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Tournament - Zombies (Return of the Living Dead) vs. Kevin McCallister


ND7

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(#2 of my tournament entries! This has been brewing in my head for a while! I love the lore behind the Trioxin Zombies/Return of the Living Dead in general. With the holiday season on the horizon, I thought it’d be fun to try and splice some horror with a little bit of holiday cheer. Though after this story, I doubt Kevin or anybody living in Chicago would find anything to cheer about! I do apologize for the length of this one! Less is always more but I feel that ideas need as much space as I feel they need to be properly executed. Nevertheless, enjoy!~)

Lou was a simple driver. His contract required getting the objects in the back of his truck from Point A to Point B. Of course most delivery men weren’t driving armored trucks full of strange looking metal drums in the back. Pulling his baseball cap down a bit, Lou sighed as his windshield wipers flicked the descending snow away. “For crying out loud, out of all the nights that he needed this stuff it had to be today. Lousy Chicago weather.” He grumbled as he moved to flick on the radio. Maybe some music would calm his nerves. From what he’d been told he needed to be extra careful with the materials in the back. If anyone found out about me or if they were damaged in anyway…

“Bad news for everyone.” Lou murmured to no one. Keeping his eyes focused on the road, the music coming out of his truck’s radio had the opposite effect of what he’d intended. ‘White Christmas’ by the Drifters. The song itself wasn’t bad or anything, infact he’d have loved to hear it playing on his record player at home while he guzzled down some of his client’s finest vodka.  But at the moment it was just another reminder that he’d chosen his work over enjoying the holiday season again. Reaching back and tapping on the metal grille that acted as a barrier between the back and front of the truck, Lou called out. “Hey! Anyone ‘awake’ back there?”

There was no response. Not that he’d expected one. Hell, he probably would have pissed his pants if he’d gotten one. “Yeah, I figured as much. Ah well, don’t worry Lou. Once you get to the spot, Vlad said he’d keep his end of the deal. I’ll be taken care of…” Any potential connotations coming from his client’s assurance didn’t even register with Lou. The two folks standing in the middle of the road certainly did though. Leave it to being in Chicago to bring out the weirdos. But at least most of em knew to stay out of the road! “CRAAAAAaaaaap-" Lou screamed as he quickly moved to swerve. The two men were too busy seemingly arguing among themselves to notice the impending truck. 

“Look, I said I was sorry alright? Can we just drop it, Harry?”

“No, we’re not gonna ‘just drop it’, you mook! I’m telling you that guy in the cab recognized us! You wanna know HOW I know he recognized us, Marv?”

“Tell me, Harry! I’m just DYIN TO KNOW!!” 
“It’s because YOU! KEEP! FLOODIN THE HOUSES WE GO AFTER!!” 

“Aw, c’mon Harry! It’s our tradition! It’s...It’s our mark!” Slipping an arm over the shoulder of his shorter partner, Marv grinned. “The Wet Bandits were here!” Before Harry could get a word in edgewise, both men shrieked as the finally caught wind of Lou closing in. They’d have dived in the snow but it would have been too late. Lou jerked the wheel and the truck flew from the road, trampling through the snow before finally coming to a stop against a tree. Having watched all that go down with utter terror, it wasn’t until Lou had crashed that the two men realized they were holding eachother in the other’s arms. 

“Get off me, you idiot! You know what this is, Marv?” Harry asked as he stepped across the road while looking over the truck. Marv followed suit with a quizzical look upon his face suggesting that he was actually giving the question some thought. “...It’s a truck.” If Harry could have rolled his eyes any harder, he was half sure they’d fall right out of his skull. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s a truck Marv. But you know what kinda truck?” Tapping on the side of the vehicle, Harry couldn’t hide his giggles of delight. “It’s an armored one, buddy boy! This guy was probably going to drop off something important! Which means you and me? We hit the jackpot!” 

Marv held up his hands to the sky. “It’s a Christmas miracle!” 

“UGGGGHHH! RAAAAAGHH!” Giving the door a kick for good measure, Marv stomped on the snow. “It’s no good, Harry! We’d need sticks of dynamite to get in here!” Harry wasn’t impressed by his partner’s statement, believing it to be mere hyperbole. “These trucks are made to transport money, goods, and who knows what else? Of course, it’s not gonna be easy!” Picking up a nearby healthy-sized rock, Harry reared back his arm and swung it at the door. The door didn’t give way. “Just...a little...elbow grease!” Another swing and the door wasn’t any closer to opening. “...I DON’T THINK IT’S OPENIN, HARRY!” Marv exclaimed having moved to standing right beside his partner.

“CRIPES! Don’t DO that! You scared me half to death!” Harry grumbled, a frothy stream of angry gibberish escaping past his lips. As the two continued to try and get in the truck and Lou was passed out in the seat, something was happening. One of the tanks had been knocked over by the crash and a foul looking yellow gas ebbed out from a crack in the canister. Hidden away by the lid of the toppled over canister was a thin layer of glass showing a rather disgusting cadaver. The flesh was black with the consistency of tar and it barely seemed to be sticking to the bones at this point in the decomposition process. It’s eyes shut and it’s yellow teeth on full display as it’s face was frozen in a frightened grimace. 

….Then the eyes opened. 

The creature inside the tank couldn’t tell you how long it’d been in there. Or who had done the deed and shoved it in the tank to begin with. But it could remember some things. It was still blurry though almost as if the memories were broken up into bits and pieces. The year was 1968 and it remembered being dressed in a fine suit while laying atop a medical table. It also remembered the burning feeling of the formaldehyde coursing through it’s veins. But what bothered it most was the agonizing pain that’d haunted it then and resumed just as it opened it’s eyes for the first time in decades. Slamming it’s palms against the viewing glass on it’s canister, it’s mouth opened and a low guttural groan gurgled it’s way out of the corpse’s throat. “Ugh….” It needed to get out of here! It had to do something to stop the pain! The pain of being dead! After a few repeated strikes, the glass started to crack and-

*THUD! THUD! THUD!*

Something was slamming against the doors. From how loud the thuds were, Marv could only compare the urgency to an animal trying to escape from a cage. “Harry….” “...Yeah, Marv?” “...I...I don’t think that’s money this guy’s got in here.” Harry’s face scrunched up in quiet indignation but what he said next was anything but. “Hey! Jerkoff! You hustlin someone back here?? What? You….You one of those creeps you see on the late show who pick up and kidnap people?? Huh???” Harry yelled aloud but Lou was still too busy being knocked out.

Harry scoffed.  “I think we’re about to be heroes.” 

“...Us?? Heroes?? You really think so, Harry?”

“Think so, I practically know so. Once we leave a tip that a certain pair of notorious outlaws caught some creep with hostages in his truck? Well, I’m sure there’s a reward in our future. Okay. On the count of three, Marv, we bust open this door. One….two…” Both men were knocked over as the doors were bashed open from the inside.  What the two men saw after that? Should have only existed in the most dreadful of nightmares. But as the cold winds rattled it’s bones, the creature stood up to its full height. It’s mouth open and the look in it’s clouded eyes absolutely ravenous. It outstretched it’s hands and reached for Harry. “BRAINS!” It screeched and Harry and Marv didn’t know what was going on and they didn’t want to know. 

“AAAAAAAHHHHH!” 

The two burglars raced off back towards the neighborhood they’d been prowling before Harry had pissed off their cab driver. The same neighborhood that belonged to one Kevin McCalister! As for Lou, well, things weren’t looking so great. While the two men ran away from the horrible sight, Lou was coming to from where he’d briefly passed out in the driver’s seat. Judging by the horrible pain coursing through his head and the fact that a tree was right up in his face, it was clear shit had gone south real quick. “...Shit.” This was absolutely the worst case scenario. He’d have to get the truck out himself. Calling a tow service might have aroused more questions about why Lou had this truck. Ones that would have been of keen interest to certain people in the U.S. government. The same people who’d make sure Lou was never heard from again. Turning his head and catching those two idiots that’d caused him to crash running away in his mirror, Lou cursed under his breath. 

...Well, normally that’d be a relief but why were they running? Was it because they’d caused an accident? “Assholes…”. Looking hesitantly over at the car phone he’d installed in his truck just for emergencies, he shook his head. Vlad wouldn’t be happy to hear that his precious cargo might have been jostled/delayed. He would have to just handle this himself and explain to Vlad what’d happened. Vlad would take care of him just like he’d said. Unbuckling his seatbelt, Lou winced as he reached over to unlock the glove compartment. Pulling out a plain beige looking manual and a Makarov pistol, he looked down at his legs. He’d twisted his left ankle. 

Things just kept getting worse. “Okay, okay. Don’t panic, Lou. Remember your karma, you can do this. You got so much riding on this.” He tucked the manual away in the back pocket of his jeans and clambered out the driver’s side door. Staggering over to the back of his truck, Lou froze dead in his tracks. He’d turned an unhealthy shade of pale once the thudding had started. “No...nononono…” THIS was the absolute worst scenario. One of the canisters must have been knocked over in the crash and one of those ‘things’ got loose.“Ooh! MORE brains!!” The undead figure shakily stepped down from the back of the truck and lumbered towards Lou. “MORE brains…” It croaked as it’s tongue wagged like a gluttonous dog. Frantically reaching into his pocket to pull out the pamphlet he’d been given, he flipped through some of the pages, some of which bared important details: the chemical causing this corpse to walk was known as 2-4-5 Trioxin developed by the Darrow Chemical Company/this one in particular was one of those captured during the 1968 events in Pittsburgh/their limbs would move independently if severed. 

“Okay, okay but how do you KILL THEM?!

He flipped to the last page which was the only English text. 

‘They cannot be killed once re-animated.’ 

Dropping the pamphlet to the ground, Lou’s shoulders slumped. “Ah, man…” The zombie with the tar-like consistency grabbed onto either side of Lou’s head amid his screams and pleads for mercy. 

*CRUNCH* 

“Brains…”
 
 Sometime later after having completely emptied Lou’s cranium of grey matter, ‘Tarman’ let his body fall to the ground and shuffled over to where the gun had fallen. As the Trioxin continued to escape to pollute the rest of Chicago, the zombie picked up the gun and looked over his shoulder. He wouldn’t be put back in the barrel again. No way.  He’d keep going and find more brains. “Braaains….” So, off he went, shambling away. 

The sights and sounds of people in passing cars or on sidewalks didn’t bother him. It didn’t even so much as deter him from continuing to move forward. He was in pain and he needed more brains to quench it, even if just briefly. As the snow outside continued to descend, the creature’s form was slightly obscured, particularly from youths that happened to be riding their bike around the block to try and enjoy their freedom. 

“Leave me alone, will they? Well, who needs em?? I can have fun all on my own! Nobody else means no rules! The world is my oyster!” Kevin exclaimed bundled up in his snow gear as it were. “Ugh, getting kinda hard to see out…” Maybe...Maybe he should turn back. But noticing a figure off in the distance, Kevin squinted. Why were they moving like that? Were they hurt or stupid or something? The zombie for his part couldn’t quite make Kevin out. But he could smell the fresh brains coming closer and closer to him. Raising the gun he’d stolen from Lou’s corpse, the zombie attempted to take aim and fired. The shot was off by a country mile and then some. “Grrr….” He tried again and was even farther off. The snow plus the strain of decomposition on his body certainly weren’t helping his poor aim. Kevin reacted pretty understandably to what he believed to being shot at. 

“WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING??! DID YOU JUST SHOOT AT ME??? I’M! A! KID!” Kevin screamed at the top of his lungs but as he’d gotten closer, he finally saw his attacker for who and what it was. Forgoing the gun now that Kevin was within his sights, the zombie grinned like a dog who’d eyed his favorite treat and reached out. “BRAINS!!” Kevin screamed and did the only thing he could think of. He leaped from the bike and the bicycle crashed right into the zombie who looked more confused than anything else. “Brains…?AAAAH!” The bike knocked him off his feet and right into a nearby pile of snow on some poor guy’s lawn. The bruises he was going to get once this over aside, Kevin quickly pushed himself up and didn’t even look twice at Tarman’s downed form, instead moving to pick up his bike and peddle on back home.

The gas had spread far and wide and finally found a home in the local cemetery. If Kevin thought getting left behind was bad, the night was going to get even worse. Peddling all the way back home, Kevin let his bike drop onto the front lawn and raced back inside, locking the front door behind him. He didn’t know if that was just some nut in a costume or what but the guy positively reeked! Like moldy food left over in the fridge rank! Making his way back up to his room, Kevin looked out the window and saw two guys running from house to house banging on the doors. “...As if this night couldn’t get any weirder.” 

Harry and Marv didn’t know what they saw, truthfully they didn’t WANNA know. That thing in the truck looked like death warmed over and getting their skulls cracked open like walnuts wasn’t exactly on the list of things to do. Who knew if it was still coming after them? Or who the hell that guy was that was driving the truck??? All questions that the Wet Bandits just didn’t have answers for. So, as far as they were concerned, the safest place for them was a jail cell. 

“You know, uh, Harry. I thought we’d be spending Christmas with the stuff we looted. Not in the local jail.” 

“Yeah, and I didn’t expect to see death warmed over in the back of that car either. It wasn’t even carrying any jewels or a sack of money. But I’ll tell you this for free, Marv. I wanna be as far away and as well guarded against those things as I can. If it means biting the bullet and calling the fuzz then so be it. Those things can’t get through iron bars.” 

….Marv nodded his head in agreement. It was some pretty sound logic. 

“Look! I see a squad car rolling up!” Harry pointed out as the police cruiser stopped a few feet away from the two. An older looking officer with snow white hair and aviator glasses stepped out and looked at the two. “Hello boys, we’ve been getting reports of people acting erratically. You two wouldn’t happen to know anything about that would you?” The officer asked with an eyebrow raised as he approached. 

“Yep! That’s us! Y’know, the Wet Bandits! Always keeping you guys on your toes!” Harry exclaimed only for Marv to laugh and add on. “Yeah, we had you guys totally fooled-oof!” An elbow to the gut quickly shut him up though. “Look, officer. I don’t care what we need to do. What I gotta confess to but you NEED to get us out of here. Something bad’s coming this way and I don’t wanna be here when it does.” Tilting his head ever so slightly to the right, the officer seemed confused. “...Well, we’ve been looking for the so called ‘Wet Bandits’ for quite a while. Seems one of you has a knack of leaving the houses you rob flooded.” 

Harry angrily looked at Marv who sheepishly shrugged. 

“...But what do you mean something ‘bad’, son?” 

Before Harry could properly respond, he blinked. “....Hey, did either of you hear that?” 

“Hear what?” Marv and the cop replied. 

Although they couldn’t hear it at first, Kevin sure did and looking at the end of the street, he saw what looked like a crowd of people barreling forward. Their screams and groans filling the night sky. But the thing that made Kevin and the Wet Bandit's blood run cold was the crowd’s unifying cry. “BRAAAAAAINS!!!” 

“Let’s get the hell out of here, Harry!” Marv screamed as the two turned and started sprinting away leaving the officer alone with a horde of the recently re-animated undead charging towards him. Some of them looked pale if nothing else, maybe having been recently buried, while others looked like they were barely holding together with bones and sinew visible and some parts like hands or legs missing. “Freeze!” The horde didn’t obey the instruction. “STOP OR I’LL BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT!!” The cop shouted once it became clear the horde wasn’t going to listen. He fired and Kevin could only watch in horror from his bedroom window as two zombies were staggered by the shot while another two football tackled the cop to the ground. One of them pulled off his hat and opened it’s mouth and-

*CRUNCH*

Ducking away from the window, Kevin curled up and brought his knees in close. “It ATE his brains! Bit into his head just like an apple!” Forget about Christmas, forget about being left alone, this was serious! Rushing from his bedroom, Kevin wracked his brain trying to think of what to do. There were so many of them outside! “Think, Kevin, think! You’ve gotta-” 

*THUD! THUD!*

Slowly turning his head to look down the stairs at his front door, Kevin hesitated to open it or even move a muscle. Could one of those things smell that he was in here? Did it see him in the window? Or was it just taking a guess? Grabbing his BB gun off his dresser, Kevin took one careful footstep after another as he approached the front door. The thudding continued all the while and once he was close, Kevin quietly knelt down and peeked through the mail slot in the door. What he saw was one of the gnarliest looking things he’d ever seen. Half the flesh had rotten off this zombie’s face exposing muscle and skull. One of it’s hands had fallen by the wayside and it’s one remaining eye was clouded over. But despite the poor state it was in, it stood at the door and continued to bang it’s forearm against it, over and over. “Braiiiins…..” 

“Okay, Kevin...Time for a test.” See what affects these guys. Poking the barrel of the BB rifle out through the mail slot and pressing it right up against the zombie’s crotch, Kevin pulled back the trigger and fired. The bb hit it’s mark but as the zombie looked down, it grit it’s teeth and seemed frenzied more than hurt. It knew for sure now that there were brains in here! “LET ME IN!! BRAAAAAINS!!” Grabbing the rifle and swinging it aroun so he was holding it by the barrel, Kevin tried to think up a second plan. “Okay, BBs don’t seem to do much. But what about…” Reaching up and unlocking the door, Kevin pulled it open and right as the zombie lunged, Kevin cracked it in the head with the gun, breaking the gun to pieces but sending the zombie stumbling back down off the porch. “Eat that, brain eater!” Slamming the door shut, Kevin raced back upstairs. 

That wasn’t going to keep the zombie down for long and more of them were going to show up once they’d finished attacking the other houses. He needed to get to the phone! Call anyone, the police, the national guard, the CIA!!! But if any of these things got in... Well, worst case scenario. Time to put his brain to work and keep these ghouls out of his house! 

Meanwhile…

“Brains…..” Tarman had picked himself up from where Kevin had knocked him down with his bike. He could hear all the commotion going on, hell, he’d seen the other zombies rip themselves free of the cemetery and run past him. None even offering to help him up. But that was okay. He’d get there in time, just a little slower than the rest. 

“Need….more….brains…”

(OK! Bit of a long write up again but I’m pretty proud of/happy with the end result! The scenario is basically Kevin setting up his traps to try and stem the tide of Trioxin Zombies from breaking into his house until authorities arrive(spoiler alert: these aren’t your Romero zombies we’re dealing with.)which should take two hours at most given how spread out the zombies are/causing amok elsewhere. Also, this is just for my own clarification/amusement but the implication behind ‘Lou’ and his client was a hint/reference to Return of the Living Dead’s original script which hinted that Russians were behind the events of Night of the Living Dead getting kicked off/wanting to get their hands on Trioxin themselves. That little bit of explanation out of the way: hope you guys enjoy!)

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Learn More About
Zombies (Return of the Living Dead)
Read more about Zombies (Return of the Living Dead) at Wikipedia
Official Site: MGM studios Links: Wikipedia Trioxin-wikipedia imdb-Return of the Living Dead

Kevin McCallister
Read more about Kevin McCallister at Wikipedia
Official Site: 20th Century Fox Links: Wikipedia Page IMDB Page Rotten Tomatoes Page

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I do not see Kevin coming out of this one at all.

The Trioxin Zombies are for the most part, conventionally indestructible. Decapitations don't work, headshots don't work, and burning them with fire risks creating more Trioxin zombies in that the chemicals evaporate and create acidic rain, which in turn seeps into the soil and creates more.

Yeah, Kevin's kiddie traps are nice to think of but... I don't see them working to great effect here.

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48 minutes ago, RakaiThwei said:

I do not see Kevin coming out of this one at all.

The Trioxin Zombies are for the most part, conventionally indestructible. Decapitations don't work, headshots don't work, and burning them with fire risks creating more Trioxin zombies in that the chemicals evaporate and create acidic rain, which in turn seeps into the soil and creates more.

Yeah, Kevin's kiddie traps are nice to think of but... I don't see them working to great effect here.

You see it’s interesting that you say that! A friend of mine mentioned that Kevin might be able to annoy them with the traps but they’ll end up just brute forcing their way in/outsmart him.

i don’t really wanna give my two cents as it’s my match but I loved this post!

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4 hours ago, ND7 said:

You see it’s interesting that you say that! A friend of mine mentioned that Kevin might be able to annoy them with the traps but they’ll end up just brute forcing their way in/outsmart him.

As far as I know, the only way too kill a Trioxin zombie is through complete and absolute total bodily destruction. Immolation is one way but you risk air pollution and acidic rain which creates more Trioxin Zombies. Dismemberment is another but it doesn't KILL the zombies, as their arms and legs, and heads would still be active. Anything short of dropping them in a vat of super highly corrosive acid isn't efficient.

Kevin McAllister just DOESN'T have the means to do anything against the Trioxin Zombies. His best bet is to just high tail it out of there.

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11 minutes ago, RakaiThwei said:

As far as I know, the only way too kill a Trioxin zombie is through complete and absolute total bodily destruction. Immolation is one way but you risk air pollution and acidic rain which creates more Trioxin Zombies. Dismemberment is another but it doesn't KILL the zombies, as their arms and legs, and heads would still be active. Anything short of dropping them in a vat of super highly corrosive acid isn't efficient.

Kevin McAllister just DOESN'T have the means to do anything against the Trioxin Zombies. His best bet is to just high tail it out of there.

In the inexcusably terrible sequels, it's revealed that electricity kills them. In fact, if I'm remembering correctly, at least one of the sequels has a bunch of kids around Kevin's age as the protagonists. I know he has used electricity to hurt the would-be invaders before, so if he goes for that again really early and sees that it works, he could maybe develop some trap to kill a ton of them at once. Does he have a swimming pool? Lol

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1 hour ago, Peypeypeypey said:

In the inexcusably terrible sequels, it's revealed that electricity kills them. In fact, if I'm remembering correctly, at least one of the sequels has a bunch of kids around Kevin's age as the protagonists. I know he has used electricity to hurt the would-be invaders before, so if he goes for that again really early and sees that it works, he could maybe develop some trap to kill a ton of them at once. Does he have a swimming pool? Lol

I would need to rewatch the first but I know the kid in 3 had one lol

as for the sequels, I recently learned the director of the sequel hated horror movies...which explains quite a bit lol

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It's a fine story, thank you for the entertainment. 

This actually runs over 1000 words longer than the previous Tournament entry.  (Just the story itself, not including the intro and outro).

That said, I did read all 3,692 words of this over it's 109 line length. 

I had to come back to it a couple times and keep chugging away, but I did it.  I recognize the effort that went into it. It was a well done, descriptive story. 

It is really long, though.

I'll take Kevin for the win on this one.  I enjoy his occasional appearances on Red Letter Media and would hate to see anything happen to him.

Starting next month we'll need to start playing by "Flash-Fiction" tournament rules with a strict upper limit on the word count.  Honestly, I should have been using Flash-Fiction tournament caps all along.

Thanks!

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4 hours ago, Fox said:

Starting next month we'll need to start playing by "Flash-Fiction" tournament rules with a strict upper limit on the word count.  Honestly, I should have been using Flash-Fiction tournament caps all along.

Thanks!

Thanks ND7, now we have word limits! lol

It did take me a bit to read, but I don't mind. The set up is solid and I know the characters well. I was engaged more than the last tournament match.

I'd have to give this one to Kevin but it's by a small margin. Even with the best plan, he could still get overwhelmed and it could happen quick. It only takes one zombie to end him.

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I am just thrilled you used Kevin McCallister. He was one of the first characters I thought of using when this month's theme was announced. I was really close to doing a Kevin vs. the Strangers match before going in a different direction so I'm glad someone else was on that same wavelength.

Oh, and he dies horribly at the end of all of this lol

 

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Another good entry, ND. I haven't seen the Return of the Living Dead series, but you just about have Kevin and the Wet/Sticky Bandits down pat.

If what I've looked up and seen in this match and thread are true, I don't think Kevin has the tools to take these Trioxin Zombies down or even stall them for long. I'm not sure the police could do much here, either.

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Match Final Results

Member Ratings:
CBUB Member : 4 Stars
CBUB Match Judge : 4 Stars x 2
CBUB Match Judge : 4 Stars x 2
CBUB Match Judge : 4 Stars x 2
CBUB Match Judge : 5 Stars x 2
CBUB Match Judge : 4 Stars x 2

FPA Calculation:
2 + 9 + 0 + 0 + 0 = 11 Total Votes
( (2 * 5) + (9 * 4) + (0 * 3) + (0 * 2) + (0 * 1) ) = 46 Total Stars Score
46 / 11 = 4.18 Total Rating

MATCH SCORE
Zombies (Return of the Living Dead): 6
Kevin McCallister: 4

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