not the guy on the floor. Cause that's what it all comes down to.

 

Callisto: Stunning words. Stunning, incomprehensibly slurred words, from an incomprehensible talent in the sport. We've also asked the challenger to respond to this statement, and by comparison his answer appeared to be clever, coherent, and concise.

 

Harley: But Cal, he didn't say anything.

 

Callisto: Yes Harley, thanks for explaining the joke. With that we go now to our guest commentator, recently revived by the waters of Camp Crystal Lake and then re-capitated by the surgical talents of our very own Dr. Harley Quinzel; please welcome Apollo Creed.

 

Apollo: (unclear murmuring)  

 

Callisto: I'm sorry Apollo, could you please speak into the microphone we gave you.

 

Apollo: (Loud muffling)... Oh sorry about that Miss Callisto, your friend sowed my head on backwards.

 

Callisto: That's perfectly all right. Now Apollo, you've faced the challenger in the ring, and not only lost, but were mutilated and murdered in the process. What are your feelings coming away from that fight? Any regrets?

 

Apollo: Well Callisto, I'll say this; I'm now a walking abomination, an affront to nature and God, neither alive nor dead, and unfit to exist in either this world or the next. My every waking moment is filled with misery as I now know what it is to be a walking husk of what once was a man. I am one of the damned, cursed to perpetuate myself in a state of half-life for all eternity, only serving to warn the rest of mankind of the cruel machinations of fate and destiny.

 

Callisto: Hmmmm, you're a real downer. I'm kind of wish we hadn't brought you back.

 

Apollo: So am I.

 

Callisto: Ok, well tell me this. As the only man who has fought both the Champion and the Challenger, what would you say their chances are?

 

Apollo: Well Balboa's got the skill, you have to admit that, because of the two of them he's the only one with any actual training as a boxer. He's also faster, and for once in his life may actually have an intellectual advantage. Voorhees on the other hand trades his lack of grace, skill, and intelligence for being a giant monster.

 

Callisto: So you expect him to use more of a rope-a-dope strategy.

 

Apollo: I do. Assuming the referee manages to remove Jason's machete, the big man's best strategy may be to allow Rocky to pound him continuously until he loses energy and then to strike when the moment is right, and rip Rock's head clean off.

 

Callisto: Ok, well we'll be checking in with you throughout the night, but it looks like both men have entered the ring and the fight is about to begin. If you're just joining us, here are some quick facts: I'm Callisto and I'm just great. Also, Rocky Balboa will be sporting the white and red trunks, Voorhees the green and brown overcoat, and the match will go to either a knock-out, murder, or the end of ten rounds. Any use of foreign weapons is of course forbidden and will result in a disqualification, and flamingos can only eat when their heads are upside down. Those were my quick facts, now back to Harley who's in the ring.

 

(We turn to Harley who is now in a skimpy referee costume and standing in the center of the ring. Jason stands to one side of her, Rocky to the other.)

 

Harley: OK you mooks I want a clean fight, ya hear? No kicking, no biting, no disemboweling, and HEY!

 

(Harley quickly nabs a bloodied ax that was poking out from Jason's waistband)

 

Harley: What did I say about sneaking in weapons?

 

Jason: ...

 

Harley: That's right, I said DON'T. I'm watching you big guy!

 

Jason: ...

 

Harley: Ok then, without further ado let's play ball!

 

(The bell rings twice, Harley steps away and the match begins.)          

[Callisto]

Learn More About

Rocky Balboa

Read more about Rocky Balboa at Wikipedia

Official Site: MGM Pictures Links: Rocky Balboa Wikipedia page Rocky (the movie) Wikipedia Rocky imdb page

 

Jason Voorhees

Read more about Jason Voorhees at Wikipedia

Official Site: Newline Cinema Links: Wiki - Jason Voorhees Camp Blood Friday the 13th - The Website

 

 

[RakaiThwei]

...Poor, poor Rocky.

 

-Rakai'Thwei

[Guest deojusto]

Bruce Lee could do it. Why not Rock? All he has to do is jump around while jason punches wildly. At the end of ten rounds hes the only one to score any real hits, and he gets declared the winner.

[Bergy_Berg]

Considering it a boxing match, and with Rocky in good shape, he could avoid Jason long enough to get a decision win. If it were to the death...well, that outcome seems rather obvious.

[Guest bigballerju]

Good setup and smart idea for a match. Rocky won't be able to knock out Jason with Jason's durability. I see Jason hitting Rocky so hard he either breaks Rocky's neck or punches him right through the chest.

[Xenerack5]

If Rocky can take a beating from Ivan Drago which by all acounts should kill pretty much anyone than he can take blows from Jason. The question is can he give as good as he gets. He has a speed advantage on Jason provided this stays in the ring but Jason's near unlimited capacity for regeneration means he can take anything Rocky can dish out. Rocky can win this if it goes to ten rounds. If the rules get thrown out than his chances are worse but he is a street fighter as well and will most likely be familiar with using blunt or sharp objects as make shift weopons. People less tough than Rocky have beaten Jason so I will vote for the Italien Stalien here.  

[Guest bigballerju]

No regular human has beat Jason in a pure physical fight. Drago doesn't have durability or strength like Jason above human levels. 

[JohnnyChany]

This fight makes me think of perhaps my favorite scene in Friday the 13th history.

(Warning for adult language!)

 

And I would expect the same result. 

[Bergy_Berg]

This fight makes me think of perhaps my favorite scene in Friday the 13th history.

(Warning for adult language!)

 

And I would expect the same result. 

The difference is Rocky wouldn't give up after one minute of hitting. Though, if Rocky got too invested in a punch he could pretty easily get caught with the one punch needed to end this fight.

[Guest deojusto]

This fight makes me think of perhaps my favorite scene in Friday the 13th history.

(Warning for adult language!)

 

And I would expect the same result. 

 

Rocky would hit harder, and wouldn't get tired as quickly or challenge the other guy to take their best shot.

[Bergy_Berg]

The big problem for Rocky is that he may not be fast enough to avoid Jason the whole match. If he gets walked towards a corner he could pretty much be screwed, especially since Jason isn't known for throwing a straight punch. Even blocking a shot from him is gonna break bones, and when one of your bones is sticking through the skin the ref is likely to call the match.

[Guest bigballerju]

The main point of that clip is no matter how hard of a punch Rocky throws. All it takes is one punch for Jason to knock his head off.

[Guest deojusto]

Then he won't get hit. 

[AVP vs The Terminator]

He'll tire, just like that guy. Jason won't.

[Bergy_Berg]

Then he won't get hit. 

It's not as easy as it sounds. Jason may be slow, but I don't know if he's so slow that Rocky can stay away from him in a boxing ring.

[Guest deojusto]

Rocky is Rocky for Pete's sake. The guy in the video got tired after a minute and a half of punching; Rocky can go ten rounds without getting winded, especially if Jason won't be making any moves until he expects Rock to stand still and let him punch him.  

[Guest bigballerju]

Rocky didn't go 10 rounds with anybody on Jason's level of durability and strength. That's the big difference. The entire army shot Jason the hell up and he still couldn't be put down for good in Jason goes to Hell. They had to blow him up. Rocky won't make it to 10 rounds more like 5 or 6. Keep in mind he also took punished from Freddy who has strength above human level in the real world. Jason has a lot of durability feats to prove Rocky won't go 10 rounds or make it there.

[Bergy_Berg]

Rocky is Rocky for Pete's sake. The guy in the video got tired after a minute and a half of punching; Rocky can go ten rounds without getting winded, especially if Jason won't be making any moves until he expects Rock to stand still and let him punch him.  

If that happens. In Freddy vs. Jason, Voorhees was actively swinging. And even though Rocky probably will have plenty left in the tank after 10 rounds if he doesn't get hit, getting hit takes him out. Rocky is a tough son of a *expleteive*, but Jason literally punched the head off a guy.

 

 

Rocky didn't go 10 rounds with anybody on Jason's level of durability and strength. That's the big difference. The entire army shot Jason the hell up and he still couldn't be put down for good in Jason goes to Hell. They had to blow him up. Rocky won't make it to 10 rounds more like 5 or 6. Keep in mind he also took punished from Freddy who has strength above human level in the real world. Jason has a lot of durability feats to prove Rocky won't go 10 rounds or make it there.

At this point I don't think anyone expects Rocky to kill Jason. But boxing is partially scored on hits landed, and Rocky is much more likely to hit Jason than Jason is to hit Rocky.

[Guest Hastur]

Jason's not as slow as he looks.  When he wants to, he can move fast.  Worse, all it'll take is one clear shot to the ribs or head, and Rocky's looking at serious internal injuries.  One clinch and his spine's gravel.  There's no way Rocky can avoid taking a blow for that long.

 he also took punished from Freddy who has strength above human level in the real world.

Really?  Huh.

But boxing is partially scored on hits landed, and Rocky is much more likely to hit Jason than Jason is to hit Rocky.

That's only a factor if he survives.  Otherwise, yeah, clear and away Rocky'd take it.

[Dark Spider-man]

Jason > Rocky from the statements stated.

[DSkillz]

Heh, just the thought of this matchup is hilarious to me! Very good commentator-styled set-up, Deo, and good Challenge entry. 

 

This boxing match is really Jason's to win or lose, and it could go either way. Jason could almost easily put Rocky down for the count with, at most, a few punches. At the same time, though, Jason could just as easily (and very likely might) get excessive and lose by disqualification for severely injuring or killing Balboa. 

[Bergy_Berg]

Rocky dying and still winning the fight... Odd, but possible.

[Callisto]

Match Final Results

USER RATINGS

JohnnyChany gives it a grade of: A

bigballerju gives it a grade of: B

DSkillz gives it a grade of: A Very good and funny commentator-styled set-up.

SCORE

Rocky Balboa: 7

Jason Voorhees: 14

FPA: 3.7

 

[Guest deojusto]

Rock! Nooooooooooooooo!