Match 21124 André the Giant vs. Bigfoot

[broadwaybeyonder]

Gorilla Monsoon was a professional wrestler who had built a Hall of Fame worthy career by the time he retired in the 1980s. He was a former multi time tag and heavyweight champion.   He had faced the all-time greats in the sport of professional wrestling.  He was now a respected commentator and beloved by WWF fans across the globe. 

He was also getting severely annoyed. 

“I can’t believed you talked me into coming out here again and waste another afternoon,” he grumbled. 

“Waste?  What waste?” said Bobby Heenan.  “It’s nice out, the smell isn’t too bad.  And besides you need the exercise anyway.” 

Gorilla peered over his sunglasses at his fellow WWF commentator as he followed him down a forest trail.  “I didn’t come out here for exercise, Brain.  I’m out here because you told me that you could get me to the gym where Andre the Giant is training for Hogan.  The last time you told me that you wound up dragging me around this forest in circles for 3 hours.” 

“Hey!  It’s not my fault!  Who do you think I am, Davey Crockett?  It’s not my fault these trees all look the same out here.  And at least I gave you lunch, same as last time, didn’t I?” 

Gorilla yanked another banana from the bunch he held in his fist and peeled it.  “Yeah, and they look like the same bananas you gave me last time.  Look, Brain.  I agreed to you terms to not bring any cameras or equipment.    When are you gonna stop with the games and just show me where Andre is training?  Or are you just gonna find a way to weasel out of it again?” 

Bobby whirled around on Gorilla.  “Who you calling a weasel?!” 

“I didn’t call you a weasel!  I asked if you were going to weasel out of showing me Andre training again!” 

“I know what you said!  And I know what all those humanoids out there are saying!  Saying Andre’s going to lose to Hogan at Wrestlemania!  That I’m doing a bad job managing him!  Well, you just follow me, Mr. Monsoon, and I’ll show you how Andre’s doing!  Then you can go on TV and tell those idiots that you’ve seen with your own eyes that Andre the Giant is ready to take Hogan’s belt and finish him off for good!  Come on!  This way!” 

Bobby Heenan spun around and stormed off down the path before tripping on a root and nearly face planting into a tree.  Gorilla sighed and took a bite of banana as he followed his cursing colleague deeper into the woods. 

After another half hour the two commentators made their way into a clearing.  In it’s center was a log cabin, where the immense figure of Andre the Giant stood in front of with an axe slung over his shoulder. 

“See?  See, Monsoon!  I told you I’d show you Andre, and here he is!” 

“You certainly did.  Still doesn’t mean he was out here last week, but here he is.” 

“What is it with you, Monsoon?  Why don’t you trust me?” 

“Because you’re the kind of guy who’d try to make a fast buck off his own mother.” 

“I’d never steal from my mother.  I gave her money!  I paid for her hip operation!  At 50% interest, compounded daily…” 

“Will you stop?!” 

Gorilla sighed and faced Andre.  “Let’s just get on with it.  Just how are you having Andre get ready for Hulk Hogan out here?” 

Bobby Heenan rushed to Andre’s side as the enormous wrestler remained stone faced and unmoving. 

“First off, Gorilla, Andre isn’t going to need a lot ‘training’ to beat Hogan!  But in order to put the finishing touches on this incredible athlete, I decided to have him go back to basics.  No fancy gyms, no modern equipment!  Just out here in nature, roughing it and living off the land!” 

“Roughing it?” Gorilla scoffed.  “What do you know about roughing it?  I bet if you went camping your tent would come with a tv and a hot tub.” 

“What would you have me do?  Spend a night in some drafty tent in a downpour?  I’d walk out of this forest looking like you!” 

Gorilla took a step forward and Bobby ducked behind Andre.  “But right now I think it’s time for Andre to start chopping some firewood.  Go ahead, Andre.  Show Monsoon what you’re going to do to Hogan!” 

Andre nodded and trudged over to a wood pile next to the cabin.  With one hand he heaved a three-foot-long trunk onto his shoulder and walked it back to Bobby and Gorilla. He slammed it down to earth then raised the axe high.  The commentators leapt back as the axe came crashing down and cleaved the trunk in two with one swing. 

“Good grief!” exclaimed Gorilla. 

“See that, Monsoon?  Still think I don’t have Andre ready for Hogan?” 

“No one’s saying that Andre isn’t strong, Brain.  But he isn’t going to have an axe in the ring, and the Hulkster isn’t going to just stand there and let himself get hit!” 

Before Bobby could reply a loud roar came from the forest.  The two commentators looked in the direction of the noise in shock. 

“What was that?!” 

“I don’t know.  But you’ve heard of the legends about these woods, haven’t you, Gorilla?” 

“And just what legends are those, Brain?” 

“The guy I swindled… er… rented this cabin from said that people around here have sworn they’ve seen… Bigfoot.” 

“Oh, will you stop!” 

“I’m serious!” 

“This is another one of your tricks, isn’t it?  Show me Andre then try to scare me off with some ridiculous story about…” 

Suddenly another figure burst out from the trees, knocking two of them down in his rush.  The two commentators stood bug eyed at the huge, hairy, ape-like creature that loomed before them as he let out a blood curdling roar. 

“BIGFOOT!” 

Bobby Heenan screamed and ran for the cabin, and Gorilla followed after him.  The two ran inside and slammed the door.  They peeked out the window to see Andre the Giant toss aside the axe and square off with Bigfoot. 

“Look at the size of ‘em!” Bobby breathed.  “He’s a head taller than Andre!” 

“I don’t believe it!” said Gorilla.  “It’s not possible!” 

“Oh yes, it is, Monsoon!  And look at Andre!  He’s not backing down!” 

A flash of suspicion came across Gorilla’s face.  “Funny how Bigfoot just happened to show up when we did, isn’t it, Brain?” 

“What do you want from me, his daily planner?!  Just be glad to know that Andre is so well trained for Hogan, he’s ready to take on anybody!  Even that walking shag carpet out there!” 

Gorilla turned to the window as Andre and Bigfoot charged at each other.  “For the first time in my life I hope you’re right, Brain.” 

 

OK:

Andre the Giant is as strong/skilled as he is in the world of pro wrestling. 

Both him and Bigfoot are at full strength. 

The fight takes place in Bigfoot’s forest. 

Game On! 

[Callisto]

Learn More About
André the Giant
Read more about André the Giant at Wikipedia
Official Site: WWE Links: Wikipedia

Bigfoot
Read more about Bigfoot at Wikipedia
Official Site: United States of America Links: Bigfoot Wiki page Bigfoot field researchers orga Oregon bigfoot page

[JohnnyChany]

I'm of two minds with this faceoff. If Andre was in his prime, I could see him defeating Bigfoot, but Hogan era Andre was well past that point. So I was leaning towards Bigfoot but then I thought about the pageantry of professional wrestling and realized the fix was in. Of course, Andre is going to defeat Bigfoot so his eventual loss to Hogan would be more epic. Give me Andre! Good Match!

[Callisto]

Match Final Results

Member Ratings:
4.50 - ThePhenomenalOne
5.00 - JohnnyChany
5.00 - Dr_Manhattan_88
5.00 - Yazmal

FPA Calculation:
4 Total Votes cast
19.50 Total Combined Score
19.50 / 4 = 4.88 Final Rating on the match

MATCH SCORE
Andre the Giant: 5
Bigfoot: 2

[broadwaybeyonder]

THE BOTTOM LINE

The windows of the cabin shattered as Bigfoot slammed Andre the Giant back first into it’s wall.  The hairy beast roared as it rained down clubbing blows to the WWF star. 

“Come on, Andre!” shouted Bobby Heenan from inside the cabin.  “Remember what I taught you!” 

“What could you possibly have taught Andre to help him here, Brain?” snapped Gorilla.  “Hit his opponent with a chair then run away?” 

Andre snagged Bigfoot by the throat and squeezed.  The monster gasped for air as Andre the Giant delivered a series of right hands to his jaw.  Bigfoot gave a defiant howl and bit down on Andre’s arm, forcing him to let go of the hold.  Clutching his bleeding arm Andre watched as Bigfoot lumbered back towards the forest.  The wrestler gritted his teeth and stomped after the creature. 

“What’s Andre thinking, Brain?!  He’s your client!  Call him off and let’s get out of here!  There’s no need to go another round with that thing!” 

“You want to stop him?  Be my guest, Monsoon!  Andre can take him!  I think.” 

Andre pushed through the branches where Bigfoot had entered the forest, but the huge creature had vanished.  The wrestler looked around him, trying to catch a glimpse of his prey.  He heard the snapping of a branch above him and looked up just in time to see Bigfoot’s enormous frame pouncing from above him. 

Andre fell out of the way as Bigfoot landed on all fours.  He lunged for the Giant like a charging gorilla, only to be met with another blow from the wrestler.  Andre saw a sturdy branch lying on the forest floor and grabbed it.  He swung it like a club and cracked the skull of Bigfoot.  The creature snarled at the wrestler, but Andre struck him again with his improvised weapon to his head and back. 

“Andre is bringing Bigfoot to his knees, Brain!  It’s unbelievable!” 

“Yeah!  Hit ‘em again, Andre!  Show that gorilla who’s boss!” 

“What was that?!” 

“Not you, Gorilla.  THAT gorilla!” 

Andre battered Bigfoot with the branch until it snapped in two.  The monster’s eyes were glazed over and blood trickled from gashes on his body.  Andre the Giant tosses aside his branch and wrapped his arm around Bigfoot’s neck.  With a roar of exertion Andre grabbed hold of Bigfoot and lifted the creature off his feet.  Monsoon and Heenan’s eyes went wide as Andre the Giant took a step towards the cabin with Bigfoot before slamming him down to the forest floor. 

The two commentators peeked out of the door of the cabin as Andre stepped over his fallen opponent.  “I told you, Monsoon!  I told you!” Heenan crowed.  “Andre’s ready for Hulk Hogan!  He’s ready for anybody!” 

Monsoon walked over to Andre, glancing over at the fallen Bigfoot as he crawled whimpering into the woods.  “I still don’t care for your choice of managers, Andre.  And I don’t know about Wrestlemania.  But thank you for saving our lives.” 

Andre remained stone-faced and marched back over to his fallen axe.  “Come on, Monsoon!” said Heenan.  “Let’s leave my prize pupil to continue his training!  The jeep that Andre used to drive up here is behind the cabin.  You drive, I’ll navigate.” 

“If you were so good at navigation we wouldn’t have had to come out here a second time and nearly get eaten by a Bigfoot!” 

“Always complaining!  Hey!  After Andre beats Hogan, maybe we could have him fight Bigfoot again!  Then maybe the Abominable Snowman!  Or the Loch Ness Monster!  Or…!” 

“WILL YOU STOP?!”