GuillifriE, assasiN entrendE of the ninE

[Schnee Corp Lawyer]

not entirely sure how this exactly works, but here goes

 

Name: Guillifrie

 

Species: Sharyl Dol

 

eyes: black whites (if that makes sense) blue irises, and white pupils

 

Height: 6'0"

 

Build: like most sharyl Dol, Guillifrie Has a narrow face, light blue skin and dark, dark blue hair, which he wears spike back. He has a slender body, but fairly lithe.

 

normal attire: long blue coat with black designs on it, black leggings and tunic, brown boots and a red hawk pendent, the symbol of his house

 

backstory:The Sharyl Dol was one of the four races created at the beginning of time by the all mighty power. There was the heveanly host The spawn of hell, of which even most mortals know about. but the other two were created by the almighty to be mediators and policers of the other two reaces. They were the Sharyl Dol, who hunted down and captured (or killed) rouge angels, and the Jushtookas, who did the same for hell. The Sharyl dol looked much like what many would now call humans, with a few cosmetic changes. the Jushtookas did not have a physical body, and used possesive powers to do their duties (they look like a cloud of mist otherwise, varying in color). all was normal for millenia, or so was thought by three of the immortal races. The Jushtookas, on the other hand, had been plotting to revolt, and finally did so in the year 600,000 B.C. The eternal war between Heaven and hell was temporarily stopped, with both sides being overwhelmed by the traitorous race. The Sharyl Dol were also pressed. then, finally, in 450,000 B.C., the war was stopped when the hive leader of the Jushtookas was killed by the Sharyl Dol Mantaka, whose shadow gifts were way beyond any other seen before, and was the assasin entrnede of the council of nine. unfortunatley, he also died in the in the killing. but, it was prophesised that he would be roborn, ready again to defend the Sharyl dol and all others. in the same year the almighty placed his son on earth, a child was born to one of the Sharyl Dol (there are only a thousand in existance, and only one child born every millenium) who had the shadow mark of the assasin, the same as Mantaka. He was named Guillifrie, and now, in our day and age, he has finally come of age, and is ready to carry out the orders of the council of nine, and taking out anyone who upsets the balnce of power in the world

 

ill post more in the backstory later.

 

powers: not exactly sure how the points work. ill just post what he has then figure it out later.

 

Shadow claws: he can form tendrils of shadows around his fingers. these can be used two ways. one he can make them razor sharp and 2 feet long. they pass through any inorganic surgace, cutting down anything else. two, he can use the sort of like tentacles, with around a 50 foot max length and much larger strentgth than he normally has

 

Shadow grip: using a similar power to the shadow claws, these tiny hooks form on his hands and feet allowing him to stick too even smooth surfaces

 

shadow cloak: invinsibility. nuff' said

 

shadow walk: he can step (jump, or fall) through a pitch back shadow, and appear at another one in sight

 

once again, will touch up later, but what does everyone think so far?

[TroytheRobot]

It's good to see someones trying to revive this section of the boards.

 

 

All things considered its difficult to comment on this character. For one thing, I'm assuming that this a conceptual idea because if it isn't your craft needs work... a lot of work. Even as a concept its hard to judge, don't get me wrong you seem to have a few fairly interesting ideas (Angel assassinations being one of them), but all and all the character lacks creative flair. Its like reading a text book, or a time line of random events. Its almost like you started brainstorming and tried to pass it off as a character idea. What I see here is a collection of ideas, not a collective idea.

 

At first glance this seems to be a highly original character idea, but on further reflection its really just a few really generic ideas flavored with a few place names. Also, you're going to want to go back and fix the grammar and spelling mistakes you made. I can't stress enough, about how important proper grammar is in the FPL.

 

That's all I have to say at the moment, assuming that this is indeed just a concept, and not a prospective character. As a concept its not terrible, but it needs refining. If this is a written character then my criticisms will be greatly expanded.

 

Don't let me scare you away though. Keep trying. Keep improving.

[Guest Houdinimachine]

Angelic assassin? Did someone call for Xerathis: Halo for Hire?

 

Clever idea, man, but I'm thinking this character probably won't be your first since everyone's first character has to be street level.

[Schnee Corp Lawyer]

Thanks for the comments. Really want to become a useful member

 

yes it is just a concept, and I know it need a heck of a lot of polish, just haven't had time to work on it yet