Brag

[Guest Ivan]

Name

Brag

 

Pic

 

OOC History

Brag is the result of six months in Ireland followed by four years of procrastination. How he ended up here I'll never know.

 

Personality

Brag is a true immortal, a god to his own people and among the first beings ever born in Ireland, and has clawed his way tooth and nail up to the middle of a very long preternatural ladder. He has- through sheer permanence- become feared and respected by those in the know. Still, Goblins are jealous and superstitious by nature, and Brag has spent most of his life watching more powerful, more temporary folks amass and squander wealth and power far beyond his own. Brag is always looking for a way to increase his own rather middle-of-the-road magical abilities. His two weaknesses are that he's a sucker for good food and drink, and that he's a natural showman and storyteller and has a tendency to reveal too much in his stories. Still, he is the only Goblin known to have the ability to actually keep both secrets and friends, although both lists are very small.

Brag was introduced to the Shallow Guild by Barghest and has spent a fair amount of time since that day attempting to pry various magical secrets from the Guild. He is occasionally used as a courier by the Guild Brothers, when they find a need for an indestructible messenger, as he will work for the promise of learning new tricks, and has become marginally adept at simple potion brewing in recent years because of this. He is very skittish around Nico, for obvious reasons.

 

 

Fictional Character Biography

 

I invented smoking, you know. Honest Injun. The oldest windvoices tell the story like this: The Tuatha De Danann had an argument with the Formorians about where to build their city. Since the Tuatha De had all come to Ireland on clouds, they claimed they should build their city in the place nearest the clouds, which was some stupid singing cliff in Donegal. The Fomor agreed, and promptly cast a thick fog over the sea cackling "Build your city in the sea!" Brigid, Tuatha goddess of fire, lit a cedar tree and crammed it in my mouth, (we were- all of us- lot more metaphorical in those days. Try not to think of it in terms of size.) Smoke started pouring out of my mouth, my nose, and my ears, blanketing the hilltop. I hate gods. "It seems the thickest clouds are right here after all!" Smarmy bitch. So thanks to Brigid's quick thinking, Tir Na Nog was built on the hill, blah blah blah, it later moved beneath the waves anyway. If the Tuatha De had only been a little more cautious of who they allowed in their gene pool, they might still be around today. In any case the goblins found the entire ordeal quite hilarious, and from then on it became a goblin tradition to light a hollowed stick, and puff on the fumes. Such is the fate of a patron monarch. That's me. Brag. The Eternal Goblin Prince. Fun fact: Did you know all humanity's repulsive tendencies were started by goblins? Well, all except lactose intolerance, which I'm pretty sure is Krishna's idea of a joke. It's a shame humanity didn't adopt some of the more endearing goblin traits, although I suppose that'd make eating them less pleasant. Don't get me wrong, its not the humans fault. Look at the altogether ridiculous list of deities they've had guiding them throughout their history. What a circus. Odin? Athena? Quetzalcoatl? I dare say its unbelievable the shit those folks got away with, just because of a few well placed thunderbolts. Me, I love humans. With potatoes and brown gravy. Some guys like Barghest will tell you its all about the hunt; we're meant to inspire a sense of terror in the hearts of humankind. Barghest is a dick. Seriously, that guy- let it go man. They're just humans. Do they delight in scaring the hell out of a pig before enjoying fresh bacon? Plus, humans are the third most entertaining food on the planet, after pandas and kittens. And they build cities and aeroplanes and create really horrible art. That's got to be worth something. I've even heard of gods that mated with them, (then again, gods have been known to mate with bulls, ibises, and even giants.) I find people in general to be helpful, intelligent, and delicious. That goes double for heroes.

 

I know what you've heard. Goblins are greedy, violent, sneaky, and vile. Well sister, its all true. A strong constitution is a basic necessity for any race with these characteristics to thrive in a world of ghosts and godkin. Now imagine what it takes to be goblin royalty. Survival isn't a skill, it's a reflex. The older I get the stronger my vitality grows. Lets put that last line into perspective. The Tuatha De Danann ruled Eire for thousands of years before the first of Hadrian's Roman legions glimpsed the Emerald Isle. (By the way I personally kept the Romans out of Ireland for 400 years- you're welcome, Rome.) The Firbolgs predate the Tuatha by an age and a half- they were immortal and most of them were dead by the time the Tuatha showed up. The Fomor predate even the Firbolgs and my name, in the Fomorian language, is the fourth letter of their alphabet. Of course, all immortality means is once a giant punts you over the horizon, you get up and start walking home. By the time you get back he's probably stolen all of your good trees- not that there are any good trees anymore, but you know what I mean. As the Patron Monarch of Treachery, I needed a bit more. So I learned magic. From the first Druid. Ever. Unfortunately, being a goblin and all, I don't exactly have the spiritual link to the fundamental forces of the elements. The magic is powered instead by my vitality. Still, I can work up a pretty good swarm of locusts, some entangling undergrowth, and the occasional vortex. One of my favorite tricks is the one I learned from the Sun Imps. I can make a man's hair grow so fast he'll hang himself by his own beard if he's not careful. I taught the family some of the basics, and now all goblins have the ability to cast minor cantrips; curdling fresh milk into sour, turning solid ground soft and marshy, turning white wool into brown, etc. A few can rot wood at their very touch. I kept all the good tricks a secret, though. I can turn gold to lead, and make an egg laying hen out of a rooster with a little effort. It is even possible to craft enchanted arrows out of simple cloth, making a decent wardrobe into an effective deadly weapon. Of course, you end up naked afterward, which is always an added bonus...

 

The Quick & Dirty Description

Brag is an immortal goblin prince with minor enchantment and transmutation abilities. He is very fond of himself, and won't hesitate to tell stories of his very, very long history. He is quite handsome (for a goblin) and has been able to pass for human on occasion. He craves respect and power, but has been unable to procure a substantial amount of either outside the rather insular community of Kinfolk.

 

Powers and Abilities

Brag is fairly practiced at enchantments and transmutations. His major drawback is that the source of magic comes from his own vital energy, and is thus limited in scope. This style of magic would prove fatal to most practitioners, but Brag is a true immortal.

 

Equipment

Brag's two prized possessions are the Ring of Ag Mealladh- which allows him to flawlessly imitate any voice he hears, and a silver needle that once belonged to Queen Anne, which allows the holder to recall any memory in perfect detail.

[TroytheRobot]

For Ivan:

 

Entertainment: 7

-First off let me say that I really enjoyed the concept of this character. You were able to grasp my attention with a character that was easy to connect with, and fun to read. However, I feel as the characters story went on the less and less I became interested. You started off with a great story that really captured my imagination, and put a glint of wonder in my eye. Sadly the further and further I got into the story the more it became more like random bullet points instead of an actual story. It seems that coming towards the end you realized that you still had ideas that you would have liked to fit in with your character, and you rushed to put them in. It was really all over the place. More about that later though.

 

Originaliy:7

-While the idea of a Goblin Prince has been around forever, Brag's personality as well as his life makes for a much more original read. No real big complaints from me here. Not unheard of but your concepts were interesting enough to make it seem more original than it really was.

 

 

Fluency: 6

-At first I was going to give a much lower score because this character was just all over the place. I mean he started off sounding like some badass goblin who's been there done that. Then by the end he sounds like a goblin on speed who couldn't focus his attention on one thing for more than two seconds. Then I realized that this might just be the way you intented the character to be. Sort of a crazed character that spews out memories like a train blows out smoke. Still some sense of fluency would have been nice.

 

 

Plot: 6

-There really wasn't much there in the sense of a traditional plot line. You kind of just thrust me into the world of Brag's and never let me see an in depth view of this world you created. It was sort of like, you had one great concept after another but you didn't capitlize on any of them. I would have liked to learn more about Brag, and his role as a Goblin Prince rather than hearing him rant for half a page. Again maybe that's just who he is. However, you had at least half a dozen interesting story lines that really caught my interest, but none of them seemed to fit together at all.

 

Characterization-9

-This was one of the strongest points of your character. I could really connect with Brag (well maybe connect isn't best choice of words) but, I could feel what he felt. All of Brag's thoughts, feelings, and emotions were wonderfully articualted. My only problem with your characterization is that you play so much into his thoughts, and feelings that sometimes it takes away from the actual story of the character.

 

 

Distinction of Voice: 10

-Superb. Are you part goblin yourself Mike? I actually felt like, if a goblin wrote an autobiography this would be it. I have no real complaints, but it did have a hint of the "not-caring" type of tone that's infested many of today's characters. For some people it can really ruin a good character, but for you it makes an alreay good character even better.

 

 

Enhancers:7

-I'm sure there was more use of literary elements than I'm giving you credit for, but I really didn't see any effecting literary "enhancers" that added to the overall quality of the story. Having said that, given the context and personality of Brag. I'm kind of glad that you didn't overdo the enhancers. Which would have been made it more difficult to connect with him. That is what I feel like what makes this such an interesting characters.

 

Grammar/Spelling- 10

-I didn't notice anything, but if I were you I'd go back and double check it just to be safe.

 

 

Description- 5

- Very bland description. All I got from your descriptions was just a rough sketch of what was going on. I would have expected more fom a goblin who has a silver needle that allows him to recall memories in perfect detail.

 

Theme-???

 

-I usually try to look for a message in the story. However, I want you to tell me what you were trying to tell the reader, and I'll tell you if it was articulated in your character.

 

 

Overall: Based on how well you portrayed your theme in your charcter your overall score will be between:

 

 

67-77

 

60's=Above Average

70's=Good

[granobulax]

That's a damn good score coming from Tarv.

[TroytheRobot]

Meh. Ivan pays better.

[Guest Ivan]

As you can imagine it is somewhat difficult for me to reconcile what I've written with what I wanted to have written, but that is why we ask for reviews. Heh. Let me start with, "you're right," and get that out of the way. You are right, by the way, I'm not just paying lip service, but let's explore some of this in detail and maybe it'll help me clarify what I need to correct.

 

Entertainment: 7

 

Let's start here. As someone who is a fan of (some would say obsessed with,) character quirks as defining attributes in creation, I tried to fold the personality into the bio with some astounding failures as a result. Some of this stems from my very non sequitur writing habits... tangents become stories, and those stories all have their own tangents. I'm currently obsessed with writing the adventures of Jeremiah "Church" Morgan: Merle Silver's father. Merle started out as a mentor to Artie Britton, who in turn is the grandfather of Val Britton, who was originally designed as a side character in a story about Elyssia Smile. These things get out of control sometimes. My own personality quirks show in this one too, which is my amazing ability to lose complete interest in a character after I've crafted a bio, personality, and the first power description. It is all too obvious if you read any of my older characters, and with Alexandria and Marjus I just went with it and turned the entire character into a series of non-sequiturs. Obviously this takes a kind of extra effort in the "willing suspension of disbelief" aisle, so I can see giving this a C.

 

 

Originaliy:7

 

Another bit that deserves a C grade. Brag is a pretty common folklore beastie and, (although I went away from the shapeshifting horse thing,) and without Barghest, Black Shuck, Billy Blind, and the others to contextualize him it's easy to let pre-existing familiarity with goblins fill in the gaps with something other than what I intended. Oh well. People can't know what I didn't tell them. My bad.

 

 

Fluency: 6

 

Ouch. A "D." My only defense is that I never intended this to be approached as a "character sheet," and saw it as more of a wiki entry. The inclusion of both First and Third Person voices muddles that quite a bit, and I was overly fond of that bit.

 

 

 

Plot: 6

 

Again, I can only claim the "wiki entry" defense. Brag's plotlines tend not to resolve anyway (a consequence of his age,) and for the life of me I'd be hard pressed to crystallize one into a decent character sheet. Again, my failure was in remembering that this was supposed to entertain and/or engage someone, and not just provide an common vocabulary for later Shallow Guild fics.

 

 

Characterization-9

 

Thank you very much. Since this IS the direction I intended, it is nice to see that at least that bit worked out pretty well. Brag's view of himself is not necessarily consistent with reality, although I could have demonstrated that better to help avoid confusion. That'll be job one when it comes to writing SG stuff.

 

 

Distinction of Voice: 10

 

You're very kind here. The parts of Brag that are appealing are universally culled directly from my six months in Ireland. I feared that taking the reader on an overly-long history lesson of the Eire might result in some boredom... as it turns out that was your favorite part of the character. (Anyone else reading this should know Tarvius approached me in chat and via PM in addition to on the boards, a trifecta resulting in the most complete CA I've ever received.)

 

 

Enhancers:7

 

After discussing this with you, I finally understand what you mean. Although I hadn't intended for this to be an exercise in literary criticism, I suppose I could fabricate arguments that Brag's dim view of humanity reflects those of Philosopher Thomas Hobbes, or that "cities and aeroplanes and really horrible art," is a commentary on the subjective nature of criticism itself. I could do those things, but that would make me a liar, and then I'd be no better than Brag.

 

Grammar/Spelling- 10

 

This is the only part of a character sheet that isn't really open to interpretation and, as such, I would expect the A+ grade is reflective of a simple pass/fail.

 

Description- 5

 

Fail. This is the one area when I have trouble accepting the score given, if only because the Description comes with two attached adjectives that prevent me from elaborating. If you found the descriptions in the other bits pedestrian, well I'm not sure I agree with you.

 

Theme-???

 

Incomplete. Heh. Fair enough. The theme of Brag was "here is a character for the Shallow Guild." I feel like I fulfilled that criterion completely. In all seriousness, I suppose Brag could be seen as an exploration of the transitory nature of power, as seen through the eyes of a character who both lacks power and who most decidedly isn't transitory.

 

Overall:

67-77

Well, it's a passing grade, but I'm sure I can do better. If I can't net a B, I clearly need to rewrite at least part of the character.

[TroytheRobot]

As you can imagine it is somewhat difficult for me to reconcile what I've written with what I wanted to have written, but that is why we ask for reviews. Heh. Let me start with, "you're right," and get that out of the way. You are right, by the way, I'm not just paying lip service, but let's explore some of this in detail and maybe it'll help me clarify what I need to correct.

 

Oh shucks.

 

Entertainment: 7

 

Let's start here. As someone who is a fan of (some would say obsessed with,) character quirks as defining attributes in creation, I tried to fold the personality into the bio with some astounding failures as a result. Some of this stems from my very non sequitur writing habits... tangents become stories, and those stories all have their own tangents. I'm currently obsessed with writing the adventures of Jeremiah "Church" Morgan: Merle Silver's father. Merle started out as a mentor to Artie Britton, who in turn is the grandfather of Val Britton, who was originally designed as a side character in a story about Elyssia Smile. These things get out of control sometimes. My own personality quirks show in this one too, which is my amazing ability to lose complete interest in a character after I've crafted a bio, personality, and the first power description. It is all too obvious if you read any of my older characters, and with Alexandria and Marjus I just went with it and turned the entire character into a series of non-sequiturs. Obviously this takes a kind of extra effort in the "willing suspension of disbelief" aisle, so I can see giving this a C.

 

Which is partially why Marjus is one of my favorite characters from you. As cheesy as it sounds, I think you've got to really believe in what you're writing.

 

Originaliy:7

 

Another bit that deserves a C grade. Brag is a pretty common folklore beastie and, (although I went away from the shapeshifting horse thing,) and without Barghest, Black Shuck, Billy Blind, and the others to contextualize him it's easy to let pre-existing familiarity with goblins fill in the gaps with something other than what I intended. Oh well. People can't know what I didn't tell them. My bad.

 

Like I said before, I feel like theres so much you're not telling us with Brag.

 

 

Fluency: 6

 

Ouch. A "D." My only defense is that I never intended this to be approached as a "character sheet," and saw it as more of a wiki entry. The inclusion of both First and Third Person voices muddles that quite a bit, and I was overly fond of that bit.

 

Plot: 6

 

Again, I can only claim the "wiki entry" defense. Brag's plotlines tend not to resolve anyway (a consequence of his age,) and for the life of me I'd be hard pressed to crystallize one into a decent character sheet. Again, my failure was in remembering that this was supposed to entertain and/or engage someone, and not just provide an common vocabulary for later Shallow Guild fics.

 

I hadn't realized that these CA's had more to do with the Concept of the character rather than the craft, so I can't really hold that against you.

 

 

Characterization-9

 

Thank you very much. Since this IS the direction I intended, it is nice to see that at least that bit worked out pretty well. Brag's view of himself is not necessarily consistent with reality, although I could have demonstrated that better to help avoid confusion. That'll be job one when it comes to writing SG stuff.

 

Interesting. I like that take.

 

 

Distinction of Voice: 10

 

You're very kind here. The parts of Brag that are appealing are universally culled directly from my six months in Ireland. I feared that taking the reader on an overly-long history lesson of the Eire might result in some boredom... as it turns out that was your favorite part of the character. (Anyone else reading this should know Tarvius approached me in chat and via PM in addition to on the boards, a trifecta resulting in the most complete CA I've ever received.)

 

Oh garsh.

 

-I felt like Brag had a really rich interesting history. I just wanted a bigger piece of that pie. Other peoples opinions may differ.

 

 

Enhancers:7

 

After discussing this with you, I finally understand what you mean. Although I hadn't intended for this to be an exercise in literary criticism, I suppose I could fabricate arguments that Brag's dim view of humanity reflects those of Philosopher Thomas Hobbes, or that "cities and aeroplanes and really horrible art," is a commentary on the subjective nature of criticism itself. I could do those things, but that would make me a liar, and then I'd be no better than Brag.

 

That is probably one of the biggest flaws in my grading system. Some writings (especially ones written in the first person) don't need all that razz-a-ma-tazz to enhance the quality of the story.

 

Grammar/Spelling- 10

 

This is the only part of a character sheet that isn't really open to interpretation and, as such, I would expect the A+ grade is reflective of a simple pass/fail.

 

Heh.

 

Description- 5

 

Fail. This is the one area when I have trouble accepting the score given, if only because the Description comes with two attached adjectives that prevent me from elaborating. If you found the descriptions in the other bits pedestrian, well I'm not sure I agree with you.

 

This is the one area where its the most difficult to earn a good grade from me. Still this resembles yet another flaw in my system. I was grading this on how descriptive your writing was, not how well the description fit your character.

 

Theme-???

 

Incomplete. Heh. Fair enough. The theme of Brag was "here is a character for the Shallow Guild." I feel like I fulfilled that criterion completely. In all seriousness, I suppose Brag could be seen as an exploration of the transitory nature of power, as seen through the eyes of a character who both lacks power and who most decidedly isn't transitory.

 

Interesting...

 

 

Overall:

67-77

Well, it's a passing grade, but I'm sure I can do better. If I can't net a B, I clearly need to rewrite at least part of the character.

 

 

No no no. Don't think that way. You can ask anybody I critique; I'm ridiculously tough to please. I've yet to give anyone a 90 or higher.

[granobulax]

Getting anything in the 70's from Tarv is like getting an A. He IS increadibly difficult to please, I'll definately vouch for that. I think the highest score I EVER got from him was a 76 and he's reviewed countless of my writings.

[treacherous]

Same here. Loser.

[TroytheRobot]

That doesn't sound right. I know I gave both of you at least one score of 85 or higher... Then again maybe not.