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*THE FOLLOWING BROADCAST IS BEING PRESENTED BY THE TRANSDIMENSIONAL COMBAT COMMISSION. ALL COMBATANTS MUST AGREE TO FOLLOW TCC GUIDELINES AT ALL TIMES. SAFETY OF ATENDEES IS NOT GUARANTEED.* Al Rossi: HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, FIGHT FANS! Welcome back for more action from the newly renovated TCC Arena! It’s Al Rossi… Andel Sanap: And Jedi Master Andel Sanap. May the Force be with you all! Al Rossi: The stadium is packed with fans, our guardians are in position around the perimeter, and we’re all set to start a new era of multiversal combat with two next generation heroes! It’s the Bat-Family’s Batwing taking on Iron Man’s successor Ironheart! Andel Sanap: Two genius intellects who have crafted their suits of armor to be the ultimate tool for justice. And what makes this contest particularly interesting, Al, is that this will be the debut battle for both combatants. Al Rossi: So, we can expect both of these two to give us their best tonight! The battle terrain has already been formatted, and it’s the return of the first TCC map: Urban Apocalypse! Andel Sanap: Hopefully this time we will be able to see the combatants make full use of the terrain. The first time this map was used there were… technical difficulties. Al Rossi: Ah, don’t worry about it. Chloe is still off pouting over losing Battlesphere 2. But we do have a new feature for our fans tonight! Earlier today we had a talk with some of our guardians to get their thoughts on the fight. Let’s see who they think is gonna come out on top! The Doctor: Oh! Hello there! I’m the Doctor. Sorry, kind of in the middle of something here. Trying to set up the paradox barriers for the Arena. Hmm? My pick? Oh, for the match! Well, I’ve got to say I think Miss Williams is incredible. Being able to figure out how Stark’s armor worked and constructing her own? Brilliant! And now that she’s had help from Stark himself, this new armor of hers looks unstoppable. So, yeah, Ironheart for the win! Do humans still say that? *BONG! BONG! BONG! * What? What?! WHAT?! That’s not supposed to happen! Sorry, need to check that out! Bye! Superman: Hello, everyone. Al and Andel asked me to give you my winner’s pick for the battle between Ironheart and Batwing. At the risk of being biased towards my own universe, I believe that Batwing has a lot going for him. He has his father’s genius, Batman’s training, and one of the most advanced pieces of tech that Wayne Enterprises has ever developed. Ironheart is impressive, but I believe that Batwing will be your winner. Be safe and enjoy the show! Dean Winchester: Uh, hey, guys. Sam Winchester: We’re here to let you know our pick for the Ironheart/Batwing fight. And we’re excited to see Ironheart win it. Dean Winchester: You mean Batwing? Sam Winchester: Dean, we talked about this. Dean Winchester: Yeah, I talked and you didn’t listen. Sam Winchester: Ironheart’s just too powerful. Dean Winchester: Batwing literally has been learning from Batman. Sam Winchester: So? Dean Winchester: Never bet against Batman. That’s the rule. Sam Winchester: Um, maybe you guys should come back later while we sort this out? Andel Sanap: Strong cases from our guardians, Al. But the time for debate is almost over! Al Rossi: That’s right, Andel! Justin Roberts is on the battle terrain! Let’s send it down to Justin! Justin Roberts: The following contest is a singles match! The combatants are free to use the entirety of the battle terrain. The contest will continue until a combatant is immobilized or surrenders! Introducing first, from Chicago, Illinois, IROOOOOOOONHEAAAAAAART! Al Rossi: Ironheart soars into the arena, nails the three-point landing! A wave to the crowd then stands at the ready as Justin continues the introductions. Justin Roberts: And her opponent, from Gotham City, BAAAAAAAAAAAAATWIIIIIIIIIIIIIING! Andel Sanap: A more controlled landing for Batwing. The Gotham fans cheer but his focus is on his opponent. Al Rossi: They both look ready for action! Let’s do this! Referee: Combatants ready? 3! 2! 1! Commence combat! Al Rossi: Both heroes launch themselves into the air! Batwing fires a laser Batarang at Ironheart! Ironheart blasts it with a repulsor ray! Anel Sanap: Who will get the advantage in this battle of armored heroes? OK: Battle takes place in a bombed out city. Lots of wreckage and potential for explosions. Ironheart has all her abilities/tech from Marvel Rising and Wakanda Forever. Batwing has all his abilities/tech from Bad Blood and Batwoman. Game On!

THE BOTTOM LINE The Quiznos Rats scurried around the floor as Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy fired his condiment gun at them. The rat on the guitar played faster and faster and the singing rat kept on with his song. We love the sUuUuUbs! He’s messing up the place! He’s shoots at uUuUuUs! Shooting ketchup, shooting mustard, And some green stuff, maybe relish! Good thing his aim is bad! “Stoppit! Stop that goofy song and stay still!” The rats darted to the corner of the room and scampered towards the door, only for a blob of ketchup to block their path. Chuck fired another shot to corner the two creatures in the corner. The two rats huddled together as Chuck advanced on them, grinning maniacally. “Ha! Now I got you! Just one more blast of my condiment gun, and then I can get back to my robbery!” “You are so going to pay for all this!” Jane shouted from behind the counter. “Yeah!” shouted Walt, still pinned to a table in ketchup. “There’s no way I’m cleaning up all this gunk!” “Do you mind? I’m trying to have a moment here!” When Chuck turned back to the rats in the corner, he was surprised to see they weren’t there. He looked up to see that the two rats had sprouted angel wings and were hovering in front of him. “Uhhhh, wasn’t expecting that,” he said stunned. We love the sUuUuUbs! But now we had enough! And you whAaAaAt? We have wings and we can fly, Like we did back in that commercial! And now we come for you! The guitar playing rat swooped down onto Chuck and started repeatedly hitting him on his head with the guitar. Chuck yelped and tried to bat the rat away as the singing rat flew over to a tray of French bread loaves. “Ow! OW! Come on! Cut it out! OwWwW!” Staying low, Jane ran out from behind the counter and over to the table where Walt was stuck. “Hurry!” he whispered. “While he’s dealing those… whatever they are! Get me out of this ketchup!” “Yeah, just one thing.” “What?” “I need a raise.” “WHAT?!” “And I would like Fridays off.” “UGH! Fine! Just get me out of this!” Meanwhile the singing rat zoomed above the restaurant floor wielding two baguettes. He joined the guitar playing rat in the assault on Chuck, landing blow after blow. “OW! YOWCH! Hey, that really YOWCH! Smarts! OWWWW! Aw to heck with it! I’m OWCH! Outta here! Maybe I can get home in time for OW! Meatloaf!” With that, Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy ran out of the door of the Quiznos. The two rats landed on a table, their wings disappearing as the guitar playing rat played a dramatic finish. We love the sUuUuUbs! And now we saved the day! We saved the sUuUuUbs! Now we’re gonna to take a break, Cuz all that fighting makes us hungry! Let’s go eat on the Moon! The two rats took bites out of the baguettes and disappeared. Julie and Walt stared at the empty table then looked at each other. “You didn’t. See. Anything,” said Walt. “As long as I get my raise,” said Julie. “Deal. Now get back to the counter! I need to wipe all this ketchup off me!” Walt stomped to the bathroom, leaving a trail of ketchup behind him. As Julie returned to the register, she heard the door to the Quiznos open again. “Welcome to Quiznos. My name is Julie. What can I get sta….” Julie looked up and froze mid-sentence. Before her stood a short figure in a black hat and a black and white striped suit. Next to him as a man in a teal unitard and a pickle helmet. “Attention, citizen! This is a stick up! Reach for the sky!” “Robble robble!” “Oh, don’t give me that baloney! Let the cosmically creative Condiment King handle this!” Julie stared blankly for a moment, then looked over her shoulder to the bathroom. “WALT!”

THE BOTTOM LINE NARRATOR: Once again, it is time for another episode in the continuing Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle! ANNOUNCER: And the way-out Wacky Races! NARRATOR: In our last episode, Boris and Natasha were ordered by Fearless Leader to enter the races to prove the superiority of Pottsylvanian engineering. Disguising themselves as racers from the country of Wearesoniceland, they got off to a good start! BORIS: Which is unusual for baddies like us! NATASHA: Less talking, more driving, dollink! ANNOUNCER: However, the Wacky Racers were able to catch up with them! Oh look! There’s Dick Dastardly in his Mean Machine honking his horn! DICK DASTARDLY: Out of the way, slowpokes! This is a race not a drive through the countryside! Let’s show them how this race Is run, Muttley! MUTTLEY: Heh heh heh heh! NARRATOR: Muttley pressed a button on the dashboard and instantly a nozzle rises out of the top of the Mean Machine! ANNOUNCER: A nozzle that shoots a jet of grease up and over Boris and Natasha and lands right in front of their car! They are sent into a skid and start spinning around like a top! BORIS: UGGGH! Now I know what it like inside a blender! NATASHA: This is not what Americans mean they say they take car for a HURGH! Spin, dollink. DICK DASTARDLY: Heh heh! That’s showed ‘em, Muttley! Now let’s leave those slowpokes in the dust! NARRATOR: The tricky Dick Dastardly sped around Boris and Natasha, only to drive into the opposite lane where a semi-truck was barreling towards them! MUTTLEY: YIPE! DICK DASTARDLY: Let go of me, Muttley! I’m trying to steer! ANNOUNCER: And steer he does! Out of the lane, off the road, and right into the ditch! DICK DASTARDLY: Drat, drat, and double drat! MUTTLEY: Heh heh heh heh! NATASHA: This is our chance, Boris! BORIS: Yes, Natasha! I feel need! Need for speed! Heh heh! ANNOUNCER: The Wearesoniceland Special takes off down the Illinois highway, followed by the rest of the Wacky Racers. You really should be more careful on the road, Dick. You’ll never win the race that way. DICK DASTARDLY: Says you! I’ll make sure those two turkeys pay for this humiliation! NARRATOR: Some time later, Peter Perfect brought his Turbo Terrific to a halt! On the side of the road was Penelope Pitstop, waving urgently. PETER PERFECT: My word! Miss Penelope is in trouble! Don’t worry, dear! Peter is here! ANNOUNCER: But little did Peter Perfect know as he brought his car to a stop and ran over to the woman in pink that it was not really Penelope but a disguised Natasha Fatale! NATASHA: Shush! You don’t want to give away game, dollink. PETER PERFECT: Penelope! Whatever’s the matter? NATASHA: Oh ahem, well I’m having a little trouble with my car, dollink. I mean, y’all. PETER PERFECT: That is a problem. But where is your car? NATASHA: I don’t know! That is problem! NARRATOR: As Natasha distracted Peter, Boris slipped behind the Turbo Terrific with a bomb! BORIS: Yeah! To make perfect explosion! PETER PERFECT: Maybe you could accompany me in my automobile, Miss Penelope! I’m sure there’s room enough for two! NATASHA: Oh er shooks, Peter. I’d just be… mai-ty grateful if you let the… folks at finish line know where I am. PETER PERFECT: Whatever you say, Miss Penelope! ANNOUNCER: And so Peter Perfect leaps back into his car and takes off, spewing smoke in the face of Boris Badenov. BORIS: *cough cough* I prefer Pottsylvania smog better. NARRATOR: But Boris didn’t have too long to wait to see his handiwork. For only 5 miles down the road… KABOOM! NARRATOR: The bomb went off, and Peter Perfect was left sitting in a pile of debris that once was the Turbo Terrific. PETER PERFECT: Oh, fiddlesticks! BORIS: Another day, another kaboom! Moments like this make being spy worthwhile! NATASHA: Look, dollink! Another car! Let’s bamboozle them too! ANNOUNCER: It’s the Bouldermobile with the Slag Brothers Rock and Gravel! They stop in front of Natasha and Boris sneaks behind with another bomb! ROCK: Oo! Oo! Umgawa! Penelope? NATASHA: Why, of course! Would y’all help me? GRAVEL: Hugga mugga jugga. Phony baloney. NARRATOR: The Slag Brothers don’t fall for Natasha’s disguise! But they do turn around just in time to spot Boris trying to stick his bomb in the back of the Bouldermobile! BORIS: Er heh. Hello, fellows! Lovely day for racing, no? BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! ANNOUNCER: And a lovely day for Boris to receive a good thumping from a pair of caveman clubs! NATASHA: Is that what Americans mean by ‘going out clubbing’, dollink? BORIS: Ah, SHARRAP YOUR MOUTH! Also, OW!! NARRATOR: The hapless duo struggle to escape the Slag Brothers as the Wacky Racers pass by, including Dick Dastardly! DICK DASTARDLY: Thanks to my brilliant driving! MUTTLEY: Rassefrassagrassagrrrass. DICK DASTARDLY: I heard that, you miserable hound! ANNOUNCER: As the race reaches it’s inevitable finish, we see our competitors drawing ever nearer to the finish line under the St. Louis Arch! Listen to that crowd roar! CROWD: Yay! NARRATOR: And would you believe that watching from the stands are our boys Rocky the Flying Squirrel and Bullwinkle Moose! ROCKY: Can you believe this is how they got us into this crummy story? BULLWINKLE: Well, at least the seats were cheap. ANNOUNCER: But we can see the leaders in the distance! It’s Penelope Pitstop in the Compact Pussycat! The Wearesoniceland Special and the Mean Machine are jockeying for 2nd! NATASHA: All we have to do is pass that Southern dumb bell and we win, dollink! BORIS: Yeah! And I’ve got one more bomb with her name on it! Say goodbye to pretty Miss Pitstop! NARRATOR: But as Boris was readying his arm to throw the bomb, Penelope was distracted by the Sun beaming down on her. PENELOPE PITSTOP: Well, goodness sakes! That mean ol’ Sun is making my mascara run! Good thing I brought my parasol with me! ANNOUNCER: Boris hurls the bomb! It soars towards Penelope’s car! But no! She opened her umbrella and the bomb bounced off it! NARRATOR: Right back towards our villains! MUTTLEY: GULP! DICK DASTARDLY: Whatever is the matter with you, Muttley? It’s the end of the race! Time for our big finish! KABOOM!! ANNOUNCER: And they’re finished alright! NARRATOR: The force of the explosion blew the two cars into the air, and all the way to the back of the pack! ANNOUNCER: And there’s the checkered flag! Penelope Pitstop has won! The Slag Brothers are second, and Peter Perfect is third! All the rest of the Wacky Racers make it across the finish line! ROCKY: Hey! What about Dastardly and those two from Wearesoniceland? BULLWINKLE: Don’t worry, Rocky. I’m sure they’ll tell us eventually. ROCKY: Really? BULLWINKLE: Otherwise, this Bottom Line will be more of a Bottomless Line. NARRATOR: Thankfully, before Bullwinkle could continue talking, a cloud of dust sped towards the finish line! I can’t see who it is! ANNOUNCER: With our high speed, infrared camera, we see that it is… I don’t believe it! Dick Dastardly! For the first time ever the Mean Machine hasn’t finished in last! DICK DASTARDLY: We did it, Muttley! Ha ha! We won! We won! NARRATOR: What do you mean ‘won’? All you did was not finish last! DICK DASTARDLY: WHAT?! I would have won if not for those dopey foreigners! Drat, drat and double drat! MUTTLEY: Heh heh heh heh! ANNOUNCER: And limping towards the finish line in the remnants of their vehicle are Boris and Natasha. NARRATOR: Or rather, Natasha pushing the car the rest of the way while Boris sits behind the wheel! BORIS: Come on, Natasha dear! I think if we pick up enough speed, I could reach 2nd gear! NATASHA: You’ve gone and slipped your gears, dollink! ROCKY: Those voices! Could’ve sworn I’ve heard them before! BULLWINKLE: Well, don’t! ROCKY: Why? BULLWINKLE: It’s not good manners to swear! NARRATOR: Will Rocky and Bullwinkle ever recognize Boris and Natasha? ANNOUNCER: Will Dick Dastardly ever win a race? BULLWINKLE: Will these two ever run out of open-ended questions? NARRATOR: Tune in for our next episode: SOMETHING’S A MOOSE. ANNOUNCER: Or THE SQUIRELLY SPIES!

For those wondering, who the heck are these guys? Chuck the Evil Sandwich Making Guy being an even bigger softie for more than 15 minutes (youtube.com) Spongmonkey Compilation! (youtube.com)

Jane stood slumped over her cash register. The blonde teenager idly pressed the buttons as pop music that was 10 years out of style played over the speakers. “You need to get a job!” her parents had said. “You need to pay your fair share to get to college!” But even though she had known that there was a chance she would wind up stuck with a bad job, not even Jane had imagined she’d wind up having to work at a practically forgotten Quizos. The door to the restaurant opened and a short, fat man with a sandwich for a head waddled in. Jane didn’t even look up from the register as he approached the counter. “Hi. Welcome to Quiznos,” she said in a bored tone. “I’m Jane. What can I start for you today?” The man’s face lit up for a moment. “Oh, hi Jane! Err, I mean, uh… You can start by putting your hands up!” The man pulled out an enormous gun with ketchup, mustard, and relish bottles attached to it. Jane slowly looked up when what the man had said had finally registered in her mind. “Uhhhh, who the heck are you?” “Who am I?!” the man said indignantly. “I’m Chuck! You know? Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy? One of the worlds biggest supervillains?” “Um, yeah, never heard of you.” “Really?! Aw man! And I’ve been trying to get my name out there, you know? Put up flyers, started a hashtag!” Jane looked unimpressed and shouted towards the backroom of the restaurant. “Hey, Walt! Could you come out here?” Walt, a boy with brown hair and stubble, walked into the dining area wiping his hands on his apron. “What is it, Jane? Boss was telling me to get the inventory done and… Who the heck is that?” “Said something about being a sandwich guy?” “It’s not ‘Sandwich Guy!”’ Chuck whined. “It’s Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy! Now come on! Put up your hands! I need to get this hold up over with before dinner. Mom’s making meatloaf tonight.” “I really don’t know what his deal is,” Jane went on. “I just figured he was one of your friends you got to prank me.” “I’ve never seen him before,” said Walt. “He’s just some nut with a water gun and a… is that a mask or does he have a… sandwich head?” “Uh, guys? I’m right here!” said Chuck. “Stop being rude and put your hands up already! Or I’ll have to use my condiment gun!” “Look, buddy!” snapped Walt. “Why don’t you just get out of here? We got work to do, and we don’t want to waste the cops time calling them to arrest a nut like you.” Chuck looked hurt for a moment, then his expression hardened. “Oh yeah? A nut?! Oh, you asked for it!” Chuck aimed his condiment gun at the two Quiznos employees and pulled the trigger. The gun let out a pathetic sounding bleep then powered down. “Aw man!” Chuck moaned. “Not again! I thought I really got it working this time!” Walt scowled as he walked around the counter. “Okay, show’s over! Either you’re leaving or I’m gonna…” Chuck pulled the trigger on the condiment gun again and a blast of ketchup shot out and sent Walt flying. He landed with a splat onto a table, glued to the spot by the ketchup. Chuck beamed with pride. “It worked! My ketchup ray worked! I mean, uh, that’ll teach you to be rude to Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy!” Jane slowly put up a hand as she tried to open the register. “Listen, mister, take it easy. If you want to rob us, we’ll give you our money.” “Money?!” Chuck folded his arms in disgust. “I don’t want your money! I want your sandwiches!” “Uh, sandwiches?” “Yeah! I want every single sandwich you’ve got in this place, and I want it now!” Walt struggled to free himself from the ketchup as he shouted. “I told you he was nuts! Why else would he dress like that to steal sandwiches?!” “There you go being rude again,” Chuck sighed. “Well if you gotta know, I just learned that there aren’t a whole lot of these Quiznos open anymore. That means the sandwiches you make here are really, really… Oh I don’t know, what’s the word?” “Rare?” offered Jane. “Nah, I like my sandwiches well done.” “Not that kind of rare! Rare as in valuable! Because there isn’t a lot of whatever it is!” Chuck considered for a moment then shrugged. “Yeah, that sounds good enough. Anyways, I figured if these sandwiches are so… rare and valuable, that there just the sort of thing a supervillain like me could steal!” He aimed his condiment gun at Jane. “So get started making sandwiches fast! Unless you wanna see what the mustard ray can… Um, do you hear that?” Jane gulped as the condiment gun was pointed right at her face. “Hear what?” “That dopey sounding guitar music? Turn it off! I’m trying to deliver a supervillain monologue here!” But the music played on. Chuck looked around the room until he found the source of the music. Sitting on a shelf overlooking the dining area were two rat sized creatures wearing hats. The one in a Napoleon hat strummed a guitar while the one in a bowler sang. We love the sUuUuUbS! Cuz they are good to us! The Quiznos sUuUuUbS! They warm and they are tasty, And the guy is gonna steal them! He’s got a sandwich head! Chuck stared at the rats in confusion. Jane and Walt just grew even more confused from the point Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy had walked into their restaurant. “Um, listen, little… whatever you ares!” said Chuck. “Could you guys cut it out? I’m trying to have a hold up here?” The rats glanced at each other, then continued the song. We love the sUuUuUbs! But don’t we don’t like that guy! Don’t let him take the sUuUuUbs! He takes the subs then we don’t eat! If we don’t eat we die of hunger! His sandwich head is weird! “ALRIGHT! THAT DOES IT!” Chuck swung his condiment gun to aim it at the rats and fired. The rats leapt off the shelf just as a blast of mustard enveloped it. Jane ducked under the counter as Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy continued blasting and the rats continued to perform the song at a faster tempo while dodging blasts of condiments. OK: Chuck wins by immobilizing the rats and completing his hold up. Rats win by driving Chuck out of the Quiznos. Game On!

NARRATOR: And now it’s time for another chapter in the seemingly never-ending Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle! In our last episode Rocky the Flying Squirrel and Bullwinkle Moose were once again successful in stopping the schemes of those notorious do-badders Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale. Today, we begin in the spies’ lair: a broken-down shack on the outskirts of their home country of Pottsylvania. Inside we find Natasha laid out on a couch, nursing a headache brought about by her and Boris once again being on the wrong side of an exploding bomb. NATASHA: Bomb explosion number 1,352, dollinks. NARRATOR: Meanwhile, Boris Badenov paces the floor, angrily shouting his frustration at his plans being foiled again. BORIS: Foiled again! Curses! Drat! Darn! PHOOEY! NATASHA: Boris dollink, I appreciate your way with words, but must you be so loud now? BORIS: Of course, Natasha my dear! We are on Internet now! NATASHA: So? BORIS: So, on Internet we can say and do whatever we want as loud as we want! NATASHA: Really? Boris, you wouldn’t lie to me, would you? BORIS: Of course I would. Just not this time. NATASHA: On Internet we can really be as bad as we like? And no one will stop us? BORIS: Not even moose and squirrel! Heh heh! NATASHA: Ah, Boris dollink! This Internet is Paradise! BORIS: No it ain’t! If it was, we wouldn’t be here! Heh heh heh! NARRATOR: Before Boris and Natasha could set about giving the Internet an even worse reputation than it already has, their television set turned on by itself. The screen was soon filled with the face of their boss: the supreme ruler of Pottsylvania, Fearless Leader! NATASHA: Boris! Look! The television! BORIS: Ah, it’s no problem! It just short circuit. We must be picking up some late-night horror movie! Who’d watch such an ugly looking creature? FEARLESS LEADER: It’s me, Badenov, you bungling bozo! BORIS: Whoops! Er, heh heh. A thousand sorrys, Fearless Leader! I was actually talking about myself! You see, I see reflection of my face in the… FEARLESS LEADER: Oh shut up, Badenov! BORIS: Shutting up, Fearless Leader. NATASHA: To what do we owe the pleasure, Fearless Leader? FEARLESS LEADER: I am here to give you two your next mission! A mission of utmost importance to the future of Pottsylvania! BORIS: We are ready to do our worst, Fearless Leader! FEARLESS LEADER: That’s what I’m afraid of. Now listen closely! It has come to my attention that the other nations of the world have begun to have very low opinions of Pottsylvania. NATASHA: Why not? We take pride in sinking lower than anybody! FEARLESS LEADER: For which you have my insincere congratulations! However, if I am to expand my rule, we need other countries to respect us. To fear us! And that can’t happen when those stuffed shirts at the UN snicker whenever someone mentions the word Pottsylvania! And you know why they don’t take us seriously? NATASHA: We keep losing to moose and squirrel? FEARLESS LEADER: NO! But that doesn’t help. No, the truth is that the nations of the world do not truly grasp how powerful Pottsylvania is! Our technological might! Our mechanical genius! BORIS: We have mechanical genius? Gee, what a relief! I thought he been shot by firing squad! NATASHA: Oh, sharrap your mouth, dollink. FEARLESS LEADER: Which brings us to my plan! A plan that will show the unsurpassed power of precision Pottsylvanian engineering! You, Boris and Natasha, will drive the most perfectly designed car Pottsylvania has produced… in the Wacky Races! BORIS: The what? NATASHA: Wacky Races, dollink. A crowd of crazy capitalists in a cross-country clash across the continents. FEARLESS LEADER: Excellent use of exposition and alliteration, Fatale. NATASHA: Don’t mention it, Fearless Leader. FEARLESS LEADER: And there is no better place to prove the superiority of Pottsylvania automotive might! This time the Wacky Races will run from Chicago to the St. Louis Arch! The two of you will be entered into the race, and when you win the world will know now and forever that Pottsylvania is unstoppable! NATASHA: But there is one small problem, Fearless Leader. FEARLESS LEADER: And just what problem is that? NATASHA: Pottsylvania is not allowed to compete in any sports. We’ve been banned from the Olympics, FIFA…. FEARLESS LEADER: Snobs. BORIS: Bowling, darts, esports… NATASHA: We can’t even get into a game of tiddlywinks. FEARLESS LEADER: Details! All you have to do is register under an assumed country. Then you can reveal that your car is a Pottsylvanian car when you win! BORIS: Oh, of course! Truly brilliant idea, Fearless Leader! NATASHA: Brown noser. BORIS: What’s that, Natasha? NATASHA: Oh, nothing, Boris dollink. FEARLESS LEADER: The car will be delivered to your hideout by the end of the day. The race is in 3 weeks. You will use that time to master that car. Because if you don’t win this race, I will make sure you two buffoons will be run OVER BY IT! For the glory of Pottsylvania! Hail! BORIS: Hail! NATASHA: Gang’s all here? BORIS: … Natasha, you know I’m your dollink, but could you do one thing? NATASHA: Anything, dollink! BORIS: SHARRAP YOUR MOUTH! ANNOUNCER: 3 weeks later, the crowds have gathered to witness the wackiest race yet. 300 miles from Chicago to St Louis! All of the fan favorites are here! Peter Perfect is posing for pictures while Professor Pat Pending performs a preliminary perusal of his Convert-A-Car. The Ant Hill Mob are sizing up the Slag Brothers and the Gruesome Twosome, while Lazy Luke takes a nap in his Arkansas Chuggabugg as Rufus Ruffcut gets his exercise by bench pressing it! Sergeant Blast is giving dirty looks at the Red Max, but he’s too busy focusing his wandering eyes on Penelope Pitstop. Our glamour gal of the gas pedal wanders past the cars to check out her competition but stops in front of our newcomers. A short, shifty looking fella and a tall, seductive looking lady, both dressed in white racing gear and goggles. PENELOPE PITSTOP: Well, I do declare! You two must be the new racers from… um, what country are y’all from again? BORIS: We come from Western European country of Wearesoniceland. I am Heff Jordan and this my mechanic Natalia Hattrick. NATASHA: Guten tag. PENELOPE PITSTOP: Pleased to meet you, I’m sure. It’s grand to have some new faces in the races! Oh, look at the time! If you excuse little ol’ me, I better fix my make up before the race! Bye, y’all! NATASHA: Boris dollink, promise me when race starts we drive that Kentucky Fried chickee off the road! BORIS: I promise, Natasha. Yuck! All that Southern hospitality make me want to throw up! ANNOUNCER: Meanwhile, at the back end of the starting position, Dick Dastardly is behind the wheel of his Mean Machine with his miserable mutt Muttley. What dirty tricks do you have in store for our racers this time, Dick? DICK DASTARDLY: Why the dirtiest, of course! I can feel it in my bones that this is the day that Dick Dastardly will be triumphant! MUTTLEY: Rassersnafferrassersnafferraff. DICK DASTARDLY: I know perfectly well about our new competitors from Wearesoniceland, Muttley! But it’s no matter! With the upgrades I’ve made to my vehicle and my most underhanded maneuvers, victory at last will be mine! Heh heh heh heh! MUTTLEY: Heh heh heh heh heh! ANNOUNCER: Well, I guess the other Wacky Racers better stay on their toes with old… NARRATOR: Um, excuse me? ANNOUNCER: Huh? Who are you? NARRATOR: I’m the narrator for the Rocky and Bullwinkle Show! I’m supposed to be telling this story! ANNOUNCER: But I’m the announcer for the Wacky Races! It’s my job to tell the folks at home what’s happening! NARRATOR: But that’s my job! ANNOUNCER: Well, maybe you can just focus on your two bad guys and let me worry about the race! NARRATOR: But my bad guys are a part of the race! DICK DASTARDLY: Will the both of you shut up and start the race already?! NARRATOR: Oh. Yes. Ahem. Of course. Go ahead. Sorry. ANNOUNCER: No trouble. Don’t worry about it. I see the starter is climbing the podium. The racers are all getting into their vehicles. Engines are revving up! The crowd is cheering! The flag is up! And that’s the signal! Away they go! It’s Penelope’s Compact Pussycat taking an early lead, followed by the Bulletproof Bomb and the Wearesoniceland Special! And here comes Dastardly racing after them, his Mean Machine letting out a smoke cloud that envelopes the other racers! We got multiple crashes, and the race has only just started! NATASHA: Boris dollink, just how long is this race going to take? BORIS: Oh, it depends. NATASHA: On what? BORIS: On if broadwaybeyonder can come up with an ending without it taking 2 weeks! NARRATOR: Can Boris and Natasha finally achieve victory for Pottsylvania?! ANNOUNCER: Can Dick Dastardly finally win a race for… himself?! NARRATOR: Will broadwaybeyonder not let the people of the CBUB wait 2 weeks for a finish?! BROADWAYBEYONDER: Hey! I got a life too! NARRATOR: For answers to these and other mind-numbing questions, don’t miss our next thrilling episode: “THE RATS RACE!” ANNOUNCER: Or “MEDDLE TO THE PEDAL!” OK: Both Dick Dastardly and Boris & Natasha’s cars are equipped with all kinds of gadgets to help them cheat their way through the race. Whoever can beat the other in the race (or by some miracle win the race) wins. Game On!

(finally) THE BOTTOM LINE The Artic owl and hawk spiraled above the beach, lashing out with their talons. The two surfers scrambled across the sand only to have Aurora speed past to stand in front of them. “Je suis desole’ messieurs. But I’m afraid I can’t have you leave just yet.” “Listen, lady!” said Pete. “That guy was trying to kill us! We didn’t do nothin’ wrong!” Northstar raced between the pair and offered his hand to Aurora. “Perhaps, but maybe it would be a good idea for you to stay until we can straighten this out. Sister?” Bobby did a double take and pointed at the Beaubiers. “Hey, bro! How did you do…” The Beaubiers clasped hands and summoned their powers to project at burst of light that blinded the surfers and sent them tumbling to the ground. In her owl form Snowbird drove her beak into Maui’s right wing. The demigod gave a pained squawk then started losing spiraling down. He instantly transformed back to human and Snowbird did likewise, flying down after him. “Quickly! Give me your hand!” Maui glanced upward and smirked. “Sounds good to me!” He swung his fishhook and hurled it up, sending it flying past Snowbird. Then a quick tug on the line sent it wrapping around Snowbird’s waist. Maui pulled with all his might and Snowbird gave a grunt as she pulled down passed Maui. The demigod pulled the fishhook loose, brandish it, and transformed into a whale. Snowbird looked up just in time to see the enormous creature crash down on top of her and land with crash into the ocean. “Snowbird!” Aurora sped towards the water only for Maui to burst up through the waves. The fishhook caught her square on the chin and sent her colliding into Northstar. Maui landed on the shore in front of Pete and Bobby, both still laid out from the Beaubiers attack. The fishhook wrapped around the hapless pair and Maui cinched it tight. “Okay, now that blondie is now a pancake and her pals are out of my hair, time to get down to business!” “Please, bro!” Bobby begged. “We didn’t want any trouble! We just wanted some cash!” “Yeah!” said Pete. “Honest! Just let us go, man!” The mini-Maui tattoo jumped urgently up and down on Maui’s pec. Maui raised an eyebrow and glared. “What? Let ‘em go? Let me handle this. I think I want to see how high these two can fly!” The surfers wailed as Maui sent his fishhook swinging towards the sky. Suddenly something burst out of the water and onto the shore. Maui turned to see the enormous, white, furry frame of the Wendigo charging towards him. Snowbird tackled Maui to the ground, causing him to lose his grip on the line of the fishhook. The two surfers screamed as they were flung out of the hook, landing with a splash some 100 feet from shore. Maui groaned as he rose up to face the Wendigo as it snarled and looked at the fishhook clutched in it’s claws. “Okay, hairball. Hand over the hook.” The Wendigo roared back defiantly at Maui. The demigod took a deep breath, then started going into the Haka. The Wendigo looked puzzled as Maui went through the chanting and moves as Maui readied himself to attack. However, the Wendigo wasn’t going to wait for him to finish. The Wendigo pounced and brough Maui down again. The claws of the Wendigo slashed again and again at the demigod’s body. Maui tried to fight back but couldn’t resist the onslaught. “NARYA! STOP!” The Wendigo spun around to see Aurora and Northstar staring at it in shock. “Please, Narya. It’s over. He’s beaten.” “Jean-Paul is right, amie,” said Aurora. “Please, come back to us.” The Wendigo snorted, gave one last clubbing blow to Maui, then sighed. The beastly form shifted back to the form of Snowbird. Aurora rushed to her side and gave a hug, helping her hold onto the fishhook. “I’ve got you, Narya. You’re gonna be alright.” “Thank you, Jeanne-Marie Beaubier,” Snowbird groaned. “But I believe I won’t feel ‘alright’ for quite sometime.” Maui moaned as Northstar stood above him with his arm folded. “And what shall we do with this one?” “Now… ow! Let’s hold on a second ok? I only wanted to teach those clowns a lesson! If they had stolen my fishhook, I’d be nothing! Well, not quite nothing, I’d still be a demigod and all. But I wouldn’t be able to shapeshift or… lots of other things!” Northstar didn’t look impressed as he turned to Snowbird. “What do you think? Is he telling the truth?” Snowbird closed her eyes for a moment then nodded. “I believe that he is, Jean-Paul Beaubier. I can sense that he speaks truly about his encounter with those two men. They were attempting to steal artifacts from a cave nearby here. If he agrees to leave this place and let us deal with those thieves, I am prepared to return his property. Do we have an agreement?” Maui paused for a moment then shrugged. “Hey, who am I to argue with the demigoddess that just kicked my butt? Alright, you got a deal.” Assisted by Aurora, Snowbird walked over to Maui and offered the fishhook. The demigod eased up to his feet and reclaimed his property. “You know, that wasn’t half bad. That fight, I mean. I might just fit in around here still after all. Thanks.” Snowbird smiled and nodded. “You’re welcome.” Maui gave a mighty yell and instantly transformed back into hawk form. The Alpha Flight members watched as he flew over the ocean and passed the surfers, who were still treading water. “Well, I wasn’t expecting that for our vacation,” said Aurora. “And it’s not over yet,” said Northstar. “We better get out there and see to those two before they drown.” “Indeed, Jean-Paul Beaubier,” said Snowbird. “Would you and your sister see to them and take them to the authorities?” “Us?” asked Aurora. “What about you?” Snowbird looked out at the ocean grinning. “I believe I have begun to appreciate this climate. I am going for a swim.” Before the Beaubiers could speak, Snowbird ran towards the shoreline and dived into the ocean. A few seconds later a seal jumped to the surface before diving back in with a splash. “I think she’s getting the hang of vacations, eh, brother?” Aurora chuckled. Northstar rolled his eyes and sighed. “Come on. Let’s see to those two before something else happens.” As beachgoers cautiously returned to the shore, they failed to notice Aurora and Northstar racing to rescue Pete and Bobby. They were too busy watching the unusual sight of an Artic seal enjoying the waters off the island of Maui.

Sasquatch in a speedo?

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The sun shone brightly through the windows of the hotel overlooking the Hawaiian shore. Tourists milled around the lobby chatting excitedly and pointing out a troupe of hula dancers welcoming them to their vacation. Through the door of the hotel hurried in Jeanne-Marie Beaubier (Aurora) followed by her brother Jean-Paul (Northstar) who tried to keep up while carrying their luggage. Jeanne-Marie smiled graciously as she accepted a lei from the troupe. “Ah magnifique, brother! It’s everything I imagined it would be!” Jean-Paul struggled to adjust the suitcases as he bowed his head for the attractive woman to put on his lei. “Yes, it’s quite… lovely, Jeanne-Marie. But could you not move a little bit slower and not leave me to carry most of your wardrobe?” “For us? I thought that was slow!” Jean-Paul gave his sister an unimpressed look as she chuckled. “Oh, cheer up, Jean-Paul! Guardian finally gave the three of us a chance for R&R and I’m going to make the most of it!” She grinned at a pair of surfers walking through the hotel lobby to the beach. “Maybe take in some of the sights? What do you think, Jean-Paul? Jean-Paul?” She turned to see Jean-Paul’s gaze on the drummer accompanying the hula dancers. He saw Jeanne-Marie give a knowing smile and cleared his throat. “Hmm? Sorry. What was that, ma soeur?” “Ha! Guess I won’t be alone ‘sightseeing’, no?” Jean-Paul blushed and smiled, then looked around the lobby. “Er, I wonder where Narya got to? She was still in the car when I got the luggage out of the trunk.” The door of the hotel opened again, and the surfers stopped in surprise. Narya (Snowbird) strode into the lobby, dressed in a fur coat that seemed completely out of place with the island weather. The dancers went on with their welcome and gifting their leis, but Narya’s face remained somber. “Narya, over here!” shouted Jeanne-Marie, waving to get her attention. “Attention, soeur!” whispered Jean-Paul. “Her name in public is Anne McKenzie!” “Oh, ne t’inquiete pas, frere,” said Jeanne-Marie as Narya crossed the room to join them. “There’s people here from all over the world with all kinds of names. We’re on vacation! Relax.” “My apologies for not joining you sooner,” said Narya. “I was… preparing myself.” “I can see that,” said Jeanne-Marie, looking at the coat. “Aren’t you feeling a little chaude in that outfit? I worked up a sweat just crossing the parking lot.” “I appreciate your concern, Jeanne-Marie Beaubier. I personally find the weather here overly… warm.” “Well, I suppose that’s fair coming from someone who’s never left the north before. But now that Shaman freed you from that binding spell, you should take the time to explore. Enjoy it!” While his sister talked to Narya, Jean-Paul grunted and walked over with the luggage to the concierge at the front desk. “Hello. We should have two rooms reserved? A double under Beaubier and a single for Anne McKenzie?” The concierge typed in the information on her computer. “Yes, we have that right here, sir. Welcome to Hawaii! Here’s your keycards. The double is room 307 and the single is room 308 right across the hall. Would you like me to ring somebody to help you with your luggage?” “Ce n’est pas necessaire, merci,” said Jeanne-Marie, walking up with Narya and relieving her brother of some of the suitcases. “We can carry these ourselves.” “Are you sure?” asked the concierge. “It will be quite a walk. Our elevator is down for repairs.” “Oh, I’m sure it will be faster if we just do it ourselves.” Jeanne-Marie gave a wink to her brother. Jean-Paul looked unsure for a moment then sighed. As the concierge shrugged and looked back to her computer, the Beaubier twins used their mutant speed to dash across the lobby and up the staircase. The concierge looked up to see the Beaubiers gone, and stared in confusion at Narya. “They are very anxious to begin their vacation,” said Narya. She turned and walked to the staircase leaving the bewildered concierge behind. The two surfers had travelled further down the shore away from the countless people enjoying the Hawaiian weather. One pulled out a flashlight as the pair approached the entrance to a cave. His friend, wearing a pair of sunglasses, dragged his feet behind him. “Come on, Bobby, we could be out catching some bombs, seeing some babes. And you got us playing treasure hunt.” “Relax, Pete. I read that some rich dudes were digging around these islands and found all kinds of stuff. Like, really old, expensive stuff!” Pete took off his sunglasses, looking a great deal more interested. “How expensive we talking about, man?” “Like, 6 figures, bro! The guys who lived on this island left all kinds of stuff that museums want to buy. We just got to go look for ‘em!” The two men gingerly walked into the cave, the flashlight barely giving enough light to see a few feet ahead of them. After walking for nearly a half hour and thinking of giving up, Bobby let out a shout. “Hey! Pete! You see that? Over there! By those rocks!” Pete squinted and looked where Bobby was pointing. Lying on a pile of boulders was what looked like an oversized fishhook. The surfers stumbled in their flip flops to rush over to the find. “Hey, Bob! Just what is that thing?” “How should I know, bro? It looks old and it’s huge! Pick it up!” Bobby shoved the flashlight into his pocket as Pete grabbed the fishhook by it’s handle. He tried to lift it up but it wouldn’t budge. He grabbed a hold with both hands and heaved, but the fishhook remained on the cave floor. “Will you stop messing around, bro!” “I’m not, man! This thing is heavy! Help me out!” The two men were so busy with the fishhook they failed to notice that one of the larger rocks was actually rock at all. It was the body of a large, tattooed man. And one of the tattoos on the man’s back, made to look like a small figure carrying a fishhook, sprang to life. The tattoo scrambled across the man’s back and onto his face, jumping up and down on his cheek. The man groaned and slowly rolled over with a thud. The surfers stopped their struggle with the fishhook, slowly turned and froze at the sight of the enormous man rising to his feet and smiling a deceptively friendly smile. “Hey, boys. Now, where you think you’re going with my hook?” Snowbird sat alone in her hotel room, bundled up in her coat with the AC turned up. Aurora and Northstar had already gone down to the beach, but Narya still didn’t feel quite right in these new surroundings. She had been bound to Canada by Shaman her entire life, and could acknowledge that Hawaii was indeed beautiful. But even without the threat of her life force being weakened it still seemed oppressively warm. There was a sudden beeping noise from one of Narya’s suitcases. She instantly recognized it as an Alpha Flight signal. Narya rushed to the suitcase, opened it, and pulled out the small device. “Snowbird! Snowbird, can you hear me?” “Loud and clear, Jean-Paul Beaubier. What is the situation?” “No time to explain! Aurora and I need you on the beach now! Hurry!” Snowbird could hear the urgency in Northstar’s tone. She cast aside the coat and magically altered her civilian clothes into her costume. Then she transformed into an enormous Arctic owl that flew out the window and made full speed for the beach. The two hapless surfers cowered behind Aurora and Northstar, who stood in their swimsuits between them and the approaching Maui. Other beachgoers ran away from the scene as the demigod eyed Aurora. “Well, princess, if I ever fall asleep for a few hundred years again, I’d rather wake up to you then those two Kakamora over here.” Northstar bristled. “Listen, monsieur. You can’t just go chasing people around a beach with that… thing!” “Actually,” Maui smirked. “I kinda can. Benefits of the whole ‘being a demigod’ thing. So why don’t you two go for a swim or something while I teach these guys some manners?” “Don’t let ‘em, man!” Bobby moaned. “Yeah, bro, he’s crazy!” whined Pete. “Calmez-vous tous!” shouted Aurora. “Let’s just take a second and calm down!” Maui idly tossed his fishhook. “Yeah, how about a better idea?” Swiftly Maui hurled the fishhook between the Beaubier twins. He snagged both surfers and yanked them towards him. Aurora used her speed to keep up with the hook and grab hold of the screaming surfers. She took to the air dropped the pair into the sand only for Maui to transform into a hawk and slam straight into her. Aurora had the air knocked out of her and fell towards the beach only for Maui to transform back to human and catch her. “Sorry, lady, didn’t want to be rough with you, but Maui got to do what Maui got to do.” “Put down my sister!” Maui turned to see Northstar racing towards him with his fist drawn back. Maui caught the punch while still holding Aurora. Northstar grunted in pain as Maui tightened his grip. “She’s your sister? Really? Yeah, sorry, man. But hey! Let’s get your family back together!” Maui heaved and sent Aurora crashing into Northstar. The Beaubier twins looked in disbelief at the demigod. “Now, look! I’ve tried to be nice! And I get it, I’m kinda cranky first thing in the morning, but there’s no way I’m letting those two off the hook! Ha! ‘The hook’! Hoo, I’m good! But seriously, stay down and UGH!” A giant Arctic owl came out of the sky and clawed at Maui’s head with it’s talons. Bewildered, Maui watched as the owl hovered above him for a moment before transforming back to Snowbird. “I am Snowbird! Daughter of Nelvanna, Goddess of the Northern Lights! You have attacked members of Alpha Flight and endangered civilians! Stand down or face my power!” Maui clutched his fishhook and grinned as the forgotten surfers ran for their lives. “You can shapeshift like me? Well! This just got interesting! CHEEEEEEEEHOOOOOOOO!” Maui raised his fishhook and transformed back into a hawk. Snowbird went into a dive and turned back to her Artic owl form to meet the demigod head on. OK: Both Maui and Snowbird are at full strength. Snowbird is no longer bound by the spell that keeps her in Canada and weakens her if she leaves. Last shapeshifting demigod standing wins! Game On!

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THE BOTTOM LINE Wendy, John, and Michael hid in the bushes to watch the battle of the Lost Boys. The boys they recognized were beginning to be overwhelmed as the new Lost Boys shot at them with slingshots and hit them with clubs. The other Tinker Bell tossed handfuls of pixie dust on her Lost Boys while dodging magic being thrown at her by their Tinker Bell. Meanwhile, high above the battle, the two Peter Pans crossed blades and darted through the Neverland sky. The Peter in green thrusted towards the Peter in brown who shot upwards and cut the feather off his double’s hat. “You don’t stand a chance against the greatest swordsman in all Neverland!” the Peter in brown bragged. The Peter in green sped in between his opponent’s legs and up behind him. With one stroke he had cut off the Peter in brown’s ponytail. “Funny! I was just about to say the same thing!” the Peter in green laughed, speeding off across the treetops. “No fair! That’s cheating!” the Peter in brown shouted. Wendy took a step out of the bushes as her Peter pursued his rival. “Wendy! We need to do something!” John whispered urgently. “Yes, Wendy!” said Michael. “Can’t we help the Lost Boys?” “That won’t do us any good!” said Wendy firmly, taking to the air. “The only one who can stop this is Peter! I’ve got to get him to listen to MPH!” Wendy flew straight into a girl and two boys coming down to land in the clearing. Wendy fell back down to earth with a thud. The girl quickly ran to Wendy’s side. “Oh dear! I’m so sorry! I didn’t see you. Of course, I am rather new to flying you understand.” “Are you hurted, Wendy?” the smaller boy said. “No, Michael, I’m fine.” John groaned and turned to face the older boy in glasses, a top hat, and brandishing an umbrella. “And don’t tell me. You’re supposed to be me?” “Actually, I’m supposed to me. I’m John! And Tinker Bell was very urgent for us to get here!” “She seemed to only want John and Michael,” explained the other Wendy. “But I didn’t want them going into trouble on their own.” “Please understand, umm Wendy,” said Wendy. “We really didn’t mean any trouble! We landed here by accident! But if we don’t get your Peter Pan to stop fighting our Peter Pan somebody’s bound to get hurt!” The other Wendy looked into the sky as the two Peter’s continued their duel. “Goodness! Well, if that’s what it takes, I suppose that’s what we’ll have to do. Peter will listen to me. I know he will!” “Well then let’s go already!” Wendy impatiently took to the air, and the other Wendy followed, flapping her arms for a moment to steady herself. “But what about us?” the two Johns said in unison, glancing at each other in confusion. “Just stay hidden!” shouted the other Wendy. “Unless you want to get in the middle of a Lost Boy fight!” called Wendy. The four Darling boys glanced at the brawl, then jumped back into the bushes. The Peter in green burst through the treetops and spun around to see the Peter in brown in hot pursuit. “You can fly all you want!” the Peter in brown snarled as he slashed with his knife. “There’s nowhere in Neverland you can escape from me!” “Who’s escaping?” snapped the Peter in green. He grabbed a hold of the other Peter Pan’s wrist and he followed suit. The two Peters spun around in the sky jockeying for position. The Wendy’s flew up to meet them shouting urgently. “Peter! Stop this right now!” “Yes, Peter! Please! Can’t we talk this out!” The Peter in brown shouted over his shoulder. “Stay out of this, Wendy! This is my game!” Suddenly the Peter in green kicked out with both feet, sending the Peter in brown colliding into the Wendys. The Wendy in pink fell back into the branches of an oak tree, but the Wendy in the nightgown was sent spiraling down to earth. “PETER! HELP!” The Peter in green bolted past his rival and down towards Wendy. “Don’t worry, Wendy! I’ll save you!” “Come back here!” yelled in the Peter in brown. Wendy looked on from her unexpected perch in disbelief as her Peter continued the chase. “Oh! That… that.. boy!” Extending both hands, the Peter in green caught his Wendy by the wrists, gently lowering her the rest of the way to the ground. “There you go, Wendy. Your safe now.” “Peter, look out!” But Wendy’s cry was too late. The Peter in brown delivered a diving kick to the back of the Peter in green’s head. The hit sent the Peter in green crashing to earth, his knife falling out of reach. Giving a victorious crow the Peter in brown landed next to his fallen double. “Ha! I win!” The Peter in green tried to rise to his feet, but the Peter in brown stomped his foot on his chest. He pointed his knife at the Peter in green’s throat. “Now, whoever you are, surrender, and declare me the one and only Peter Pan!” The Lost Boys, the Darling boys, and Tinker Bells crowded into the clearing. “Peter!” cried fox skin Slightly. “You got him, Peter!” cheered Curly. “Let him have it!” The Peter in green looked up defiantly at the Peter in brown. “I’ll never surrender! Not to Hook, not to you, not to anybody!” The Peter in brown raised his knife high. “Well, if that’s the way you want it…!” “PETER!” The Peter in brown turned around in annoyance to see the two Wendy’s glaring at him. “Aw, come on, Wendy! I won the fight!” “Only because he was trying to save his Wendy!” said Wendy. “Just let him go, and let’s get out of here!” “Wendy’s right, Peter” Tinker Bell said. “This Neverland belongs to this Peter and his Lost Boys. We belong on our Neverland, not fighting among ourselves in this one!” All of the Lost Boys looked around and groaned in disappointment. “Duh, do you have to go?” said Cubby. “Yeah! That was the best fight we’ve had in weeks!” “Had in weeks!” said the rabbit Twins. “Well, it was a slightly exciting battle,” Slightly grinned. “Maybe we could go another round?” asked Nibs. “No!” Wendy said firmly. “We are heading for home now! So Peter, shake hands with Peter.” “What?! Shake hands?! What for?” “Because you both fought bravely and fairly,” said the Wendy in the nightgown. “And it wouldn’t be good form for you to go away angry at yourself. Er, I mean each other.” The two Peter Pan’s looked at each other suspiciously before the Peter in brown offered his hand. The Peter in green sighed and accepted, allowing himself to be helped to his feet. “You did fight well,” the Peter in green said begrudgingly. “I’ve never seen anyone fly like that.” “Well, of course you haven’t! Seeing as how I’m the greatest flyer in all…!” The Peter in brown’s bragging was cut short by his Wendy clearing her throat. “Um, well, that is to say, you’re a pretty great fighter too.” “Anytime you want to go another round,” the Peter in green grinned. “Just let me know!” Wendy turned to the Wendy in the nightgown. “I’m just sorry we couldn’t stay longer to get to know each other better. Are you sure your Peter will be alright?” “Oh, I’m sure,” the other Wendy smiled. “I’ll take care of him. I am his mother after all.” The Peter in brown jumped into the air and hovered. “Alright then, Lost Boys! Let’s get flying! And now I know just the way to get us back to Neverland! Tinker Bell! Pixie dust for everybody!” “I’ve just about ran out of dust with all this flying and fighting!” Tinker Bell grumbled. The other Tinker Bell jingled and waved, offering up a handful of pixie dust. Tinker Bell picked up the golden dust and mixed it with her own. “Well! Thanks! Um, okay everyone! Let’s fly!” The Peter in brown led his friends into the air as their counterparts waved goodbye to them. The Wendy in the nightgown walked to the Peter in green’s side. “Oh, Peter. I do hope they can get home.” “And stay there,” grumbled Peter Pan. ****************************************************** “You and your sense of direction! You silly, silly, ***!” Tinker Bell flew above the bamboo cages that contained her Peter, the Lost Boys, and the Darlings. A crowd of boys milled around the cages talking excitedly to each other. “I thought you said you knew how to get us home!” Tinker Bell went on. “Relax, Tink!” Peter said. “I’ll get us out of this! If this is another Neverland, then I can beat their Peter Pan the same as I beat that other one!” “I don’t know, Peter,” Wendy said nervously. “These boys seem a lot less friendly.” Tinker Bell fluttered over to another fairy watching the scene from an old lantern. “Can’t you do something?! Your humans are sounding like they’re going to kill my humans!” The other Tinker Bell shook her head. “I’m sorry. But it’s not my decision. It’s up to the Pan.” There was a rumbling through the treetops and all the Lost Boys began to chant. “RU-FI-O! RU-FI-O! RU! FI! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” A tall boy with red streaks in his black hair somersaulted into the camp. He rose up and grinned dangerously at the prisoners and drew his sword. “So, which one of you pieces of slug slime says he’s the Pan?”

THE BOTTOM LINE Andel Sanap: The battle has been waged for hours, ladies and gentlemen! There are skirmishes occurring in the Gorge and TCC Arena. Both forces’ vehicles have been destroyed, with Ace and Wild Bill outmaneuvering and bringing down the Expendables’ air and ground support. Al Rossi: But Mars’ tank soon returned the favor and took out the Joes! The Joes have the Expendables pinned down here but… Oh boy. There’s Booker and Caeser! Both have automatic shotguns! Hawk: Get down! Get down! Andel Sanap: By the Force! The Joes barely avoid the barrage of bullets as the two Expendables make their advance! Hale Caeser: Oh yeah! That’s right! Don’t you Joes want to meet Omya Kaboom?! Booker: Stay focused! Complete the mission! Hale Caeser: Oh, excuse me, Mr. Lone Wolf! Flint: Bazooka! Front and center! Alpine: He means you, bozo! Make with that oversized noisemaker already! Bazooka: Uh, ok. Al Rossi: The simpleminded Joe loads his weapon, aims, and… KABOOOM! Al Rossi: And bazooka trumps shotgun! Andel Sanap: Caeser and Booker are down! G.I. Joes: YOOOO, JOE! Andel Sanap: And the Joes charge towards the remaining Expendables! Lee Christmas: Anymore bright ideas? Barney Ross: Yeah. Reload. Al Rossi: I hate to break away from this, Andel, but we still got another battle happening at TCC Arena! They’ve been going at it hand-to-hand nonstop! Duke is holding off Trench, and Decha is trying to get the upperhand of Spirit! Lash catches Scarlett’s wrist with her whip, but the lady Joe just yanks Lash to her to deliver a kick to the head! Andel Sanap: Shipwreck and Quick Kick are double teaming Galgo! He fights to his feet but a final kick and punch combination takes him down! Shipwreck: See? I told you these guys would be easy! Quick Kick: Yeah, Shipwreck! I think this could be the start of a beautiful friendship! Shipwreck: And speaking of beautiful… Al Rossi: Check it out! They’ve spotted Luna heading straight for them! Quick Face: Hey, good looking! How about we check out a movie after the fight? Andel Sanap: Luna responds by charging at Shipwreck and slamming him on his back! Quick Kick leaps in with some offense but Luna dodges! She’s got his arm! Swings him down onto the stone steps of the pyramid and curb stomps him for good measure! Luna: Men. Scarlett: You don’t have to tell me. Al Rossi: Whoa! Luna turned right into a right cross from Scarlett! Andel! In all this chaos have you seen Snake Eyes? Last I saw he was eyeing over Yin! Andel Sanap: I believe I saw him on the far side of the pyramid. Yes! There they are! Snake Eyes and Yin Yang facing off against each other! Yin unleashes a flurry of kicks, but the ninja blocks! Snake Eyes somersaults into the air before coming down for another strike! Al Rossi: I’m sorry, Andel, but we need to head back to the Gorge! Things aren’t looking for the Expendables! They’ve managed to take out Alpine and Bazooka, but the rest of the Joes are surrounding them! Sgt. Slaughter: Alright, you maggots! If you know what’s good for ya, you better surrender! Barney Ross: I’ll get back to you on that! Toll Road! Andel Sanap: Toll Road nearly spears Slaughter out of his boots! Doc and Gunner try to jump into the fray but a Lady Jaye spear explodes into a net that captures them both! Al Rossi: Barney goes to his pistol! Fires off a round that clips Hawk! Flint readies his rifle only for Lee to stop him with a knife to the throat! Lady Jaye: FLINT! Al Rossi: Lady Jaye hurls another spear and Lee throws his knife! Lee jumps out of the way of the spear! The knife…! Andel Sanap: IS CAUGHT BY SNAKE EYES! Al Rossi: Where the heck did he come from?! Andel Sanap: The other Joes have emerged from the portal! The TCC pyramid has been secured! Snake Eyes, Scarlett, Spirit, and Duke have arrived! Al Rossi: Lee pulls out a fresh blade, and Snake Eyes draws his katana! Lee Christmas: Let’s see what you got! Andel Sanap: Barney is reloading his pistol but Duke tackles him to the ground! Al Rossi: He goes for some good old ground and pound but Barney kicks him off! Duke: It’s over, Ross! You can’t win this! Stand down! Barney Ross: No. If we’re going down, we fight to the last man, ‘till my last breath! Duke: Have it your way! Andel Sanap: The Joes are quickly apprehending and subduing the remaining Expendables! Sgt. Slaughter suplexes Toll Road into the ground! Gunner and Doc have broken free of Lady Jaye’s net but are quickly met by Spirit and Roadblock! Al Rossi: And Snake Eyes is overwhelming Lee! Lee Christmas goes for his knife but Snake Eyes catches his wrist! Spins around the blade and YOWCH! Don’t mess with a ninja! Andel Sanap: Barney Ross lifts Duke off his feet but the Joe field commander delivers a strike to the neck to stun the leader of the Expendables! Now he’s raining down blows to the head! Over and over! Al Rossi: They’re starting to take effect! Ross can’t take too much more of this! He drops to a knee with Duke standing over him! One of Barney’s eyes is swollen shut as he glares up at Duke! Barney Ross: Well? What are you waiting for? Finish it! Duke: You’re a good man, Ross. But you’re not the best! Al Rossi: A final haymaker and down goes Barney! The officials at both the Gorge and TCC Arena are communicating over their headsets. They’re checking to see if all of the Expendables have been subdued. And yes! The ref is calling for the bell! Referee: Your winners: G.I. JOE!!!! G.I. Joes: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JOE! Andel Sanap: An incredible struggle, Al! Al Rossi: You said it, Andel! Mercy is going to have to be paid overtime for all the resurrecting and healing after this bout! All that’s left for now is for us to say congratulations to G.I. Joe, and for Andel, me and everybody at the TCC, so long from the Gorge! Good night, everybody! Philippa Forrester: Chloe! Where were you? We’ve been looking for you all through the fight! Chloe Bourgeois: Hmph! If you ask me there’s been too much fighting! Why does there have to be so much violence?! Philippa Forrester: Um, is this really about there being too much fighting, or too many fights you’re losing? Chloe Bourgeois: Ugh! Ridiculous! Utterly RIDICULOUS!

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Fox's Peter Pan & the Pirates - Episode 1 - Coldest Cut of All (youtube.com) First episode of PP&tP to give you a better idea of their version of Peter Pan. And in the interest of fairness: Peter Pan vs Hook (Part 1) - YouTube Peter Pan vs Hook (Part 2) (youtube.com)

Wendy Darling peered through the clouds beneath her as she flew through the sky. She pulled her crown of flowers tighter onto her head as she looked for any sign of land. Michael and John flew close behind her as the rest of the Lost Boys hung back and chatted among themselves. “Do you think were almost there, Wendy?” asked Michael. “I don’t know, Michael. Peter was sure that this was the way back home. Oh, I wish he hadn’t flown ahead with Tinkerbell!” John glanced back at the Lost Boys. “Well, we can’t stay up here forever. If we don’t find a place to land soon we might MMPF!” A ball of cloud smoke hit John square in the face. Wendy sighed as he heard a familiar laugh. “Peter! You come out of hiding right now!” The brown clad Peter Pan burst up out of a cloud bank, followed by an annoyed Tinker Bell. “Haha! Gotcha good, John! Surprised you, didn’t I?” “Pans and kettles, Peter! We were supposed to be getting these humans home! Not messing around!” “Aw lighten up, Tink! Who says we can’t do both?” The rest of the Lost Boys flew up to the Darlings. “Did you find London yet, Peter?” asked Curly excitedly. “Yeah, Peter!” said Slightly. “Are we close?” “John said there’s all sorts of…” “Amazing things to see there!” said the Twins. “I wanted to see Big Bill!” said Tootles. “No, Tootles,” said Nibs. “It’s Big Bob!” Wendy rolled her eyes and grinned. “It’s Big Ben.” “And you shall see them all, Boys!” Peter said grandly. “And I don’t have to find London! I already found it when I brought Wendy, John, and Michael to Neverland!” “Then how come you can’t find it now?” Tinkerbell asked smugly. “Patience, Tink! I know the way! It’s… uh… Why it’s right past that bunch of clouds! Come on, Boys! Follow me!” Peter Pan took off into the cloud bank, and all the Lost Boys dutifully followed him. Wendy took hold of John and Michael’s hands before going in leaving Tinkerbell to grumble to herself. “That bunch of clouds looks no different than any other bunch of clouds! Oh, that silly ***!” With a huff the fairy darted after the children. They broke through the clouds and blinked as their eyes adjusted to the sunlight. “There!” said Peter, gesturing below. “There’s jolly old London!” “Umm, Peter?” said Wendy. “That doesn’t look like London.” “Don’t be silly, Wendy! Don’t you remember where you live? What do you think it looks like?” John placed his hand on Peter’s shoulder to turn him to face where he was pointing. “Well, it looks a little like Neverland.” Peter finally looked down to see the familiar looking island below them. He looked surprised for a moment then laughed. “Ha! Well at least were not lost anymore! Hey! There’s the Jolly Roger! Let’s fly down and see what the pirates are up to!” “Peter!” Wendy said sternly. “You said you were going to get us home!” “Don’t worry, Wendy! I will! We’ll rest up in Neverland and head back out later! Let’s go! I want to see how old Captain Codfish is doing!” Suddenly there was an explosion from the Jolly Roger. Tinkerbell gave a cry of alarm. “Peter! Boys! Fly!” The children scattered across the sky as a cannonball flew past them. Peter grinned dangerously at the pirate ship and drew his knife. “Now this is much more fun than flying around clouds for an hour! To the hideout, boys! I’ll draw Hook’s fire!” The Lost Boys and the Darlings swooped down and away from the Roger as Peter and Tinkerbell went into a nosedive towards it. Curly looked back at the ship and squinted. He could start to make out the figures on the deck, including a tall pirate in a red coat and matching feathered hat. “Nibs? Have you seen that pirate before?” Nibs looked where Curly was pointing. “I don’t think so. Say! There’s a whole lot of pirates over there!” “Yeah!” said Slightly. “Where’s Billy Jukes? He should be firing Long Tom.” “And I don’t see Starkey or Mullins there either!” said John. Peter Pan darted around the mast of the Jolly Roger as the pirates shouted and brandished their weapons at him. “Alright, Captain Kipper! Show yourself!” The pirate in red grabbed a short, fat pirate by the collar. “Send the men up the rigging, Smee! Bring me that Lost Boy!” “Yessir, Cap’n Hook, sir!” Tinkerbell hovered above Peter’s shoulder in confusion. “Smee? Hook? Peter, something isn’t right!” “I know that, Tink! There are pirates shooting at us!” “You up there!” Peter turned to see the pirate in red extending his hand up to him. “You come down right now, and surrender! Give me the location of Peter Pan’s hideout, and I’ll let you live! You have the word of Captain James Hook!” Peter stayed in flight and leaned against the mast. “If I ever wanted the word of Captain Hook, I’d get it from Captain Hook! Who are you?” Hook’s eyes blazed. “Who am I?! You scurvy brat! Didn’t your precious Pan tell you how he did THIS to me?!” The pirate raised up his left arm, revealing the curved hook where his hand should be. Peter’s eyes widened. “But… I didn’t… you’re not…” “Peter!” Tinkerbell said urgently. “Fly! Get to the others! Quickly!” Dodging a burst of pistol fire from the pirates, Peter shot over the Jolly Roger deck and made best speed for Neverland, Tinkerbell right behind. “Bring around the cannon, Mr. Smee!” “But, Cap’n…” “Bring around the cannon, you blathering moron!” Smee saluted and scrambled to the cannon. He yanked on the rope with all his might as Hook charged after him. “Must I do everything on this ship myself?!” With a mighty heave from Smee, the cannon flipped backward and slammed onto Captain Hook’s head, planting him into the deck like a stake. “Oh! Oh, dear me!” simpered Smee as he rushed to Hook’s side. “Cap’n! Please say something to let me know you’re alright!” Hook looked dazed for a moment before letting out a wail. “SMEEEEEEEEEE!” The Lost Boys and the Darlings landed in a clearing in the jungle. Michael looked around in confusion. “Wendy? Are you sure this is Neverland?” “I… I’m not sure, Michael. It does look like Neverland.” “But slightly different,” said Slightly. “The Roger, the island…” “Even those mermaids we saw!” interrupted Curly. “I don’t remember seeing any looking like that!” Before Wendy could respond a roar burst from the foliage surrounding the children, quickly followed by 6 figures dressed in animal skins charging at them. The Lost Boys and the Darlings took to the air as the boys brandished makeshift clubs and slingshots. “Hey! They’re flyin’!” shouted the boy in fox skin. “Don’t let them get away, Nibs!” “Quit worrying, Slightly!” the boy in rabbit skin snapped. “We got ‘em!” “Nibs?!” said Nibs. “Slightly?!” said Slightly. “I thought you were Nibs and Slightly,” said Tootles. “We are! Er, I am!” Slightly flew down to face off with the other Slightly. “I don’t know who you are, but this isn’t even slightly funny! I’m Slightly and he’s Nibs!” “Oh no he’s not!” the boy in rabbit skin said, pointing to himself then each of the other boys. “I’m Nibs! He’s Slightly, he’s Tootles, they’re the Twins, and he’s Cubby!” “What about Curly?” Curly asked insulted. “This is…” “Impossible!” said the Twins. “How can you be the Twins…” “When we are the Twins?” The two boys in the raccoon skins put up their fists. “You ain’t Twins! You don’t look the same!” “Don’t look the same!” “Duh, are we still gonna bonk ‘em on the head?” asked Cubby. “Just you try it!” snapped Nibs. “Please!” Wendy shouted. “Can’t we just calm down for a…” “ATTEEEEEN-SHUN!” Instantly all of the Lost Boys stood up straight and still. The Darlings looked up to see a boy in green floating in the air above them, accompanied by a small twinkling light at his shoulder. “Now then, who are you and what are you doing in Neverland?” Slightly attempted to fly up to the boy but was stopped by Curly. “We have as much right to be in Neverland as anybody! We’re Lost Boys! Who are you?” The boy in green put his hands on his hips and grinned proudly. “If you were really Lost Boys you would already know! I’m Peter Pan!” The Darlings and their Lost Boys slowly floated down to the ground in shock. “Is that really Peter, Wendy?” asked Michael. “It can’t be!” said John. “What do you want us to do to ‘em, Peter?” asked the Nibs in rabbit skins. “Duh, yeah! Can we bonk ‘em?” asked Cubby excitedly. “If you would just listen for a second!” Wendy exclaimed. “We don’t want any trouble!” With a rooster’s crow the other Peter Pan flew into the clearing with Tinkerbell. “Hey, Wendy! Don’t know who these new pirates are that Hook found but they couldn’t catch me…” The Peter Pan in brown came to a sudden halt when he finally saw the Peter Pan in green hovering in front of him. The two boys circled around each other above the clearing. “And just who is this?” the Peter in brown asked. “He says he’s you, Peter!” called Tootles. The glowing figure on the Peter in green’s shoulder started jingling urgently. “Quiet, Tink! I’m taking care of this!” The other Tinkerbell’s eyes widened. “Oh no! Not me too!” “Enough of this!” the Peter in brown said. “Everyone knows there’s only one Peter Pan!” “Not necessarily, Peter!’ said Tinkerbell. “Remember the time you flew too far ahead and found Wendy’s daughter in the future? You might have done it again, only this time you flew us too… well, sideways. To another Neverland!” “Oh, that’s impossible! And even if there is another Neverland it wouldn’t matter! Peter Pan rules Neverland, any Neverland!” The Peter in green’s face became less friendly as his hand reached for the handle of his knife. “Well, if you want to rule this Neverland, you’ll have to take it from me!” “It’ll be a pleasure, Captain Copycat!” In an instant both Peter’s drew their knives and flew straight at each other. “Peter! Don’t!” cried Wendy. “Come on, Lost Boys!” shouted Slightly. “Help Peter!” Before the Lost Boys could take to the air, the other Lost Boys sprang into action. Wendy pulled John and Michael away from the melee as Nibs shouted to Tinkerbell. “Tink! Find John and Michael! They’re flying with Wendy on the other side of the island! We need all the men we can get!” Tinkerbell nodded and turned to fly away, but stopped when she noticed the Peter in brown’s Tinkerbell following after the Peters. “Peter! You silly ***! There’s no need for all this fighting!” With a mischievous smirk, Tinkerbell rubbed her hands to summon a ball of pixie dust and hurled it. When it hit it’s target, the other Tinkerbell gave a whoop of surprise as she was sent zooming into the air 6 feet. Finally regaining her bearings, the pixie glared down at her counterpart zooming into the jungle. “Alright! If that’s the way you want it, fine!” Tinkerbell chased after Tinkerbell, Lost Boy battled Lost Boy, and above the jungle Peter Pan crossed blades with Peter Pan to see who would rule Neverland. OK: Peter Pan from “Peter Pan and the Pirates” vs Peter Pan from the original Disney movie. Both at full strength and armed with their knives. Fight continues until one Pan is subdued or surrenders. Game On!

*THE FOLLOWING BROADCAST IS BEING PRESENTED BY THE TRANSDIMENSIONAL COMBAT COMMISSION. ALL COMBATANTS MUST AGREE TO FOLLOW TCC GUIDELINES AT ALL TIMES. SAFETY OF ATENDEES IS NOT GUARANTEED.* Al Rossi: HellooooooooOoOoOo, fight fans! And welcome back to the TCC Arena! It’s Al Rossi and Jedi Master Andel Sanap… Andel Sanap: May the Force be with you all! Al Rossi: Fresh off the completion of Battlesphere 2, which saw Hawkgirl become our 2nd battle royal winner! We are a little short handed today with Chloe Bourgeois sulking in her Paris mansion over the results, but Philippa is here as always to help us out with the interviews. But today’s combatants aren’t much for talking, Andel! In fact, this might go down as the most violent and explosive match yet! Andel Sanap: I would go so far to say, Al, that tonight’s action will more resemble a war than a match. For tonight we will be bringing back another match type that was well received by the fans: a 25 vs 25 All Out War between G.I. Joe and the Expendables! Al Rossi: The last time we saw this was when Team Mortal Kombat fought against Team Forever Red! For those of you who missed that thrilling contest, the rules are simple. The match will start in the Gorge, our outdoor battlefield. In both the Gorge and TCC Arena is an enormous pyramid with a portal at the top. Whichever team is able to secure both pyramids and subdues all of their opponents wins. Andel Sanap: Both teams are being allowed access to whatever weapons and vehicles they have in their arsenals. The G.I. Joe commanders have been in conference to hammer out their strategy and all of the rest of their force have been given strict orders not to have any interviews with Miss Forrester. Al Rossi: And the Expendables have not been seen here or at TCC Arena all day. But we can at least give you the rundown of these two armies. Representing G.I. Joe, under the command of General Hawk: Flint, Duke, Lady Jaye, Scarlett, Shipwreck, Roadblock, Gung Ho, Dusty, Beachhead, Alpine, Wet-Suit, Leatherneck, Sgt. Slaughter, Quick Kick, Wild Bill, Ace, Bazooka, Mutt, Cover Girl, Low-Light, Footloose, Barbecue, Spirit, and Snake Eyes. Andel Sanap: And representing the Expendables, led by Barney Ross: Lee Christmas, Yin Yang, Gunner Jensen, Toll Road, Hale Caeser, Trench Mauser, Billy “the Kid”, Galgo, Doc, John Smilee, Luna, Thorn, Mars, Easy, Galan, Gina, Decha, Lash, Tool, Lone Wolf Booker, Bonaparte, Mr. Church, Maggie Chan, and Max Drummer. Al Rossi: And it looks like members of the Joe team are already mobilizing in the Gorge! Still no sign of the Expendables anywhere. I see one of our officials talking into his headset and, yes, we’re getting word up here too. The Expendables are signaling the TCC they are ready to begin! The ref is taking off the headset. He points to the Joes! Referee: Combatants ready? 3! 2! 1! Commence combat! Hawk: Alright, Joes! Flint and Lady Jaye! Take your squad up the pyramid to the portal! Duke and Scarlett, take the perimeter! The Expendables must be nearby! Flint: On it, General! Alright you, yardbirds! Roll out! Joes: YO JOE!!! Al Rossi: Flint and Lady Jaye sprint for the pyramid, followed by their squad! I think I can see Shipwreck, Gung Ho, Alpine, Spirit, and Bazooka racing with them! Shipwreck: This is gonna be easier than I thought! No sign of those old has-beens anywhere! Polly: Rawk! Less talking, more running, sailor! Rawk! Alpine: Better listen to your bird, Shipwreck! Those guys are no joke! Shipwreck: Aw come off it, Alpine! They probably heard I was in this fight and ran all the way back to… KABOOM!! Andel Sanap: By the Force! Al Rossi: A shell! Nearly missed the squad at the foot of the pyramid! A tank is pulling in through the entrance to the Gorge! And look! Up there! It’s the Expendables plane! Andel Sanap: And an attack helicopter alongside it! The Expendables are here and ready for action! Polly: Rawk! Anymore wise words, sailor? Rawk! Flint: Take cover! Bazooka! Take out that chopper! Spirt, you and Gung Ho go with Lady Jaye to secure that portal! Al Rossi: I see Mars and Toll Road looking out the top of the tank! They’re getting ready for another shot! Toll Road: You sure you know how to drive this thing? Mars: Relax, man. I know my equipment. Fire in the hole! Al Rossi: The Joes are scrambling to defensive positions and opening fire on the tank! They seem completely caught off guard! Meanwhile we’ve got parachutes in the air as what appears to be Barney Ross, Lee Christmas, and Yin Yang skydive to the pyramid. Lee Christmas: You better be right about trusting Bonaparte to fly that plane! Barney Ross: Him and Church will be fine! Now pipe down and shoot somebody! Andel Sanap: The helicopter, piloted by Mr. Drummer, is going into a strafing run! Lady Jaye hurls one of her spears! Bullseye! The explosion rocks the ‘copter but it’s still airborne! Lady Jaye: General! Either you need to get me a bigger spear or we better bring in some back up! Hawk: Say no more, Lady Jaye! Charlie Squadron! You are a go! Al Rossi: Now we’re talking! A Skystriker and a Dragonfly helicopter streak over the Gorge! The Expendables planes are forced to take evasive action! Wil Bill: Yeeehaw! Let’s show these boys some real fancy flying, Ace! Ace: You got it, partner! Time to shuffle the deck! Andel Sanap: Al! A Mauler Tank is pulling into the other side of the Gorge! Sgt. Slaughter is directing the reinforcements as Leatherneck and Barbecue lay down cover fire and Snake Eyes bolts up the steps of the pyramid! Al Rossi: The battle has been joined! By land and by air, we are going to learn who the baddest soldiers on the planet really are! OK: G.I. Joe (80s animated), under the command of General Hawk: Flint, Duke, Lady Jaye, Scarlett, Shipwreck, Roadblock, Gung Ho, Dusty, Beachhead, Alpine, Wet-Suit, Leatherneck, Sgt. Slaughter, Quick Kick, Wild Bill, Ace, Bazooka, Mutt, Cover Girl, Low-Light, Footloose, Barbecue, Spirit, and Snake Eyes. VS The Expendables, led by Barney Ross: Lee Christmas, Yin Yang, Gunner Jensen, Toll Road, Hale Caeser, Trench Mauser, Billy “the Kid”, Galgo, Doc, John Smilee, Luna, Thorn, Mars, Easy, Galan, Gina, Decha, Lash, Tool, Lone Wolf Booker, Bonaparte, Mr. Church, Maggie Chan, and Max Drummer. Both have access to the vehicles listed in the set up and G.I. Joe ‘pets’ (Polly, Timber, Freedom, Junkyard) are in the battle, as well. Last army standing and in possession of both pyramids wins. Game On!

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THE BOTTOM LINE 10:00 A string quartet was playing a waltz in the ballroom. Snow White stood off to the side watching as the princesses danced with their princes. Her head swayed back and forth to the music until she suddenly shook herself out of it. She couldn’t allow herself to fall asleep, not even for a moment. This was going to be the year she saw midnight. “Oh, hello, Snow!” Snow White jumped slightly and turned to see Aurora behind her holding a mug. “Are you feeling alright?” Aurora said sweetly. “Not feeling tired?” “Not at all,” said Snow White determinedly. “I’m wide awake. But you have been dancing with Philip all night. Why don’t you sit down and rest?” Aurora took a sip from her mug and smiled. “Very kind of you, Snow, but I’m feeling just fine.” Snow White looked suspiciously at the mug and sniffed. “What is that you are drinking, Aurora? You know it wouldn’t be fair to take a magic potion to stay awake.” “Oh, it’s not magic. It’s a drink that Mirabel and the Madrigal family brought to the party. They call it coffee.” “Coffee?” “Mmhmm,” grinned Aurora as she took another drink. “It tastes wonderful. And Mirabel said that it’s helpful if you need something to wake you up. Why I bet I’ll be able to stay up until dawn with this! Oh! There’s Merryweather! Pardon me, Snow! Enjoy the ball!” Snow White looked annoyed as Aurora hurried across the floor to meet with her fairy guardian. Jane walked up beside her. “Aurora certainly seems in a good mood, doesn’t she?” Snow White didn’t turn to face Jane. “Jane, do you know where I could find Mirabel?” “I believe I saw her by the refreshment table talking with Mei Lee. Snow, about this contest…” Snow White started power walking to the entrance to the ballroom. “Sorry, Jane. I need to have a coffee… I mean, a talk! With Mirabel! Um, goodbye!” Jane watched as Snow White dashed out the door. Meanwhile, from the balcony overlooking the ballroom, Ariel, Belle, and Jasmine watched the goings on with amusement. Ariel grinned at her snickering friends. “It won’t be long now.” 11:00 There was a lull in the music as many of the castle’s guests were sitting and talking to each other. All except Snow White, Aurora, and their princes. Florian and Philip were becoming more and more confused by the odd behavior of their sweethearts as they continued to waltz with them around the floor. Florian struggled to keep Aurora upright as her head waved back and forth. “Aurora, don’t you want to sit down? There isn’t even any music playing.” “We don’t need music, Philip! Let’s just dance! Dance all the way to midnight!” Philip gave a look to Florian, who looked back at Snow White hanging limply in his own arms. “Darling, maybe we could dance some more after the musicians come back from their rest?” “Rest?! No, no rest! We have to stay awake until midnight! Er, haha. I’m sorry, Florian. I don’t know what came over me.” The two princes nodded at each other and began to walk their princesses off the dance floor. “Snow White, what’s wrong?” asked Florian. “You know how you are when it gets late.” “How you both are,” chimed in Philip. Aurora and Snow White looked sheepish at each other. “We know, Philip,” said Aurora. “We just wanted to see New Years Eve with you both this year.” “We didn’t want to miss it again,” said Snow White. “We’re sorry.” Florian kissed Snow White on the cheek. “You have nothing to be sorry for. If you truly want to make it to midnight, I understand. But even if you don’t want to rest, I believe Philip do.” Philip smiled and kissed Aurora’s hand. “Dancing all night can be tiring, even with lovely princesses like yourselves.” Aurora chuckled. “Very well. We release you. But maybe we can dance some more later?” “Of course,” said Florian. With Cinderella watching the princes started off towards Eric and Aladdin, and Snow White and Aurora’s faces fell. “Now what do we do?” Snow White groaned. “How are we going to stay awake now?” “Perhaps we should put a stop to this ‘game’ now,” said Cinderella, stepping up to the princesses. “The pair of you are practically out on your feet.” “Or…” said Belle, as she, Ariel, and Jasmine joined the group. “Maybe you could have yourselves another cup of coffee?” Aurora and Snow White’s faces lit up. “Coffee? Where?” “Oh, Mirabel was making a fresh pot while you were dancing,” said Ariel. “But there was quite a crowd by the refreshment table,” Jasmine smirked. “There might be only a few cups left.” Aurora and Snow White glanced at each other, then towards the entrance to the ballroom. Then they both bolted for the entrance as fast as their tired legs could carry them. Cinderella looked disapprovingly at Ariel, Belle, and Jasmine as they laughed. “You three are incorrigible.” She strode off as Jasmine hurried after Aurora and Snow White. “Come on! Let’s see what happens when they get to the refreshment table!” “Right behind you, Jasmine!” giggled Belle. “Ariel! Are you coming?” Ariel looked distracted for a moment, then shook herself out of it. “Hmm? Oh! Right. Sure.” 11:50 The excitement was building in the castle. Everyone was gathered in the main hall to watch the clock tower strike midnight. Jane had had a wonderful time with Tarzan and the other guests at the castle, but she still felt uneasy about the game between Aurora and Snow White. “Pardon me? Miss Porter?” Jane turned and curtsied when she saw Florian and Philip. “Oh! Good evening, your highnesses!” Phillip offered his hand to raise Jane out of her curtsey. “There’s no need for that, Jane. We just wanted to ask you if you have seen Aurora and Snow White.” “Aurora? Snow? Er, well, I can’t say I have. Did you try the refreshment table? They’ve been hanging around there all evening.” “We already looked there,” said Florian. “Miss Mirabel had already closed up her coffee stand. Seems that Snow White and Aurora nearly drank all of her supply by themselves.” Jane glanced over her shoulder to see Cinderella talking urgently with Ariel, Belle, and Jasmine. “I’m sorry, your highnesses. I don’t know where they’ve gone to, but I believe I know who does! Excuse me, please!” Jane picked up her skirts and hurried over to the other princesses. “What do you mean you can’t find them?” Cinderella scolded. “This whole game was your idea!” “We’re sorry, Cindy,” said Belle. “We just… lost them!” “Yes,” said Jasmine, blinking tiredly. “There’s so many people. We lost them in the crowd.” “Well, wherever they are we better find them!” said Jane. “Florian and Philip are getting worried!” “And we won’t know who won if we don’t find them before they fall…ahhhh asleep,” Ariel yawned. “Come along, girls,” said Cinderella, heading for the staircase. “Let’s check upstairs. And hope that they haven’t sleepwalked into the moat!” The princesses and Jane hurried up the stairs, with Ariel, Belle, and Jasmine moving decidedly slower. When they reached the second floor away from the music and the bustle of the ballroom, they heard a banging sound. They turned a corner to see Snow White banging on a door. “Come out, Aurora! I know you’re in there!” she shouted in a slurred speech. “Don’t you try to sneak a nap where no one can see you! Open up right now!” “Snow White! Control yourself!” shouted Cinderella. Snow White spun around to see Cinderella, the force her turn sending her tumbling to the carpet. She looked up at her friends and smiled absentmindedly. “Oh! Happy New Year, everyone! I found Auroro… Auroru… err, hee whatshername in here.” “Um, Snow? That’s a broom closet.” “That’s what she wants you to think, Jean, err Jane! But look! I’ll show you!” Snow White flung open the door, and a pair of brooms carrying buckets marched out of the closet, shook their handles at the princesses, and marched back in, slamming the door after them. “Huh,” said Snow White dumbfounded. “Aurora’s a broom?!” Ariel, Belle, and Jasmine burst out laughing until Cinderella shushed them. “Quiet, all of you! Listen.” From a room further down the hall, the princesses could hear the sound of gentle snoring. They crept down the hall and slowly opened the door. Stepping into the room they found Aurora passed out on a four poster bed, a coffee dangling from her fingers on the floor. In the silence the princesses could hear the echoes from the ballroom. “6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!” Aurora shifted in bed and murmured but remained fast asleep. “Poor dear,” sighed Cinderella. “She was so close.” “But she was doing so well,” said Jane. “Maybe she’ll be able to make it next year.” “Does this mean I won?” Snow White said drowsily, swaying back and forth. “Yes, Snow,” said Cinderella. “You won.” “Wonderful. Now if you don’t mind, I want tooooo….” Snow White’s words were muffled as she fell face first onto Aurora’s bed, fast asleep. Cinderella and Jane helped her into the bed next to Aurora. “Well, that’s one way to start the new year,” said Jane. “I suppose so,” smiled Cinderella. “How about you join me in celebrating with the rest of our guests and finishing the ball?” “Me? What about the other princesses?” “Look!” Jane turned where Cinderella was pointing around the room where all three princesses were asleep. Belle was curled up on a chair, Jasmine was stretched out on a couch, and Aril was snoring loudly on the carpeted floor. Jane stifled a giggle as Cinderella grinned and raised a finger to her lips. The two tiptoed out of the room to celebrate the new year, leaving the 5 princesses to their rest. HAPPY NEW YEAR AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL OF THE CBUB!

AFTER 4 ½ MONTHS, THIS IS THE BOTTOM LINE! Al Rossi: Xena hurls her chakram at Hawkgirl! Hawkgirl swings her mace, but Xena uses the Force to pull the chakram just out of range! But here It comes again! Slicing through one of Hawkgirl’s slimy tendrils! Andel Sanap: The Thanagarian hero screeches in pain as she falls closer to the ring apron! Xena pulls out Astronema’s staff! She aims and fires! Hawkgirl unleashes Jack’s fire to scorch the staff out of Xena’s hands! Al Rossi: Xena’s eyes are blazing! Her Kylo abilities are feeding into her Amazon spirit! She brings in the chakram with the Force for another strike! But wait! Hawkgirl’s ready for her! She slashes with the First Blade to send the chakram flying wildly until it embeds itself into the Battlesphere wall! Andel Sanap: Giving her war cry Xena charges towards Hawkgirl with lightsaber raised! She blocks with the mace! The Nth metal is crackling with energy as it tries to hold back the Amazon! Al Rossi: Xena’s reaching for the black light projector! Hawkgirl: SLIME ANYONE?! Al Rossi: But Hawkgirl was ready! Slime to the eyes of Xena! Xena’s blinded! Andel Sanap: Xena is now waving the lightsaber wildly! She needs to focus! If she can channel the Force she has a chance of overcoming this! Al Rossi: But even Kylo Ren wasn’t much for meditation! Hawkgirl easily flies out of reach of Xena’s futile strikes! She changes her Miraculous top to it’s stinger mode! Hawkgirl: VENOM! Andel Sanap: Right on target! Al Rossi: Xena is frozen and helpless! This is it! The crowd is going ballistic! Hawkgirl extends her ‘hair’, enveloping Xena! She picks the warrior princess off her feet and hurls her! Andel Sanap: The Venom is waring off! Xena is scrambling to activate the grappling hook again, but to no avail! She’s hit the wall! Al Rossi: It’s over! We have a new Battlesphere winner! Justin Roberts: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of Battlesphere 2: HAAAAAAWGIIIIIIIRLL!!! Al Rossi: Over 40 minutes and 6 eliminations, the Justice Leaguer from Thanagar is the last combatant standing! Andel Sanap: Philippa Forrester is teleporting into the ring as Hawkgirl is being restored to her usual form. An incredible performance by Hawkgirl, especially with such a bizarre mixture of power ups. Al Rossi: Let’s send it down to Philippa! Philippa Forrester: Well, everyone, I’m here with the latest winner of the Battlesphere. Hawkgirl, both you and Xena were among the 24 rookie entrants into the ‘sphere. How does it feel to be the last woman standing? Hawkgirl: I have to say it’s incredible! I have nothing but respect for Xena. We are both women from races of warriors and I hope the fans got their moneys worth. It was the most fun I’ve had in years! Although I’m not gonna miss having purple slime for hair. Philippa Forrester: Haha! Wouldn’t want that for myself either! But you still have 5 other powers you could request from the TCC as your prize for winning. Since I can assume you won’t be asking to keep Gooey Gus’ powers, who will you be choosing? Hawkgirl: Well, you’re right about Gus. I don’t really care for what there powers did to me. Xena’s skills are so much like my own there really wouldn’t be any challenge for me copying her. Medusa’s hair would just get in the way of my wings, and I’m not that crazy about Cain. So I guess I’m left with one option. I select to copy the powers of Chloe Bourgeois! Chloe Bourgeois: RIDICULOOOOOOOOOUS!!! Al Rossi: Oh boy. Here we go. Chloe Bourgeois: You mean to tell me that I went through this stupid battle royal for the second time! For over an HOUR?! And not only do I not win, this flying freak gets to take MY POWERS?! Philippa Forrester: Chloe, relax. You still have your powers. Hawkgirl just gets to have them too until the next Battlesphere. Chloe Bourgeois: I DON’T CARE! THEY’RE MY POWERS! THIS IS UTTERLY RI… Crowd: RIDICULOUS! Chloe Bourgeois: … You know what? THAT’S ENOUGH! I QUIT! I’M LEAVING! Andel Sanap: Um, perhaps someone should see to Miss Bourgeois? Al Rossi: Maybe later, Andel. Right now, Hawkgirl is getting her powers, along with a Queen Bee version of her costume. Armed with a mace and a Miraculous, Hawkgirl should prove to be a tough combatant to beat! Folks, thanks to everyone for watching Battlesphere 2! And I assure you, this match type will return, and the TCC has plans to make it bigger and better than ever! For all of us here at TCC Arena, I’m Al Rossi, saying good night! HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM THE TRANSDIMENSIONAL COMBAT COMMISSION!

THE BOTTOM LINE Brightburn crashed through the remains of the jet’s wing. The force of Invincible’s punches had ripped half of his mask off. His eyes glared up at the hero flying above him. “You… hurt… me?! No one hurts me!” “Huh, funny. I think I just did.” Brightburn let out a roar a fired a blast of heat vision. Invincible shielded his face and blocked the beams with his arm. He winced as he felt the heat vision tear into his skin, but he still maintained flight above Brightburn. “Look, kid, I’m not going to let you kill more people. So knock off the light show and come quietly.” “NO!” Brightburn wailed. “This is my chance! To show them all! I am special! I won’t go with you! AND YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!” A telekinetic push shoved Invincible down to earth but he quickly jumped back to his feet. Brightburn charged towards Mark with superspeed and threw a punch. A punch that Mark caught with his left hand. Brightburn struggled to free himself from Invincible’s grip, only for the hero to stand firm. “Alright, that’s a no for surrender. On to fun option.” Invincible delivered an uppercut to Brightburn to sent him hurtling into the air. Invincible flew above him and delivered an axe handle blow to the back of his head. Brightburn careened down into the remnants of the crashed airplane in a fiery explosion. Peering through a smoke and wreckage, Invincible eventually made out the fallen form of the would-be supervillain. Brandon Breyer’s mask hung loose around his neck and his costume was in tatters. Tears ran down his face as he struggled to rise. “How? It’s not fair! This was gonna be my world! They said I…” “Sorry, junior,” said Invincible as Brightburn fell unconscious. “Don’t know who you’ve been talking to, but at the end of the day, you are just a kid. And I am…” “Invincible?” Mark flinched as he heard Cecil’s voice on his com. “Save the speeches and bring him in. We’ve got a GDA cell all ready for this brat.” “Oh. Right. Yeah, on the way.”

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*This match up will be featuring a plot device I used in Snow White vs Cinderella. If you want to see that, click here! Match 16928 Snow White vs. Cinderella - CBUB Rated Matches - The Electric Ferret Message Boards If you want to see what’s in store, read on!* Once upon a time, the wielders of magic looked across the expanse of time and space between their kingdoms. They were Yen Sid, Merlin, the Genies, the Fairies, and the other great magicians, wizards, and witches. By combing their powers, they set about establishing several smaller realms between the kingdoms. They were a collection of castles and lands that would allow people from different kingdoms to gather and explore together. One castle in particular became known as the retreat for the princesses, a place where could get away from the stress of ruling their kingdoms. For many years, the princesses would come to relax and enjoy their fellowship, and all was well. Until one day… Jane Porter peeked around the corner to glance at the ballroom spread out beneath her. The New Year’s Eve Ball was in full swing, with friends from across the kingdoms gathering to ring in the new year. An ornate staircase led up to the landing where Jane stood observing the festivities. She then ducked back inside a dressing room where several of the princesses were putting the finishing touches onto their make up and outfits. Ariel, Jasmine, and Belle huddled around a mirror while Aurora and Snow White showed off their gowns to each other. Cinderella gave a knowing look to Jane as she gave another glance to the door. “You really are jumpy tonight, Jane,” said Cinderella. “I guess I can’t help it,” Jane said. “I wasn’t able to attend your Winter Ball last year, and I’m just hoping everything works alright tonight.” “Everything’s going to be fine,” said Belle. “And I’m sure Tarzan will appreciate that new gown of yours too,” Jasmine grinned. Jane glanced down at blue dress she wore and sighed. “I hope so. Either way, at least I’ll get to stay up until midnight with all of you.” There was a pregnant pause in the room. Jane could notice a shared glance between the princesses. “Well, you are all staying up until midnight, aren’t you?” Ariel giggled and Jasmine elbowed her in the ribs. Cinderella shot them a look then turned back to Jane. “Of course, we are.” “Or at least we can try,” said Snow White, giving a nervous look to Aurora. Aurora looked annoyed as Ariel, Jasmine, and Belle all stifled their laughter. “We certainly will.” Jane folded her arms and walked over to the princesses at the mirror. “Alright, what’s going on?” “Um, going on? Oh, nothing, nothing,” said Ariel, desperately trying to regain her composure. Jane grinned. “Sounds like a rather amusing nothing. Come on, what is it?” “Oh, you might as well tell her,” sighed Snow White. “Yes,” said Aurora. “You’re all practically bursting to anyway.” Sharing one last look with Ariel and Jasmine, Belle turned in her seat to face Jane. “Well, you do know about Snow and Aurora’s stories? How they were both put under a spell that put them in an enchanted sleep?” “Of course. Until their princes woke them up with true love’s kiss. But what’s that got to do with tonight?” “Well,” said Jasmine biting her lip. “Even though the spells were broken, there were some… oh, how did Fairy Godmother put it? ‘Unexpected side effects.’” “Side effects?” Jane turned to Aurora and Snow White in concern. “What side effects?” “Oh, it’s nothing serious, Jane,” said Snow White, shuffling her feet in embarrassment. “It’s just that ever since the day our prince’s woke us up, we’ve always had a little problem… staying up as late as the rest of you girls can.” “Normally it isn’t a problem,” said Aurora. “We just turn in for bed a little early. But on nights like tonight when people expect to see the princesses stay up until twelve… there are moments when things become… awkward.” “Like the time you fell asleep headfirst into the punch bowl?” Ariel blurted out. Ariel, Belle, and Jasmine burst out laughing as Aurora glared at them. Jane joined in the laughter as Jasmine gestured to Snow White. “Or or the time last year? When Snow was on the dance floor and fell asleep during a waltz?” she snickered. “She thought she was still dancing with Florian but she woke up waltzing with poor Quasimodo! ‘Oh, Florian! What’s become of you, dear?’” Snow White blushed and Aurora put her hands on her hips and the other princesses fell back in their chairs with laughter. “It isn’t that funny!” said Aurora. “No, it’s not,” chimed in Snow White. “We can’t help it!” Cinderella chuckled as she put her arms around her two friends. “We understand, dears. You know we love you both. That’s why we would understand if you two decided to turn in early tonight. There’s no sense in pushing yourselves to stay up late if you aren’t up for it.” “But I am!” interrupted Aurora. She looked surprised for a moment at her outburst but continued on. “I mean, I don’t know about Snow but I just know that this is the New Year’s Eve that I’ll stay up to midnight! I might even stay up until one!” “And I think I can manage to stay up until two!” Snow White said. “Hey!” interrupted Ariel. “Maybe that’s the answer!” “What answer?” Snow White asked. “The way to make sure you both can make it to midnight this year! You two just need to have a… friendly competition.” “Ariel,” Cinderella said under her breath warningly. “You… mean like another game?” gulped Snow White. “I don’t know if we should.” “Neither do I,” said Aurora. “But think about it,” said Belle. “Maybe you need more motivation to stay awake.” “Right!” chimed in Jasmine. “Maybe whoever stays awake the longest gets something from whoever falls asleep first.” Aurora rolled her eyes. “Oh, Jasmine, that would be childish.” “Um, what sort of something?” “Snow!” scolded Cinderella. “Don’t you remember what happened the last time these three cooked up a ‘game’?” “Yes, she beat you!” said Ariel. She cleared her throat as Cinderella gave her a dirty look and Jasmine walked up to Aurora and Snow White. “Well, Snow, you have been saying how much you like Aurora’s gowns. Maybe the winner can have their pick of the loser’s wardrobe.” “But we share clothes all the time already!” said Aurora. Jasmine gave a mischievous smile. “For the entire year?” “Oh, that’s good!” said Ariel, clapping her hands in excitement. “You could have any piece of the other princess’ wardrobe you like and not have to return it until 2025!” Snow White looked uneasy at Aurora. “Well, I did always like that pink and blue gown of yours.” Aurora stepped back in disbelief. “Do you really want to go through this?” “Why not, Aurora?” said Belle. “This might be just the thing you need. Remember, you’d get any of Snow’s dresses for the year if you win.” Aurora looked uncertain and turned to Jane and Cinderella. “What do you think, Cindy? You are hosting the ball tonight.” “I would love to have you both join us for the entire ball, Aurora. But I’m still not so sure.” “But maybe they should,” offered Jane. “I mean, we can keep an eye on them to make sure that they don’t get hurt.” “That’s right!” said Ariel. “It’ll be fine! Come on, Cindy! Don’t be such a guppy! Let them do it!” Aurora nodded with determination. “Yes. Yes, Cindy. I want to do it. This year I’m going to see the clock strike 12 and ring in the year with all of you!” “And if Aurora’s up for it, then so am I!” said Snow White. Cinderella looked at the princesses and sighed. “Oh, very well. But any sign of trouble I will put a stop this right then and there. Understand?” “Of course,” said Aurora. “Oh! Look at the time! Philip and Florian must have arrived by now! We might as well head down to the ballroom. Good luck, Snow!” “You too, Aurora!” Cinderella shot a look at Ariel, Belle, and Jasmine as the other two princesses walked out. “Well congratulations, you three,” she said. “You’ve done it again.” “What are you talking about, Cinderella?” asked Jane. “I don’t understand.” “Oh, she’s still upset about the game we played with her and Snow,” said Belle. “And now you’ve decided to play another one here?” “Relax, Cindy,” said Jasmine. “This is going to be just the thing those two need.” “We only want them to finally be able to stay up and celebrate New Year’s Eve with us,” said Ariel. Cinderella folded her arms. “I’m sure. And there’s no possibility of you wanting to watch what foolishness those two will get into this year?” The three princesses each gave looks of innocent shock. “Us? Of course not!” said Belle. “Not at all!” said Jasmine. “Well, maybe a little bit,” giggled Ariel. The three laughed as Cinderella shook her head and opened the door to the dressing room. “All right, you three. You’re all ready to go. Time for all of us to head downstairs.” Jane looked to Cinderella as the other princesses left. “I’m sorry I said anything, Cinderella. I didn’t think those three were just wanting to cause trouble.” “Oh, they don’t, Jane, not really. They’ve been friends ever since they arrived at the castle. It’s just that once one of them has an idea they tend to go along with it.” “Maybe we should tell Snow White and Aurora that the game is off.” “No, no. It’s too late now. And if any good can come out of this nonsense it’ll be that both of them make it to midnight and we don’t have to do this again next New Year’s Eve. Just keep an eye on them. When one of them falls asleep I want to make sure that they don’t stay out there for one second longer.” Jane groaned as they walked out of the dressing room. “This is definitely going to be a long night.” OK: It’s New Year’s Eve. Snow White vs Aurora. Whoever stays up until midnight without falling asleep wins. Happy Holidays, and Game On!

Battlesphere 2 Part 20 Currently in the Ring: Eliminated: Kylo Ren Michael Jordan (Strength/skill) Speedy Gonzales (Toon physics/speed) Bride of Frankenstein (Strength) Chucky (Stength) Hawkgirl Gooey Gus (Powers) Spring Heeled Jack (Powers) Cain (Powers/Weapon) Medusa (Powers) Chloe Bourgeois John Spartan (Strength/skill/pistol) John Wick (Strength/skill/pistol) Willy Wonka (Skills/tech) Lola Bunny (Toon Physics) Xena Carmen Sandiego (Abilities/tech) Phantom Lady (Abilities/tech) Astronema (Abilities/tech) *THE FOLLOWING BROADCAST IS BEING PRESENTED BY THE TRANSDIMENSIONAL COMBAT COMMISSION. ALL COMBATANTS MUST AGREE TO FOLLOW TCC GUIDELINES AT ALL TIMES. SAFETY OF ATENDEES IS NOT GUARANTEED.* Al Rossi: Kylo Ren uses Toon speed to blitz Xena but she just barely manages to get the Wrath Staff up to block! She fires an energy bolt but Kylo uses the Force to stop it in mid-flight! Andel Sanap: He sends the bolt into the sky where it is dodged by Hawkgirl! She extends her… slimy hair towards Miss Bourgeois. Miss Bourgeois opens fire with her pistols but the bullets are ricocheting away from Hawkgirl as she takes to the air! Al Rossi: Cain’s telekinesis working overtime! Kylo uses his lightsaber to push back on the Wrath Staff! He’s pushing Xena towards the ropes! That battle with Medusa and Hawkgirl has really taken it out of the Warrior Princess! Wait! Xena got a hand on the black-light projector! She hits the button! Kylo is shrouded in darkness, thrashing furiously with his lightsaber! Andel Sanap: Miss Bourgeois hurls the top! She’s caught several locks of Hawkgirl’s hair! She pulls with all her might! She’s trying to power Hawkgirl down! A blast of Jack’s fire lifts Miss Bourgeois up instead! She’s over the top rope! She’s holding on to the line of her top for dear life! Al Rossi: Meanwhile, Xena has been acting quickly! She’s got a grappling hook attached to Kylo and another attached to herself! Now she’s firing another at the Battlesphere wall! Kylo is still stuck in the darkness from the projector! She’s running for the ropes! UP AND OVER! XENA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Andel Sanap: The grappling lines are linked together! Kylo’s getting pulled out after Xena! She launched a final grapple and detaches from Kylo! Al Rossi: Xena is swinging underneath the ring! The darkness around Kylo clears just in time for him to hit the Battlesphere wall! He was so caught up in his anger he didn’t even have time to use the Force to save himself! A HUGE elimination for Xena when she needed it most! Andel Sanap: But Xena still needs to pull herself back into the ring without touching the Battlesphere wall herself! She makes her way past Miss Bourgeois, desperately attempting to pull herself over the ropes! Hawkgirl is still hovering above the ring with her hair caught up in Miss Bourgeois’ top line. Al Rossi: But I think Hawkgirl has something in mind! She spats out some purple slime onto the top. It’s working down the line towards Chloe! Andel Sanap: Miss Bourgeois’ eyes are wide! She still remembers how terrifying Gus was at the start of the match! Al Rossi: And knowing Chloe she’s probably not that thrilled about getting slimed! She looks disgusted as the slime gets closer! She’s let go! She let go of the top! With a final wail Chloe Bourgeois has dropped out! Andel Sanap: An incredible turn of events! Chloe Bourgeois was the last returning combatant from last year’s Battlesphere, and now she has set a new record time of over an hour and 2 minutes! Al Rossi: And now it’s down to two! Two of our new combatants have managed to outlast 28 others to reach this point! Their power ups have already been provided, Andel! Let’s check them out! Andel Sanap: Xena is now up to full strength following her elimination of Kylo Ren. And while she now possesses the combined gadgetry and skills of Carmen Sandiego, the Phantom Lady, and Astronema, Kylo’s mastery of the Force could make her the favorite here! Al Rossi: Certainly impressive, sporting an outfit that is part Amazon/part Phantom and tapped off with a Kylo robe in Carmen Sandiego red! Meanwhile, we’ve already talked about how dramatic a change Hawkgirl’s power ups have caused for the Justice Leaguer. Now she’s sporting the outfit of Queen Bee dressed in Cain’s coat, containing a slimy, monstrous frame! Will these mystical power ups give Hawkgirl the edge? Or can Xena finally defeat her? Andel Sanap: The two women acknowledge each other! Xena ignites her won lightsaber! Hawkgirl pulls out the First Blade and powers up her Nth metal mace! Al Rossi: Hold on to your hats, folks! We’re about to have our 2nd ever Battlesphere Battle Royal winner! OK: Hawkgirl (Full strength plus Gooey Gus, Spring Heeled Jack, Cain, Medusa, and Chloe Bourgeois’ powers/weapons) vs Xena (Full strength plus Carmen Sandiego, Phantom Lady, and Astromena’s tech/abilities and Kylo Ren’s Force powers). Whoever throws their opponent over the top rope and have both of their feet hit the Battlesphere wall wins the match! If there is a tie, both pairs take damage and stay in the Battlesphere. Check out the other Rumbles to see how the rest of the match went. Any questions feel free to ask them. Game On!

THE BOTTOM LINE Stompa slammed her foot down, causing cracks to race across the floor towards the oncoming Bulldozer. The force of the hit sent the Wrecking Crew member into the air, and Stompa leapt up to meet him. “Stompa lifts them up…” Both of Stompa’s feet crashed onto Bulldozer’s head, smashing open his helmet. The brutish supervillain was instantly knocked unconscious as he fell back to earth, making a crater out of the bank’s tiled floor. Stompa landed next to his body and nodded. “Stompa puts them down.” Wrecker ran towards Stompa with his crowbar raised high. “You’ll pay for that, you fat piece a…!” Big Barda’s Mega-Rod blocked Wrecker’s strike as Piledriver and Thunderball raced past to engage the rest of the Furies. “The only one who will pay is you for opposing the will of Darkseid!” she snarled. Thunderball swung his ball and chain, making the Furies leap out of the way. “Remember your training, Furies!” shouted Bernadeth. “Gilotina!” The sword-wielding Fury drew her weapon and charged at Thunderball, who easily blocked her strike with his chain. “Listen, lady, just face facts!” Thunderball said. “We are the four strongest people on this planet!” “Good thing I’m not from this planet, then,” Gilotina sneered. She flipped over Thunderball and landed on his shoulders. She raised her sword to strike only for Thunderball’s weapon to swing back and knock her down. Gilotina gasped for breath as she reached for her fallen sword, only for Thunderball to stamp down on top of it. “You’ve brought this on yourself,” said Thunderball. He pulled back to hit the finishing blow only for Lashina’s whip to wrap around his wrist. “Such a strong boy,” Lashina hissed. “Don’t tell me two women are too much for you?” The whip crackled with electricity and Thunderball groaned in pain. Gilotina pulled the sword from under Thunderball’s foot and thrust the blade into his gut. The two Furies stared at each other as Thunderball dropped down bleeding. “So, you’re the better fighter?” “Shut up, Lashina.” Meanwhile, Bernadeth was directing traffic with the other Furies. At first Piledriver had liked the idea of fighting a team of attractive women, but now he was beginning to have second thoughts. Mad Harriet leapt from the columns in the bank to strike him with her claws while Speed Queen raced around him delivering blow after blow with her chakram. “Stay still so I can clobber you, ya crazy OWCH!” “Sorry!” snarked Speed Queen. “Staying still isn’t my thing!” “Yes!” cackled Mad Harriet. “We’ll stay still when your blood we spill!” “Now, Artemiz!” shouted Bernadeth. The archer of Apokolips aimed and fired two arrows that pierced Piledriver in both shoulders. The arrows carried him back until they pinned him to the stone wall of the bank. Piledriver looked shocked at the blood dripping out his wounds as Bernadeth advanced with her Fahren-Knife drawn. “I’m… I’m shot? Lordy! I’ve been…” The rest of Piledriver’s words were lost in his screams as Bernadeth’s knife began to burn him up from the inside. The Wrecker swung wildly at Big Barda, but she was able to block every strike with her Mega-Rod. “I don’t need these losers! I can beat you broads all by myself! I’m the toughest guy around!” Big Barda delivered a headbutt that forced Wrecker back then aimed at him with the Mega-Rod. “Let’s put that boast to the test. Hail Darkseid!” The blast of energy from the Mega-Rod forced Wrecker off his feet and flying into the vault. He shuddered on the ground for a moment, tried to rise up to a knee, then collapsed. “The battle’s done! We’ve won, we’ve won!” cheered Mad Harriet. “Furies!” barked Bernadeth. “There was nothing gained by defeating these lesser men. Mother Box is damaged and has brought us to the wrong location.” “So what?” said Speed Queen. “If those guys were the best this place has to offer, we’d have problem taking out anyone else here.” “Speed Queen’s right,” said Gilotina. “We could be running this place!” “And by we you mean you?” said Lashina. Any further argument was interrupted by the sound of an opening Boom Tube. The Furies turned to see the immense figure walking out of the portal, then dropped to their knees. “All Hail Darkseid!” The ruler of Apokolips glanced at the carnage surrounding him. “Bernadeth, report.” Bernadeth kept kneeling and looking down as she spoke. “There was a malfunction with the Boom Tube, Lord Darkseid. We encountered hostiles and we were victorious. Would you wish for us to continue the assault?” Darkseid gave a look of disgust at the fallen Wrecking Crew. “No. You were not trained to waste your skills on these insects. Granny Goodness was able to track the signal from your Mother Box. Now you shall go back to Apokolips, where we shall continue your training for your final battle with Kal-El.” The Furies silently rose to their feet and marched single file into the Boom Tube. Speed Queen smirked and blew a raspberry at the Wrecking Crew only to be shoved in by Bernadeth. Wrecker finally managed to crawl out of the vault, his crowbar held limp in his hands. But when he saw the enormous figure of Darkseid, he quickly scooted back into the vault. Maybe it would be better to just wait until the heroes showed up to arrest them.