Confession FPT

An Alan Rickmas, if you will. Really enjoyable read, 5 stars.

(Previous Match, Heihachi over Heat Miser.) Confession FPT – “Holy smokes! What an ending! Mother Nature’s baby boy has been put out by the King of Iron Fist!" Android 18 – “I liked the part where the bald guy kept punching the short guy in the face.” CFPT – “Wipe that sadistic grin off your face, 18, review this match with me. The Heat Miser threw everything he had at the self-proclaimed King of Iron Fist, but it was not enough to keep the martial arts master down!” 18 – “I guess it was cool how the little angry guy threw a fireball at the old guy and he deflected with his hands or whatever…” CFPT – “I know! That was insane! Unfortunately, Mr. Mishima did not stop there, continuing to brutalize his opponent after the bout had ended, he is being restrained by security as we speak.” 18 – “You have Oompa Loompas working as bouncers? How are they even strong enough to hold Heihachi back?” CFPT – “You can fix any problem if you throw enough Oompa Loompas at it. Before Mr. Mishima is escorted from the field, let’s go to our reporter on the sidelines, Jay the Unloved Cactus, Jay?” Jay – “That’s Jay the GLOBAL Cactus, I did go Global in the FPL. Always remember that.” 18 – “No one knows what that means anymore…” CFPT – “Jay, hop over there and get a word with Mr. Mishima.” Jay – “I’d love to jefe but from what I understand, according to my camera woman Jess, who is fluent in Japanese, she's saying that he’s swearing profusely. You know I don’t like being around that kind of language.” CFPT – “Uhg. OK, enough of that guy. Let’s preview the next match. Android 18?” 18 – “…” CFPT – “18?” 18 – “I have no idea. You sat me down in this chair and told me to talk.” CFPT – “Jesus Christ this is turning into a dumpster fire. Ok, the next fighter registered in the First Annual CFPT Invitational Tournament is the King of the Kremlings! An antagonist to Kongs everywhere! And one woefully uncoordinated dancer! King K. Rool! You can see the mad ruler entering the arena now, sporting those horrendous moves I was talking about.” 18 – “He’s blowing kisses to the woman in the audience.” CFPT – “Haha, you’re right! Bet you wish he’s throw one your way, 18?” 18 – “If he points his lips at me, I will disintegrate him on sight.” CFPT – “He does look quite cocky, but he may be mistaking a mountain for a molehill, because the guy he’s fighting is no joke. Hailing from Lubbock, Texas, he’s the not-lean, eating machine. Representing the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, Fred Dukes! Also known as The Blob!” 18 – “These are some big boys.” CFPT – “Excellent observation, 18, these are some heavyweights facing off in this one. Rool has been known to bite, smash, and trick his way to victory, with an insurmountable amount of strength and a legion of loyal followers.” 18 – “Doesn’t that referee seem suspicious to you? He looks like a…whatever you said the alligator guy was.” CFPT – “I’m sure it's fine.” 18 – “The ref just gave the king some brass knuckles.” CFPT – “I didn’t see anything like that.” 18 – “Actually there seems to be a lot of them in the audience.” CFPT – “They are probably just here to cheer their fearless leader to victory!” 18 – “This hardly seems fair.” CFPT – “Oh you’re being silly 18, I’m sure there is absolutely no way that these fine Kremlings in attendance will interfere in this match. {They Do}. I’ve known many a Kremling in my life, and if there is one thing I know about them, they are an upstanding and respectful people.” 18 – “You had to contractually agree not to bash the king or his subjects to get him to participate…didn’t you?” CFPT – “Fred Dukes is called the Blob because he’s a very large man! But this ain’t your average case of My 600 Pound Life, Mr. Dukes also has the mutant ability to control his momentum! Meaning it takes a lot to stop him when he decides to move–“ 18 – “When he decides to move…” CFPT – “And almost impossible to make him budge while at rest!” 18 – “That one I believe.” CFPT – “Quit being so cynical. This is gonna be a good one!”

I saw the match up and cackled.

My Cousin Vinny. Such a quotable movie.

Oomph. I don't like either of these guys.

A classic rivalry continues. Gonna have to go with R. V. D.

I'm gonna go ahead and vote for Spider-Man's best friend, Morrigan.

You can also vote based upon worst hairstyle if you want.

CFPT - "Hey look! It's a throwback! Remember when I used to format matches like this all the time? This has a real old CBUB feel, right?" Android 18 - "I don't think anyone knows, or cares, how you used to write fan fiction in 2006." CFPT - "I throughly miss this format and that why we're both up in this commentary booth to announce THE FIRST EVER CFPT INVITATIONAL TOURNAMENT! Right here in scenic Downtown Khazan, at the Serg Memorial arena!" Android 18 - "Do I really need to be here for this?" CFPT - "Haven't you ever watched Pro wrestling? They need a play by play guy, me, and someone to add in nuggets of wisdom from their experience. That's you." Android 18 - "Can't I just be IN the tournament if you insist on having it?" CFPT - "No, no, dear, you can't cause you'd win the whole thing. I want this to be exciting!" Android 18 - *rolls eyes* CFPT - "This tournament is meant to encapsulate my entire career, of the matches I've formed on this website, digging deep into my match history and put some of the biggest and brightest characters against each other! I'll be digging deep into the past, and looking to the future and throw all these characters against each other! And I'm going to have fun doing it!" Android 18 - "Whatever..." CFPT - "This contest is gonna be 16 people deep, in a single elimination format. On one side of the bracket, characters from my more recent history, competing for the chance to fight my legacy characters from the days of Electric Ferret past. The winner of the old EF division will face the winner of the Magnetic Fox division. Does that make sense?" Android 18 - "So...it's almost like two tournaments and the winner of each fights the other?" CFPT - "I mean...I guess...let's throw it down to our man on the sidelines to introduce the first bout, the incomparable, the lovable, Jay the Feelgood Cactus! Howdy Jay" Jay - "Hola mi amigos y mi amigas! I am overjoyed to be utilized again! After years of not being written about, I have returned to help Senor Confession with the tournament! And for this first fight, ¡no me digas! It's gonna be muy caliente. The first match of Division A will be the Undisputed King of Iron Fist, Heihachi Mishima. Man, he looks real upset, maybe someone should go offer him a hug?" CFPT - "I wouldn't suggest it, buddy." Jay - "You're the boss! Facing him today, is the combustible tyrant of the south, the very temperamental Heat Miser! He also looks like someone pee-ed in his oatmeal, I can't tell which one of these guys is the bigger sourpuss!" Android 18 - "Probably the fire guy. Cause he's fat." CFPT - "Whoo-wee! Better be careful how loud you say that, you don't want to to meet the Heat Miser when he's steamed." Android 18 - "I would actually, love, to see him try and do something about it." CFPT - "Hehe...Jay, how do you feel about this match up?" Jay - "Well, initially you may think the advantage goes to the Heat Miser, due to his immortality and his mastery over flame. But even though Heihachi is jus a man, he's not jus any man. He's spent the majority of his life battling against supernatural creatures before, and always held his own. So you can't count the old man out yet." CFPT - "All right, it looks like the contestants are being lead into the arena now. We'd like to thank our Sponsors for today's event, Lexcorp and DinoCo for keeping the lights on, lets go down to the arena!" *Heihachi and Heat Miser enter from opposite sides of the arena, the crowd of thousands of assorted fictional characters cheer for each combatant* Heat Miser - "So, you're the opponent I'm set to face in this ridiculous tournament? You look even older than that blasted Santa Clause." Heihachi (in Japanese) - "I won't die that easily, fool." *Heat Miser summons balls of Fire in his clutches* Heat Miser - "You don't threaten me!" *Heihachi takes his stance as bolts of lightning run up his legs into his fists* Heihachi - "I've survived worse than you."

Andre could sit on Chris for an hour and there isn't much Jericho could do to stop him. Fun fact: Chris Jericho blocked me on Twitter after I called him a "pervy old grandpa".

I have a child named after Elle Woods soo...you see where this is going. I'm not exaggerating either. I have a three year old named Elle.

I don't have any sources to cite. But, I've never wanted a CBUB character to win so bad. I want Oogie to embarrass Yugi. Just like his appearance in Kingdom Hearts I want Oogie to spam his "Come on, baby!" taunt and send that anime protag into the Shadow Realm.

In my estimation, it's better than it looked in advertising. It's not perfect, but not bad. On Disney+ if you have that, obviously.

Elemental is a good movie that I like, I wouldn't say it's a Homerun great movie. But there is a lot that I like. The culture of the Fire side of town is one of my favorite parts.

Ling is broken in Tekken 8. I can't vote against her.