Nate86

April 30th 1945 The Oval Office U.S. Army Chief of Staff Marshall enters the room. Despite being somewhat excited an anxious he appears calm and professional. President Truman looks up from behind The Resolute Desk. “George! How are you?” “I’m well Mr. President. I’ve come with rather odd but nonetheless good news.” “Have the Soviets taken Berlin?” “Not quite Mr. President. As you know the Soviets are making great strides in an offensive towards The Eagles Nest but our men are also joining them.” “Good! I’d like to bolster those numbers! Show our Soviet Allies we can provide an army half their size and twice as tough!” “Well not quite sir.” “Not quite?” “You see Mr. President it’s a group of nine men.” “Nine men?” “That’s right sir. Nine men.” “Not an army?” “Not an army.” “Well why not?” “Well our boys are further back fighting other battles but Sgt. Nick Fury and his Howling Commandos-“ “Dammit I should’ve guessed!” Truman leaned back and sighed, putting his hand to his chin and thinking for a moment. “Didn’t I tell Fury to back the 101st Air Division for the time being?” “Yes sir.” “Will Fury ever listen to me?” “It appears not Mr. President. No.” Truman takes another moment. “Well how do we know specifically where only nine men are?” “That’s where this gets tricky sir.” “Tricky?” “Yes sir. Aldo Raine-“ “Aldo Raine!? I thought he and The Basterds were dead! “It would appear they’ve been covert pretending to be Pols for some time.” “How did we wind up with such colorful pains in my ass fighting on our side in this war?” “Proud Americans sir.” “I suppose so. Anyways how do we know the whereabouts of (Truman pauses to add up how many Basterds there are. The number is eleven by the way.) twenty total men?” “Yes sir. Good question. The Soviets have tapped into most of the German radio frequency’s over there. Seems Fury and Raine already knew the frequency. We’ve got a transcript... this is where things get interesting.” “What is it?” “You better see it for yourself.” Marshall produces a small folder and tosses it on The Resolute Desk. Truman picks it up, flips it open and finds a transcript inside. Fury: “Hey! I’m gonna blow apart any Nazi’s I find in this line! You hear me!?” Raine: “Well you better leave us in one piece.” Fury: “I know that voice. Who is this?” Raine: “Lt. Aldo Raine! And if you get all bloodthirsty the way you did in Bastogne you’re surefire gonna get one of my men killed.” Fury: “Haha! Clam it Apache! We know damn well how to fight the enemy and avoid our own boys.” Raine: “Well just in case you spot any Pols on the way to the Eagles Nest and decide to shoot an ally, those Pols are probably us!” Fury: “The Eagles Nest?” Raine: “Thas right.” Fury: “Well that’s where we’re headed. If you bunch of Basterds steal our thunder-“ Raine: “Well now Fury, I figure you’re gonna have to kill some Nazi’s on the way up just like us.” Fury: “We’ll blow them all to Hell Apache!” Raine: “I figure that Fury. We got Nazi’s between us and The Eagles Nest ourselves.” Fury: “Well if I know you dead beats you’ll reach the top by the time I’m sleeping in my bed back in America.” Raine: “Well looks like we got ourselves a bit of a race then Sgt. I plan on mounting Hitlers scalp to my wall when I get home.” Fury: “Sorry to disappoint you there Raine but I’ll be taking his whole damn head.” Raine: “See you at the top Fury.” Fury: “Yup. Oh and Raine. Glad to hear you’re alive.” Raine: “Me too.” Truman looks up at Marshall. “So what happened?” “What happened?” “Yes!” “Well Mr. President from the best of our intelligence it seems that Fury is headed from the east.” “They’ll be knocking on the front door then.” “Yes sir. Raine seems to be coming from the west. Since they’re approaching from behind they have a stealth advantage but we know that Hitler has Nazi’s in those hills so it won’t be a cakewalk for The Basterds either.” “Meanwhile the commandos have a habit of blowing through everything they encounter...” Truman stares off for a moment and looks up at Marshall. “Good work Marshall. Let me know when you have something else.” “We do sir.” “You do what?” “Have something else.” “Well spit it out General!” Marshall points to the folder on the Resolute Desk. Upon further inspection Truman realizes there’s a paper he’s missed. “Oh. Very good.” Picking it up his eyes widen. Without looking away from the paper he remarks, “That crazy son of a bitch. Took the goddamn Eagles Nest.”

Django just being a human being should win this.

Cap knows how to defend himself against very capable foes. He’s defeated Spider-Man, Ironman, Magneto, etc. idk why he’d have trouble with Canary.

When warriors need to be rallied for battle they like a leader who demands bloodlust. Who better than a Goddess with a necklace of heads around her neck?

When I picked Ali as my guy in the ring I didn’t foresee a challenge like this. Well done CBUB... well done.

The sun rose over Alexandria, and as it did people started up their cars and got ready for the days work. Set on the northern coast of Egypt this city was the perfect place for some sun, some sight seeing, and for internationally wanted, high value assets to lay low. Jason Bourne walked off the beach and onto the sidewalk, the sun glistening off his sweaty body. He’d just finished his morning run and was planning to go to a nearby market to purchase some more food for the week. News surrounding him had died down again in recent years and he felt more at ease than ever. This didn’t prevent him from picking a different market to shop at this week, just like every other week, but he felt a sense that things were more relaxed than they had been for him in years. He dawned a shirt he had in his backpack and entered the market. Haggling with the local shop owner and getting some well deserved food he was on his way home when he noticed two mysterious men who were definitely out of their element. Both of them were dressed in black robes, which was very unusual for men and with the temperature rising at this time of year. They also looked as though they were admiring the local architecture but Jason knew better. They were examining it for something. A vulnerability? Something hidden? He couldn’t be sure but they stuck out nonetheless. Wishing not to attract attention to himself he set a path towards home, but with a mental note of the men at the front of his mind. As his day progressed he found himself in a lineup of other fit men facing a heavy set man. Jason saw him a few times every week for work and rarely was he passed on. The work kept him fit and nimble enough for his nights where he dabbled in some underground fighting from time to time. The heavy set man looked at the lineup intently and after a moment pointed six times at six different men. Speaking in Arabic he proceeded, “I want the six of you. You’re mainly going to be lifting bags and crates onto a couple of ships. Remember, if you spill anything I dock half your pay for the day. Now get to work.” Jason was one of the six. As he stepped forward a man behind him protested. “You always pick the American. I am stronger than he is! I am larger than he is! I need work too!” The heavy set man hardly addressed him in his response, as though he had other things to do and this was the least of his worries. “Maybe it’s because he doesn’t talk. When he doesn’t talk he doesn’t complain and simply works like I want him to.” The heavy set man kept on his set course, hardly bothered. Jason felt a hand on his shoulder. “You steal my work American! I’ve had about enough!” He swung at Jason with a punch that could knock a door off its hinges, but without changing a muscle in his face Jason moved backwards and as the large man followed through his punch. With the position of his body bent forward Jason brought his chest down to meet his knees and broke some of the mans ribs. He howled in agony as Jason got to work. Later that night Jason returned to the docks realizing he’d lost his keys, probably in the skirmish, and the docks weren’t too far away. The vast Citadel Of Qaitbay wasn’t too far off and he could swear he could make out two more figures in dark robes but when he approached they were gone. The next day he saw the two men in a market in town once again. They ducked behind an alley and he followed. When he’d caught up to them they were tucking a package of some sort under a cracked off piece of the alleyway. One of them noticed Jason. “Go away.” “What are you two doing here?” “Is that an American accent?” The man caught a glint in his eye and a smile on his face. He turned to his accomplice. “Ra’s said any American were ours. Come here you filth.” They approached Jason quickly. As one of the robed men extended his arm Jason blocked it. A slight flash of surprise registered on the mans face. Jason went in for a punch but the man blocked him. Now it was Jason who was surprised. Moving backwards in the alley Jason brought his opponents to him, blocking punches, kicks, and all in amazement of their training. As they continued he found small openings in his enemies defense and soon exploited it. Due to the narrowness of the alleyway he fought them one at a time. Finally deflecting a blow and punching his first opponent in the throat he advanced in the second man, a less experienced opponent Jason quickly had him thrust against the wall. “What are you doing here?” Nothing. Jason banged his head against the wall. “Tell me.” The man looked at his accomplice; squirming in the ground, grasping his throat, making chocking noise. Jason looked back and the man slipped from his grasp. He pulled a pill from his person and shoved it in his mouth. “The League Of Shadows will veil the world in the final revolution!” The poison acted quickly and the man fell to the ground. Jason discovered an aerosol bomb placed in the crack in the wall. The men hadn’t had time to set the fuse. Jason hid the bodies in the alley as best he could and found a note on one of them. It read: “Ra’s Al Ghul shall bathe in Lazarus once more. The Citadel is the key.” That night Jason approached the Citadel, determined to figure this out. This time though he found 15 robed men standing near the entrance and the police were questioning them. They looked as if they were standing guard for something so Jason with his knowledge of the area slowly climbed an outside wall to avoid any conflict. Once he was inside he noticed a hole in the ground that looked fresh. Upon entering it he was hit with the sound of bubbling liquid. What would have been a dark cave was drenched in green light, and in that light stood a man with a grey goatee, eccentric streaked hair, and the most diverse sounding accent Jason had ever heard. “You’ve interrupted my ritual.” Jason stood quietly. “I have a ritual before I enter the Lazarus pit. How long it’s been. They all dried up you know. I thought I was doomed to die just like you but it turns out there’s this one. Possibly the last.” Jason still stood quietly. “Forgive me. I am Ra’s Al Ghul. Leader of the league of shadows. Master of immortality.” “Why did you plant that bomb?” “You must be responsible for my men’s disappearance. They were well trained.” “Why?” “A distraction. This city has become wasteful, fallen into nothing and must be destroyed. Just as well I need a distraction so I can enter the Lazarus pit. You prevented that from happening so I had to take a less subtle approach before time ran out.” Jason heard shouts and gunfire from outside the citadel. “You’re a terrorist.” “An ecoterrorist yes. Restoring the world to its glory for 500 years. Without the Lazarus Pit I shall parish and my work will be incomplete. Alexandria is named after Alexander The Great. He too came here in search of immortality but no luck. He never felt the power I felt and yearn to feel once again. Now if you’ll excuse me my destiny awaits me at the end of this tunnel. It’s been torture being like you this long.” Jason sprinted after him, Ra’s turned around and swung his leg towards Jason. Barely dodging it Jason rolled forward and found himself between this dangerous man and what he so eagerly desired. Setup: Jason Bourne and Ra’s Al Ghul in a relatively neutral cave setting. Hand to hand combat. Ra’s hasn’t had the effects of the Lazarus Pit in some time so he’s normal but still has 500 years of martial arts training but Jason Bourne is one of the most proficient fighters ever and is also extremely well trained. If Ra’s reaches the pit the fight isn’t necessarily over but how the scenario plays out beyond that is up to you.

Yeah, I’d say if Terry were a Marvel character he could account for adamantium but being from DC he hasn’t gone up against it. It’s that paired with X-23 being superior in combat that gets me leaning towards her.

I think this match is close but X-23 is gonna edge out ahead for me. Like a few people have said, Terry will have to come in close and when he does I don’t see him outmaneuvering her at hand to hand and she’ll get in one or two good slashes. At that point I see him retreating and losing blood, Bruce has to find him passed out on a Gotham rooftop and nurse him back to health. This is just the main scenario I’ve been coming back to in my head anyway.

I mean does Weird Al get points here for being good at parodying other people?

Yeah, with the shield Cap takes it. In the Civil War run they revealed a lot different fights where he would come out on top.

John Wick looks oddly like that Constantine guy who would’ve been perfect for this slot!

Not related to who wins or loses this but I could totally see “He boxed The President Of The United States” in one of those Dos XX commercials.

If this is Earth 616 Scarlet Witch then she’s actually his daughter which has complicated fights between them in the past. She can manipulate reality and if it’s a tiny island magneto doesn’t have much metal to use here. I know he has a few other powers but this one’s actually pretty close in my mind.

In the MASH episode Adams Ribs there’s a scene where Hawkeye recalls being able to down a whole rack of ribs by himself. I’ll have to go with him.

I would give this one to Ghost Rider normally because he can only be injured by weapons forged in heaven but I wonder two things. 1) Do Asgard weapons fall into that category? 2) If not I would think Odin has some in his vault, right? I’ll probably come back to this one. It’s only for the fight taking place on Asgard that I think Hulk could possibly pull this one out.

Even though Jack Bauer can technically do it too it would take him an hour to pull of what Frank can do in 5 minutes.

Monkey knows the art of meditation and probably has a few pointers to help sick people cope better with their situation.

Yeah, it’s difficult for either of them but Mole Man I think would slowly but surely get him there underground without most distractions from the street level. Albeit there may be some cave ins along the way. I’m not sure how many of toads abilities can exclusively help him here.

Yeah. Scoob would not only get too hungry but he’d also just get too scared.

I’m gonna give this one to Carlton since he straight KO’d Will Smith with his elbow in an episode of Fresh Prince.

I’m sure it’ll all balance out but I also only have two in play in this round as well. Mole Man and Invisible Woman.

I was thinking the same thing and then my girlfriend pointed out she has a huge singing a dancing number at the end of the movie which brings her up to Beyoncé level here.

She’s been able to turn invisible in ultraviolet light which means she can probably manipulate the whole spectrum. The problem with that though is she can’t see those types of light so technically she has no way of knowing if she’s manipulating them or not.