broadwaybeyonder

Here we go again!

Judge Doom sat at his desk in his dimly lit office that overlooked downtown Toon Town. The faint sounds of music and commotion could be heard from the other side of the drawn window shade. If he had had his way, Doom would have made disturbing the peace of Toon Town an offense punishable by Dip. He loathed the Toons constant desire to continue their insane antics, even if there was no human audience to view them. But it was no matter. Soon Toon Town and all of it’s citizens would be no more, and Doom’s vision would finally be complete. The black rotary telephone on his desk began to ring. Doom slowly picked up the phone and inhaled before answering. “Superior Court of Toon Town. You have reached the offices of Judge Doom. State your business.” “Guh guh good eve good eve uh How are ya, Judge?” “Mr. Pig, I presume?” “Oh yes, suh suh sir! I I I’m sorry to buh bother you, but we have a situa a situa a problem here, and…” Doom could hear the sound of someone snatching the phone out of Porky’s hands. “This is no time for pleasantries, buster! Let me do the talking!” “Mr. Duck,” said Doom, his patience already wearing thin. “I am a busy man. I sincerely hope that you would not interrupt my deliberations for one of your… routines.” There was a gulp on the other end of the line. “Sorry, Judge, your honor-ness. But this is an emergency! We need the Toon Patrol! The National Guard! The Lone Ranger! Somebody!” Doom flinched as some of Daffy’s spittle shot out from the receiver of his phone. “Control yourself, Mr. Duck. Explain the situation in a calm manner.” “Well, you see, sir, Porky and I were on our way home from the Ink and Paint Club. Where I had another brilliant performance by the way. If only that Donald would just stick to the music…” “The situation, Mr. Duck.” “Huh? Oh right. Well, Porky said he knew a shortcut to get us back to Toon Town.” “Th th That’s a total fabr uh fabr uh dirty lie! You you you said you knew how to…” “Quiet, hamhock! Unfortunately, pigs are notorious for their poor sense of directions, and we wound up by the Acme Warehouse.” Doom’s grip tightened on the phone and rose from his chair. “Go on, Mr. Duck.” “We went inside to give Porky a chance to rest. But inside the warehouse there was this… thing.” “What kind of ‘thing’?” “It’s a monster! It was hiding out in the warehouse and when it saw me and Porky it tried to turn us to pincushions!” “Uh duh duh Daffy?” “Will you pipe down?! I’m on the phone! So, listen, judge! I’m a Toontown taxpayer! I demand justice! I demand action!” “Duh duh duh DAFFY?!” “WHAT?!” “I think uh think we’ve been disc uh disc uh IT’S FOUND US!!!!” There was a pair of screams that forced Doom to pull the phone away from his head, followed the sound of smashing glass and rending steel, then silence. Doom hung up his phone. Usually, he wouldn’t mind the loss of a couple Toons, even ones as popular as Porky and Daffy. But there was the matter of the Acme Warehouse. Suppose someone were to discover the barrels of Dip and the parts for the Dipmobile that the Toon Patrol had already smuggled in? Judge Doom grabbed his cane and marched to the door of his private chamber. He swung the door open to see the weasels of the Toon Patrol lounging in the outer office. “Seargent, assemble the men and get the car ready,” Doom said, not even pausing on his way towards the stairwell. “We’re going to the Acme Warehouse.” “You got it, boss! Fall in, youse mugs! Time is of the pubescence!” In 30 minutes, a black sedan and the Toon Patrol paddy wagon pulled up onto the curb in front of the Acme Warehouse. Judge Doom stepped out and surveyed the deserted street, taking note of the demolished phone booth where Porky and Daffy had placed their call for help. He strode to the door of the warehouse with the Toon Patrol following behind. “I will investigate the scene myself, sergeant. Secure the perimeter. No one gets in or out.” “Duh, but then how will you get out, boss?” asked Stupid. Smarty dope slapped Stupid as Psycho snickered. The mad weasel stopped his laughing with one glare from Doom. Doom closed the door behind him as he entered the warehouse. Boxes and shelves lay scattered across the floor. Doom used his cane to push real and Toon gag items out of his path. Suddenly he felt something land on his shoulder. He paused and looked down to see something drip onto his gloved hand. It was a drop of ink. He looked up to see the bodies of Daffy and Porky suspended above the room. Their faces were lifeless as they swung from red and black tendrils attached to the ceiling. A sinister cackle echoed through the warehouse. “You like how I decorated the place? Personally, I think it could use a few more bodies.” Doom scanned the room to locate where the voice was coming from. “I am Judge Doom of the Superior Court of Toontown. You are guilty of the murder of two Toons. You can surrender for trial, or I can render your sentence here.” “Ooh! A judge? Ha! Listen, your honor, the only sentence you can render is telling me where the hell I am! One minute I see some guy in a red cape appear out of nowhere chasing a kid in pajamas into a glowing hole. The next thing I know I’m rubbing shoulders with Daffy Duck!” The suspect’s rambling had allowed Doom to locate him to a darkened corner above a pile of crates. “You are confused, sir. If you would turn yourself in, I would be more than happy to assist you.” “You want to ‘assist’ me? Okay then. CATCH!” Four red and black spikes shot out of the darkness towards Doom. He swung his cane to knock them aside, but it distracted him enough for Carnage to leap out of the darkness. He launched a tendril that attached to a pipe and swung down to deliver a kick to Doom. The judge crashed into a crate containing an anvil and dropped to his knees. Carnage transformed his right hand into an axe. “Sorry, pal, but I never had any love for judges. So how about I just cut out your heart and leave you with my looney friends up there?” Doom began to rise to his feet and snarl at Carnage. “Actually, I was hoping you would try.” Doom ripped off his glasses and removed his fake eyes to reveal the red Toon eyes beneath. Carnage charged ahead and swung his axe, only for Doom to change his own arm into an anvil to block it. “Time to dispense some justice!” Doom shrieked. He pushed Carnage’s axe arm away and delivered a blow with his anvil. Carnage was pushed backwards and dug in with his claws to stop himself. “Well, whaddya know?” Carnage sneered. “This place just keeps getting better and better! Cartoons?! Psycho judges?! I’ll take it! Right after I split your skull!” OK: The battle takes place in the Acme Warehouse. It is full of Acme gadgets that either Carnage or Doom can use. There is Dip, but there is only a few barrels and it is locked away at the start of the fight. Last man standing wins. Game On!

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Glad you like it. Arcee's wiki said that Hasbro originally had listed at 7 ft, then around 9ft for the 80s movie, so I split the difference.

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Perhaps the next round could have the creators who got a buy compete in a three way? Highest rating of the 3 advances to the final?

Remember: Too much Pink Energy is dangerous!

The Angel Grove Youth Center was empty save for Kimberly and Tommy. Kimberly went through her steps on a balance beam as Tommy spotted for her. He remained as quiet as he could to keep from throwing off Kimberly’s concentration. The Pink Ranger cartwheeled across the beam, then went into a pair of handsprings to send her back along it’s length. She spun on one foot and posed, addressing an invisible audience. Suddenly Kimberly did a walkover to the center of the beam into another cartwheel. Tommy held his breath as Kimberly went into a final leap that sent her spiraling off the beam before landing perfectly on the mat. “Yes!” Tommy punched the air and ran over to Kimberly as she went through her final pose. She turned to face Tommy and smiled. “Did it look okay?” “You looked great! Do that routine and you’ll win that meet for sure.” “Thanks, Tommy. And thanks for talking to Ernie about letting me use the center after hours to practice.” “Hey, don’t mention it,” Tommy grinned. “Anything to help out a fellow Ranger.” Suddenly there was a flash of light of a teleporter and Kimberly and Jason were surrounded by a squadron of Putties. The Rangers stood back-to-back as Rita’s foot soldiers brandished their weapons and advanced them, babbling incessantly. “Hope you’re not too tired after that practice, Kimberly,” Tommy whispered urgently. “Matter of fact,” said Kimberly, going into a fighting stance. “I’m just getting warmed up!” The Putties lunged at Tommy and Kimberly, who easily dodged the attack. Tommy somersaulted through the air and delivered punches and kicks to the Putties. Kimberly jumped onto the uneven bars and went into a series of swings. The Putties burbled in confusion and advanced, but when they got close enough Kimberly extended her legs and delivered a kick to send them sprawling. She swung off the bar and dismounted just as the Putties started to clamber onto the frame. She delivered a jumping kick to a Putty brandishing a blade for an arm then cartwheeled out of the way of two more Putties, allowing them to crash into each other. Kimberly was so busy readying herself for her next move that she didn’t notice another flash of light behind her. Instantly Squatt and Baboo appeared, and each grabbed her by an arm. “Got you now, Pink Ranger!” Baboo cheered. “Yeah!” snickered Baboo. “You’re coming with us!” “Get off of me, you creeps!” shouted Kimberly as she tried to fight free of the monsters. “Tommy!” Tommy disposed of a Putty then turned to see Kimberly in trouble. “Let her go! HYAH!” He charged towards Squatt and Baboo only to have another three Putties jump in his way. “They won’t hold him off for long!” whined Baboo. “Better act fast, Squatt! Use the potion and let’s get out of here!” “You got it!” Squatt reached into his belt and pulled out a bottle. He popped off its cork and shoved it in Kimberly’s face. She instinctively pulled back from the bottle but a green mist emerged from it and enveloped her face. Her eyes rolled back in her head and she fell limp in Squatt and Baboo’s clutches. “Kimberly! UGH!” Tommy was struck from behind by a Putty as Squatt and Baboo laughed. “So long, Green Ranger!” “Say bye bye to your girlfriend! Putties! Let’s go!” Another flash of light and Kimberly and all of Rita’s henchmen had gone. Tommy glared in disbelief at where Kimberly had been, then activated his wrist communicator. “Zordon! Alpha! Come in! We have an emergency!” In Rita’s palace on the Moon, Kimberly was still unconscious and trapped in a large green crystal. Squatt and Baboo danced around their prisoner and high fived each other. “We did it! We did it!” sang Baboo. “What do you mean ‘we’?” said Squatt. “I’m the one put her to sleep!” “But you wouldn’t have done it if I hadn’t reminded you!” “I didn’t forget!” “Yeah, you did!” “Didn’t!” “Did!” “Didn’t!” “Did!” “SHUT UP!” The two henchmen fell instantly silent as Rita Repulsa stormed into the chamber, followed by Goldar. “DID YOU TWO FORGET WHO ORDERED YOU TO GO ON THAT MISSION?!” “Oh, you, your highness!” “Yeah, you, boss!” “SILENCE!” Squatt and Baboo fell groveling to the floor as Rita gave a triumphant sneer towards the trapped Pink Ranger. “You two finally managed to do something right! Everything is going EXACTLY as I have planned. Now to let our ‘friend’ know we’re ready to go to phase two! Heh heh!” Rita walked over to a small table next to Kimberly’s crystal. On it was a crystal ball that pulsated with the same green light. Rita waved her hands over the crystal ball and spoke words in an ancient language that neither Squatt, Baboo, or Goldar would understand even if they spoke it. The green light grew brighter and brighter until a shaft of green lightning shot out of the crystal ball. A green portal opened above it and a metallic face emerged from the swirling vortex. “Greetings, Lord Starscream!” “Ah, Rita Repulsa. I trust this means you have captured one of those… Rangers?” Rita turned the crystal ball so that the portal could face the crystal holding Kimberly. “See for yourself! This is Kimberly, the Pink Ranger!” Starscream didn’t look impressed as he stared at Rita’s prisoner. “Hmph. A human. A teenaged female at that. I hope you aren’t wasting my time, your highness.” Rita showed a rare amount of restraint as she controlled her temper and went on. “I assure you, Lord Starscream, these Rangers are extremely powerful! Even this one would be more than a match for your Autobots! With a little of my magic, of course.” “And suppose she chooses not to fight them? If the humans in your universe are anything like the ones in mine, they have a nasty habit for being noble.” “Ah! That’s where my magic comes in! I’ve used a potion to trap Kimberly’s mind in one state of mind! Since the potion knocked her out when she was in the middle of a fight, she will continue to fight until her opponent is destroyed!” Starscream chuckled. “Very good! And if your Rangers are as tough as you say they are, the Autobots will be at my… er, the Decepticons mercy. Provided of course that your Kimberly can survive phase two.” “Don’t you worry, Lord Starscream! The first Autobot Kimberly finds will be sent to the scrap heap! Heh heh heh!” The two villains cackled together until Starscream stopped himself and stared dead serious at Rita. “See that she does. Or is she fails, the Decepticons will reduce your little castle to rubble. Proceed with the experiment. Starscream out!” The Decepticon’s face disappeared from the portal. Rita whirled around to Goldar. “THREATEN ME, WILL HE?! THAT OVERSIZED TOASTER! WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS?!” “Ignore him, my queen,” snarled Goldar. “He’ll eat his words when the Pink Ranger defeats an Autobot.” “YEAH! IF LOSES, THERE’S ONE LESS RANGER TO WORRY ABOUT! AND IF SHE WINS, HA! SHE’S STARSCREAM’S PROBLEM! SO, LET’S GET ON WITH IT!” Rita Repulsa raised her staff and shot a bolt of energy at the portal. The portal began to grow in size and the image inside of it began to transform into a deserted highway. “CHUCK HER IN, BOYS!” Goldar, Squatt, and Baboo grunted as they lifted Kimberly’s crystal off it’s base and heaved it into the portal. Rita held her staff high above her head. “MAGIC WAND! MAKE MY ‘RANGER’ GROOOOOW!” Rita threw her staff into the portal, causing an explosion of green energy. Then the portal closed to the laughter of the space witch and her followers. Arcee sped down the highway in car mode. Perceptor had detected an enormous burst of energy over the Mojave Desert, followed by a quake that registered 4.5 on the Richter scale. It might have just been an asteroid, but Ultra Magnus wanted to make sure. Arcee’s sensors began to pick up a strange reading in the distance. It appeared to be human, but it was generating intense power. Arcee slammed on her brakes and transformed into her Autobot mode to see for herself. Laid out in an enormous crater, was what appeared to be a human teenaged girl dressed in a gymnasts unitard. However, the girl also happened to be 8 feet tall. “By the All Spark!” Arcee breathed. She knelt down next to the girl as she stirred and groaned. “Take it easy um… kid. It’s alright.” Kimberly opened her eyes to see Arcee bending over her. Her eyes narrowed and before Arcee could say a word, Kimberly delivered a thrust kick that sent the Autobot sprawling backwards. Arcee climbed to her feet as Kimberly kipped up. “Do you always kick people trying to help you?” asked Arcee. “Who are you?” snapped Kimberly. “Another one of Rita’s monsters?” “Listen! My name is Arcee, I’m with the Autobots. Why don’t we calm down and…” “No! Why don’t you tell me where Tommy is? And if you think I can’t make you talk… It’s Morphin’ Time!” Kimberly grabbed her Morpher and thrust it forward. “Pterodactyl!” Arcee stepped forward with hands outstretched. “Just let me explain!” But the Morphing Sequence had begun. With a flash of light Kimberly had transformed into her Pink Ranger armor. She swiftly drew her Power Bow and fired. Arcee rolled out of the way of the arrow and drew her blaster. “Okay, less explaining. More shooting.” OK: Kimberly (between MMPR season 1 and 2) is as tall as Arcee (80s cartoon version) and both have access to their powers and weapons. Kimberly can access her Pterodactyl Dinozord but will be reduced to normal size if she does. Last pink lady standing, wins. Game On!

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Not sure how this one slipped by me, but anyway... Thanks for helping this Match break 1K views!

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Sorry, might have missed something with the updates. With the new layout for the database is there a way to list characters by wins/loses?

The Transdimensional Combat Commision regrets to announce that they are unable to air the conclusion to this match due to technical difficulties. Please stand by.

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Iron Heart - All Scenes | Marvel Rising (youtube.com) Ironheart Armor Weapons and Fighting Skills Compilation (youtube.com) Batwing arrives | Batman: Bad Blood (youtube.com) Batwing(Batwoman)Powers and Fight Scenes Part 1 (youtube.com)

*THE FOLLOWING BROADCAST IS BEING PRESENTED BY THE TRANSDIMENSIONAL COMBAT COMMISSION. ALL COMBATANTS MUST AGREE TO FOLLOW TCC GUIDELINES AT ALL TIMES. SAFETY OF ATENDEES IS NOT GUARANTEED.* Al Rossi: HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, FIGHT FANS! Welcome back for more action from the newly renovated TCC Arena! It’s Al Rossi… Andel Sanap: And Jedi Master Andel Sanap. May the Force be with you all! Al Rossi: The stadium is packed with fans, our guardians are in position around the perimeter, and we’re all set to start a new era of multiversal combat with two next generation heroes! It’s the Bat-Family’s Batwing taking on Iron Man’s successor Ironheart! Andel Sanap: Two genius intellects who have crafted their suits of armor to be the ultimate tool for justice. And what makes this contest particularly interesting, Al, is that this will be the debut battle for both combatants. Al Rossi: So, we can expect both of these two to give us their best tonight! The battle terrain has already been formatted, and it’s the return of the first TCC map: Urban Apocalypse! Andel Sanap: Hopefully this time we will be able to see the combatants make full use of the terrain. The first time this map was used there were… technical difficulties. Al Rossi: Ah, don’t worry about it. Chloe is still off pouting over losing Battlesphere 2. But we do have a new feature for our fans tonight! Earlier today we had a talk with some of our guardians to get their thoughts on the fight. Let’s see who they think is gonna come out on top! The Doctor: Oh! Hello there! I’m the Doctor. Sorry, kind of in the middle of something here. Trying to set up the paradox barriers for the Arena. Hmm? My pick? Oh, for the match! Well, I’ve got to say I think Miss Williams is incredible. Being able to figure out how Stark’s armor worked and constructing her own? Brilliant! And now that she’s had help from Stark himself, this new armor of hers looks unstoppable. So, yeah, Ironheart for the win! Do humans still say that? *BONG! BONG! BONG! * What? What?! WHAT?! That’s not supposed to happen! Sorry, need to check that out! Bye! Superman: Hello, everyone. Al and Andel asked me to give you my winner’s pick for the battle between Ironheart and Batwing. At the risk of being biased towards my own universe, I believe that Batwing has a lot going for him. He has his father’s genius, Batman’s training, and one of the most advanced pieces of tech that Wayne Enterprises has ever developed. Ironheart is impressive, but I believe that Batwing will be your winner. Be safe and enjoy the show! Dean Winchester: Uh, hey, guys. Sam Winchester: We’re here to let you know our pick for the Ironheart/Batwing fight. And we’re excited to see Ironheart win it. Dean Winchester: You mean Batwing? Sam Winchester: Dean, we talked about this. Dean Winchester: Yeah, I talked and you didn’t listen. Sam Winchester: Ironheart’s just too powerful. Dean Winchester: Batwing literally has been learning from Batman. Sam Winchester: So? Dean Winchester: Never bet against Batman. That’s the rule. Sam Winchester: Um, maybe you guys should come back later while we sort this out? Andel Sanap: Strong cases from our guardians, Al. But the time for debate is almost over! Al Rossi: That’s right, Andel! Justin Roberts is on the battle terrain! Let’s send it down to Justin! Justin Roberts: The following contest is a singles match! The combatants are free to use the entirety of the battle terrain. The contest will continue until a combatant is immobilized or surrenders! Introducing first, from Chicago, Illinois, IROOOOOOOONHEAAAAAAART! Al Rossi: Ironheart soars into the arena, nails the three-point landing! A wave to the crowd then stands at the ready as Justin continues the introductions. Justin Roberts: And her opponent, from Gotham City, BAAAAAAAAAAAAATWIIIIIIIIIIIIIING! Andel Sanap: A more controlled landing for Batwing. The Gotham fans cheer but his focus is on his opponent. Al Rossi: They both look ready for action! Let’s do this! Referee: Combatants ready? 3! 2! 1! Commence combat! Al Rossi: Both heroes launch themselves into the air! Batwing fires a laser Batarang at Ironheart! Ironheart blasts it with a repulsor ray! Anel Sanap: Who will get the advantage in this battle of armored heroes? OK: Battle takes place in a bombed out city. Lots of wreckage and potential for explosions. Ironheart has all her abilities/tech from Marvel Rising and Wakanda Forever. Batwing has all his abilities/tech from Bad Blood and Batwoman. Game On!

THE BOTTOM LINE The Quiznos Rats scurried around the floor as Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy fired his condiment gun at them. The rat on the guitar played faster and faster and the singing rat kept on with his song. We love the sUuUuUbs! He’s messing up the place! He’s shoots at uUuUuUs! Shooting ketchup, shooting mustard, And some green stuff, maybe relish! Good thing his aim is bad! “Stoppit! Stop that goofy song and stay still!” The rats darted to the corner of the room and scampered towards the door, only for a blob of ketchup to block their path. Chuck fired another shot to corner the two creatures in the corner. The two rats huddled together as Chuck advanced on them, grinning maniacally. “Ha! Now I got you! Just one more blast of my condiment gun, and then I can get back to my robbery!” “You are so going to pay for all this!” Jane shouted from behind the counter. “Yeah!” shouted Walt, still pinned to a table in ketchup. “There’s no way I’m cleaning up all this gunk!” “Do you mind? I’m trying to have a moment here!” When Chuck turned back to the rats in the corner, he was surprised to see they weren’t there. He looked up to see that the two rats had sprouted angel wings and were hovering in front of him. “Uhhhh, wasn’t expecting that,” he said stunned. We love the sUuUuUbs! But now we had enough! And you whAaAaAt? We have wings and we can fly, Like we did back in that commercial! And now we come for you! The guitar playing rat swooped down onto Chuck and started repeatedly hitting him on his head with the guitar. Chuck yelped and tried to bat the rat away as the singing rat flew over to a tray of French bread loaves. “Ow! OW! Come on! Cut it out! OwWwW!” Staying low, Jane ran out from behind the counter and over to the table where Walt was stuck. “Hurry!” he whispered. “While he’s dealing those… whatever they are! Get me out of this ketchup!” “Yeah, just one thing.” “What?” “I need a raise.” “WHAT?!” “And I would like Fridays off.” “UGH! Fine! Just get me out of this!” Meanwhile the singing rat zoomed above the restaurant floor wielding two baguettes. He joined the guitar playing rat in the assault on Chuck, landing blow after blow. “OW! YOWCH! Hey, that really YOWCH! Smarts! OWWWW! Aw to heck with it! I’m OWCH! Outta here! Maybe I can get home in time for OW! Meatloaf!” With that, Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy ran out of the door of the Quiznos. The two rats landed on a table, their wings disappearing as the guitar playing rat played a dramatic finish. We love the sUuUuUbs! And now we saved the day! We saved the sUuUuUbs! Now we’re gonna to take a break, Cuz all that fighting makes us hungry! Let’s go eat on the Moon! The two rats took bites out of the baguettes and disappeared. Julie and Walt stared at the empty table then looked at each other. “You didn’t. See. Anything,” said Walt. “As long as I get my raise,” said Julie. “Deal. Now get back to the counter! I need to wipe all this ketchup off me!” Walt stomped to the bathroom, leaving a trail of ketchup behind him. As Julie returned to the register, she heard the door to the Quiznos open again. “Welcome to Quiznos. My name is Julie. What can I get sta….” Julie looked up and froze mid-sentence. Before her stood a short figure in a black hat and a black and white striped suit. Next to him as a man in a teal unitard and a pickle helmet. “Attention, citizen! This is a stick up! Reach for the sky!” “Robble robble!” “Oh, don’t give me that baloney! Let the cosmically creative Condiment King handle this!” Julie stared blankly for a moment, then looked over her shoulder to the bathroom. “WALT!”

THE BOTTOM LINE NARRATOR: Once again, it is time for another episode in the continuing Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle! ANNOUNCER: And the way-out Wacky Races! NARRATOR: In our last episode, Boris and Natasha were ordered by Fearless Leader to enter the races to prove the superiority of Pottsylvanian engineering. Disguising themselves as racers from the country of Wearesoniceland, they got off to a good start! BORIS: Which is unusual for baddies like us! NATASHA: Less talking, more driving, dollink! ANNOUNCER: However, the Wacky Racers were able to catch up with them! Oh look! There’s Dick Dastardly in his Mean Machine honking his horn! DICK DASTARDLY: Out of the way, slowpokes! This is a race not a drive through the countryside! Let’s show them how this race Is run, Muttley! MUTTLEY: Heh heh heh heh! NARRATOR: Muttley pressed a button on the dashboard and instantly a nozzle rises out of the top of the Mean Machine! ANNOUNCER: A nozzle that shoots a jet of grease up and over Boris and Natasha and lands right in front of their car! They are sent into a skid and start spinning around like a top! BORIS: UGGGH! Now I know what it like inside a blender! NATASHA: This is not what Americans mean they say they take car for a HURGH! Spin, dollink. DICK DASTARDLY: Heh heh! That’s showed ‘em, Muttley! Now let’s leave those slowpokes in the dust! NARRATOR: The tricky Dick Dastardly sped around Boris and Natasha, only to drive into the opposite lane where a semi-truck was barreling towards them! MUTTLEY: YIPE! DICK DASTARDLY: Let go of me, Muttley! I’m trying to steer! ANNOUNCER: And steer he does! Out of the lane, off the road, and right into the ditch! DICK DASTARDLY: Drat, drat, and double drat! MUTTLEY: Heh heh heh heh! NATASHA: This is our chance, Boris! BORIS: Yes, Natasha! I feel need! Need for speed! Heh heh! ANNOUNCER: The Wearesoniceland Special takes off down the Illinois highway, followed by the rest of the Wacky Racers. You really should be more careful on the road, Dick. You’ll never win the race that way. DICK DASTARDLY: Says you! I’ll make sure those two turkeys pay for this humiliation! NARRATOR: Some time later, Peter Perfect brought his Turbo Terrific to a halt! On the side of the road was Penelope Pitstop, waving urgently. PETER PERFECT: My word! Miss Penelope is in trouble! Don’t worry, dear! Peter is here! ANNOUNCER: But little did Peter Perfect know as he brought his car to a stop and ran over to the woman in pink that it was not really Penelope but a disguised Natasha Fatale! NATASHA: Shush! You don’t want to give away game, dollink. PETER PERFECT: Penelope! Whatever’s the matter? NATASHA: Oh ahem, well I’m having a little trouble with my car, dollink. I mean, y’all. PETER PERFECT: That is a problem. But where is your car? NATASHA: I don’t know! That is problem! NARRATOR: As Natasha distracted Peter, Boris slipped behind the Turbo Terrific with a bomb! BORIS: Yeah! To make perfect explosion! PETER PERFECT: Maybe you could accompany me in my automobile, Miss Penelope! I’m sure there’s room enough for two! NATASHA: Oh er shooks, Peter. I’d just be… mai-ty grateful if you let the… folks at finish line know where I am. PETER PERFECT: Whatever you say, Miss Penelope! ANNOUNCER: And so Peter Perfect leaps back into his car and takes off, spewing smoke in the face of Boris Badenov. BORIS: *cough cough* I prefer Pottsylvania smog better. NARRATOR: But Boris didn’t have too long to wait to see his handiwork. For only 5 miles down the road… KABOOM! NARRATOR: The bomb went off, and Peter Perfect was left sitting in a pile of debris that once was the Turbo Terrific. PETER PERFECT: Oh, fiddlesticks! BORIS: Another day, another kaboom! Moments like this make being spy worthwhile! NATASHA: Look, dollink! Another car! Let’s bamboozle them too! ANNOUNCER: It’s the Bouldermobile with the Slag Brothers Rock and Gravel! They stop in front of Natasha and Boris sneaks behind with another bomb! ROCK: Oo! Oo! Umgawa! Penelope? NATASHA: Why, of course! Would y’all help me? GRAVEL: Hugga mugga jugga. Phony baloney. NARRATOR: The Slag Brothers don’t fall for Natasha’s disguise! But they do turn around just in time to spot Boris trying to stick his bomb in the back of the Bouldermobile! BORIS: Er heh. Hello, fellows! Lovely day for racing, no? BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! ANNOUNCER: And a lovely day for Boris to receive a good thumping from a pair of caveman clubs! NATASHA: Is that what Americans mean by ‘going out clubbing’, dollink? BORIS: Ah, SHARRAP YOUR MOUTH! Also, OW!! NARRATOR: The hapless duo struggle to escape the Slag Brothers as the Wacky Racers pass by, including Dick Dastardly! DICK DASTARDLY: Thanks to my brilliant driving! MUTTLEY: Rassefrassagrassagrrrass. DICK DASTARDLY: I heard that, you miserable hound! ANNOUNCER: As the race reaches it’s inevitable finish, we see our competitors drawing ever nearer to the finish line under the St. Louis Arch! Listen to that crowd roar! CROWD: Yay! NARRATOR: And would you believe that watching from the stands are our boys Rocky the Flying Squirrel and Bullwinkle Moose! ROCKY: Can you believe this is how they got us into this crummy story? BULLWINKLE: Well, at least the seats were cheap. ANNOUNCER: But we can see the leaders in the distance! It’s Penelope Pitstop in the Compact Pussycat! The Wearesoniceland Special and the Mean Machine are jockeying for 2nd! NATASHA: All we have to do is pass that Southern dumb bell and we win, dollink! BORIS: Yeah! And I’ve got one more bomb with her name on it! Say goodbye to pretty Miss Pitstop! NARRATOR: But as Boris was readying his arm to throw the bomb, Penelope was distracted by the Sun beaming down on her. PENELOPE PITSTOP: Well, goodness sakes! That mean ol’ Sun is making my mascara run! Good thing I brought my parasol with me! ANNOUNCER: Boris hurls the bomb! It soars towards Penelope’s car! But no! She opened her umbrella and the bomb bounced off it! NARRATOR: Right back towards our villains! MUTTLEY: GULP! DICK DASTARDLY: Whatever is the matter with you, Muttley? It’s the end of the race! Time for our big finish! KABOOM!! ANNOUNCER: And they’re finished alright! NARRATOR: The force of the explosion blew the two cars into the air, and all the way to the back of the pack! ANNOUNCER: And there’s the checkered flag! Penelope Pitstop has won! The Slag Brothers are second, and Peter Perfect is third! All the rest of the Wacky Racers make it across the finish line! ROCKY: Hey! What about Dastardly and those two from Wearesoniceland? BULLWINKLE: Don’t worry, Rocky. I’m sure they’ll tell us eventually. ROCKY: Really? BULLWINKLE: Otherwise, this Bottom Line will be more of a Bottomless Line. NARRATOR: Thankfully, before Bullwinkle could continue talking, a cloud of dust sped towards the finish line! I can’t see who it is! ANNOUNCER: With our high speed, infrared camera, we see that it is… I don’t believe it! Dick Dastardly! For the first time ever the Mean Machine hasn’t finished in last! DICK DASTARDLY: We did it, Muttley! Ha ha! We won! We won! NARRATOR: What do you mean ‘won’? All you did was not finish last! DICK DASTARDLY: WHAT?! I would have won if not for those dopey foreigners! Drat, drat and double drat! MUTTLEY: Heh heh heh heh! ANNOUNCER: And limping towards the finish line in the remnants of their vehicle are Boris and Natasha. NARRATOR: Or rather, Natasha pushing the car the rest of the way while Boris sits behind the wheel! BORIS: Come on, Natasha dear! I think if we pick up enough speed, I could reach 2nd gear! NATASHA: You’ve gone and slipped your gears, dollink! ROCKY: Those voices! Could’ve sworn I’ve heard them before! BULLWINKLE: Well, don’t! ROCKY: Why? BULLWINKLE: It’s not good manners to swear! NARRATOR: Will Rocky and Bullwinkle ever recognize Boris and Natasha? ANNOUNCER: Will Dick Dastardly ever win a race? BULLWINKLE: Will these two ever run out of open-ended questions? NARRATOR: Tune in for our next episode: SOMETHING’S A MOOSE. ANNOUNCER: Or THE SQUIRELLY SPIES!

For those wondering, who the heck are these guys? Chuck the Evil Sandwich Making Guy being an even bigger softie for more than 15 minutes (youtube.com) Spongmonkey Compilation! (youtube.com)