Match 18700 Yakko, Wakko, and Dot Warner vs. Arkham Asylum

[broadwaybeyonder]

Dr. Hugo Strange slowly closed the door to his office in Arkham.  It had taken many years of planning, but finally he had achieved his goal.  He was now the chief psychiatrist and warden of Arkham Asylum.  The most dangerous and demented minds were now his to unleash on Gotham City, and in their anarchy he would be able to observe the activity of the vigilante Batman; record his strengths and weaknesses, and, perhaps, uncover the true identity of Gotham’s Dark Knight.  Tonight, his greatest experiment would begin. 

Strange walked over to his oak desk and noticed a parcel wrapped brown paper and twine sitting on it.  He looked down and read what was written on the box.    

‘Deliver to Arkham!  It’s absolutely, positively gotta get there overnight!’ 

Strange raised an eyebrow at the juvenile handwriting.  Obviously the box had passed through the security checks, but who would be sending such a package to Arkham?  His scientific curiosity aroused, Strange took a letter opener and cut away the twine and brown paper to reveal the white shoe box inside.  He lifted the lid and peered inside. 

Instantly Yakko, Wakko, and Dot Warner burst out of the box, each wearing a red soccer jersey.  “Surprise!” they all cheered.  The force of their cry sent Dr. Strange flying back into his armchair.  The Warners quickly leapt free of the box, and each planted a kiss on Strange’s face.  “Great to finally meet you, Mr. Reynolds!” Dot said.  “Yeah!” said Wakko.  “We’ve been huge fans for a long time!” 

“And that’s not just blowing hot air.” chimed in Yakko. 

Strange pushed the Warners off of him and set them down on his table.  He wiped his mouth with a handkerchief as he attempted to collect his thoughts.  “Just… who or what are you?” 

“We are, were, and will be… the Warner Brothers!” proclaimed Yakko. 

“And the Warner Sister,” said Dot.  

“I’m Yakko!” 

“I’m Wakko!” 

“And I’m Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca III.  But you can call me Dot!” 

Yakko jumped from the desk to the left arm of Strange’s chair.  “So, Mr. Reynolds, since we’ve come all this way, how’s about you give us a tour of your soccer team?” 

“It’s football!” interrupted Wakko.  “It’s soccer!” shouted Dot.  “Football!” shouted Wakko.  Dot folded her arms stubbornly.  “It maybe football to you, but it’s soccer to me!”  Wakko tilted his head.  “What was that?” 

“I said, it’s soccer to me!”  Wakko thought for a moment, then shrugged.  “If you insist.”  Wakko pulled a bucket of water out of thin air and chucked it over Dot.  Stunned, Strange looked in confusion at the soaked Warner Sister.  “What… what… what was that?” 

“60s humor,” explained Yakko.  Dot dripped and glared at Wakko.  “Soccer to me, sock it to me.  We’re really scraping the bottom of the joke barrel tonight, aren’t we?”  Wakko grinned sheepishly.  “Hey, it’s a classic.” 

Dr. Strange rose from his chair.  “Enough!  Enough of this… nonsense!  My name is not Reynolds!  My name is Strange!” 

“Really?” asked Yakko.  “How strange is it?” 

“No!  I am Doctor Strange!” 

Wakko’s eyes went wide.  “Whoa!  Marvel is doing a crossover with DC now too?”  Dot looked at Strange in confusion.  “Funny.  I thought Benedict Cumberbatch would be better looking in person.” 

“I am not Benedict Cumberbatch!  I am Doctor Hugo Strange!  I am a licensed psychiatrist!” 

“Well, whatever you need to do to stay healthy,” said Yakko, causing a stationary bike to appear underneath Dr. Strange.  Strange started pedaling furiously as he glared at the Warners.  “Not cyclist!  Psychiatrist!” 

Dot nudged Yakko.  “I think this guy is trying to tell us he’s a shrink like Scratchansniff.”  Yakko glanced at Strange as he continued pedaling.  “If he is, he makes Scratchy look like Patch Adams.” 

Suddenly the stationary bike took off like a motorcycle, racing around the office with the now completely bewildered Dr. Strange holding on for dear life.  “Stop this thing!” he howled to the Warners.  “Just pedal backwards!” Wakko shouted back.  Strange did as he was instructed and instantly the bike stopped, flinging him into a wall.  He slid upside down and landed on his head as the Warners gathered around him. 

“Listen, doc,” said Yakko.  “We don’t mean to break up your exercise routine, but we’ve flown to Wrexham all the way from the good ol’ U. S. of A…”  

“In a box!” added Dot. 

“So, how’s about telling us where Ryan is so we can meet this team of his?”  Strange fell over to the carpet, and scrambled to a seated position holding his head.  “Ryan?  Ryan Reynolds?” 

“You know?  He’s your boss?” prompted Dot.  “Better shape up, Hugo,” said Yakko.  “Or you’ll be changing your name from Hugo to HuGone.” 

“You are looking for Ryan Reynolds?!”  The Warners all nodded and smiled.  “Why else would three adorable children pack themselves in a shoebox and ship themselves to Wrexham?” asked Yakko. 

Hugo Strange could feel his blood pressure rising.  “But this isn’t Wrexham!  Wrexham is in Wales!” 

“No, no,” said Wakko.  “Jonah was in the whale, Daniel was in the lion’s den, and Peter, Paul and Mary were in concert last week.” 

“THE COUNTRY OF WALES!” screamed Strange.  He held the paper that still had the message on it in front of the Warners.  “You didn’t ship yourselves to Wrexham!  You shipped yourselves to Arkham!  Arkham Asylum!”  The Warners looked at the message, then Yakko and Dot glared at Wakko.  “So, somebody put the wrong address on the box again?” asked Yakko disapprovingly.  “Sorry,” said Wakko.  “I was just so busy getting our football gear!” 

“Soccer!” said Yakko. 

“Okay!” said Wakko.  He put on an oversized boxing glove and delivered a punch to Dot that sent her flying into the ceiling.  “I know this sport is dangerous, but this is ridiculous!” she groaned as she floated back down to her brothers before reforming herself.  

“Welp, the trip doesn’t have to be a total loss!” said Yakko cheerily.  “I’m sure we can find all sorts of fun things to do here!” 

“Oh no you don’t!” shouted Strange.  “You are leaving right now!”  Strange slammed a button on his desk and the door to his office swung open.  An attractive orderly hurried into the room.  The Warner brothers’ jaws dropped to the floor as they gazed at her.  “You called for me, doctor?” she asked.  Instantly Yakko and Wakko sprang onto her shoulders and wrapped their arms around her.  “Hellooooo, nurse!”  They planted a kiss on both of her cheeks then took off running down the hall.  The orderly dropped to the floor and looked in confusion at Dot, who shrugged.  “Boys.”  Dot tore off after her siblings as Strange shouted at the orderly.  “Put all of the guards on high alert!  Find those three… things and remove them from the premises at once!”  The orderly scurried out the door as Strange opened a secret compartment in his desk drawer.  In it, was the control button to unlock every cell in Arkham.  Perhaps the presence of these Warners could be of use to him after all.  With all of the chaos they were capable of creating, unleashing Gotham’s most dangerous minds would seem like an afterthought.  And if the Warners should happen to be killed in the resulting jailbreak, then it would serve them right for daring to make a mockery of Dr. Hugo Strange. 

With a sense of anticipation, Strange pressed the button, and throughout Arkham Asylum every door swung open and the inmates stepped into freedom, and unknowingly into the animaney, totally insaney world of the Warners. 

OK:

Arkham Asylum inmates include:

                Joker, Riddler, Mr. Freeze, Poison Ivy, Calender Man, Roxy Rocket, Baby Doll, Killer Croc, The Ventriloquist, Harley Quinn, Clayface, Two Face, Scarecrow, Maxie Zeus, Mad Hatter+50 other non-costumed patients.  All the named inmates have their weapons and powers. 

If the Warners are able to successfully foil the breakout and defeat all of the inmates, they win. 

Game On! 

[Callisto]

Learn More About
Yakko, Wakko, and Dot Warner
Read more about Yakko, Wakko, and Dot Warner at Wikipedia
Official Site: Warner Bros. Links: Wikipedia Looney Tunes Wiki Animaniacs Wiki

Arkham Asylum
Read more about Arkham Asylum at Wikipedia
Official Site: DC Comics Links: Wikipedia Entry Arkham Asylum Info Spider-Bob.com

[Venom 2009]

Good match. I give the setup a 5.0.

I find the Marvel crossover very funny. 😆

[DSkillz]

Another very good set-up, broadway. This is just about vintage material for the Warners. Their interaction with Strange was hilarious. 😁 

As for the match, interactions with the Warners, Joker, and Harley would be interesting, as would the same be with the more serious inmates like Two-Face and Scarecrow. The Warner siblings would very likely win out in the end, though. 

[leroypowell3]

The Animaniacs win this.

[Callisto]

Match Final Results

Member Ratings:
4.80 - leroypowell3
4.80 - DSkillz
5.00 - Venom 2009
4.00 - Boratz

FPA Calculation:
4 Total Votes cast
18.60 Total Combined Score
18.60 / 4 = 4.65 Final Rating on the match

MATCH SCORE
Yakko, Wakko, and Dot Warner: 3
Arkham Asylum: 1

[broadwaybeyonder]

THE BOTTOM LINE

As the staff of the asylum ran for shelter, the main courtyard had a sight that was bizarre even by Arkham standards.  Two goals had been set up on either side of the yard, and several inmates were positioned in the middle wearing jerseys with “A.F.C.: Arkham Football Club” emblazoned on them.  They glared across the makeshift soccer field at the Warners with WB patches on their Wrexham attire.  “Okay, gang!” Yakko said.  “Looks like we’re gonna play some soccer after all!” 

“Football!” said Wakko. 

“You say soccer one more time I’ll slug you!” snapped Dot. 

“The point is,” Yakko went on, gesturing to the approaching inmates.  “We’re playing a pretty tough team here.  So, Wakko, you’ll be our winger!”  Wakko gave a thumbs up as he grinned, sprouted wings, and lifted up into the air.  “Dot!  You’ll be our sweeper!”  Dot looked down at the broom and dustpan that had appeared in her hands in disgust.  “And the feminist movement gets set back another 50 years.  And what are you going to playing, Ronaldo?” 

“Me?  I’ll be plaaaaaaa…”  Yakko’s eyes bugged out as he saw Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, and Roxy Rocket watching from the sidelines.  “Hellooooooo, nurse!  I’ll play the field!”  Yakko zoomed over to the three women and leaned on a bench next to Roxy.  “So, sweetheart, before we run off and live happily ever after, just one question: What’s your name?” 

“I’m Roxy Rocket, kid,” she said confidently. 

“Really?  I didn’t know there were Rockettes at the Roxy, I always thought you were at Radio City.” 

Roxy glared at Yakko as Harley and Ivy snickered.  “Not Rockette!  Rocket!” 

“Hmm,” Yakko said.  “You seem to be a little confused.  But there’s one way to know for sure if you’re a Rockette!”  Yakko stuck two fingers in his mouth and gave a piercing whistle.  A door to the cellblock opened and a kick line of Radio City Rockettes bounded onto the field in a row.  The inmates looked on in bewilderment as the kick line crossed the field and caught Roxy up in it, carrying her off back into the asylum as she kicked in unison with them, her face taut in confusion.  Yakko grinned and opened his mouth to say something when Dot pointed a warning finger at him.  “If you say anything close to ‘I got a kick out of that’ I’ll disown you as a brother.”  Yakko shrugged.  “I just wanted to get a leg up on her!”  Dot groaned as Yakko blew a kiss to an unseen camera.  “G’night, everybody!” 

“Um, a little help here?”  Yakko and Dot turned to see Killer Croc, Clayface, and Scarecrow advancing on Wakko as he dribbled the soccer ball.  Wakko dodged to go around them only for a blast from Mr. Freeze’s gun to freeze him where he stood.  “Foul on the play!” Yakko cried. “Give him a red card!”  Wakko nodded, reached into his hat and pulled out a greeting card.  He threw like a paper airplane and sent it flying into Freeze’s helmet.  Freeze peeled the card off and stared at it.  “What is this?!” 

“It’s a card, I read it yesterday!” explained Wakko.  Freeze opened the card and balloons, streamers, and a cake with a hundred candles burst out of it.  “It was for my birthday!” Wakko said as the fire from the candles caused Freeze’s suit to crack and sweat. 

From a balcony overlooking the courtyard, Dr. Strange gritted his teeth in rage.  “Stop them, you fools! Crush them!” 

“Don’t give orders to us, Strange!” Scarecrow hissed.  “We have this under control!  Croc!  Clayface!  Devour this little pest!”  Killer Croc and Clayface advanced on the still trapped Wakko, chuckling wickedly.  Dot skipped into their path and gave her sweetest smile.  “Hey, fellas!  Would you like to see my pet?”  She pulled out a small white box and opened the lid.  Instantly a humongous, slobbering, puss covered monstrosity shot up out of the box and howled at the inmates.  Killer Croc, Clayface, Scarecrow, and a dozen other inmates all gave high pitched and screams and ran screaming off the field. 

“Go get ‘em, team!” cheered Yakko as Dot and Wakko passed the ball to each other down the field.  “Hey!  Just what’s the deal with you guys?” asked Harley.  “How are you doing all this?” 

“Meh, the guy writing this has a lot of time on his hands,” explained Yakko.  “Well,” said Harley Quinn as she scratched at her arm.  “You all better knock it off!  Because my puddin’ will show you what real crazy looks like!”  Ivy stared at Harley as she continued to scratch her arms and neck.  “Harl, what’s the matter with you?” 

“I don’t know, Red!  Maybe something on the costume, but it itches like crazy!” 

“Shame, shame,” sighed Yakko.  “Someone didn’t listen to mother and was playing in the poison ivy again.”  Harley’s jaw dropped and Ivy grinned awkwardly as Yakko called out above them.  “Cortisone cream!  Stat!”  Two buckets appeared above Harley and Ivy and dumped a never-ending stream of cortisone on them until they were nearly buried in it. 

Dot and Wakko dodged inmates as they tried to block their path and jump at them.  Two Face flipped his coin.  “Alright, heads we keep going with this game, tails we just blow their brains out!”  Wakko snagged the coin out of the air.  “Gee!  Thank you!  I needed this!”  To Two Face’s dismay, a gumball machine appeared next to Wakko and he inserted the coin into it.  It spat out a gumball then sped off downfield.  Two Face gave a howl as he chased after the gumball machine and Wakko looked disappointed at the gumball he had gotten.  “Aw.  I wanted a jumbo sized one.”  He tossed the gumball and it started rolling around the field, getting larger and larger as inmates ran to get out of it’s way.  Wakko kicked the ball to Dot, who found Baby Doll standing in her way. 

“Little puppy thingies are funny!” Baby Doll squealed.  “But cheating isn’t very nice when ussens are playin’ a game.”  Dot looked unimpressed.  “Wow.  Dumber than advertised.”  Then a lightbulb appeared over Dot’s head.  She grinned, switched it off, and called out to Wakko.  “Hey, Wakko!  Do you know what Shirley Never Been to Temple thinks we’re playing?” 

“Football?”

“Nah.  Soccer.” 

Baby Doll’s face dropped.  “Oh noes.”  Dot hummed to herself as she dribbled past Baby Doll getting hit with a bucket of water and slammed with a boxing glove.  The Mad Hatter stood in the goal, sneering at the approaching Warner.  “We’ve played your game, my dear.  But the time has come to talk of other things!  Nothing shall make me leave my post!” 

“Not even this?” Dot asked.  She reached behind her and pulled out the Hatters top hat.  The Hatted gasped, reaching for his head to see that his hat was indeed gone.  “Give that back!  It’s mine!” he wailed.  He lunged for Dot, who tossed the hat to Wakko, then kicked the soccer ball into the Hatter’s face.  Dot then delivered a perfect bicycle kick that sent the ball crashing into the net. 

“She did it!” cheered Yakko.  “Dot Warner wins it with a hat trick!”  Dot whooped and cheered as she whipped off her jersey and slid off field.  “Brandi Chastain, eat your heart out!”  Yakko and Dot high fived as the inmates gazed at them fuming. 

But then a familiar laugh echoed across the field.  “Who is that?” asked Dot.  “I’m hoping Mark Hamill,” replied Yakko.  “But with our luck, we’ll probably get Jared Leto.”  They turned to see the Joker applauding as he approached them, a still cortisone splattered Harley by his side.  “I got to hand it to you crazy kids!” Joker said.  “You certainly have style!” 

“But, puddin’, look what they did to me and Red and…” 

“DON’T interrupt!”

“Yes, sir.” 

Joker turned his attention back to Dot and Yakko.  “My point is, that with your talents and my leadership, our combined comedic genius could bring this dismal burg to it’s knees!  So whaddya say?”  Yakko and Dot shared a look.  “Well, gee, that’s very nice of you, Mr. Joker,” said Dot.  “But we will need to talk to our brother first.” 

“Hey, Wakko!” Yakko shouted.  “Someone wants to meet you!”  Wakko scampered over to his siblings, chatting excitedly.  “Faboo! Is it Bob Costas wanting to interview us?  Or maybe Erin Andrews?”  Wakko froze as the Joker gave his toothiest smile.  “Hello, Wakko my boy!” 

“CLOWN!”  Wakko pulled out an enormous mallet and slammed it down on Joker’s head, planting him into the ground like a tent peg. 

“PUDDIN’!” Harley wailed. 

“Yeah, forgot to mention,” said Yakko.  “He’s kind of nervous around clowns.” 

“ENOUGH!!!!!” 

Everyone in the courtyard turned to see Dr. Strange running onto the field.  He had ripped off his glasses and had pulled out what was left of his hair as he belabored the inmates.  “These three creatures are making you all look like idiots!  You are the most powerful, dangerous, and diabolical psychotics in Gotham!  Crush them!  End this farce right now!” 

The Warner siblings went back-to-back as the inmates surrounded them with deranged looks in their eyes.  “Well, I guess it’s that time again,” said Yakko. 

“For us to send an angry letter to Joel Schumacher?”  asked Wakko. 

“To finally retire the Wheel of Morality?” asked Dot. 

“No,” said Yakko.  “It’s time for…. A MUSICAL NUMBER!” 

The Warners spun into a blur, and when they had reappeared they were all wearing cowboy outfits.  As music started to play, seemingly from nowhere, the three sang and the baffled inmates stated to join in. 

Yakko: ArkhAAAAAM!  Asylum where Batman flies over in his plane!

Cops feel safe on the beat of each Gotham street

Cuz they’ve locked up their criminally insane!

In ArkhAAAAAM!  Asylum rows of smiling inmates going by! 

And each guard, nurse, and doc watch them like a hawk.

That is if they were all qualified to try!

Dot: Some ask why the place doesn’t close.

Wakko: But when directors need cheap cameos…

The Warners: That’s when they sAAAAY:

Inmates: Yeeow! Ayipioeeaaaaay!

Yakko: Let’s get some actors and we’ll just film them in Arkham!

Warners: Asylum!  OK!

The entire courtyard was now filled with inmates, guards, nurses, and doctors, including Dr. Hugo Strange, square dancing and singing.  They all formed into a kick line as the Warner’s high kicked in front of them. 

Inmates: Arkham!  Asylum! 

Arkham!  Asylum!

Arkham!  Asylum!

Arkham!  Asylum!

Dot: Sure, the décor is looking pretty bleak! 

Wakko: And there’s a jailbreak like every other week!

Yakko: But when we sAAAAY:

Inmates: Yeeow! Ayipioeeaaaaay!

Yakko: We’re only saying, “You’re doing fine here in Arkham!”

All: Asylum!  OK!

A-R-K-H-A-M!

ARKHAM ASYYYYYLUM!  YEEOW!! 

All the inmates struck a final pose behind the Warners and held it until…

KLAAAANG! 

Anvils fell out of the sky onto their heads.  Every criminal and Dr. Strange fell to the courtyard floor unconscious as the Arkham staff snapped out of the number. 

“That was fun!” said Wakko. 

“I don’t know,” said Yakko.  “I think one of the tenors was out of key.” 

“But what about our trip?” asked Dot.  “I still want to meet Ryan Reynolds!” 

“And so you shall!” said Wakko.  He ran over to a garage door and pressed a button.  The door opened and Roxy’s rocket came rolling out into the yard, followed by the Radio City Rockettes and Roxy still doing their kick line. 

“Ah, the only way to travel,” sighed Yakko.  The Warners sprang onto the rocket and put on flying goggles. 

“Contact?” asked Yakko. 

“No thanks, my vision is already 20/20,” said Wakko. 

“Can we get going?” groaned Dot.  “I want to see a real soc… er…”  A bucket of water dropped on Dot.  Wakko giggled.  “Oh, a classic!  A…” 

KLANG! 

Dot slammed the bucket onto Wakko’s head.  She scowled at her brother.  “And how do feel about that, wise guy?” 

Wakko’s voice echoed against the sides of the bucket.  “Actually, I feel a little pail.” 

“This is your captain speaking!” cried Yakko over the roar of the engine.  “Lift off in 5!  4!  3!  2!  1!  Commence combat!” 

“Wrong set up!” 

“Right.  Up, up, and awaaaaaay!” 

The rocket blasted off into the sky, carrying the Warners over the wall and making best speed for Wrexham.  At that same moment, the Batmobile crashed through the gate and came to a screeching halt.  Batman and Robin leapt out of the car and looked at the yard full of anvils, Rockettes, cortisone lotion, and unconscious criminals. 

“Geez, Batman, what do you think happened here?” Robin asked. 

“Someone has apparently already dealt with the breakout,” said Batman as guards carried away a babbling Dr. Strange.  “Someone with a rather… bizarre sense of humor.” 

“Umm, pardon me, guys?” 

Batman and Robin turned to see Ryan Reynolds standing by the entrance to Arkham wearing Wrexham gear.  “I know you’re busy, but could you tell me where the Warners are?  I was supposed to meet them here!” 

DA DA DA DA!!    

[broadwaybeyonder]

And in case you want to sing along, here's Hugh Jackman!

Oklahoma! Title Song (Hugh Jackman) - YouTube