Match 8186 The A-Team vs. Harry Potter

[Guest callisto]

After an entirely too long hiatus from the CBUB (all of one month, and with an arc paused), I've decided to refire my imagination in an attempt to get me to finish my FPL character. It's time to revamp one of my oldest fights (which was crap) and make it into my magnum opus. Disclaimer: THIS IS A LONG SET-UP. If you are into short set-ups, or don't have the time, don't complain for you have been warned.VOTE, RATE, COMMENT, AND ENJOY"Drive B.A., Drive!" Yelled Face looking out the side window and seeing the Military Police keeping easy pace."Damn man, what you think I'm trying to do." Retorted B.A. as he swerved the van, avoiding a semi in the oncoming traffic. The mission that the A-Team had been hired to preform had been a horrible trap set by Lynch. As soon as they had arrived at the port where they were supposed to apprehend a drug trafficker, four MP cars erupted from a nearby building and began chasing them. "They're gaining on us" Hannibal shouted as he opened one of the doors and fired off a few bullets at the wheels of the nearest police car. The police car spun hard as its drivers side front wheel blew out. Unfortunately the car spun into a civilian car, which then spun into a large truck carrying construction supplies. The truck fell on its side, directly infront of the Dodge GMC van. B.A. slammed the brakes, but it made no difference. An MP car slammed into the rear and sent the van crashing into one of the cement pillars that the truck had carried."NNOOOOOOO!!!" screamed B.A., more at the loss of his black and red baby than at the thought of a life's sentence. The airbags erupted and knocked Face out cold. Hannibal and Murdock were thrown into the backs of the front seats. Smoke began to rise from the engine as the doors to the van were thrown open. The clamor of MP soldiers overwhelmed the failing sensory synapses in the remaining three embers as they all faded away into unconsciousness.From a distance a lone small compact car, looking beaten from several years of use, pulled over. Out stepped a woman, a tall, black haired latina smoking a cigarette. She was still dressed in a bathrobe, and wore the appearance of a who was all too easily lured to bed. She took a puff of her cigarette, letting it dangle in the air for a while before a sudden gust blew it out. She glanced down at it and then rummaged through the robe's one pocket, she pulled out a phone that still had the last dialed number on it, "911". Finally, she pulled out a lighter. igniting it, she laughed."That will teach that double crossing, Face bastard." she said as she puffed on her cigarette, watching the carnage finish itself off.---Murdock was the first and only to awaken. He looked about him quickly. He was in a tight space with a cylindrical wall to either side of him. he looked straight and saw the ceiling above him, dimly light. He heard the voices of two men. "Activating tube restraints." The man said as the door above Murdock began to close. His instincts, still slow from the accident, didn't allow him to reach up and block the closing door. As it shut he could hear the second man say,"Enabling cryogenic sleep."Murdock was blasted by frigid air. He began to bang on the door. "Hey buddy, let me out. I told you right on that enlistment form that I wanted to be cremated, not frozen and given to some little kid as an ice cream treat." The men were oblivious, and Murdock soon tired from his efforts, slipping back into the deep slumber that his friends were enjoying.---The doors opened slowly as cloudy, frigid air rushed out from it. Lieutenant Lynch stood stoically, surrounded by five officers, all bearing weapons. He gave a hand motion, and the men went to work helping the four criminals out of the cryogenic chambers. Groans and grunts emanated from the four convicts, and from the men who were helping Baracas. "Get them washed up and sent to briefing room B. Include a security detail, fully armed." said Lynch walking out the door. I never thought I'd see the day where I would need the A-Team.A few hours later, the four men were hustled into the large room where Lynch stood infront of a Windows XP computer hooked up to a projector."Ah Gentlemen," said the gray haired Lynch as the men sat down, chained together. "you haven't aged a day.""And you have." retorted Hannibal, "Now what the hell was that car chase all about?""What car chase?" asked Lynch, completely oblivious."Oh I don't know the one on T.V. last night?" Hannibal struck back angrily."Oh, of course. I'd nearly forgotten about how we even caught you. I meant to say this earlier, but I suppose better late than never. Welcome to the year 2000." Gasps arose from the four men as they heard the latter statement. "You've been out for nearly 15 years.""How were we unconscious for 15 years?" asked Face."Uh Face, I think I can answer that," Murdock interjected, "As I remember, they put us in some of those sleeper, cryogenic thingies." Obviously, the sleep hadn't messed with Murdock's brain much."Spot on, Mr. Murdock.""Then why would you want to wake us up from our unaware sleep?" asked Hannibal."Wait a minute, I'm the damn lieutenant around here, and I'll ask the damn questions. Now, if you'd let me get to my point, I'd have told you by now. You were 'enlisted' in a new program. Under the charter of the 'Awakened Slumber' project, superior units, or in your case, criminals were placed into cryogenic chambers where you would be frozen until a time where such a danger would arise that you would be needed.""Ain't that kinda dangerous?" B.A. jumped in. After a glare from Lynch, Lynch continued."Of course. That's why we enlisted you. Now under this policy, approved in secret by President Reagan, you are to be granted full pardons from the military...after you complete your mission. I'll wait for the question.""What is our mission?" Face asked, bored by the obvious question. To his slight surprise, Lynch tossed a few books toward the group. They caught them, and seeing it was a book rather than a dossier, they looked at the titles, "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets" "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban" and lastly, "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire"."What's the matter with these. They look educational. Ain't we supposed to support educating the children." asked B.A."That's just it, they're educating children the wrong way. Rollins, start it up.". A man sitting at the computer nodded and typed a few buttons. The A-Team was perplexed by the device, but kept their mouths shut."The stories revolve around a boy named Harry Potter," as a slide of Harry Potter appeared, "who discovers that he is a wizard, and goes to a magic school called Hogwarts." a slide of Hogwarts popped up. "His adventures are all about him going against an evil wizard named Voldemort, who caused massive destruction before he was defeated by Potter when he was a baby." A slide of Voldemort appeared, "The books are written by an author named J.K. Rowling whom everyone believes to be this woman." A picture of J.K. Rowling appeared. "So what's the matter with that. Can't no one read fiction anymore?" asked B.A."There's no problem with fiction Sargent Baracus. However, three years ago, while on a routine flight during a heavy rain storm, one of our U2 spy planes picked up a castle, with multiple heat sources inside." A picture of a gloomy castle, much like the one from the Hogwarts picture appeared. "We initially dismissed it, until we ran along a similar study by the British. They had sent a special agent in to investigate, and is still M.I.A., suspected dead. Now let me ask you gentlemen, does he look familiar?" A side by side of the missing agent and Voldemort appeared, with a striking similarity."You're telling me, that this Rowling, is telling the truth?" asked Hannibal skeptically."The partial truth, but we believe she is up to a more nefarious plot. The British government officials have been reported dead since the agent went missing. We believe that the 'wizards' are plotting to kill Parliament totally, and God knows what from there. A later U2 was sent to monitor the castle, but was shot down. This last picture it was able to broadcast was this." The slide switched to a man flying a broom and pointing a wand at the camera."I'll be a son of a..." began Face."We believe Rowling allied, or is a witch herself, and is writing these stories to dismiss these assassinations, and to possibly build support with the young population.""And this is where we come in." said Hannibal"Exactly. While we believe this as propaganda, we also believe it to be somewhat true. We do believe in a Harry Potter, and that he is an extremely powerful wizard. We need you to take out Hogwarts once and for all.""I'm guessing we're going to have no support whatsoever?" asked Face"Sorry, but any movement of troops would make both congress and the wizards angry. You'll be black ops.Hannibal exchanged a look with his team and they all had the same look."We'll do it. But we're going to need somethings.""Of course.""First, four of the best burgers fast food can buy."---The lunch had arrived, and everyone dug in to their first meal in 15 years. Everyone except B.A."I don't like this Hannibal. This is crazy talk." Hannibal ignored him and continued talking to Lynch."Eat your burger B.A. Now we'll need 4 semi-autos, a bunch of clips for them, walkie talkies, rope, a sh*tload of nerve gas,"Meanwhile, B.A. bit into his burger, a new McDonald's abomination that had been created while he was sleeping. "Mmmm. Something don't taste right." he said before collapsing onto the table."and a plane."---"Remember the plan! Climb right after we jump. That and the lightning storm should get you past the wizards spell." Hannibal shouted to Murdock over the roar of the engines."Don't worry boss, I've got this. They ain't never made a plane Howling Mad Murdock can't fly." Hannibal was still slightly afraid of the wizards capability, but had unwavering faith in Murdock's ability. He walked into the main compartment of the plane."Boss, we'd better go now, B.A.'s waking up.""Send off the weapons, then B.A., you next, and I'll be right behind you." Face did as he was told and pushed the wooden crate of weapons attached to a parachute out the door. Next he walked over to B.A. who was just starting to awaken. "Wait? What's going on fool?" yelled B.A. seeing the open plane door. Face ignored him and pushed him out."Ahhhhhhh! I'm going kill you fools!" he said as his parachute activated. Face and Hannibal soon followed him, and landed on the path to Hogwarts, waiting for Murdock.---Murdock did as he was told climbing right to cloud level. As he leveled out, He rummaged through a pile of junk next to him. Finally, after tossing around numerous candy bar wrappers and soda cans, he held up a cassette player. He glanced at the radar, knowing he would have to time this right. 300 meters until the line which made muggles leave Hogwarts, 200 meters, 100 meters, 50 meters. Triumphantly, he pressed the play button as he began to take the behemoth into a 60 degree nosedive. "Flight of the Valkyries" began to blare as Murdock began making the sounds of a submarine diving. His face, of pure demented cheer, would make even Sigmund Freud shiver. With but a hundred feet to go before crashing into the quidditch field bandstands, Murdock leveled out. He then had the poor machine preform a half loop, taking him back towards the castle. Murdock climbed until he was but 50 feet above the tallest spire. As the music reached the crescendo, Murdock laughed hysterically, pushing the red button.As many wizards and witches looked to the sky, they saw the bottom of the plane open up and thousands of nerve gas canisters falling from it. All of them active. How should they know what those were, they had never encountered them before. Few were able to cast the bubblehead charm in time, and those who were were to weak to move far before collapsing. ---Harry, Hermione, and Ron were all at the Weasly's house for the winter break when Dobby arrived out of thin air. Fortunately, they were all in Ron's room, and they quickly shut the door."Dobby, what's happened?" Harry asked"Something terrible-hack-Mister Potter. Hack-hack Hogwarts was under attack.""Oh no, it wasn't Death Eaters was it?" asked Hermione worriedly"No, Miss-hack-Granger. Muggles.""Muggles? But I thought Hogwarts had spells to deal with that." stated Ron"There are exceptions Ron." Hermione said bluntly, "Now what happened.""Dobby isn't sure Miss Granger. Dobby heard about muggles attacking and then saw gasses enter the kitchen. Dobby came to Mister Potter hoping what to do. Dobby is sorry, Mister Potter. Dobby has failed you." Dobby hacked a few more times, before wailing, and then dieing on Ron's bed. Nerve gas was poisonous to Houseelves. Hermione turned away from Dobby and began to cry."They must have found out the plans." Said Ron"We've got to go back and destroy the plans, they can't have any evidence." Harry said"No Harry are you kidding me? They probably have a whole army waiting for stragglers." Hermione pleaded"We have to. Ron do you still have that portkey you snatched from your mum?""Aye Harry. It'll take us right outside of Hogwarts' grounds.""Good."---After Murdock parachuted from the plane which he had sent deep into the lake, the team regrouped, B.A. still angry, and began to move toward the castle. "Boss, comon, we've gotta hurry. There were at least a hundred people in that castle and I don't know how long that nerve gas will hold them off."The group continued towards the castle, encountering no resistance. Still, they moved quietly so as to not alert any wizard or witch in the forest for an evening stroll. They finally reached the doors opening up to the spiraling, daunting, and evil castle. "Here take these." said Hannibal, distributing gas masks. The team paused for a second before barging through the door. They were met with stark silence. They wandered through the first hall, not noticing anyone. As they rounded the corner, they found five bodies all fallen against the floor."Everyone, rope'em and take them down to the dungeon. They've got a magic proof door we can lock them in."And so the great movement began. Throughout the entire castle, students and teachers were bonded, then put into the dungeon. The team also hauled plenty of non spoiling food and water from the kitchen to the dungeon."Damn Geneva Convention." Said Face, barely viable through boxes of food. Alas, they finally reached there last prisoner, Dumbledore. They roped the unconscious headmaster and he joined the rest. As they cleared Dumbledore out, Murdock noticed some files hanging loose. "Hey boss," said Murdock, dropping Dumbledore's left foot, now tied to his right, "look at these."Hannibal picked up one of the files and glanced through. "My god, these are subway tracks, in New York! They've marked ambush points on these! We've got to get these plans to Lynch.""That'll have to wait Hannibal. We've got friends." B.A. groaned looking out a window. Hannibal followed B.A.'s eyes and saw three people trudging through the snow, trying to be stealthy but failing miserably (Harry had left his cloak in his dorm.). "Damn, B.A., you and Murdock get this guy down to the dungeon. Face, common, you and me'll set up our 'playing field' in the dining hall."Face and Hannibal ran out of the room and dashed to the great hall. There, they began flipping over tables, giving themselves the advantage of cover. After five minutes, they had flipped over all the tables they would need and B.A. and Murdock joined them. The split up, each taking a different part of the room. They knew the routine, and prepared themselves for all hell to break loose when those doors opened.---"It's so empty." remarked Ron, glancing around."No sign of anyone." Hermione added."Keep your wits about you. Something's nearby." Harry finished. They moved stealthily (to them) through the halls before seeing the badly locked great hall. If they had been more cautious, they would have suspected the trap. But as they had been tiring from the constsant fear, they burst through the room. Bullets erupted from seemingly everywhere at them, and they only just managed to duck under a table. The battle was on.--SO--It's Hannibal, Face, Murdock, and B.A. all armed with semi-automatics, and knives; who know where Harry and his friends are hiding.v.s.Harry, Hermione, and Ron who are under a table and know the rough placement of the soldiers of fortune. They are all armed with their wands. This is Harry, Hermione, and Ron From about the time of winter break from Order of the Phoenix.

[DamagingRob]

Not too long for me. Good set-up and match, trekker. I think they may lose a member or two, but win in the end. The A-Team that is.

[OMFG]

By the time Harry can mutter a spell he will be shot in the face, Ron's wand will malfunction and blow up Hermione by mistake (their MVP) and then he will get shot two.

[Guest scathekh]

i didn't read the setup because its 50 years long. but assuming this is harry at maximum power, he slaughters them without a problem. he's stared down things a lot more terrifying and more powerful than some guys with guns--and come out on top. at maximum power, he's far too much for the a-team to handle.

[kainboa]

BLAM BLAM BLAM = 3 dead wizards.

 

Harry and his team are hiding behind a table, contrary to what you see on hollywood, tables do not stop bullets.

 

And since the A-Team already knows where the wizards are, they'll just hose the area with their sub-machineguns.

 

The wizards never get a chance to cast a spell.

[Guest skadoosh]

By the time Harry can mutter a spell he will be shot in the face

 

Agreed, same goes for all the wizards. The A Team blows them all away before they even think about yelling a spell.