Tournament - Taarna vs. Red Sonja

[The Boob Tube]

Episode 192

Match 3: Heavy Metal

Pat: “Hello, ladies and gentleman, and welcome back to our main event of the evening. Last week we put two legendary pop culture fighters from the seventies together in an absolute slobber knocker. So tonight we have decided to do it again, but only this time we’re doing things a little bit differently.”

 

Jay: “Instead of two famous male fighters from the seventies, we included two female fighters from the eighties! These lovely ladies are none other than Red Sonja and Taarna. A pair scantily clad armored fighters who like nothing more than to swing some big long things around.”

 

Pat: “You mean their swords, right Jay?”

 

Jay: “Uhh...sure. Whatever you say.”

 

Pat: “For those of you millennials, at home, who may not know who they are then allow us to elaborate. Red Sonja, the occasional on and off girlfriend of Conan the Barbarian, has made a huge impact on on the pop culture of strong female heroines throughout most of the eighties in comics and appearing in three theatrical movies and starring in one of them."

 

Jay: "Wait, they made a Red Sonja movie?"

 

Pat: "Apparently, that's what my notes read on here. With a revenge origin story that a lot of women can relate to Red Sonja continues to thrive as an underrated character to this day."

 

Jay: "Well Pat, Taarna may not be as popular as Sonja but I think she still hold her own in a fight. This one hit wonder from the cult classic Heavy Metal is a strong, beautiful, mute that is the last of her race of warriors, the Taarakians. Now matter how hard you try to take this tough gal down, Taarna's power of reincarnation  will always get her coming back for more vengeance."

 

Pat: "While these bodacious babes of the eighties may not have any vengeance towards each other, they still won't mind a good fight when they see one. And what better way to have a fair fight than--"

 

Jay: "Mud wrestling?"

 

Pat: "WHAT? NO JAY! These ladies may be from the eighties, but this STILL 2020. Too many red flags for something like that to happen."

 

Jay: "God damn, you MeToo movements."

 

Pat: "So out of the respect and fairness of women everywhere, where putting these two in a rocky canyon arena. Which also includes deep cliffs, loose boulders, and the occasional active volcano nearby flowing with magma nearby if these two plan on going into sudden death."

 

Jay: "And as our ladies are walking into the arena we have our professional ladies man, Stone Cold Steve Austin, who is ready to get our main event underway. Stone Cold, take it away."

 

Steve Austin: "Alright, ladies. I wanna good clean fight. As clean as a streaming service with over 20 million active subscribers watching good satisfying...uhh.."

 

Stone Cold looks back over his notes to memorize what he was going to say, but just tosses the paper away.

 

Steve Austin: "Look, they wanted me to promote the Khazan Streaming App, but in all honesty I don't give a rat's ass about that. I'm just here officiate fights and watch people kick each other's asses."

 

Red Sonja: "Fret not, local brute, for I will satisfy this arena's needs and spread the blood of my opponents blood all across multiverse."

 

Taarna does not say anything as she just merely narrows her eyes and draws her sword.

 

Steve Austin: "Now that's what I like to hear. Now, LET'S GET IT ON!

[Callisto]

Learn More About
Taarna
Read more about Taarna at Wikipedia
Official Site: Sony Pictures Links: Wikipedia Feo Amante's Horror Thriller IMDb

Red Sonja
Read more about Red Sonja at Wikipedia
Official Site: Roy Thomas Links: Wikipedia Comic Vine Red Sonja.com

[Fox]

From a set-up perspective, I personally do not find the Sportscaster narrative style fulfilling unless it also includes the fight play-by-play.  I have to cap my rating on these because they just make me sad about all the action narrative being left behind.

For me, their entertainment value is limited without the only thing I enjoy about them ... Action narrative.

I've actually had another player write me asking if I would ban the Sportscaster set-up trope from Tournaments. So, it's not just I who feels that way I guess.

Anyways, I would have to give it to Red Sonja.  I just think she is probably a more experienced fighter.  Thanks!

 

[The Boob Tube]

3 minutes ago, Fox said:

From a set-up perspective, I personally do not find the Sportscaster narrative style fulfilling unless it also includes the fight play-by-play.  I have to cap my rating on these because they just make me sad about all the action narrative being left behind.

For me, their entertainment value is limited without the only thing I enjoy about them ... Action narrative.

I've actually had another player write me asking if I would ban the Sportscaster set-up trope from Tournaments. So, it's not just I who feels that way I guess.

Anyways, I would have to give it to Red Sonja.  I just think she is probably a more experienced fighter.  Thanks!

 

These nostalgic setup matches are pretty much the only reason why I personally keep coming back and make consistent matches. If you feel like I am tarnishing the good name of the fictional CBUB sportscasters feel free to let me know and I'll stop. I'm just personally a fan of the classics

[Fox]

33 minutes ago, The Boob Tube said:

These nostalgic setup matches are pretty much the only reason why I personally keep coming back and make consistent matches. If you feel like I am tarnishing the good name of the fictional CBUB sportscasters feel free to let me know and I'll stop. I'm just personally a fan of the classics

No, you aren't tarnishing anything.  You misunderstand what I'm saying I think.

 

If I'm writing something in the Sportscast format, then I'm doing it to entertain the reader with action.  Allow me to provide an example.

You used 20 lines of content, which was empty content for me.  The fluff at the start of the classic sportscasts was not the point of interest.  So with the same 20 lines you could use that and give me some action...

Pat: Wham! Taarna hits the ground hard!

Jay: That leg sweep caught Taarna completely off guard! Red Sonja, cat like, sees an opening...

Pat: She pounces... NO! Taarna pistons both legs out, catching Red Sonja mid-leap and sending her flying...

Jay: Red Sonja is thrown over Taarna, she hits the dirt. Both fighters are laying prone now...

Pat: What a match! Folks, if you are just joining us we have an absolute slobber knocker LIVE in the Arena tonight.

Jay: That's right Pat. Now battered and bruised but still bad-ass these two amazing fighters ... etc.

- super quick introductions

- back to the action play by play for remaining lines.

 

Me personally, I want the Sports Cast narrative to describe for me the visceral experience of the fight.  I would be more entertained as a reader.

 

I hope this helps!

[The Boob Tube]

4 minutes ago, Fox said:

No, you aren't tarnishing anything.  You misunderstand what I'm saying I think.

 

If I'm writing something in the Sportscast format, then I'm doing it to entertain the reader with action.  Allow me to provide an example.

You used 20 lines of content, which was empty content for me.  The fluff at the start of the classic sportscasts was not the point of interest.  So with the same 20 lines you could use that and give me some action...

Pat: Wham! Taarna hits the ground hard!

Jay: That leg sweep caught Taarna completely off guard! Red Sonja, cat like, sees an opening...

Pat: She pounces... NO! Taarna pistons both legs out, catching Red Sonja mid-leap and sending her flying...

Jay: Red Sonja is thrown over Taarna, she hits the dirt. Both fighters are laying prone now...

Pat: What a match! Folks, if you are just joining us we have an absolute slobber knocker LIVE in the Arena tonight.

Jay: That's right Pat. Now battered and bruised but still bad-ass these two amazing fighters ... etc.

- super quick introductions

- back to the action play by play for remaining lines.

 

Me personally, I want the Sports Cast narrative to describe for me the visceral experience of the fight.  I would be more entertained as a reader.

 

I hope this helps!

I believe that it is better to have a build up and set up to these matches rather than adding more lines of *biff* *bam* & *pow* to try and make it even more interesting. If I lay out the set up then people can just use their imaginations on how the fight would play out in their heads in order to decide who would win. 

[Fox]

1 minute ago, The Boob Tube said:

I believe that it is better to have a build up and set up to these matches rather than adding more lines of *biff* *bam* & *pow* to try and make it even more interesting. If I lay out the set up then people can just use their imaginations on how the fight would play out in their heads in order to decide who would win. 

Sure that's cool.  We just have different views on  it.

I provided my 2 cents.  Peace.

[SSJRuss]

1 hour ago, The Boob Tube said:

These nostalgic setup matches are pretty much the only reason why I personally keep coming back and make consistent matches. If you feel like I am tarnishing the good name of the fictional CBUB sportscasters feel free to let me know and I'll stop. I'm just personally a fan of the classics

My 2 cents. I love that you do these. They do feel classic, even if you don't write them fighting in the set-up. I do basically the same thing in my rumbles, but that's mostly because I'm doing so many of them I don't want to waste my energy writing fighting in each of them.

All that to say, even though I like the theme of the fighters you chose, I'm not a big fan of the set-up. The opening match and mid-card had characters I like more and they played off the streaming app joke much better than in this one. That might be because Taarna doesn't talk so you're limited in what you can do.

Hard to say who wins. I don't know Taarna, I didn't see Heavy Metal. My instinct tells me Red Sonja though.

[The Boob Tube]

1 minute ago, SSJRuss said:

Hard to say who wins. I don't know Taarna, I didn't see Heavy Metal. My instinct tells me Red Sonja though.

You should see it some time. It's a really good movie for its time.

[SSJRuss]

1 minute ago, The Boob Tube said:

You should see it some time. It's a really good movie for its time.

I watched Heavy Metal 2000 so if it's anything like that I'll watch it. That movie was nuts.

[Venom 2009]

Can’t take my eyes off the picture of Red Sonja.

[SSJRuss]

6 minutes ago, Venom 2009 said:

Can’t take my eyes off the picture of Red Sonja.

It's a good pic, though I prefer some others of hers.

[Hugo Fowl]

We don't talk about the Sonja movie.

 

There IS a Paizo archetype for her though, which is awesome! So by sheer Munchkin ability I'd have to give it to Sonja.

[Callisto]

Match Final Results

Member Ratings:
CBUB Match Judge : 3 Stars x 2
CBUB Match Judge : 3 Stars x 2
CBUB Match Judge : 2 Stars x 2

FPA Calculation:
0 + 0 + 4 + 2 + 0 = 6 Total Votes
( (0 * 5) + (0 * 4) + (4 * 3) + (2 * 2) + (0 * 1) ) = 16 Total Stars Score
16 / 6 = 2.67 Total Rating

MATCH SCORE
Taarna: 2
Red Sonja: 16

[Venom 2009]

Topless Wins!

[SSJRuss]

6 minutes ago, Venom 2009 said:

Topless Wins!

Just makes me think somebody should write a beauty contest set-up. That would be great!

[DSkillz]

On 8/14/2020 at 10:21 PM, Hugo Fowl said:

We don't talk about the Sonja movie.

Hey, now! 🤨Nostalgia won't let me think anything negative about a film that gave us a young, scantily clad Brigitte Nielsen, and frankly, I think you should feel the same way. 😛 

Anyways, pretty good match, Boob Tube, but if you're going to continue the sportscaster-type set-ups, you might want to mix things up a bit. Maybe use different commentators and/or referees every now and then, and as what Fox mentioned, include a starting portion of the actual fight.

[Hugo Fowl]

Just now, DSkillz said:

Hey, now! 🤨Nostalgia won't let me think anything negative about a film that gave us a young, scantily clad Brigitte Nielsen, and frankly, I think you should feel the same way. 😛 

Ok, we talk a LITTLE about the movie.