The Guardian

[Boratz]

First off I will not give away the whole backstory I have for my character, and I also will not give away his powers.

 

Character name: Luke Colt

 

Alais: The Guardian

 

Powers: TBA

 

Backstory: Quick summary - Luke Colt, he is a great high school football quarterback, he has great parents, and has a great girlfriend. He is well liked by everyone at school, and is humble in many ways. He also has a promising future as a quarterback in college football. During a gang intiation, his parents are brutally murdered. A week later his girlfriend seemiling overdoses on drugs. Luke then starts to experience anger and depression. His personality changes greatly, and his life changes in many ways. After high school he joins the military. About 10 years pass, and he is a sergeant in a Delta Forces group. His squad has a mission in Africa, but something goes wrong. All his men are killed by hostiles, and Luke is only seconds away from death. But something happened that saved him from the dying, and something wiped out nearly 25 miles worth of land mass; including the ones that threatened his life. Luke returns to the states, honorably discharged, and he can tell his life is different. He has abilities that no one else has, and can do things that aren't humanly possible. Several weeks pass, and he has ongoing nightmares of his family and comrades that have all perished because of evils of the world. When he searches for answers about his new powers, he only gets more questions. He decides to travel across America to see what he had fought for, for so many years, but only sees all it's true filth. Working a small job for a college he met a girl he fell in love with, but he also discovered something else. The one responsible for saving his life during that battle that killed all his friends and comrades. The one that destroyed so very much, and the one who is responsible for his power. Luke discovered he had drank the blood of this powerful force in the universe, and that he is now meant for something big. The only problem is he still is haunted by his past, and his fear of what might happen to his new love. This fear is overwhelming to him, for he does not want to lose another person close to him. He now has to face his new destiny, as well as deal with his past.

 

I now this is small, but it is a quick summary, and I don't want to give away a lot of detail. Also tell what I might can change with the character.

[Guest Zreth]

This sounds too much like Supernatrual man.

[Landon]

He has a stereotypical tragic past. Bad stuff happens to him later in life. All of the sudden he gets super powers. He fights bad stuff, but doesn't want to see anyone he loves suffer the way his family suffered.

 

Sorry, man, this sounds like half of the super heroes you see in comics, and you've said nothing that makes him stand out from that crown. There really isn't much going on here. Outside of having a tragic past, we don't know anything about his personality. We don't know what he can do power-wise. We haven't seen anything that he's done, other than a vauely-described instance that takes place in Africa.

 

You say you're intentionally holding back info, but in the process you haven't told us anything that makes us want to know what's being hidden. In order to have mystery, the reader has to have a vested interest in learning about said mystery. There has to be a hook. We have to be interested in the character in quesion, or we have to be interested in what he's doing, or something else that makes us stick around to find out what's up. In your brief synopsis, you haven't done that yet. You just gave me a standard super hero background cliche list.

 

So yeah, before you try to play around with mysteries and such, work on an character/story/etc that's compelling, THEN come at us with hidden information.

[treacherous]

I'll be damned. You got Landon to review your character. That right there is worth something.

[treacherous]

Okay, I read it. Not much to go on, Boratz. Sounds like your typical 1960's Marvel character. Everything depends on the story and since we have no story yet (just an idea/concept), there is really nothing to go by. As for the concept, it's a little bland. But there are a lot of things you can do to fix this...interesting personalities, plot twists, etc...

 

I don't watch Supernatural, so I can't see any similiarities there. I don't mind the surprise though. Hope it's a good one.

[Boratz]

Okay, I read it. Not much to go on, Boratz. Sounds like your typical 1960's Marvel character. Everything depends on the story and since we have no story yet (just an idea/concept), there is really nothing to go by. As for the concept, it's a little bland. But there are a lot of things you can do to fix this...interesting personalities, plot twists, etc...

 

I don't watch Supernatural, so I can't see any similiarities there. I don't mind the surprise though. Hope it's a good one.

 

Actually I do have a story that is finished, but not yet completed with editing. This was just a concept for everybody, and I am sorry I didn't give ya much to go on. I'll give you a little bit more I guess, but there has been something that really has been getting to me. Oh and to answer a few questions this is like Supernatural, but also with other twist. Picture a guy given the ability of someone like Superman, but has a personality of someone that is a cross between Dr. Greg House(tv show - House), and John Rambo (Rambo films).

 

I'll give you a little bit more on my character. I have finished writing it, but I would like to go back through, and edit it with all the suggestions I have recieved.

 

Powers: The blood he had drank was the blood of the archangel Michael, who is God's most powerful angel. I don't want him to be all powerful, but he is powerful in many ways. He does have super-strength, enchanced regenerative healing factor, enchanced longevity, near invulnerability, immunity to natural harm, teleportation, flight, super endurance and stamina, telekinesis, fire manipulation, can generate a heavenly fire from his hands, enchanced sight, enchanced hearing, enchanced smell, enchanced reflexes, can kill most demons with his heavenly fire or exorcise most with his demons mind, can see all the wrongs a person has ever commited, and can heal people with the palm of his hands.

 

Personality traits: Like I said he has a post tramatic stress disorder from his days in war, so that will affect him alot in his personality. He is haunted by his past tragedies through flashbacks and nightmares. He can see all of a person's wrongdoings, so that makes him question whether what he is doing is the right thing to do, or if people are worth fighting for. He has lost almost everyone he has ever cared for except for this new person in his life. He has a dark personailty, and he is frustrated with doing his previous actions in his days of war.

 

Other concepts: Yeah he is chosen by angels of heaven to fight evil. For thousands of years Lucifer and his many powerful demons have created monsters that have caused great devestation(Monsters that would be like vampires, werewolves, etc. or even Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees types). Heaven decided that it needed a soldier that could stand up against these forces of darkness.

 

My thoughts: Well I thought it might be kind of interesting to have a heavenly warrior super-hero. Becuase there are so many like Ghost Rider, Spawn, and Hellboy that are all hellish type heros, but never a heavenly hero with doubts. I wanted to make a Superman type hero who has just become this powerful force, but also has a personality like movie/tv characters- John Rambo, Jack Bauer, Sam Winchester, and Doctor Greg House(because he has not faith, and has a dark personailty).

[Guest Zreth]

Actually I do have a story that is finished, but not yet completed with editing. This was just a concept for everybody, and I am sorry I didn't give ya much to go on. I'll give you a little bit more I guess, but there has been something that really has been getting to me. Oh and to answer a few questions this is like Supernatural, but also with other twist. Picture a guy given the ability of someone like Superman, but has a personality of someone that is a cross between Dr. Greg House(tv show - House), and John Rambo (Rambo films).

 

I'll give you a little bit more on my character. I have finished writing it, but I would like to go back through, and edit it with all the suggestions I have recieved.

 

Powers: The blood he had drank was the blood of the archangel Michael, who is God's most powerful angel. I don't want him to be all powerful, but he is powerful in many ways. He does have super-strength, enchanced regenerative healing factor, enchanced longevity, near invulnerability, immunity to natural harm, teleportation, flight, super endurance and stamina, telekinesis, fire manipulation, can generate a heavenly fire from his hands, enchanced sight, enchanced hearing, enchanced smell, enchanced reflexes, can kill most demons with his heavenly fire or exorcise most with his demons mind, can see all the wrongs a person has ever commited, and can heal people with the palm of his hands.

 

Personality traits: Like I said he has a post tramatic stress disorder from his days in war, so that will affect him alot in his personality. He is haunted by his past tragedies through flashbacks and nightmares. He can see all of a person's wrongdoings, so that makes him question whether what he is doing is the right thing to do, or if people are worth fighting for. He has lost almost everyone he has ever cared for except for this new person in his life. He has a dark personailty, and he is frustrated with doing his previous actions in his days of war.

 

Other concepts: Yeah he is chosen by angels of heaven to fight evil. For thousands of years Lucifer and his many powerful demons have created monsters that have caused great devestation(Monsters that would be like vampires, werewolves, etc. or even Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees types). Heaven decided that it needed a soldier that could stand up against these forces of darkness.

 

My thoughts: Well I thought it might be kind of interesting to have a heavenly warrior super-hero. Becuase there are so many like Ghost Rider, Spawn, and Hellboy that are all hellish type heros, but never a heavenly hero with doubts. I wanted to make a Superman type hero who has just become this powerful force, but also has a personality like movie/tv characters- John Rambo, Jack Bauer, Sam Winchester, and Doctor Greg House(because he has not faith, and has a dark personailty).

Yep, Definetly seeing a link.

[Boratz]

Yep, Definetly seeing a link.

 

Your right there is a link, but there a more creatures that will be like that of Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger. I wanted the idea of hell making these demonic people, and heaven made there own. Supernatural really doesn't have that, and this guy just doesn't fight monsters, sometimes he may save people-sometimes he may let people die.

[Guest chakos]

Unfortunately, you have far too many powers for the FPL character creator.

[Boratz]

Unfortunately, you have far too many powers for the FPL character creator.

 

I know I need to power him down, I just need to think of a way to make him with less powers.

[Boratz]

I know I need to power him down, I just need to think of a way to make him with less powers.

 

I'm actually considering putting The Guardian aside, and have a new character that would be in the same universe as The Guardian. When I made the Guardian I thought about villains and supporting characters, and there was someone I wanted to make. A character who becomes a creature that is the first of its kind, but also a famous movie monster.