Expert Advice

[Guest Zreth]

This is a place for people who belive that they have an adequte or exceptional talent on writing on CBUB so that more intermediate writers like myself can learn and become better. In here you can give examples of your writing skills and have people rate and present help or give general advice to everyone or debate against other people's advice. Please try to respect people.

 

 

 

And remember all us noobs should really listen to whatever advice people give you you should always pay attention. It's good for us.

[C.T.]

Here's one of my better setups

 

July 4th, 2009

At an Abandoned Warehouse

 

I have been chasing this new crime organization for nearly ten days now. Their goons have fancy toys but none of them know how to use them. I have been ambushed several times, but it wasn't anyting I couldn't handle. Until today, that is. I had spotted several goons in good ambush spots, and pulled out my 9mm pistol. Time to got to work, I thought as I headed for the nearest one, but then saw bullets whizz by my head. I rolled behing a nearby crate, and tossed a grenade out. BOOM! It went with deafening sound. As I sat there, trying to regain my hearing, I heard the steady sound of machine gun fire, but noted with interest that it wasn't aimed towards me. I stole a peek and was shocked to see Natasha Romanoff blow a cop's head clean off, and help the criminals escape. Odd, I thought as I departed for my hideout to patch myself up and prepared myself for my next encounter with this mysterious organization...and Natasha.

 

The next day, Bucky Barnes set off for Fisk Tower, knowing that if anyone knew anything about this mysterious organization, it was Wilson Fisk. However, when he arrived, he saw that Fisk Tower was under siege. Everywhere he looked, Fisk's robots and henchman were battling with the other organization's henchman, and clearly getting slaughtered. He watches in awe, as Fisk Tower suddenly explodes, killing Wilson Fisk and his wife, as well as his surviving henchman. He says to himself "Time for plan B." He heads over to Avengers Mansion, only to find it in flames, and Black Widow, Captain America, and Hawkeye standing there, amidst the fallen bodies of many of their comrades, laughing. Not them too, Bucky thinks as he departs and starts to prepare for combat with this organization.

 

Weeks later, the news is out. This organization's name is CHAOS and it has struck a vicious blow to Earth's superhuman community. The Avengers are all but gone, The Defenders, save Namor, were killed. Namor and his Atlanteans have been attacked by a massive army of super soldiers, courtesy of CHAOS. Castle Doomstadt is under siege, but is still standing. The Heroes for Hire were killed fighting CHAOS. Spider Man, Toxin, Venom, and Carnage went underground and have been plaguing CHAOS for days. The X-Men were all killed in a huge battle. Scott, Jean, Logan, Kurt, Bobby, Rogue, Kitty, Jubilee, Piotr, Charles, Storm, Emma, they are all gone. The Fantastic Four, save Reed was killed in the raid of the Baxter Building, thanks to Sue's shield. He has since become an alcoholic. The Sentry fled into space to escape this madness. Meanwhile, Magneto and many of Earth's mutants were killed in the battle of Genosha. Wakanda no longer exists, in its place is a pile of rubble. Black Bolt and the Inhumans were killed off one by one in stealth raids. The New Warriors went into hiding. Iron Man and War Machine died in the attack on Stark Tower. Widow, Cap, and Hawkeye have lead CHAOS to the brink of victory.

 

Mar-vell went to get help from the Krees, but found that The Annihilation Wave had obliterated The Skrull, Kree and Shi'ar empires, but they themselves were wiped out by Galactus, and his heralds save Norrin Radd, Quasar and Nova's combined efforts. However, only Nova survived and has since returned to Earth. What he found was CHAOS!!!

 

After months of this, the rebellion had finally been able to get into contact with another, and began to prepare a massive counter strike. Dr. Doom and his Doombots would hit CHAOS's base in Europe, Namor and the Atlanteans would hit the Asian, African, and Australian bases, Spider Man, Toxin, Carnage, and Venom would hit the South American base, and Nova, The New Warriors, and Bucky would hit the North American base. Bucky had only one thing to say. "Godspeed, everyone!"

 

-------------------------

 

North American CHAOS base

 

Black Widow was preparing to sign off, when she recieved distress calls from every one of their other bases. She listened with apprehension to all.

"Namor's...army...here...need reinforcements..."

"Spider Man...overwhelmed...HELP!"

" Dr. Doom...many men down...overrun..."

She prepared to send more men to the bases, but as she feared, this base's alarm went off. She heard fighting, and prepared to head out, but then there was no sound.

Opening the door, she looked outside, only to spot Bucky and The New Warriors. Bucky instantly shot off a couple of rounds, but she had already ducked back around the corner. She fled, and Bucky followed, ignoring the cries of the New Warriors as they were overwhelmed and started to fall. He arrived, only to be hit by Cap's shield. He buckled with the impact, but heard a Twang!

He instinctively ducked, and saw a arrow sail over his head. He spun and fired three shots into Clint. Bucky ran towards him, as Clint began to fall with grace, blood pooling at his feet. Bucky started searching Clint's body. "Come on! Where is it?" He yelled with anger, but soon found it. A small chip, obviously the mind control chip. Bucky removed it and Clint's eyes returned to their normal color.

 

"Bucky? Where am I? What's going on? Clint started, but was unable to finish as Natasha shot his head clean off, leaving a blood splattered mess where his head was.

 

"No!" Bucky yells as Cap approaches him and hits him over the head with the shield.

 

"Cap...please stop..."

 

Cap came unrelentingly, but Nova flew through the wall, and straight through Steve. He was nearly torn in two.

 

Nova was covered with blood and guts.

 

"Eww...Disgusting." he exclaimed.

 

Nova and Bucky faced Widow, who was shaking with fear. However, an alarm beeped twice and she suddenly smiled.

 

"Why are you smiling?" started Bucky, but then Thor showed up and marched to Natasha's side.

 

Bucky smiled gravely and told Nova to take Thor, while he took Natasha.

 

"This ends now, Natasha!" Bucky yelled.

 

 

-----------------------

 

As Bucky and Nova were battling with Natasha, and Thor, on the other side of the world, Namor was leading the attacks on CHAOS's bases in Asia, Africa, and Australia. He himself was in Australia, leading the attack there. Attuma was leading his forces in Asia, and Namora leading his forces in Africa. Namor was hellbent on winning, remembering Sue Storm's last words. "Tell Namor...I love him." Spurred on by these words, he starting cutting a bloody swath through CHAOS's forces, leaving blood, guts, and robotic parts behind him. He was almost through, but a very familiar voice rang out.

 

"Namor!"

 

The Avenging son turned, opened his mouth in shock, and fell to his knees.

"No, it can't be....you died..."

"No, Namor. I simply had my eyes opened for the first time." replied Sue Storm.

"What do you mean?" Namor asked, rising up and facing her.

"CHAOS is here to help us. We must bow before them. Join me, Namor. Let's be what we should have been years ago. Join me." Sue said, and as if to ad an exclamation point to her sentence, she kissed him like never before. Namor turned away, and hung his head. What to do?, he thought. He was waging his own battle internally. He was choosing between his desire to finish CHAOS, and to be with Sue. He looked back at Sue, saw something rather odd, and instantly made his decision. He knocked off "Sue's" head, and was unsurprised to see wires.

Namor snarled "I knew it."

CHAOS had attempted to mess with his head. For that, they shall pay...painfully. He swore to it.

 

-----------------------------

CHAOS's African base

 

Attuma had killed just about everyone at their base, and was preparing to leave, when one of the severely injured CHAOS soldiers rose, and laughed.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

The soldier coughed and spit out blood. "You...haven't...won. CHAOS...shall...prevail!

"I sincerely doubt that."

The soldier flashed a smile. "You'll see."

With that, the soldier pressed a nearby button and a countdown started.

Attuma saw it and ran.

Ten...Nine...Eight...Seven...Six...Five...Four...Three...Two...ONE!

The base detonated in a huge fireball, killing Attuma, and all his soldiers.

CHAOS repeated the stunt and killed Namora and her soldiers as well.

 

----------------------

 

CHAOS's Australian base

 

CHAOS had a special plan for Namor and lured him out of his base. It blew, with incredible force and all his men perished. He started to sob and between tears, saw a hologram approach. As it got closer, it said "Attuma, and Namora have both perished in similar blasts...and it's all your fault, Namor!" Namor rose and attempted to punch the hologram, but to no avail, it sailed through it. He fell back, sobbing, and felt nothing but ashes. No, he thought, this is unbecoming of a king! He rose and flew off to help Doom at CHAOS's European base.

 

----------------------

 

CHAOS's Antartica base

 

CHAOS's leader watched as Namor went in the direction of their European base.

"Send Simon, immediately!" he ordered.

 

---------------------

 

Namor was on route to Doom, but was hit by a strong force, flew into a mountain, and was knocked out by the blast.

Wonder Man reported "Namor's out. Bringing him back to base."

 

Hours later, Namor awoke to find himself locked in place with restraints and a couple of heating pads concentrated on him, sapping him of strength. He struggled until he had no strength left. At that moment, the door opened, and in walked a couple of guards, scientists, and...Sue?!

 

"No...you're fake...just like the one in Australia." Namor choked with belief that it was a trick and hope that it wasn't. He expected a response, but instead of coming from Sue, it came from a figure hiding in the shadows. "She's real...Namor. See that chip on her head? She's under our control, and would kill you in a blink of an eye, if i ordered it. Isn't that...fantastic?"

"Show yourself!" he demanded.

The figure laughed. "Certainly." he replied and stepped out into the light. Namor's eyes widened with shock. "No...that can't be...how could you do this?!

The figure nodded to another scientist and Namor's vision went black.

 

He awoke with a start, and spotted a glass of water, on top a crate. He kicked it, and the water splashed Namor. He felt his strength return and broke through his restraints. He started searching for Sue, and a comlink. He found the comlink, and started to warn everyone about CHAOS's leader. However, the device was turned invisible and flew out of his hands. "Sue...you have to fight it!" Namor exclaimed, but Sue just smiled, and the comlink exploded as her shield contracted. Namor ran forward, gave her a long kiss, and yelled "REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE!"

 

Sue's eyes fade back to normal for a moment, but soon regained the pearly white typical of the control chips. Namor was struck by another idea, and attempted to remove the chip. It was hard to remove, but he eventually got it. Sue returned to normal, but was knocked out by the attempt. Namro laid her on a nearby table, and searched for a way out, but the back wall exploded with great force, and the lights went out. When they came back on, Sue was gone, but in her place stood Simon Williams, with pearly white eyes, and exclaimed "This is gonna be...FUN! Simon flew at Namor, Namor flew at Simon, and the battle was joined. CHAOS's leader watched from a camera and smiled, then turned his attention to the knocked out Sue Storm, and said "You need to be re-installed with another control chip...my dear wife..."

 

 

So adequate? Not?

Criticize to your content.

 

Note: Its Bucky, Nova and Namor vs Black Widow, Thor and Wonder Man.

[Guest darthsketch]

A writer's workshop, eh? I'll post some stuff in a bit

[Guest darthsketch]

This is just some throwaway writing I did in my spare time awhile ago.

 

Troy winced as the sand whipped against his face, cutting into his skin. Pulling sentry duty in a sandstorm was not what he had in mind when he signed up to fight. Then again, there were worse things he could be doing. After all, the Coalition troops a few miles south might decide to start advancing, which meant he'd have to start shooting. Compared to combat, standing still for a few hours in a storm of tiny razors was cake.

 

Two things to note here. 1) Establishment of setting 2) Tension. Both do wonders for any set-up.

 

He retied his scarf so that the top met his goggles, making sure that not a single inch of his skin was exposed to sand or the twin suns above him, and focused harder through his binoculars onto the desert below. His perch put him several stories above the oasis town of Hardur on the wasteland planet Uval, a world he had been defending with the 5th division for the last several months of the Arken Conflict. His outfit of 500 was merely a single unit out of thousands scattered all over the solar system fighting and dying lightyears away from their homeworlds. Troy thought of all this very often, and wondered how many others were watching the line with him. Then he would think how many of them thought the same thing. Finally, he would come to realize how ultimately self-centered such a viewpoint was and forget it all only to bring it up again another day. He couldn't help it though. The scale of the shooting mess he had involved himself in simply baffled him.

 

This is what I like to call a "zoom-out" moment. It puts everything in perspective. This makes your story's plot coherent. If you just thrust the reader into the action without any explanation, then you're churning out confusing, piss-poor writing.

 

All the time he stood there, he watched the horizon and waited. It was only a matter of time before the enemy got their marching orders. But as long as the desert was calm, so was he. His eyes followed the sands wherever they shifted, and he would be ready when he saw a single grain go awry...

 

Here I zoom back in and put the audience in the character's shoes. This sucks the reader into the story i.e. stops them from scrolling down to the comments box to write about how much you suck before casting their fanboy vote.

[Guest darthsketch]

This one is a concept draft that me and a friend may turn into a screenplay or graphic novel

 

 

Abel collapsed onto the cold titanium floor in a freezing sweat. He didn't know if he had another training simulation left in him. He had pushed his powers to their upper limits and he still wasn't up to par on combat yet. But if he didn't practice, he knew he'd never pass the coming examination. He HAD to get the same post as his dad, he HAD to get on the Champions. Being another metahuman, military lap-dog simply wouldn't do for the son of a legend.

 

This is called starting a story "in medias res" (in the middle of things). It's a technique invented by Edgar Allen Poe that is awesome for two reasons: 1) It's fun for the writer 2) The reader is instantly drawn into the story. The catch is that it's kind of an advanced technique and takes some practice to really master. You'll have to introduce a lot of different elements to pull it off properly (setting, tension, atmosphere, etc.).

 

He summoned all of his strength and rose to his feet. Every muscle in his body was screaming, every bone crying for mercy and he still knew he could do better. He had a lot to prove if he was really going to inherit the name 'Templar'.

 

"Run the simulation again," he choked out, "set for maximum difficulty. Randomize the opponent"

 

The sterile white walls all of sudden become the graffitied artiface of a collapsed overpass, and the gleaming titanium had turned to asphalt. He stood in center of the shattered shell of a broken city, and he was no longer alone. A vaguely humanoid being rose high above the skyline cloaked in darkness all except for piercing glow of it's red eyes. Abel waited for it to make the first move like he was trained to. It was a worse-case scenario simulation, a Gilgamesh-class metabeing, and Able was simply running through standard procedure...

 

All I really have to say about the rest of this...

 

Observe how I use spacing (Yes! Formatting is your friend!) to control the flow of the story, as well as how I use dialogue to set a specific tone. Also...DETAILS! Metaphors are often what seperate an "ok" set-up from a "holywtfbbqthatwasawesome!" set-up.

[Guest darthsketch]

More throwaway writing. This is just an example on how to write a competent action sequence. Most set-ups don't have one seeing as the object of most set-ups is to simply set one of these up, but it helps if you plan on writing something with multiple parts. I don't consider myself a master of this type of writing, but I think I have a hold on what works with these sort of things:

 

Noah wasn't afraid of death, but he wasn't ready to meet her just yet. He had a lot to answer for, and he needed more time to come up with an excuse. Today just wasn't a good day for his number to be up. Much to his chagrin, Tex and Jean weren't the least bit fazed. But how could they be? Tex was immortal and, for the most part, invulnerable. Jean, on the other hand, could probably dodge much of the first volley of bullets. Noah though, well, he was only human. A magus, yes, but only human. He wasn't bulletproof.

 

Facing a firing squad in the middle of a cathedral was surreal, chuckle worthy if he weren't in front of it. He stopped thinking and started acting. Fighting on holy ground was not ideal, his magic was at its weakest here. Any shield he conjured wouldn't last more a few seconds. Luckily, a few seconds was all he needed.

 

Suddenly, time unfroze and a volley of deafening, automatic gunfire erupted violently. Noah's shield held, protecting him as his compatriots threw themselves into battle. Tex welcomed every bullet with a smile as he returned fire from his twin magnums. The sound of his rotting flesh and crumbling bones being torn away was audible even above the din of ricocheting lead. Jean returned fire with his winchester repeater from behind a pillar. Noah didn't even see him move from his side, but he had somehow crossed the room in the space of time it took for most people to blink. The mercs scattered after taking some losses. They had apparently been poorly informed about the powers their targets possessed.

 

Noah's shield dissipated suddenly, and he wasted no time in diving in between the pews for cover. From there he weaved a spell to end the melee.

 

"Pixum atrellus," he whispered while doing his best to ignore the gunfire and concentrate on his spellcraft. A swarm of blue, winged pixies erupted form the sleeves of his tattered pinstripe. The mercs didn't know what hit them when they suddenly found themselves assailed by a hurricane of tiny pests who yanked their weapons from their grasps and poked their eyes out. The spell was simple, yet effective, a Traveler family ideal.

[Guest darthsketch]

I did some digging and found this. It's a simple set-up I wrote (part of my John Constantine arc) that took me only about an hour to wrap up. All of aforementioned elements are present, which is why I think it makes for a good example:

 

 

The sound of the wine bottles clinking together in the backseat eased John's nerves as he drove through the black, empty Nevada desert. The night had brought with it a cool air which he was grateful for after a day of driving in 100 degree heat. By nightfall, he had been sitting in a puddle of his own sweat. The wine bottles knocking around had given him peace of mind the entire time though. Alchohol always managed to calm him even if he wasn't drinking it. He kept his headlights off, diswading any curious officers from stopping him in the middle of his mission. If flagged down, he wasn't sure how he would muffle the sound of Wilson Fisk's fists battering aganist the trunk. Hell, John could hear him banging on it all day ...but he didn't think about it. Instead, he kept his mind on the wine. It was about to become useful as he left the main road and drove into the oblivion of the desert.

 

The darkness of the wasteland swallowed the car like the maw of some massive animal. When John stopped the car and stepped out into the blackness, he felt he was wandering in the bowles of a beast. It didn't feel right at all. He knew he had to make this quick. He went to the backseat first and grabbed the wine before opening the trunk to find a mess. Fisk was soaking in blood and sweat and could only moan and cough through his gag. His hands were bound and his legs were broken at the kneecaps. His eyes were fixed with terror at his captor. John looked back indifferently with the kind of eyes that lingered on a stubbborn stain that wouldn't rub out.

 

"Well, Fisk," said John in the tone of a teacher lecturing a student who had just wet himself,"Thanks to the little debacle you got me in about 20 hours back, my vacation is ruined, and someone's going to have to pay for my expenses to sort this out. Do I really have to make this hard for you or do you want to make this quick? Either way...I'm happy."

 

Fisk's eyes darted back and forth from his back pocket to John. Getting the hint, John reached under Fisk's massive undercarriage and lifted a wallet filled with notes.

 

"Well..." started John, "That's a start. Unfortuanately..."

 

Fisk's eyes widened.

 

"I simply won't be able to return this car in this condition, and I certainly won't be able to sleep at night with you running around free..."

 

Fisk struggled violently, but his efforts were futile. John smashed the bottles open spilling wine all over the inside of trunk and lit a match. He let Fisk stare at the flame for a moment, watching pleased as punch while the former goliath writhed in horror covered in his own filth.

 

"Cheers, mate."

 

John casually tossed the flame in and shut the trunk. He didn't need to watch Fisk bake, much less, listen to the screams. He lit a cigarette and started walking back to the highway. He would have to hitchhike now.

 

**********************************************************************

 

 

(1 week later)

 

Skinner reviewed the file that had been tossed on his desk with a bitter taste of bile in his mouth. His ulcer had been acting up all day, and the last thing he wanted to do was talk to loony Mulder. But somebody had to investigate it, and Mulder was the kind of expendable agent he wanted to work on a case involving the murder of a biggest crimelord on the planet. His only regret was tacking on Scully to the case. Unlike Mulder, she was a professional and actually worth a damn to him as an agent. She was rational, unlike Mulder who waas ruled by his emotions and lunatic delusions. But the U.S. government had to know what happened in the desert that day. After all, it takes someone dangerously extrordinary to casually burn Wilson Fisk to death. More importnatly, or specifically rather, they needed to know who John Constrantine was, where he was going, and the circumstances surrounding his possibly extra-terrestrially motivated trip to the U.S. In his heart, Skinner suspected that only madman could track down another like himself, and that Mulder was perfect for the job.

[videogameman]

You're pretty good, Darthsketch. That helped a bit.

[Guest Zreth]

Thanks Darth for contributing and also thanks for putting up the thread on CBUB rants.

[Guest darthsketch]

bump (for teh n00bs)

[Guest Zreth]

bump (for teh n00bs)

Won't really matter most of the newbies won't come here anyways. Most probably don't even go to the forms.

[Hugo Fowl]

Hello. I'm a newbie and this is one of my better battles. From a writers viewpoint, how is it?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Imagine that Sauron manages to claim the Ring and eventually becomes lord of Middle-Earth. After a while, a certain book from Isengaurd is brought before him. It tells of other lands, other worlds ripe for conquest. After months of preparation, Sauron performs the spell and opens a permanent portal to the closest world...Narnia.

From what seems to be a long deserted castle, the Lord of the Ring sets foot. It was once a place of Dark enchantment and would serve him well in his campaign. As he strides forward he pauses and turns slowly. There padding softly to him is a lion unlike any Sauron has seen. For a long time, both simply stand there eye-to-eye. Finally, Sauron speaks.

 

"What manner of Valar are you that radiates with power not unlike my own?"

 

In a calm voice devoid of the fear that usually accompanied those Sauron conversed said "One who has long since watched over this land since the beginning."

 

"I am here to conquer."

 

"I know."

 

"You can bow to me or perish where you stand."

 

"You can try, but who is to say you'll succed?"

 

"YOU DARE-?!"

 

"Is this your final word Sauron?"

 

"LORD Sauron, lion."

 

"Then we have nothing more to say to each other."

 

And before Sauron's eyes, the lion vanished without a trace. After a few moments Sauron began to laugh. It started out as a chuckle before exploding into full-on laughter which rang across the castle with cold madness. As though in reply, the Nazgul screeched before flying out of the portal into the new world for their Master. The War of the Lion and the Eye had begun.

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I'm an aspiring writer and I regard forums like this great practice.

[C.T.]

Pretty good story Hugo.

 

What you think of mine?

[C.T.]

Pontential.

 

 

Look how far we've come...

[Guest mollyhayes01]

Look how far we've come...

yep

[Guest Zreth]

I think I should take away the giant orange letters.

[treacherous]

FOR ALL PEOPLE WHO ARE COMING HERE BY A GIVEN LINK PLEASE DON'T THINK OF THIS AS YOU ARE BAD BUT AS WE ARE SEPERATING YOU FROM THE TERRIBLE WRITERS SO YOU CAN IMPROVE! Meaning Your Not Bad And You Have Pontential.

And remember all us noobs should really listen to whatever advice people give you you should always pay attention. It's good for us.

 

Trust me, it's not the bold, orange he is talking about. Anyway, I am going to give my worthless two cents on a few of these later. Hope I can be off assistance.

[treacherous]

To all: Use Microsoft Word. Spell check. Re-read your writings again and again and again.

 

To Darth Sketch: Very good. Kept me interested. Minor spelling errors. Nothing extremely major wrong with it for me. Keep up the good CBUB work. Some of the better stuff I've read on it.

 

To Hugo Fowl: It's a little basic, very assuming. Be more descriptive. You talk of a book and spells, but what book? I want to know more about this book that can tell you where to conquer other worlds. Who wrote that? Be more descriptive and tell the full story. I can say this, because I have the same problem sometimes, regardless, it doesn't build any tension or drama. I need some drama! Grammar is fine. It's easily readable, except this line: "In a calm voice devoid of the fear that usually accompanied those Sauron conversed said" WTF! This line is awful. Is it a run on sentence? I don't know, but it surely doesn't read well. Try this..."In a calm voice, devoid of the fear usually accompanied by those Sauron conversed with, the Lion replied" See commas work wonders in how you read a sentence. Next, the very first word you use in the story is "imagine" You're telling us to Imagine that Sauron claimed the ring? This is CBUB. We are already imagining everything. Don't tell us, show us. Describe it. It's your world/story. Tell us it happened, we'll believe you.

[Hugo Fowl]

To all: Use Microsoft Word. Spell check. Re-read your writings again and again and again.

 

To Darth Sketch: Very good. Kept me interested. Minor spelling errors. Nothing extremely major wrong with it for me. Keep up the good CBUB work. Some of the better stuff I've read on it.

 

To Hugo Fowl: It's a little basic, very assuming. Be more descriptive. You talk of a book and spells, but what book? I want to know more about this book that can tell you where to conquer other worlds. Who wrote that? Be more descriptive and tell the full story. I can say this, because I have the same problem sometimes, regardless, it doesn't build any tension or drama. I need some drama! Grammar is fine. It's easily readable, except this line: "In a calm voice devoid of the fear that usually accompanied those Sauron conversed said" WTF! This line is awful. Is it a run on sentence? I don't know, but it surely doesn't read well. Try this..."In a calm voice, devoid of the fear usually accompanied by those Sauron conversed with, the Lion replied" See commas work wonders in how you read a sentence. Next, the very first word you use in the story is "imagine" You're telling us to Imagine that Sauron claimed the ring? This is CBUB. We are already imagining everything. Don't tell us, show us. Describe it. It's your world/story. Tell us it happened, we'll believe you.

 

Thank you, that's very helpful.

[Hugo Fowl]

Pretty good story Hugo.

 

What you think of mine?

 

 

I like it. It shows imagination and a good deal of thought into what you like. You know that anything less would be an insult to the characters your using, and thus you put in more effort. Trust me, it shows.

[Guest Zreth]

Trust me, it's not the bold, orange he is talking about. Anyway, I am going to give my worthless two cents on a few of these later. Hope I can be off assistance.

Yes I realize that but I'm only referring to the people darthsketch gave a link to but if you guys insist I will knock off the word potential to all those people who got darth's link that was never referring to anyone who came here on their on freewill.

[Guest God-Speed_88]

Hey, I wrote a setup and it didn't even get a mention. I was just wondering if someone could help and give me advice in writing better setups. Thanks.

 

The Mayan Mess

 

 

Date 09/12/12, Location; Planet Izeticle

 

A long sworn enemy of the Predator's race has dwindled drastically throughout the centuries in both numbers and power, this race was known as the Krawlenights. The Krawlenights were once seen as a superior race in the world of hunters but their dominate command soon brought them to exile, as they were forced into incarceration on the deserted planet of Izeticle, by the Guardians of the Universe. Over the centuries chaos has over thrown the once such dominant race and war became eminent, this however brought them to there knees, with thousands dying each day. It was merely a matter of time before there was only one Empress left standing. On that very day a group of Predators had come to collect a trophy that they had long awaited; the head of the Krawlenight Queen. The herd of Predators arrived upon the planet.

 

Date 02/12/12, Location; Gotham City

 

Question: Year 2012, this is when all my work pieces together, this is the date that I have feared most. I need to find the Krawlenight Egg, it is the only hope for humanity. We must reset the Mayan Calendar.

 

Batman gives the Question an intense stare, trying to figure out wether or not this could in fact be possible. Normally he doesn't believe in such doomsday myths but something was definitely different. Batman could sense a change in the air. He knew the world was going to face something drastic. Plus the Question maybe a self contained maniac but he tends to be correct in his own way.

 

Batman: What do you plan, Question?

 

Question: We need to head to the planet Izeticle and retrieve the egg of Krawlenight immediately. Once the egg is in our possession we need to position it upon a sacred pyramid in Egypt.

 

Batman: Wow a plan like this will take months to prepare but before it is even considered. Tell me how this conspiracy came around?

 

Question: Hm, well it was quite simple really. It all began with Lama's...

 

Batman: *coughs* Maybe we are best not going into this, whilst I still have some faith in you. Why did you come to me? Why not Superman or Hal Jordan?

 

Question: I felt it was a job for us detectives.

 

Batman shows a hint of a smirk.

 

Batman: What do we need?

 

Question: We will need to be armed, there is a huge possibility of confrontation. Special suites that can ad us in outer space combat. Also a jet that can get us across the universe and a few other teams member wouldn't go a miss.

 

Batman: I'll see what I can do, I think I might need to talk to Adam Strange and the Martian for this kind of tech. I'll arrange the team also, how many heroes do you think we need?

 

Question: Six should be efficient.

 

Batman: I'll start preparing but I need you to find out any information that may come in useful.

 

Question: I've already begun.

 

Date 09/12/12, Location; Planet Izeticle.

 

The herd of Predator's ready, awaiting. A major moment in the Predator history is about to come upon them. The honor is beyond comprehension. They begin their hunt. Running ferociously throw the deserted landscape. Skulls crumbling at there feet, tread on like dirt. The head palace can be seen on the skyline with the sun scorching a blaze upon the building.

 

The palace has incredibly tall doors luring over the predators heads. Six laser blasts hit the center dead on, simontaniously. The predators see two guards behind the door, two guards that are not standing anymore as they are both splattered against the walls. The predators move forward to examine the bodies but quickly realize it was a trap. An ambush. Four Krawlenight warriors launched a full attack from behind. Stabbing four predators in the back of the head. Before the bodies drop to the floor a new battle is in pursuit. With various types of blades swinging and slashing until a wretched tone of silence dropped dead in the center of the room. Four Predators stood, unfazed.

 

They then walked over the corpses and proceeded to the stairway. Breaking down a door, they saw the corpse of the queen hanging from the roof. She did not want to give them the satisfaction of taking her life. One predator shot down the rope and another pulled out a blade. Standing over the corpse he drove the metal through her neck, sawing and stabbing the veins. Grabbing the back of the corpses skull, he throws the head up in the air.

 

Unknown to the predators the egg lays inside the skull.

 

Date 09/12/12, Location; Planet Izeticle

 

A ship soars through the stars. Inside Batman, The Question, Nightwing, Tim Drake, Green Arrow and Red Arrow await.

 

The Question: According to my data the race places the egg inside the Queens head, that way it shall always be protected until the end.

 

Green Arrow: I never understand how you find these things out.

 

The Question: You just never look in the right places.

 

Batman: Three Hours until landing, begin preparation.

 

Planet Izeticle.

 

Batman: It looks like we are not the first ones here.

 

Question: Ah a Predator ship.

 

Green Arrow: A what?

 

Question: The Predators are a fierce and deadly race.

 

Batman: Lets check it out.

 

The ship flies down, landing next to the predators. The heroes put on there new high tech suites and equip themselves. They slowly move out investigating the other ship. Red arrow touches a panel then all of a sudden a door opens.

 

Batman: Be careful.

 

Next minute a soaring alarm comes from the ship. RAAAAARR RRAAAAAAAARRRR RRAAAAAAAAARRR.

 

Tim Drake: Look.

 

Four predators stand staring at the heroes.

 

Question: THE QUEENS HEAD.

 

A blast comes from one of the predators, just missing Batman. A fight then pursues.

 

Summary

 

Two Elder Predators

One Celtic Predator

One Scar Predator

(Each armed to the fullest with the most high tech Predator equiptment)

 

Vs

 

The Question (Special suit that gives him limited regeneration, laser machine gun, twin laser pistols, 2 flash bang grenades, 4 high intense exploding grenades, laser knife gloves)

Batman (Special suit which enables limited flying, laser edged batarangs, Laser knife gloves and Special Smoke bombs)

Green Arrow (Special suit that doubles his speed, special laser arrows, smoke arrows, special exploding arrows and Laser knife gloves)

Nightwing (Special suit that doubles his strength, special laser nightsticks, Laser pistol, knock out gas, special land minds)

Tim Drake (Special suit that renders him invisible for a set period of two minutes. (This can be preformed every 3 minutes), special laser throwing daggers, laser stick, knock out gas, laser knife gloves)

Red Arrow (Special suit that lets him do limited teleporting, Special laser arrows, Special hawkeye glasses (Lets him zoom in on opponents from a far distance), smoke arrows.)

 

Let the battle commence